Chapter 12: Torn between two

Areum

Looking at the time on my phone displaying a few minutes more reaching midnight, I was pretty sure Yerim would have already been in bed at this hour. That girl had to sleep for at least 10 hours for the sake of her healthy skin, that was what she said even though I don’t really see the effect. I mean, my skin wasn’t so bad.

Even though knowing how the apartment would have looked like, I open the door gently as I tip-toed into my place before confirming that the living room was clear. In that dimly lit room, I leaned against the door as I remembered back the occasion earlier.

For sure, I honestly felt so much closer to him gradually as time passed and it seemed he thought likewise too at how comfortable he was at being honest with his words. Every time, he looked at me in the eyes with a gaze that spoke louder than his words, showing that he’d probably want to give a shot at trusting me just made my heartbeats racing by tens times faster.

I was just content that he was willing to take my hand that was reaching out to him.

Without me realizing, the thoughts made the thin line on my lips curled up as everything about Baekhyun just occupied my mind.

He even brings me out because he thinks I’m upset with him!

“Why are you smiling to yourself in the dark?”

“My gosh!” I yelled at how startled I am when I heard a voice interrupting my train of thoughts. Then, I tried to search for the owner of the voice before I saw Yerim was peeking from behind the wall with her head tilting, having her long hair hanging in the air and in that white sleeping gown. “Ya, Kim Yerim! This is not funny. You scared me to death, seriously.” I scowled.

Too used to my yelling, she got out of her hide and stood before me as she switched on the light before crossing her arms like a mother who wanted to scold her daughter for coming back past her curfew. “Ya, you’re scarier. Smiling like a lunatic by the door at time like this, what is wrong with you?”

“Forget it. It’s nothing.” I replied her and immediately made a way passed her.

Yerim cleared as she blocked my way. “What is it that makes you so happy?”

“I told you. It’s nothing.”

“Where have you been all night?”

“That – um,” I looked somewhere else as I gave some thoughts over my answer so, that Yerim wouldn’t caught me hesitating. “I told you once that I’ve met Junmyeon’s friends, right? One of them actually is the owner of Momoyama….oh with that being said, I told him that I’m a fan, you know how much I love the food there and it was so hard to get a reserve right, and so he offered me to make special reservation for me and it happened all of them were having dinner there and Junmyeon invited me, yeah. That’s what I do tonight.”

“Really? Looking at the time, I guess you must have gone out for drinks with them as well, is it?”

I didn’t expect that kind of reply to be blurted out but feigning nonchalance, I played along and nodded as I replied, “Yeah. We did.”

Yerim leaned closer to me and started sniffing before she rolled her eyes at me. “Bae Areum, you do realize you’re such a bad liar, right?” Yerim stated, making me automatically stiffed. “What is it that you’re keeping from me?”

As she said that, I slowly scooted little by little closer to my room to make sure she wasn’t aware at how I’m trying to run myself into my room and locked her out to get off from her. I honestly wasn’t ready to talk my mind out to her and knowing how she would have reacted, I just had no excuse to give.

Even I didn’t know why he was affecting me this much.

“I didn’t lie to you. I really had dinner with Junmyeon and his friends.”

“Yeah, okay.” She replied, looking bored and slightly hurt that just made me felt so bad.

“Fine,” I groaned exasperatingly. “Actually, Baekhyun took me out to watch fireflies.” I said sheepishly, couldn’t hide how affected I was by his gesture. “But, that was it. We just went to see fireflies. You always know how I’ve always wanted to go but you’re scared of water and boat made you sick.”

Not budging at all from how I tried to transit the focus onto her, she said, “This Baekhyun you were talking about, is he the Baekhyun that was once in our apartment, the Baekhyun you said who you want his heart to protect him, the Baekhyun you told who had wife with cancer and passed away over a year ago?” Yerim kept questioning even though she knew the answer to all of that. “Areum!”

“So, what is it if he’s all that? True, I might have grown fond of him but do I have to stay away from him because of that?”

“Then, how about Sehun?”

“Why do you have to bring him up? It’s totally different case.”

“You didn’t try to talk to him?”

“He didn’t even want to see me.”

Yerim’s gaze softened and she sighed. “Are you sure about that?”

“I’m sure everything will come back to how it was. Do you think that is something that can be forgotten overnight?” I asked her rhetorically, trying to make sense out of it.

“Why are you so sure that he didn’t feel that way?”

“Ya, does this look like some kind of fairy tale to you?”

“I’m just saying.” She sighed. “Since it has gone this far, why don’t you just go for it until the end? There’s nothing to lose anymore.”

♦ ♦ ♦

Just like her words had been jinxed, Sehun surprisingly made an appearance after I had not seen him for quite a while in the library.

I wasn’t much on the tall side when it came to height, so as I was searching for a good reference to use for my assignment that was due on Monday morning, the shelf seemed slightly too high for me to reach the book when I saw the exact title I’ve been searching for.

I knew I could have asked for assistance from the librarians but I may have thought it was worth a try and stood on the tip of my toes to pull the book out. But before I could even stretch myself a little higher to get the book, another arm was fast enough reaching out the exact book effortlessly.

I was completely flustered, of course, seeing my book being stolen right in front of me. Out of all books, so I didn’t take my eyes off from the book once and turned to give the culprit a piece of my mind.

“You need this?” Sehun asked, as he showed me the book. I was really flabbergasted when I saw his face that I accidentally hit the back of my head to the shelf.

“Yeah.” I answered curtly, as I rubbed off the pain that was starting to throb, just like how my heart was because of the nervous creeping up seeing him here for the first time after that incident. “What are you doing here?”

“Assignment.”

“I see.” I forced a chuckle. “Of course, you would only be here for assignment.”

“True.” He replied with a small smile. “I haven’t seen you in a while so, that’s why I came over when I saw you here. Hey, you want to come and sit with me? My table is right over there.” Sehun pointed towards the direction a few tables away from the aisle we were in.

“That would be nice but um, I kind of would be wandering a lot at this section so, I’d much prefer to sit nearby. I sat just right there.” I pointed my table that was located next to the shelf, by the window. “Maybe, would you mind to come over here instead?”

“Oh, Okay. Sure.”

With that being said, I thought Sehun would probably have wanted to gather his things and move them to where I sat so I naturally held my hand out to get the book out of his hold. But he surprised me again when his grasp on the book was so strong that I failed to even budge it out of his hand. I tried to tug on it harder but it was no use when my strength couldn’t beat his.

So, I looked up to him warily.

The moment I saw his expression, I knew something was still bothering him. And I might have known so well what it was because it was the same thing that bothered me as well. Maybe it was a little beyond expectation to think Sehun would have probably let the matter off but I really did wish he would.

Because look what that little damage has turned us into.

“Sehun – “

“Actually, there’s one thing I don’t understand, Areum.” He started slowly, making me nervous to what he has to say because honestly anything he said scared me with all the possibilities playing in my head. “If all this time you feel that way towards me, why didn’t you ever say anything about it to me? Why didn’t you try to tell me?”

I thought it has become an unspoken agreement since the very beginning we began to talk that we weren’t going to put this up as discussion. What was the point? What was the point of questioning things that has passed? When he probably couldn’t reciprocate the same feelings back? When he began to commit to another person?

I guess we weren’t on the same page after all.

“It doesn’t matter anymore now, doesn’t it?” I replied and pulled the book harder to get it off his grasp but I almost stumbled backwards when his grasp was not as strong as before. “I think – “

“How can it doesn’t? It matters! That’s why I’m asking!” Sehun started to raise his voice. “You’ve been keeping this feelings from me for years which I had absolutely no idea of – “

“It wouldn’t have made a difference, Sehun. Can you not try to make this worse?”

“It would have!” he beat my voice by a pitch higher. I was starting to be wary of our surrounding since we were in the library and the least I would have expected to make this thing between us even worse was the fact it could receive such an unnecessary attention and became the main topic of the campus, courtesy to his popularity. “This is so unfair. You didn’t even try to at least give me a chance. Do you really think that little of me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I like you, Areum.”

My body immediately had gone stiff hearing those words muttered out from the person that I’ve could only dream of saying it to me. It was overwhelming. The look on his face and the fact I couldn’t let the words sink in my mind just brought me goose bumps.

Shouldn’t I have been jumpin