Donghae POV

"Is he going to be okay?  Is he?  How bad is it?  What's going to happen to his arm?  Will he be able to play guitar?"

"He's going to be fine, but the damage he was able to do to his arm was...incredibly sever.  I promise we will do all we can to make sure he regain full use of his arm again.  However, the blood loss may have some side effects.  I cannot guarantee what kind, but there will be some repercussions."

Eunhyuk's pleading voice and the hushed tones of the doctor were the only sounds audible enough to break through my conflicted thoughts.  We were gathered around yet another hospital bed, worrying endlessly over yet another beloved member.  Leeteuk, whose face had been all stitched up, was finally with the rest of us.  I sharpened my gaze and let my eyes slide slowly to the bottom left of my vision.

All of us - everyone except Sungmin and Kyuhyun - were panic-stricken; horrified; disgusted; dazed.  Nothing seemed to be real.  Leeteuk, however, was the worst off.  The news about Kyuhyun and Sungmin had been delivered to him all at once as soon as he had been released from his confinement.  His mental state was by far the most unstable, therefore the double impact the news had on him was twice as bad as it should have been.

Our leader sat beside the head of Sungmin's bed, neck curved downward, hands clasped tightly together.  The flexed muscles and veins that ran the length of his arms were visible, contrasting drastically against his pale, milky white skin.  We didn't have to see his face to know that he was crying.  The silent shaking of his shoulders was enough of a confirmation.

Yesung's throaty voice broke through the pained silence.  "We should go check on Kyuhyun.  They said the surgery would be done by now."  I looked up and met his eyes.  Their grief-filled interiors met my own gaze steadily, asking an unspoken question.  I nodded imperceptibly.

"Half of us should stay here, though," Ryeowook said, the presence of tears evident in his shaky voice.  "We c-can't leave Sungmin...alone."

"Of course not, Ryeowook," I reassured my younger, shooting his a warm, reassuring smile.  He received my smile with an expression of melancholy gratitude. I tried to decrease the fluctuation in my voice as I said, "Leeteuk, do you want to go see Kyuhyun?"

Leeteuk's head snapped up, peering blearily through his red, poufy eyes.  His cheeks were chiseled into pockets of sorrow and utter misery, the tears that stained their surface merely defining the lack of feeling and emotion that filled his features. Despite the absence of any apparent feelings, the look in his eyes was almost...reluctant; scared; unwilling.

"You don't have to," I said hurriedly, placing my hand on his slumped shoulder.  His skin was like ice.  It nearly froze my hand through his thin wife-beater.  "If Kyuhyun's awake, though, he might want to see you."

"I'll go."

Leeteuk squared his shoulders and rose to his feet.  He seemed to be trying to avoid looking down at the motionless figure that resided on the bed.  He turned and took one step after another, walking methodically towards the door.  He stopped halfway when he realized no one was accompanying him.

"Am I the only one going?" His expressionless voice made its way to the rest of our small group, which remained congregated around Sungmin's lifeless body. 

I looked back at Yesung and caught Eunhyuk's attention simultaneously, lifting my eyebrows to signal their immediate response.  Gladly, they understood my message.

"Yesung, Hyuk, and I will go with you.  Shindong, Ryeowook, Siwon, Heechul...will you let us know when Sungmin wakes up?"  The authority in my voice was an unfamiliar sound.  I wanted to frown at how wrong it sounded.

"Yeah," Heechul said when no one else answered.  I'll text you if-I mean, when he wakes up."

Everyone pretended to ignore the slip in Heechul's phrasing.  He lowered his ashamed gaze to the ground, as if the worn tile held the only thing of interest at that moment.  Heechul was usually stupid and careless, but when it really came to, he knew when and when not to be insensitive.

I nodded wordlessly and headed to where Leeteuk stood, Yesung and Eunhyuk's footsteps hurrying to catch up with my own.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Yesung jog from behind me to catch up with Leeteuk and wrap a comforting arm around his shoulders.  As I watched them walk ahead, a warm hand slid into my own and Eunhyuk's scent settled over me, helping me relax.

"Why is everything turning out like this, Hae?"

I couldn't meet his eyes; not while I was unable to give him a valid answer.  I knew plenty well that everything was my fault.  The chaos of Kyuhyun and Sungmin's relationship.  The accident.  Everything fell on my shoulders, and I had no wish to deny it.  If anything, I had to reveal the truth; the truth of what role I played in this tragic love story.

No matter which way I turned the situation; no matter at what angle I looked at reality; no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, the blame was mine.  I was the villain.  Everyone else had been targeted by me.  I could regret a thousand time a day; I could cry useless tears, but I couldn't escape my true character.  The character that had inflicted so much drama and despair and anger and sadness onto our once-perfect group.

"It's because of me," I whispered.  I waited for his reply in silence, the only sound in the desolate halls of the hospital being our footsteps.

"Nothing is because of you.  You need to stop blaming yourself for everything."  Eunhyuk's voice was soothing.  He position himself right by my side, his left arm wrapped tightly around my waist.  His thumb caressed the side of my abdomen, sending waves of relief down my body.  I couldn't take it anymore.  He had to stop thinking of me as a complete angel.  Angels were free of sin; selfless.  Angels were people like him and Leeteuk.  He who forgave me for everything, with no knowledge of my truly unforgiveable actions.  Leeteuk, who blamed himself for everything, when it was really my fault.  If anything, I was the exact opposite of an angel.

"You're wrong," I said as the four of us turned the corner into the emergency wing.  The light that escaped Kyuhyun's room lit up the otherwise dark hallway like a beacon.  "I should be blamed for everything.  You have no idea..."

"If I have no idea, you should tell me.  You're probably just making a big deal out of nothing."

I laugh humorlessly and shook off Eunhyuk's arm, forcing it to swing back to his side.  I tried to ignore the offended huff of breath that escaped his mouth.

"I wish that were the case.  Trust me."

"I do trust you.  That's why I know you can tell me whatever it is you blame yourself for.  Please.  You're so depressing when you act like this.  Just tell me and get it all out.  Kyuhyun and Sungmin need us.  We have to be leaders.  How can we do that when we're constantly doubting ourselves?"

"They don't need a leader like me.  No one needs someone like me to tell them right from wrong.  I can't even discern that for myself.  And we're not doubting ourselves.  It's just me."

"What are you talking about?  You know exactly how to discern right from wrong.  What makes you think you don't?"

The four of us had finally made it to Kyuhyun's room.  I didn't want to answer Eunhyuk's question just yet.  Revealing the truth was inevitable.  I knew that much.  But doing so would have to wait until after we were certain that Kyuhyun was safe; healthy; alive.

We circled around the curtain-enclosed bed, waiting to get the okay from the doctor.  We didn't want to disturb Kyuhyun if he wasn't up for it.  I didn't want to be there to face him.  I would simply be reminding myself of the fact that he almost died because of me; almost lost everything he loved because of me.

"All of you are related to Cho Kyuhyun?"  A doctor appeared from behind the curtain, edging out smoothly so that we were unable to get a glimpse of whatever lay beyond the wall of cotton that hung from the metal posts on the ceiling.

"Yes," my shaky voice and Leeteuk's uncertain rasp collided.  We looked at each other, our eyes giving away what both of us were thinking.

When did Donghae become spokesperson?  When did Donghae claim the right to speak for anyone?

I didn't blame Leeteuk for thinking that right alongside me.  He had every reason to think that, no matter if he knew or not for what reasons I myself thought that.  I shot him a small apology as the doctor began to speak again.

"Kyuhyun is fine.  The surgery went smoothly.  There is no major damage to his lungs.  They will heal over time and continue to grow stronger.  However," the doctor seemed to struggle with whatever she wanted to put into words.

I never expected what came next.  I never thought that guilt that ate at me would ever grow to be more than its already monstrous size.  The doctor's next words shook my world; shook Kyuhyun's world; shook the pearl sapphire blue world that revolved around the existence of Super Junior.

"However," the doctor continued grimly, "he has lost the ability to sing."

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A/N: WHY DO I EVEN HAVE SUBSCRIBERS?!?!?! THIS FIC IS SO ING DEPRESSING!!!! OMGGG GAHHHHHHH~~sorry, having a moment. the weather outside is amazing...seriously its like summer 0-0 woot for global warming #yolo (totally a joke, btw...dont get offended) so...what do u guys think? would kyuhyun rather be dead, without sungmin, and free of pain? OR alive, with sungmin, and unable to sing? tough decision, nae? T.T FORGIVE ME KYUHYUN!! PLEASE! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THIS TO YOU!! anyway, please continue to comment and support this story ^_^ I love you all!<3