You walk up to the door and press your ear against it. It is Girls’ Generation’s first concert held in front of this many people, thousands waited in the stands. You listen but all you hear is silence. As you walk back to where the rest of the girls are, you ask Taeyeon “Unnie, the fans should be cheering right? Even before the concert starts?” “Yeah, why do you ask?” She responses as she turns away from woman blending blush onto her cheeks. “I can't hear anything.” You answer. Her brows furrow and she walks over with you to the door. “Do you think they haven't brought the out fans in yet?” You ask. Taeyeon looks at her watch and shakes her head “They should definitely be in there.” You feel your stomach twist into knots and your mind starts racing with possibilities. What if they are all here to make fun of us, mock us, shout names. Then, the most dreaded thought you had deep inside your mind, what if they don’t like that your Japanese. You had been thinking about that ever since your trainee years. Sure, many Kpop idols these days were of other heritage, but you full well knew that some fans aren’t so excepting. Taeyeon hugs you, snapping you out of your revery. “Everything is going to ok. Great in fact!” She says plastering a fake smile on her face that’s on the border of a grimace, the same face she makes when we practice our upcoming single “Kissing You”. She seems to be trying to reassure herself as well, which doesn’t give you much confidence, but you appreciate her effort. A few minutes before we go on stage, you and the girls huddle together, Seohyun, Sooyoung, and Taeyeon all give a speech. We put our hands together, “One! Two! Three! Girls Generation!” We all shout together. One of the staff members tells us it is time to go on. We all get jumpy, adrenaline coursing through our veins. The few moments before the stage lights turn on we walk out to stand in our poses. Everything is black, so black you can’t see a single thing. Not a single light stick is glow in the dark sea of people. Along with the darkness, there was not a single sound coming from the audience. You have never felt so afraid of darkness and silence, even when you were a toddler, you always had a night light to make you feel safe. Your group members are your night light, but even they seem so far away and invisible. You want to reach out and touch Yoona or Seohyun, the girls beside you but you can’t. There is less than a second until the lights come on you have to perform as if there were thousands and thousands of pink lightsticks dancing in the crowd before you. When the lights come on you perform but everything happens in slow motion. The eight minutes of singing and dancing feel like decades. When you are finally finished, you have a small spark of hope that maybe some fans will clap or cheer, even just one would be enough. But nothing comes, just the sound of silence as you and your members bow and exit the stage. As you walk of the stage you feel your knees buckle, as if the weight of the whole world were right over top of them. You here the first syllable of your name being cried out by Hyeyeon and you black out. You open yours after what seems like a second later. Jessica Unnie inhales sharply and tells Manager Oppa that you are awake. Apparently, they had just called the ambulance and you were out for only a few minutes. When everyone drove back to the SM building, Sooyoung and Yoona took you to the doctor in the building near our dorm. He said that you hadn’t had enough to eat or drink before the performance. This made sense since you have been on a fairly strict diet for the approaching comeback and it was hard to eat before the dream concert because of your nauseous stomach. All in all, you are alright for the time being. You spend the night watching movies and eating ice cream with your unnies. The following morning, you get a call from Manager Oppa saying he was coming to visit you in the dorms. Later that day, he visits as he said he would, you assume he has just come to check up on you but he tells you that he primarily came to inform you of a role that you had been casted for in a Japanese drama that starts filming tomorrow. “It’s yours if you’re up for it.” He says. “Oh my god, yes yes yes!” You scream. He laughs and tells the other girls goodbye and heads out of the dorms. “We were eavesdropping and… We are so happy for you!” Tiffany yells and you spend the afternoon talking with your members about what you think the drama is going to be like. The next day, you fly out to Japan. Unfortunately, you won’t have time to visit your parents but you are ecstatic to be back in Japan for the first time in almost 4 years. Once you enter the filming studio for the first day, you see shorter man beeline for the snack table. You look around to his face and it is none other than Kento Yamazaki. You laugh as he stuffs food down his throat. He usually seemed so mature in his dramas. You feel someone tap you on the shoulder you turn around and find yourself face to face with Haruma Miura. He was even more handsome in person you think as you stare at home with a shocked expression. “Hi, I’m Haruma!” He greets you in a very friendly way. He seems very warm and kind. “Hello, I’m…” before you can finish your sentence he says, “Yumika Hashimoto, I know.” He looks embarrassed and you can see his ears turn slightly red. You smile at him brightly. Over the next few days you get to know both of the boys very well. It was nice to talk to Haruma, who had also had the experience of being in a pop group. You learn Haruma is acting as your love in the drama. Soon, the director announces that you will be shooting the kissing scene with him. As you stand in front of him with the set lights blaring on your face and the staff and cameraman watching intently, you feel your hands start to sweat. You feel kind of sick, but in a good way. That was the only way you could describe how you felt. “Action!” The director shouts from the side. You breathe in and get distracted by his big brown eyes. Next thing you know you are slightly leaning in as Haruma approaches you. He your hair with his hand and kisses you on the lips. It was your first kiss and you had never expected to feel that way kissing someone you had known for a few weeks. You felt electricity jolting through your body and leaving you tingling for your hairline to your toes. You were barely aware of the director shouting cut and Haruma pulls away with a soft smile on his face. You had never seen someone more beautiful.