Sungmin POV

I closed the door as quietly as I could, trying not to make a sound. I couldn't bear to leave Kyuhyun lying like that - alone and dejected because of me.  I knew full well that he was hurting because of me.

My eyes were focused on Kyuhyun's long, lonely figure as the door shut.  My hands were cold on the doorknob.  My tears still hadn't ceased and I could feel the already existing tear track start to dry.  It was stupid to cry, though.  Kyuhyun wasn't a fool for my tears.

I was a fool for him...a fool for my slowly-healing heart...a fool for my conflicted feelings.

Trudging back to my room, I wiped away the wetness that all but covered my face.  I felt so lonely.  Kyuhyun was mad at me and likely not to talk to me for a while, Eunhyuk had shut himself up in his room, the other members were out of the house, and Donghae and I made a point to avoid each other when there was any possibility of us being alone together.

It felt as though my heart was being torn open from inside, something horrible and evil clawing its way out, ripping through the seams that I had tried to hold together for so long.

I was a mess.  Anyone person with working eyes could see that.  Rather, any person who cared to look within me could see that.

That person had always been Donghae.  He had been my everything.  Now, I had Kyuhyun, but indecision followed me throughout every single day.  I was constantly wondering if I had chosen the right path.

Of course you chose the right path.  Don't be an idiot.

I loved Kyuhyun.  I really, truly did.  but there was a part of me that just couldn't let go of Donghae and the feelings I had for him in the past.  The more I tried to come to terms with my real feelings, the more those memories of us hacked away at my conscience.

I didn't want to forget everything.  I didn't want to just toss those precious moments aside and pretend they never happened; that they never existed.

No matter where I looked, I saw the same thing.

Guilt. Regret.  Sadness.  Anger.  Frustration.

It pained me so much to know that Kyuhyun thought I simply didn't want him the way he wanted me, when the only reason was really because of my own mental obstacles.  There was so much holding me back.

I had to go back to him.  I had to explain.

The way Kyuhyun had stared at me, though...his cold eyes, accusatory and full of hurt, flashing in my direction.  Never had I felt his hostility aimed towards me.  The shock was almost too much to handle.  I didn't know how much more I could take.

I didn't hesitate to go back to Kyuhyun's room.  I knew the longer I waited and the more I thought about it, the more resistant I would be by the second.  It was now or never.

I tried reassure myself.  I tried to tell myself that things would work out; that Kyuhyun would understand and forgive me right away.

I marched over to his room before I turned back into a coward.  I grasped the doorknob and turned it clockwise, the door opening with a slight click.

"Kyuhyun-ah.  We have to talk."  I tried to make my voice strong and confident.

There was no reply.

"Kyuhyun?"  Was he ignoring me?  Had I hurt him that badly?

"Sungmin...love me...right?"  Kyuhyun moaned, his breath ragged and shaky.

I froze.  Was he asleep?  I slid the door open even more and crept to where Kyuhyun lay, obviously in a deep sleep.

I looked down at his expression.  I couldn't decipher the meaning behind the look on his sleeping face.  It was troubled and confused.  He was dreaming about something...me?

In spite of everything he had said to me, in spite of all the hurt I was feeling because of his chilling words, my insides melted.

Gazing down at his face, I thought about all the things that made me love him.  The way he would whisper "I love you" into my ear when we were alone, the way I always felt complete when I was with him, the way his lips would curve up into a crooked smirk whenever I goofed up and did something stupid, the way his arms would wrap themselves around me when we were lying together, side by side, and the way his eyes had almost begged me to understand when he had asked me to finally go all the way with him...

There were countless reasons why I thought, no...why I knew Kyuhyun was the one for me.

Then why won't you just do it with him??  Is it because of Donghae?  The guy that said he loved you, but left anyway once he had enough of you?

Shut up.  Shut up.  Shut up.

He didn't leave me! I wanted to shout.  He didn't!  It was my fault!  All my fault...

At that moment, I needed comfort more than ever.  I wasn't going to get any from Kyuhyun, I knew that much.  I simply had to settle for bending down and kissing him lightly on his soft, velvet lips.

I missed that; the feeling of his lips gently caressing my own.

Kyuhyun-ah...

"I love you," I whispered into his ear. 

Kyuhyun let out a deep sigh and rolled over in his sleep, his face relaxing into an almost peaceful, content expression.  I hoped he was dreaming about me.

I turned and walked out of the room, taking Kyuhyun's kiss with me.  The contact from his lips left a scorching, burning sensation on mine.  It was nice; it reminded me of who it was that I really wanted to give myself to.

I promised myself, then, that I would face the past and come to terms with all the conflicted, confused feelings that had been bottled up deep within me for far too long.

I would overcome the fears that had for so long bound my heart.

I would face my lurking indecision and take it head on.

I would fix the broken strands of friendship that lingered between myself and Donghae.

And finally, I would prove to Kyuhyun that I really did love him, and for all the right reasons.

With my fists clenched and jaws set, I walked down the hall in search of Donghae; in search of an answer; in search of the future and what lay ahead.

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A/N: Hmmm this is getting quite interesting...I kinda like where this is going.  I have no idea where it will lead, but hopefully somewhere good :P

Thank you to those 11 subs ^_^ hopefully i will get more each day!

Hope you like this chapter~ Oh, and I do realize that there isn't much dialoque in these chapters.  I'm going to try incorporating more as the story goes on, but as you probably know, this is more of a fic that focuses on internal struggle and conflicts.  I do promise, though, it will open up more and have mnore interaction between the characters.

Look forward to more soon! once i get done with finals

KYUHYUN'S BEAUTIFUL FINGERS! I HAVE A FOR A KOREAN BOY'S PHILANGES! is that weird.....?