If you had told Park Eunseo when she left Busan for Seoul that her life would change, she would agree.

She imagined meeting Seoulites who would introduce her to the glamorous Seoul life, like the ones she saw on T.V. She imagined being her family’s saving grace, providing for them until her siblings finished school. She even imagined meeting a man – a handsome, Seoul man who would love her and wouldn’t care for her strange Busan accent – and falling in love and dating.

But, it didn’t go that way at all.

She had trouble interacting with people and barely made any friends. Her salary wasn’t much and she was barely making ends meet. And she fell in love with a man who wouldn’t have looked twice at her if not for a drunken night.

Her Donghyun was now a year old, by Western standards. Time flew by so fast. Had it really just been a year since this little one came into her life? It felt so much longer. Eunseo felt like she aged five years since the day she saw those two pink lines on a pregnancy test.

Compared to last year, she was now living in a high-rise and high-end condo unit. She had a housekeeper to help her with the daily tasks. She worked a decent job with decent pay from home so she could take care of her son. And she was even given a monthly allowance for daily expenses from her child’s father. Even though she didn’t see him as much as she used to when she was his secretary, the man still visited her and their baby from time to time and was always very kind to her.

Her life had changed so much. Yet, why didn’t she feel as happy and content as she was supposed to?

She knew why. It was mixed feelings of longing and guilt.

Eunseo longed for her child's father. But, she also felt guilty. Sometimes, she felt like one of those villainous women in dramas who would do anything to break up the main couple. Other times, she felt like the oppressed main character who only wanted to be with the man she loved.

But, more than often, she felt like the first woman. Because her rival, the husband of the man she loved, whom she always wanted to paint as the villain oppressing her and keeping her from finding love… was just too damn nice to her.

She wished that Nam Woohyun wasn’t so kind so she could stop feeling guilty. But, he was. Even if he did make sure to make it clear to her that he didn’t like her, he wasn’t mean. He didn’t oppress her. He allowed his husband to spend time with her and their son. He helped provide for them. He welcomed Donghyun into his home.

And, even now, as she sat on the backseat of the Kim-Nam couple’s car, with the couple’s now 8-year-old in his booster seat on her right and Donghyun’s car seat on her left, Nam Woohyun was nice.

“Myungsoo-ah, are you excited?” the man asked from the front passenger seat.

The 8-year-old answered him with an enthusiastic “yes!”

“What about you, Donghyunnie?”

The toddler babbled something, which the man took as an excited “yes!” too.

It was to Eunseo’s surprise three nights ago when she received a call, not from Sunggyu, but from Woohyun. And of all things, it was an invite to a day at an amusement park.

Apparently, Myungsoo wanted to go with Donghyun and it was the only birthday present he requested. At first, Eunseo thought they were simply taking her son for the day, but it turned out that the invitation included her too – Myungsoo had asked her to be there.

Sometimes, Eunseo hoped that her son would grow up to be just as sweet and kind as the other man’s son. Woohyun raised Myungsoo well. She envied the other man for that being an excellent parent as well.

Since Sunggyu had already purchased the tickets in advance, they were able to bypass the long line and go straight into the park. They rented a little red stroller in the shape of a car for Donghyun. The toddler was squealing in delight, turning the plastic steering wheel with his little hands before finally getting distracted by all the noise and bright lights.

It was the weekend, so of course, there was a ton of people spending the day there. Parents were being dragged everywhere by their children. Couples sweetly held hands as they fed each other snacks and wore matching pairs of those animal headbands they sold at gift shops. Groups of friends took various selcas at almost every corner.

It was chaotic.

Yet, this was nothing to the 8-year-old who immediately grabbed one of his fathers’ hand and dragged him to one of the giant rides: the Viking.

Eunseo hid a giggle when he saw Sunggyu grow pale at the sight of the contraption.

“I wanna ride it!” Myungsoo piped. “Can we ride it, Appa? Can we? Can we?”

Unfortunately, Myungsoo was too small and young to ride the giant ride. Sunggyu looked relieved at the fact. But, then…

“Appa, you should ride it!”

The color drained from the man’s face again. “U-Um… Baby, maybe I shouldn’t since I’ll be all alone-.”

“Papa can go with you!”

This time, it was Woohyun who looked pale.

The couple spent a good 5 minutes trying to convince their son that they didn’t need to ride the Viking. They lost and ended up waiting another 5 minutes to get on.

Eunseo settled herself on a bench, Myungsoo next to her and chatting happily to Donghyun.

The ride took exactly 3 minutes, but it felt like the longest 3 minutes of Eunseo’s life as she worriedly hoped that Sunggyu was alright. He didn’t look thrilled to go on the ride but did it for Myungsoo’s sake. She had always admired how dedicated of a father he was.

Sunggyu and Woohyun came stumbling out along with the rest of the other people on the ride. Sunggyu looked like his soul had left his body, whereas Woohyun looked alright, though a little shaky on his legs.

Myungsoo got up from his seat and ran towards them while Eunseo took hold of Donghyun’s stroller to follow him. But, before she could get closer, she felt herself stop as she watched the scene before her.

“Appa! You looked awesome! Papa too! It looked so fun!” Myungsoo piped.

Laughing humorlessly, Sunggyu turned to Woohyun and leaned forward, his forehead making contact with the other man’s shoulder. With a chuckle, Woohyun wrapped one arm around his waist while patting the back of his head.

“There, there, it’s over now,” he said, as Sunggyu made exaggerated wailing sounds against his shoulder.

Eunseo stayed rooted to her spot, feeling like she was intruding. Suddenly, she wasn’t so sure it had been a good idea for her to come along too. These two were a couple. She was the third wheel. Granted, there were children with them, but still. She felt like an outsider.

The couple turned to her now.

“Eunseo-shii, is there any ride you want to go on?” Sunggyu asked, kindly.

Eunseo shook her head. “Nothing, really. Anything is fine with me. Maybe something baby-friendly for Donghyun?” She glanced at the baby in the stroller with a smile.

“I know! I know! Let’s ride the horses!” Myungsoo piped.

Once again, Eunseo found herself following. To her relief, the 8-year-old had decided to stay by her side, next to his brother. She didn’t feel as awkward and out of place with him next to her. Meanwhile, the couple stayed in front of them, leading the way and holding hands.

She couldn’t keep her eyes away from those entwined hands. Her own hands grasping the stroller handles twitched.

They arrived at the giant carousel ride and waited in line for about ten minutes before they managed to go on.

As soon as he stepped foot on the ride, Myungsoo excitedly ran towards a black horse, Sunggyu following behind him. Laughing, the father picked up the little boy and placed him on the horse and buckling him in. Then, he took the empty white horse beside the black one. The two high-fived.

Eunseo was amused at how excited the older man was at the prospect of riding a fake horse.

“They were his favorite ride when he was a kid,” said the man beside her. Woohyun turned to her with a small smile. “Let’s get on one of the carriages.”

And that was how Eunseo found herself sitting on one of the carriages on the carousel ride, Donghyun giggling on her lap.

“Papa! Papa! Look at us!”

Next to her, Woohyun was standing, one hand on the bar of the carriage while the other was busy taking photos of his husband and son. The younger man waved at them, a large grin painting his lips. His behavior often reminded Eunseo of a mother’s, at least, based on what she had observed in the rare times they were in the same room. Woohyun didn’t like being around her much, not that she could blame him. But, he appeared to love Donghyun and treated him like he treated Myungsoo – like a loving and doting mother. And Eunseo knew that under different circumstances, Woohyun would probably try to mother her too.

“Eunseo-shii?”

She was startled out of her thoughts by the chef.

“Would you like me to take one of you and Donghyun?”

Her eyes widened as she glanced down at the smiling baby in her arms. Come to think of it, she and Donghyun didn’t have many photos together, aside from the ones taken during his 100 days celebration. She mostly took photos of him alone going about his baby business. She told herself that once she had gathered enough nerve, she would send the photos to her family. So far, they remained unseen in her cellphone gallery. And she hadn’t really taken Donghyun out on outings like this; it was mostly Sunggyu who did.

“S-Sure,” she said to Woohyun, fumbling for her phone through the baby bag’s pockets. “Thank you.”

She found the phone and gingerly handed it over to the other man.

“Okay… one, two, three, smile.”

Eunseo quirked her lips into a small smile as she hugged Donghyun close to her chest. Woohyun made a few faces, calling out Donghyun’s name. The baby giggled in response as he wriggled in Eunseo’s hold.

There were a few clicks of the phone camera and she couldn’t help but notice the other man’s fond smile as he looked at the photos he took.

“Cute,” he stated, handing the phone back to her.

And it was. The first photo was adorable. Her soft smile and Donghyun's wide and toothless one. A very typical mother and child photo.

She scrolled to the next photo and her face fell a little.

Eunseo noted her bland smile compared to her son’s wide and happy ones as his little hand reached out for the one taking his photo. She felt a slight pinch on her heart as she looked at the photo, at her son’s attention on someone else other than her.

The saying was true: like father, like son.

“You don’t like them?”

She looked up from the photo. Woohyun looked concerned. Why did he look like that? He hated her, didn’t he? She was the reason his marriage almost ended. This little boy in her arms was the reason why this man felt uneasy whenever his husband was gone. Why was he looking at her with such kind eyes?

Eunseo hated it. She hated it because it was a slap in the face. A slap in the face that woke her up from the delusion that she was the hero of the story when in fact, she was the villain.

 “I like them,” she stated, forcing a smile. “I really do, Woohyun-shii. Thank you.”

Though he still looked concerned, Woohyun nodded and turned back to watching his husband and son.

Eunseo felt uncomfortable in her seat and she knew she was holding Donghyun in a weird position as he was squirming and whining in her arms. She shifted several times, wanting to get comfortable. This ride was only supposed to be five minutes long. Why was it taking forever?

Woohyun finally noticed her discomfort.

“Do you want me to hold him for a bit?” he asked.

Eunseo didn’t even hesitate in handing the baby over to him, relieving her arms of the weight. Donghyun was getting heavy.

She watched as Woohyun cradled the toddler in his arms, speaking to him sweetly and pointing things out to him.

“Look at that black horse over there. Do you see your hyung? Oh, look, he’s waving at you. Hi, Myungsoo-hyung! Oh, look, Appa is there too! Hi, Appa!”

Donghyun laughed the entire time as he made himself comfortable in Woohyun’s arms.

Eunseo felt a prick of jealousy at how easy it was for Woohyun to be so parental. It was getting close to a year yet she was still having a hard time. She couldn’t even put Donghyun to sleep without a fuss each night.

“You’re really good with kids, huh?” she couldn’t help but say. “You’re a wonderful parent. I don’t know how you do it.”

Woohyun turned his head to look at her. “Well… I do have a son. It wasn’t easy at first, but I got the hang of it.” He smiled at her. “You will too, don’t worry. I know you must be having a hard time now, but soon, being a parent will just be second nature to you. Just give it time.”

Again, with those kind eyes. Eunseo couldn’t look at them. Or this feeling of guilt in her heart will just eat at her. So, she nodded and turned away.

It felt like forever but soon, the ride was over. Donghyun was returned to her arms and she placed him in his stroller.

They went on a few more rides. Myungsoo rode with her and Donghyun on some baby-friendly ones. The little boy wanted his brother to have fun too so even if he found the rides boring, he endured for Donghyun.

Soon, it was lunchtime. They had a hefty lunch of burgers and fries at the park restaurant. Myungsoo shared his fries with his brother.

After lunch, Eunseo excused herself to the bathroom so she could change Donghyun into fresh diapers. She was somewhat thankful that she had been old enough when she would help change her younger brother and sister’s diapers, so it wasn’t as big of a challenge with Donghyun. The toddler playfully kicked at her and she playfully scolded him, finally feeling relaxed enough. She knew Donghyun would be out like the light in an hour or so; it was almost his nap time.

When he was all changed and refreshed, Eunseo wheeled him out of the bathroom. She scanned the area where she left the Kim-Nam family and finally spotted Sunggyu and Myungsoo standing by some benches. She began to head towards them when the corner of her eye spotted Woohyun appearing seemingly from out of nowhere on the side.

She paused in her tracks, her eyes focused on them.

Woohyun was holding something behind his back. Myungsoo and Sunggyu hadn’t noticed him yet, but as soon as he got close, he quickly stuck that something onto Myungsoo’s head – a pair of black cat ears with little bells hanging from one them. Myungsoo laughed hard and shook his head, ringing the bells.

And as Sunggyu turned to see what had his son amused, Woohyun, quick as lighting, stuck a pair of what looked like mouse ears on his head. The older man looked stunned at the sudden development but his expression turned soft when Woohyun placed a pair of bunny ear headbands on his own head. The younger grinned at his husband as he brought two fists against his face and shook them – he was showing aegyo.

Sunggyu’s face scrunched before he smiled and pecked Woohyun’s nose.

Eunseo cringed a little at the display, but couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy she felt. She knew that people stared at the couple for one of two reasons: for being beautiful men and for being so sickeningly affectionate with each other. Anyone with eyes could see how much they adored each other, and that made Eunseo feel even more like she was intruding on them in more ways than one.

Squaring her shoulders, Eunseo put on a smile as she made her way to them with Donghyun in his stroller.

As soon as she reached them, Woohyun spotted them and waved with a hand that held two more headbands.

“Donghyunnie, look what Bo got you!” The chef gently stuck a pair of small orange cat ears with little bells on the toddler’s head. “You and your hyung match!” Donghyun giggled as Woohyun pinched his cheek. Then, the chef looked up at Eunseo and handed her pink tiger ears. “This one’s for you, Eunseo-shii.”

With an embarrassed blush, she accepted the ears and politely put them on, even though she really didn’t want to wear them. It felt silly, but all five of them were wearing them now. It wouldn’t do to be the odd one out. She already felt like she didn’t belong to this little family of theirs.

Perhaps, she never really did.

She turned to the excited toddler in his stroller seat, who was patting his little head to feel the headband.

The only reason she was even here was because of Donghyun. And only Donghyun.

They stayed another two hours at the park. At some point between a mini rollercoaster ride and photos with some park characters, Donghyun had fallen asleep and stayed asleep as they were driven back home.

With Donghyun in his arms, Sunggyu walked them back up to their apartment. Woohyun and an equally dozing Myungsoo stayed in the car.

“There you go, buddy,” Sunggyu said, as he lovingly laid his son in the crib in the nursery.

Eunseo quietly watched from the doorway, observing as the man tucked the toddler in, kissing his forehead, and his hair.

Her heart ached with longing because Sunggyu looked at their son with so much love… yet, did not do the same for her. It was moments like these that her own feelings shocked her because she was not only feeling jealous of the man's husband... she was jealous of her own son. Her sweet little boy who loved her, unaware that his mother often wanted his father's attention switched to her. 

When Sunggyu was done giving Donghyun his affection, he turned to Eunseo with a slight smile.

“I’m going now,” he stated. “Do you need Mrs. Wang tonight? I can call her. I’m sure you’re exhausted from the day.”

“No, it’s okay, I can handle it,” she replied. “Thank you for spending the day with us.”

“Of course. Myungsoo wanted to spend time with Donghyun and so did Woohyun and I.”

Eunseo’s heart was cracking, piece by piece.

Woohyun. Myungsoo. Donghyun. It was always about the three of them. She never made it to that list. She never would.

As Sunggyu passed her to head out, she bravely reached out for his hand. He paused, looking at her in surprise.

“Eunseo-shii?”

And that formal tone. Every time he spoke to her, it was so formal and unfamiliar. She hated it. She wanted him to call her name and just her name… just once.

“S-Sunggyu-shii.” She cursed her voice for coming out shaking and weak. “Is there…” The words formed a lump in .

The older man raised an eyebrow as he tried to remove his hand from her hold, but she held on.

“Eunseo-shii, I have to go. Woohyun-.”

Another mention of that name finally made her snap.

“Is there any chance of you loving me at all?!” she ended up screaming as she felt tears b in her eyes.

Sunggyu's eyes widened, stunned at her sudden question. “I... I…” 

Whatever he wanted to say was interrupted by loud whines and cries. Both turned towards the crib. She had inadvertently woken up Donghyun.

Quick as a flash, Sunggyu’s hand was out of her hold as he immediately rushed to their son, picking him up from his crib, and soothing him. He didn’t spare her a glance, all his attention on the toddler and that broke her even more.

She could only watch, unable to do anything. As a mother, shouldn't she be the first to attend to her child's needs? Why couldn't she move?

Donghyun eventually calmed down, his cries turning into hiccups as he fell asleep again. Sunggyu laid him back down in the crib, tucking him in once more, and pressing a kiss to his forehead. Then, he turned to Eunseo with a frown that made her shrink back in shame.

“Outside,” he simply said before quickly walking past her.

She took one last look at her son before exiting the room, quietly closing the door behind her.

Sunggyu was standing with his back to her, a hand on his face.

“S-Sunggyu-shii,” she began. “I… I know this is a bad time but… I just… I can’t help but ask you…”

He suddenly turned to look at her and the sorrow in his eyes tugged at her heart. She wished she could take back her question. She wished she could take all her mistakes back. She had put a good man in the most awful position.

But… could you blame her for wanting the love of the man she was hopelessly in love with? She would throw everything away – her career, her pride, her own morality – if it meant there was a slight chance that he could love her.

“I don’t mind being second,” she said before she could stop herself. “I don’t mind being a mistress. I… I just… I love you… s-so m-much… So... If... If there's any chance... That you could love me too...”

She couldn’t stop talking, couldn’t stop all these bottled up feeling stored up inside her since the day she found out she was pregnant with his child. She wanted a family. She wanted her son to grow up with a father who was always there. She wanted him, Donghyun, and herself as one happy family. Why was that so hard?!

“Please…” she whispered, pleadingly.  

For what felt like hours, Sunggyu only stared at her, his expression sad and somewhat guilty. Eunseo, without shame, cried in front of him, silently begging him to stay with her… to pick her.

Finally, he spoke.

“Eunseo-shii,” he said, calmly. “You and I… we’ve both made mistakes. And I’m sorry if I unintentionally gave you hope. But… The only connection we have is Donghyun and I won’t ever forget that. But… I love Woohyun.”

Her cracked heart shattered, along with the last bit of hope she had carried all these months. She had known what his answer was going to be. Of course, she did. But, hearing it straight from his lips made it all the more real.

“You deserve someone who can love you, truly and unconditionally,” he continued. “I can’t give that to you.”

“D-Donghyun d-deserves a c-complete f-family,” she tried one last time. But, she knew it was futile.

Sunggyu nodded. “He does,” he admitted. “And I’ll do everything I can to make him feel that he has a complete family, even if I can’t be physically by his side at all times. He will always have me as a father.”

Eunseo felt the tears silently falling one by one. “But… what about me?” she whispered.

Sunggyu swallowed. “You will always have my friendship and my gratitude as the mother of my son. No matter the circumstances he was born in… I will always be thankful to you for giving me a beautiful gift like Donghyun.”

Eunseo closed her eyes, hoping to block out the pain if she didn’t see him anymore. But, it was still there. She could feel his presence. She could still feel his hand taking her heart and squeezing it until there was nothing left. She could still see those pitying eyes.

She hated it. She hated feeling like this. So pathetic and shameful. She didn't want to be pitied. She wanted to be loved.

When did she start being like this? When did she start being so selfish to the point where she's not only hurting others, she's hurting herself? Why was she doing this to herself?

She felt a hand on her head, , gently. A few months ago, the touch would have brought thrills to her mind and body. But, at that moment, it only brought her anguish.

The hand left her head and a soft, “I’m sorry” reached her ears. Footsteps began to move away from her, followed by the click of a door.

And when she opened her eyes, she was all alone.

A/N: Hello, everyone! It's been a while! I apologize for that. I actually went on vacation for a bit! It was last minute but it was really needed. We visited my mom's aunt who has been ill. She's in her 90's so, just in case, we wanted to be there with her and show her that she's loved. Plus, I got to take some much deserved and needed break as well from all the stuff that had happened in the last couple of weeks and I can honestly say that it really helped. I'm not one hundred percent quite yet but I'm getting there. Thank you so much for being patient with me!

So, this chapter was written in Eunseo's point of view! Apologies that it was kind of short, but I wanted to show a little bit of what's going on inside her head and how she sees WooGyu. She's a very complicated woman when it comes to her feelings. Like, she knows she was in the wrong but there is still this part of her that hopes that Sunggyu would leave Woohyun for her. And she loves Donghyun but doesn't exactly know how to be a mother. You can kinda see that the motherly instinct is a little weak with her, which makes her even more jealous of Woohyun in more ways than one.

Like I said, she's a complicated woman and writing her was a little tricky but what do you think of her now that you got a glimpse of what's in her head? Let me know in the comments!

And, according to my timeline, there are only 2 chapters and an epilogue left! Yeah, I know it's sad. But, this was such a rollercoaster ride! And honestly, I probably would have finished it ages ago if not for the circumstances that have happened. And I probably would have abandoned this and stopped writing if not for everyone's encouraging words. Truly, you guys always make writing these stories so worth it, so I'm determined to see this through the end!

The inspiration for the title of this chapter is Infinite's "Why Me?" Honestly, I LOVE this song and it should be an OST to Myungsoo's or Sungyeol's drama 'cause ALL. THE. FEELS.

And I got my album two weeks ago and it's so pretty!!! I got Sungjong's CD and photobook and Woohyun's PC.

I'm swapping with my friend's photobook, though, because her bias is Sungjong and she got Woohyun, who is my bias wrecker. I will willingly make that sacrifice for my bestie. Lol. Also, if you haven't told me yet, by all means, let me know what your favorite song from "Top Seed" is! 

'Til the next one!