Gross.

I feel gross. I need a shower and I have to take a major piss, but I can't get out of bed. I'm just lying here with my limbs all over the place and my eyes staring at the off-white ceiling. The morning sun is peeking through the blinds, trying to light up my dark bedroom. If I could just move my legs off my bed, I might be able to do something. I hate feeling like I can't do anyting because I feel like I'm useless, like I'm siding with the demons. 

C'mon, Nichkhun, you can do it. You've done it before, you can pick yourself up, I tell myself over and over again, trying to overcome the other voices in my head who are telling me otherwise. 

Today, my willpower did not betray me like it does on some days. I managed to move into a sitting position on the edge of my bed. My psychiatrist said I have a lot of willpower for someone who suffers from depression. That's a good thing, I'm guessing. I stood up from my bed, but regretted it immediately. The almost painful sensation of blood rushing down to other parts of my body from my head makes me extremely dizzy. My vision became all splotchy for a second, making me stagger.

After I regained my balance, I made my way to the bathroom. I pull my pants down in the middle of the hallway because if I didn't, I would pee right here and now. The band around my joggging pants was pressing tightly against my stomach and I thought my bladder was going to explode. Standing in front of the toilet bowl, I feel like this is the longest piss I've ever taken in my life. It probably is, and always will be. 

I shower real quick and now I'm in the kitchen, only wearing briefs. Sure, it's mid-winter, but I feel fine 'cause the heating's way up.  I look at the digital clock on the stove. 10:47...I don't have enough energy to work, so maybe I'll just go take a walk outside. Yeah, that sounds good...

I walk to my room and pull on a pair tan pants a striped sweater that's on my bed. It smells clean enough. I make sure I have all my things before going to the door. I feel the pockets on my thighs and on my . Phone, keys, wallet, earphones...All there.  Time to go. I get my black coat from the coat rack and put a scarf on, European knot like always, and I'm out of there.

I get down the stairs in a minute since I only live on the second floor and I step out of the building. The cold wind hits me like a train. It makes my eyes water like crazy and the inside of my nostrils freeze up, so I cover my face with my scarf. 

I know there's this little coffee place around here somewhere, tucked in a little corner, and my hands are getting cold. My cousin says I shouldn't give money to the competition, but I don't really care because this place is closer to my house. And there's this guy who always remembers what I usually order. What's his name again..? Woohyun? Seungwoo? Agh, who knows, I just need to find this place so I can sit down and warm up. 

I found that it's only two blocks to the left of my building and down some weird alley that would look pretty sketchy at night. Any way, it's this cute little place with huge windows and a glass door and the inside was decorated in shades of brown and cream, making me think of an eclair. It doesn't have a sign or anything but you can tell right away what it is. 

I open the door and breath in the scent of the place. It felt like heaven just entered my nose, whatever that 's supposed to mean. Right away, I get greeted excitedly by the only person who ever seems to see me. That kid...

"Hey, you!" He doesn't know my name either, but he still shows me his pearly whites. "Cappuccino?" He asks me. 

"Uhh, not today. Do you have white hot chocolate?" I'm not really in the mood for coffee and I used to love white hot chocolate when I was a kid.

"Of course, it's one of my favourites." He smirks and he starts making it behind the counter.

About a minute later his voice snaps me out of my random daydream, but I don't understand what he said, so I ask him to repeat it. It sounds like he's asking me if I want something, but I don't know what. I give him a confused look and its like he clicked right away.

He holds up a can with a white tip. "Whipped cream!" He says in English with a slight accent. 

Ohhhh, is that what he means. I nod to him quickly and he hands me my hot chocolate in a few seconds. I thank him, pay for my drink and go sit down at one of the tables at the back with the squishy couch seats. I take a sip and lean back. I feel the warmth go down my throat and into my stomach and I immediately feel better. It's so creamy and tasty. Its just like I remembered it, so I smiled a little bit. 

That short nostalgic moment got completely ruined by the screeching sound of the chair across from me being pulled out. The barista gives me an apologetic look and sits down. 

"You like it?" He asks with a small smile playing on his face.

"Mmmhm." I hum through a mouthful of hot chocolate.

"Have you had lunch yet?" Man, he's got so many questions.

"No. Why?" 

"Cool~ Wanna come eat with me? My shift's over for now and I always eat lunch alone." Now he was pouting.

Should I? I don't have any friends here and he seems like a decent guy. And not to mention lonely-looking. Maybe we'll be lonely together.

"Yeah, sure." I tell him and a huge smile spreads across his face. 

"Ahhh, thank you~" He says in a lower voice. "My name is Wooyoung." He laughs.

Yay! Thank you to everyone who read, commented and subscribed, you guys are awesome! And I hope you stick with me!

Okay, since I like detail, I'll show you exactly what Khun is supposed to be wearing in this chapter (and for most of the next one, I think). So for his striped sweater and tan pants, I'm referring to what he's wearing in this video, minus the hat, because I liked what he was wearing there, idk. And if you were wondering what the hell a European knot was, look no further.(I wear my scarves in a European knot, kekeke.) Khun is generally wearing the same thing as David Beckham (on the right in the picture) when he's outside, except the coat is black and the scarf is, like, gray or something. His hair is also like how he has it in "I'm Your Man". SORRY I LOVE DETAILS. 

Any who, I don't often write in the present tense, so sorry if it seems a bit wonky, I'm just trying to adjust.

Thanks again~