Eunhyuk POV (continued)

And he seemed willing to share himself with me.

Finally, we would know all the grief, pain, love, anger; all of the feelings that we had bottled up inside would finally come to the surface.

They would be the one thing we got to share.

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The exhilaration that accompanied Donghae's touch made me feel out of control.  It was the most I could do to simply maintain an ever-weakening grip on the remaining authority that I possessed over my actions.  I didn't know what made me initiate the first move; the first real, passionate kiss I had ever shard with someone who owned my heart as completely as Donghae did. 

The cool tips of his fingers teased my skin. Their delicate movements along my back sent currents of longing up and down my spine, which curved with my body, perfectly fitting into Donghae's strong, slender figure.  In the timeless interval between now and when our lips firsts met, we had not stopped to recollect our thoughts; to catch our breaths.

I'm doing this for him.  I'm helping him recover from the pain of losing Sungmin.

With every movement of our lips moving as one, I told myself that I was only doing this to provide an affective distraction.  I knew I was lying to myself.  Donghae and his pure, kind heart would never belong to me.  I was kidding myself.  It simply eased the ached I felt inside, to keep telling myself that this wasn't because Donghae cared for me.

I tried to focus on cherishing the moment; memorizing the feeling of being in his arms so I could save the memory for when I would truly need it...when he would leave my heart yearning for his presence once more.

He's going to leave you again.

I broke away, my hands trembling uncontrollably as I backed away from Donghae, catching myself against the opposite-facing wall.  I didn't want to believe that he would leave me;  the truth crashed down on me, rendering my eyes blind as they filled with more tears.

I didn't want to feel that emptiness again; that urge to rid the world of my existence.  Death would have been peaceful, free of the suffering that continued to mold my life.  It was would have been easy, knowing that no one would miss me.  I was only ever on the sidelines, never the one to experience the joys of being in love; of being accepted by one who truly understands me.

But he of all people should understand me, I said to myself as I searched Donghae's listless eyes.  In them, I saw everything that I was; everything that I didn't want to be.  I saw a slowly emerging creature that would do anything to get what my heart wanted.  I saw a selfish beast that was willing rip through any remaining canvas of reality.

That in itself made Donghae and myself identical; in the fact that our hearts were breaking, and the depths of our souls were giving birth to creatures that were merciless; reckless; evil.

"D-Don't," I said, my voice weak.  "It'll just hurt more when you leave again.  I'm not slow.  I know that you will never come to me.  I would be crazy to let you cause me any more pain.  If I go any farther with you, I probably won't ever be able to turn back."

That's it, Hyukjae.  Fight.  You don't need Donghae to be happy.

Donghae, with his damp eyes and beautifully swollen lips, lurched forward, his body convulsing as a nearly tangible wave of grief and sadness wracked his frame.  I desperately wanted to reach out a hand.  I wanted to tell believe that Donghae would never leave me; that he really, truly loved me.

He doesn't love you.  Don't fool your own heart. 

But my heart was already a fool for the feelings that Donghae's mere presence extracted from me.  As he drew closer, his breath coming out in restrained gasps, I wanted to reach out and tell him how much I loved him; tell him I couldn't live without him.

"What makes you think I'm going to leave you?"  I heard complete and utter honesty in his voice, making it impossible for me to doubt him.  I trusted him explicably.

It was only fair that I answered just as honestly.

"Because you have before."

His handsome face twisted into an expression of confusion.  Though the pain was still visible, it seemed to gradually fade as he spoke.

"Because I was in love with someone I could never have.  Sungmin chose Kyuhyun."  He winced as he said Sungmin's name, making it all too clear that his feelings for Sungmin had not completely dissipated.

We were side by side once again, his forearms pressing itself onto my own.  I didn't want him close.  I knew that I would get attacked again; so much, that it would be harder than ever to try and let go.  Cutting all ties I had with my first love...it would be next to impossible.

"You still love him, though," I whispered, lifting my head to see his reaction.  There was none.  His features remained stoic; passive.

"I don't."

I cringed.  His voice was hard, sharp as ice.  It broke my heart to know that he still fought the agony that was overtaking his entire being, yet did so even more to know that I could be fighting alongside him.  But I didn't want to be used.  I didn't want to be his toy.  Weighing the options left my heart heavy and conscience bruised.

"You do," I insisted.  "But I'll help you numb the pain."

Without giving him a chance to register what I meant, my lips were once again shaping themselves around his, inhaling his scent and memorizing every curve and crevice of his deep, lonely cavern.  I pulled him closer, knowing that he sensed the change in my mood.  I would have him.  I would let him break free of all the regret and pain that coated the surface of his half-dead heart.

My hands ripped at his shirt, tugging and pulling aimlessly.  I wanted to touch him, the dark thoughts that lurked in the back of my mind completely taking over my original intent.  My lust was far stronger than my desire to continue to be his distraction.

So, I would fulfill both.  I would get what I wanted, while Donghae would be momentarily freed of the quiet rumbling of his hidden anger that was, at that moment, trying to rip its way out.  I would satiate the longing that overwhelmed me while also taking Donghae to a place where he could truly be free to use me as he pleased.

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A/N:  I wasn't expecting myself to write it like this...if you only knew what I'm gonna put in the next chapter kekekeke >:D In case you didn't notice, the story is temporarily going to be focused on Hyuk and Hae, simply because they've become the main focus of this point of the story.

KyuMin will have their moment of glory though...don't worry! :)

I'm at 89 now!  C'mon guys.  11 more! :D

I hope you guys liked this.  I'm pretty sure you all have a good idea of what Hyuk is gonna do...you'll have to wait and see if ur predictions are accurate though lol  i love you always!<33 please continue to comment! i love your guys' feedback!!

xoxo ~aegi-unnie

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY WONNIE AND HANNIIE! WE LOVE YOU<333