Chapter 9: Wishing for impossible.

Areum

It was just a one fine day after I’ve finished my hours of assistantship and I went to see Junmyeon in the library while he was on the verge of ripping his hair out from all the stresses he had to handle.

It was all of due dates and expectations.

I watched him getting his report done in delight which I was so sure it stressed him out more because it made him seemed like the only miserable human being at the moment. There I was thinking, I should enjoy this while it lasted because I’m going to be just like that in a few weeks’ time as well.

“I have a question. What’s Baekhyun like in person, actually?”

“As you have seen, that’s how he is.” Junmyeon answered unwillingly as his eyes were paying fully attention on his laptop screen, hands typing rapidly like all the words were at the back of his head and listening to me all at once. This was how a smart student could work.

“Has he always been like that?”

“Nope, but people change.”

“So, what was he like in person?”

Junmyeon’s fingers stopped typing right away and he finally turned towards me. “What have gotten you curious suddenly?” he asked with his eyebrows raised.

I shrugged. “No reason.”

I actually saw a slight change into wonder in Junmyeon’s look but I ignored it like I didn’t noticed, afraid he would press me further about my question.

“Baekhyun,” he let the name slipped past his lips as he reminisced. “He’s a fun guy. Under circumstances, he’s just not really himself anymore but I guess you know why.”

I frowned. “As if mentioning he’s just a fun guy would make me know him better. Tell me, how he used to be like. Was he playful, did he always break some jokes, a troublemaker perhaps?” If I can’t see that person he used to be, at least by knowing would’ve been good enough. “Forget it. What is the cause of his wife’s death, though?”

“It’s cancer. Leukimia.” Junmyeon answered while studying my expression at the touch of the topic. “She was diagnosed slightly a while after graduation. At that time, all of us had gone with our own paths so, I didn’t know much what happened after that but I guess he’s been taking care of her since then. I only knew about her condition when I was invited to their wedding and that was around 5 to 6 months before she passed away.”

“It must have been really hard on him.” I almost choked up as I reminded of my younger years when I used to witness my father grieving and crying over my mother’s death, the love of his life. It must be the same for him. The amount of pain he was feeling.

“It is. He treasures Jiwoo more than his own life. He met his other half that he thinks was perfect for him but it turned out it wasn’t for long.”

As Junmyeon had said it, I actually wondered how it really felt to be loved.

“He quit his job and he isolated himself in his apartment, not ready to face the world without her for almost a year. Nobody can reach him and there was even one time when his mother came to find Jongdae and plead to help her to get through him but even Jongdae was at loss. Jongdae had been told that the only person who could reach him was our friend who lives in America. They used to be roommates back in the days and he was closest to him.

You can’t imagine how shock we were when we found out he decided to do his graduate studies. That’s the thin hope we see that he actually still has the will to live.”

When Junmyeon saw how it actually brought me out of zone, he called after me. “Areum?”

“Hmm?” I responded casually. “I haven’t really seen him around today.”

“Oh, he has been absent for two days. He texted me saying he isn’t feeling so well.”

“He still isn’t?”

“Still?”

“I have to go.” I got up from the chair and hurriedly made my way to the elevator but then, I was thinking where am I actually heading to?

When I made up my mind and stick to the decision that I need to go and see him, I rushed back to where Junmyeon was. He had been sick for the past three days and he was handling it all by himself. He might have needed to go to the hospital and nobody was there for him.

“Myeon, where does he live?”

♦ ♦ ♦

4050

Am I doing the right thing?

Or not?

Am I overdoing it?

But –

I flinched and took a fair step back when I heard the sound of the door unlock and there was a sight of a sick looking Baekhyun with hair of fluffy mess, wondering who might be the unwelcome guest that stood herself in front of his apartment.

“Areum?” his eyes widened a little when he recognized the presence in front of him clearly.

“Hi.” I muttered short and suddenly I got the answer to all my thoughts that this wasn’t the right thing to do – who am I to do this? – but since I already stood here in front of him, I ended up thinking I might as well go for it instead of just running away. “I heard from Junmyeon that you haven’t been to school for two days because you weren’t feeling well so, I came here to check.”

“How do you know where I live?” he asked weakly, letting go of the doorknob and stood by the door while facing me.

“Myeon told me.” I answered. “Fever that goes on for three days could be serious so, I was worried.” I then handed him a bag of medicines. “Did you take your medicines? You should’ve gotten better. I got this from the pharmacy on my way here. There’s ibuprofen, and antibiotics. You know that once you start taking antibiotics, you have to finish it all, right? I don’t know if you actually have flu or coughing fit so, I just get them all.”

As I was talking to him about the meds, I realized that his eyes had gotten droopier by any second and his breath became heavy so, I cut them off and right away asked, “Are you alright?”

He hummed while nodding in response. “It’s just the heat from the sun.” He spoke of the scorching sun that had stood tall right in the afternoon. “It makes my head spinning around but I’m fine.

“You don’t look like – “

Maybe I was expecting he would have invited me in but – “I’m fine. You can go back.”

“But can’t I – ”

“Go back, Areum.”

“Okay.”

That was all I could say when it was obvious enough that he wasn’t so pleased with me showing up right in front of his apartment by the tone he was using. I hid the bag of groceries behind me as I decided to just leave if he insisted to. As much as you wanted to reach out to someone, it had to be someone who willing to, right?

As if he realized how my face fell and felt bad towards it, he immediately said, “Thank y – “ and it was cut off as he fell.

My eyes immediately bulged out when I realized how his eyes were shut as he lost his balance and fell towards my way, which made my grip loose of all the things in my hands to support his weight. He did look like he was lightheaded earlier so I called out on him as I resisted his weight.

“Sunbae?” Silent. “Baekhyun-sshi? Are you there?” Silent. “Damn it. What should I do now?” I asked to myself as I could felt my strength almost gave out at withstanding him. I looked around the hallway to see if there was anybody around that could help me and I tried to shake him up but it all went to vain.

Just like my prayer has been answered, I saw a man walking towards a few doors away from Baekhyun’s at the moment I was to about fall myself on the ground.

“Excuse me, sir?” I called out, wishing he would just hear me out. “Please help me right here.” I whimpered helplessly.

From the corner of my eyes, I could see the man was surprised himself when he saw my unstable position with an unconscious man in my embrace and released all of his things down and came to my rescue.

“Is he okay?” he asked as he transferred all of the weight from me to him.

“Can you get him inside for me?”

“Sure, sure, of course. Are you okay right there?”

I was surprised when that question darted towards me when the obvious person who wasn’t okay was Baekhyun and only him. But I nodded in response, which made him flashed me a small smile in relief before bringing Baekhyun inside the apartment.

When Baekhyun was safe lying on his bed, the neighbour came to me and snapped me out from staring at him any longer.

“I’ve put all of your things in the kitchen.”

“Oh, thank you so much, Mr…?”

“Call me Minhyun.” He replied and turned to the sick man on the bed. “Are you sure we shouldn’t get him to the hospital? I would say he has quite a bad fever.”

I rubbed my arms that was crossing across my chest and watched him in worry. I would have brought him to the hospital right away if I could – “I wouldn’t want to do it without his consent.”

Nodding, Minhyun said, “Okay then. Maybe you could try and bring his temperature down first. If his body temperature is still high and he isn’t up soon, just come to my apartment and let me know. I’ll bring him to the hospital for you.”

“Thank you.”

“No worries, that’s what neighbours are for.” I followed him out to the door to send him off. “That was sure a wake up call for me. I hope it isn’t anything serious.”

“I hope so too.”

“Are you sure you’re really okay? Your face kind of lose its colours.” He said light-heartedly and faintly touched my forehead with his palm. “But you’re not sick. Don’t worry too much. I’m just a few doors away, alright?” I nodded to reassure him that I’m okay. He was about to leave when he had put his shoes on but he halted to ask me a question, “You know, I’ve lived her