Kyuhyun POV

"Kyu, what would you do if I died?"

"What kind of idiotic question is that?  You're not going to die.  Not while I'm still alive and able to keep you safe."

I knocked the side of my hand against Sungmin's head, straightening up from my sprawled position.  We both sat on the bed, staring at each other straight on. Did he really expect me to have a ready answer for that kind of question?

"Well, I know the chances are pretty slim...but still. What would you do if you died?"

I waited to reply, thinking my answer through completely before opening my mouth to speak.  I had to be careful with how I phrased my answer.

"I would...join you as soon as possible." I kept my voice smooth and emotionless, meeting his gaze steadily.

A sharp slap across my face left me bewildered, my eyes watering in reaction to the painful stinging that began to spread across the surface of my cheek. I looked up into Sungmin's face.  The disgust and shock that all but flooded his expression made my insides cringe.  His eyes turned cold and distant.  I instantly regretted giving him an answer at all.

"What the kind of answer is that?" The ice that coated his words affected the beating of my heart. It seemed to skip a step; miss a beat.  Sungmin almost never swore.  For him to do so was rare.

"It's the truth," I whispered, my eyes darting around the dark room; at everything except Sungmin's accusatory eyes.  It would only spread a thick coat of guilt onto my already breaking heart.  I didn't want it to be true, because I didn't want to think about the possibility of Sungmin actually dying.  I did, however, want to believe that I would be strong enough to take my own life to follow him to wherever he would go after his life came to an end. I had to be strong enough.

"Don't let it be the truth.  Don't talk like that.  You think I want you to follow  me if and when I die, whenever that may be? That's...sick." The revulsion that saturated his voice affected me more than his actual words.

"Fine.  Then what would you do if I died?"  I was half expecting him to give me an answer that actually made sense; that contradicted my own reply.  However, the other half of me wanted his answer to match up perfectly with mine, just as some sort of way to grasp how much I truly meant to him.

Sungmin, however, was silent.  His answered seemed unable to leave the tips of his lips.  It was left dangling, which frustrated me.  I wanted to grasp his shoulders and shake him until the words were flung into existence.  I didn't want impatience to get the best of me, though, so I kept still and waited.

"I guess...I'd do the same.  But do you know how much I'd hate that?  Just imagine dying, knowing that the person you love the most is going to strip themselves of their beautiful existence. I wouldn't be able to live, knowing that you'd...kill yourself." Sungmin struggled to get those last few words out.

If we were being honest with ourselves, we had to be honest with each other.  Despite the fact that everything we said was completely, painfully true, the realization of the meaning behind each and every syllable seemed to dampen the importance and necessity of the moment.  The mood plummeted downwards.

My voice came out clipped and bitter as I said, "We need to promise each other.  We need to swear on everything and anything we will ever cherish that no matter what happens, we'll keep on living.  I promise...for your sake...that even if you somehow cease to live before you're ready, I will not draw the curtain on my own life.  I would've done that in a heartbeat if I hadn't realized just now how painful it would be, just knowing that you would commit...suicide if I ever died.  I would hate myself forever, whether I end up in heaven or hell.  I'd hate myself to no end.  So...promise me, too.  Promise that no matter what happens, you'll keep on living and make the most of the time that you remain alive."

I took a deep breath, bracing myself for whatever Sungmin would say in response to my proposal.

"I suppose...that's fair enough," Sungmin finally said, inching forward and letting his fingers run up and down the length of my thighs.  "But if you break that promise, I'll know.  Angels know everything." He smirked up at me, signaling the end of our conversation.

"Angels?" I asked, rolling my eyes, thankful that we were done talking about death.  All it did was remind me of Donghae's father...a subject that all of us tried to avoid. "What makes you think you'll be an angel?  If anything, you'll be reborn as some pathetic animal.  Maybe a rabbit." I laughed, rocking the bed with each wave of hilarity that hit me.  It was like I was faking happiness to somehow wipe away any traces of the promise we had just sealed.

"A rabbit?!" Sungmin's pout forced me to reach out and wrap my arms around his waist and pull him closer to me.  My grip was too much for him, as violently as he struggled against my hold.  I clenched my hands together tightly and pulled him into my lap, moving my face forward so that the tips of our noses were touching.  His eyes were crossed in the effort to keep his gaze affixed with my own.  A bubble of laughter threatened to leave the confines of my smirking mouth.

"A very cute rabbit," I breathed as I nuzzled the side of his neck.

"Kyuhyun, you're a jerk."

I pulled back, feigning an offended expression.  "A jerk?  Me?  Well, here's news for you." I moved my mouth to his ear and blew lightly, letting a small gust of hot air enter.  He shivered, but remained silent. "You're in love with a jerk."

I felt the vibrations of  Sungmin's voice, breathless and winded, against my chest.

"I can un-love you whenever I want."

"Oh, really?"

"Yup."

"Then I guess we'll have to make that an impossibility."

"How?"

"Wait and see." I was looking forward to exploiting his innocence. My tongue flicked out to run up the side of his ear.  The sweetness of his skin sent waves of pleasure up and down my body.

"If I keep going," I whispered, "you won't be able to un-love me.  Ever."

My mind was jerked back from the past to the present by the excruciating burning that was centered in the middle of my chest.  I couldn't feel my physical presence.  I could only imagine the way my body used to move.  The pain that clawed at me lungs made me want to cry out, but something rendered me unable to move, speak, or even think properly.

I was dying.  Slowly, but surely, I was dying.  That was why my consciousness had drifted back to that conversation I had with Sungmin.  That was why, all of a sudden, I remembered that promise we had made each other.

If I die, I thought to myself through the pain that continued to build in every part of my useless body, Sungmin will continue to live.  He'll get over my death sooner or later. He'll continue to exist, happy and carefree.  He'll forget about me and continue being a beloved member of Super Junior.

Though painful, I had to come to terms with reality.  I expected to feel the thick stinging of tears in my eyes before I remembered that my body couldn't function normally.  That was another sign that I was an inch from death.  An inch from existence.

Sungmin, I expect you to keep your promise.  I expect you to honor the oath we made to each other.  I trust you to keep on living.  I trust you to refrain from harming yourself in any way.  Whatever you do, whatever happens to me, whatever the outcome of this may be...please have faith in that promise.

I could convince myself that Sungmin would stay true to his words.  I could tell myself over and over again that he would be able to carry on.

But something kept me from completely convincing myself.  Something held me back.

Sungmin, please...if I pull through this, don't make me hate you for doing something stupid.  Don't make me regret ever having confidence in the promise you made to me. 

Whatever you do, don't make me cease to trust you.

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A/N: IM SO SO SO SORRY EVERYONE! I haven't updated in forever and I'm onl getting around to it now...I know people have unsubscribed because of it, and to those people I'm really sorry for letting you down.  Thank you for sticking with me as far as was possible, though<3 I still love all of you.....I came to a decision today. It doesn't matter how many views or subscribers I have...writing is my way of expressing myself, and all I can do is be thankful that people enjoy the way i express my feelings and my thoughts.  To those people, I thank you<3 Thank you for accepting me for who i am and for continuing to appreciate al the work ive been putting into this fic. I love you!!!~~

And once again, please pray for my donsaengie, Triple C. I'm really worried about her T^T DONGSAENG! FEEL BETTER! WE LOVE YOU~~~~~~~<333