Many well known Kpop artists stood around, waiting for their time on stage. It was my first time here, performing my first song. It’s the first time i’m singing and performing alone, i’ve always been behind BTS, and even since i broke up with Hoseok, i was kicked of their back-up dancers team. Ever since i’m not really allowed to talk to them, saying as they are always busy preparing for concerts and everything. Apart from the exception of Jimin and Hoseok who were asked to dance with me for my performance, as they had their comeback on the same day. Today. Other than that the company made sure i kept my distance from BTS. It was hard really because we all used to be so close, and like a big family but now, it’s like we’re just strangers… That’s one thing that i find stupid, the fact that idols can’t be around trainees or even around the opposite for that matter.

    They called my name after Exo performed perfectly like they always do. They had just comeback as 9 with Call me baby. It was a really cool and catchy song, and their dancing was on point as always. I walked up the steps. I heard a ‘MinHa Fighting!’ I turned around to see Hoseok running up behind me smiling. “Sorry I’m Late” He said as he pulled me on stage. “Don’t worry just pretend we are in the training room.” He said. I nodded and so did he as he smiled. “I thought Jimin was meant to perform with me today?” I whispered as we walked up the steps to the stage. “He’s looking after Tae, since the whole netizan thing happened. So i stepped in. I hope you don’t mind.” He smiled, squeezing my hand. I shook my head.

    The music started, and he started moving to the music as i did too. I started singing and my voice was a little shaky. I managed up to the chorus, getting more and more confident, then i tripped on the second verse. The audience gasped. I felt my face burn and turn bright red, as embarrassment hit me. The back-up dancers kept going. Hoseok swiftly helped me up. As if it was part of the routine. “Gwenchana?” Me mumbled. I nodded, before trying to pick up the song. I managed to but it was a little messy, as was the dance. I fell hard on my knee, so it hurt a lot when i moved. My ankle wasn’t in a better state either to be fair. The music ended and we all bowed before everyone left the stage. “Minhae.” I bowed before limping off the stage. Hoseok ran over to me, and helped me down the steps. His arm around my waist. Making sure i was steady. “Let’s go to Bangtan’s waiting room, you need to rest.” He said, as he pulled me to his waiting room. “Wait, i can’t go in there.” I said. “Way?” He asked. “You’re my Sunbaes, i’m not meant to talk to you guys.” I said lowering my head. “Too late Minha-yah, you need medical help.And We used to share waiting rooms anyway. I dont see why you can’t talk to us anymore anyway. We did nothing wrong. ” He said. I bowed my head still, “come on, no one will judge you for it, ara?” I nodded and he pulled me into the room. He sat me down in a chair. 

    “We saw what happened… Gwenchanasayo?” Namjoon asked. I nodded. “Don’t lie Minah-yah, you look like you’re in so much pain, and you can barely walk on your own.” Hoseok said. I bowed my head again. “Ottokaji? We’re on next…” Namjoon said scratching his head. “Just sit here, and we’ll take you back with us, ara?” Seokjin-ssi said ruffling my hair. I nodded. “Gomopsimnida.” I said bowing my head. “Here.” Jungkook handed me a bag of ice. “Kamsamnida jungkook-ah.” I said smiling placing it on my knee. I winced a little. They left the room one by one,leaving me and Hoseok alone. “Fighting!” I said as he chucked on his jacket. He kissed my head. “Gwenchana?” He asked, i nodded. “Now go before you’re late again.” I smiled. “You make it sound like i’m always late!” He protested before jogging out the room. 

    I had a good 10 minutes to think and watch their performance. They sang 2 of their new songs. ‘I need U’ and ‘Hold me tight.’ I loved both songs, they were both so touching. My eyes followed Hoseok on the screen. He looked so handsome dancing. I always loved him dancing, he showed so much emotion when he danced. It was his passion and it showed. I missed being with him, though. His touch. The way our hands fitted together. The warm hugs he gave me. The soft kisses that he placed on my lips. My cheek. My neck… I missed the feeling of being loved. I missed the days that we’d spend dancing together and we’d end up lying on the couch in the practice room, cuddled up, sweating from all the dancing we did. I missed him. But i know that i couldn't have any of that back. I couldn’t get anymore of those hugs. I have to forget him and the times we spent together. I need to move on. He deserves better than me anyway. If only my heart would listen to my brain…

“Your arms, your warmth, your heart

I want to see it all, I beg you

This moment, even the warm flower scented wind

Even the sky without a single cloud

Everything feels cold and I’m even scared of the clear sky

If you’re not here, I’m just a corpse, so how can I breathe?

It hurts, I’m always cry cry cry

I’m going crazy, exhausted without you

I think of you without stopping

I hate it all, I hate every single day

It makes me cry, ring ding dong

If there’s a chance, I’ll catch you

I’m running, it’s starting, count down

I’m ready to be cut by your rose-like embrace, as I hold you again” 

Hoseok’s rap part came on. Another thing i admired him for, was he always wrote his own rap-lyrics, for each song. I often wondered who he wrote about. Did he ever write about me? I felt a prickle at my eye. I wiped it to see tears on my hands. I wiped it on my skirt so, that no one would notice i had started crying. I needed to pull myself together. 

    Not long after, BTS came back. Hoseok came straight over to me. Sweat still dripping down his face. “Gwenchana?” He asked breathing heavily. I nodded. He bent down and took the ice off my knee. “Do you mind taking your ripped tights off?” he asked. I shook my head, and pulled them down whilst the guys faced the other way. He turned back round. He touched my knee softly. It looked slightly bruised and was little swollen, as was my ankle. “You won’t be able to walk for a few days.” He said, my knee softly. He was ever so  gentle. “What about the promotions?” I asked slightly concerned. “They’ll be cancelled for a week or so…Apart from radios and so on… But the music chart shows we be cancelled and variety shows too, i imagine…” Jimin said walking over to us. “That looks quiet painful…” He mumbled. “Sorry to interrupt, but we have to get going, don’t forget we’re on a tight schedule today.” their manager said. “Can’t we take a detour to Minha’s dorm?” Hoseok asked. “We’re already running late…” They nodded. “Can’t we reschedule today’s recordings? We’ll do it tomorrow, we only have training tomorrow and we’ll do that today instead…” Namjoon spoke up. “I guess…Just this once.” the manager said. “I’ll wait in the car for you.” He said leaving the room. “gomopda” Hoseok smiled. “Like he said, this is a one of, ara?” Namjoon said seriously. Hoseok Nodded and smiled at me. “Let’s go.” He said helping me stand up. “Gomopsinmida.” I said to Namjoon. He smiled. “I hope it’s nothing too serious.” He said. I shook my head. “I’ll be fine.” I said, as Jhope pulled me to their car. 

    We arrived back at Big Hit and once again, Hoseok helped me walk. We went straight to their training room. The guys went off to change, while i was left on the sofa in the training room. “YAH!” The Manager banged the door open and walked up to me angrily. “Is it true, that BTS cancelled todays schedule because of you?” I nodded faintly. “WAE?” he shouted. “I got hurt during my performance and Hoseok insisted to bring me back here.” I said quietly. “First of all I remind you that it’s Hoseok-ssi or Sunbae! and secondly, Why were you even talking to them?” He asked, annoyance in his voice. “I danced with Hosoek-ssi.” I replied. “Dance means dance, not chit-chat Minha! Rules are there not to be broken, and you broke them, this is what happens when you mix with other idols! Don’t talk to them again. Especially Hosoek ARASO? I told you to stay away from them, since you broke up. I didn’t do it for no reason! You two can’t get involved with each other! Thats final!” He said angrily. I nodded faintly. “Yah? What’s going on?” I heard Jimin’s voice, and footsteps walking up to us. “Don’t ever cancel the schedules again. Now go get your performance clothes back on, you’re on KBS in 2 hours.” The manager said.

 “As for you, go practice, if you fell that means you’re no where near perfect, don’t forget you have to perform on KBS tomorrow aswell. So practice all night if needed. Remember what i said Minha, If this happens again, you’re out.” He started walking away. “You can very well see that she can barely walk!” I looked up to see Hoseok-ssi standing up for me. “Well thats her problem. Go get ready.” The manager said continuing to walk away. “Shireo. Look at her, she can’t dance in her state! Let her rest.” He continued. “Hoseok-ssi Stop.” I said just about managing to stand up on my own. “See she’s perfectly fine!” The manager pointed to me, glaring at me. I bit my lip as i felt my ankle hurting and my knee crack. “I’m fine Hoseok-ssi, go to KBS, I’ll be fine.” I bowed. He put his arm in front of me to stop me leaving. “Aniyo.” “Thats enough Hoseok.” I heard Namjoon say. “Aniyo.” He said again. “I refuse to do promotions unless you let her rest just for a few days.” He said. “Hoseok-ssi!” I protested. “fine. Tell them that he’s sick.” The manager said leaving the room. “YAH!” Namjoon yelled. I sat back down on the sofa, and bowed my head sadly. Maybe he was right, i shouldn't have spoken to BTS and then i wouldn't be in this situation. “What is this all over? You can’t just talk to the manager like that! You'll get kicked out Hoseok! Think about what you’re doing!” He said slightly annoyed. I stood up and kneeled down. “Minanmida.” I said bowing on the floor. “get up.” Hosoek said. I stayed in my position. “At least she has some sense…You know what he’s like Hyung, he doesn't want you two to get involved with each other again, no wonder he keeps her away from us when you do things like this. He’s taking it all out on her, you don’t understand, hyung, this is going to get harder for her if you don’t stop rebelling against the manager.” Jungkook said. “I said get up!” Hoseok said pulling me up, completely ignoring Jungkook. “You’ll hurt your knee even more.” He said quietly. “Hoseok-ssi, please go to your schedule, i’ll be fine, i’ll take pain killers and perfect my performance. I’ll see you tomorrow at KBS. Kamsamnida for your help and care, but don’t get into trouble because of me its not worth it. I shouldn't even be talking to you. I hope the performance goes well. Fighting!” I turned to BTS. “Kamsamnida and Minanmida for all the trouble i’ve caused. Fighting! for the performance.I promise never to cause you trouble again” I bowed and left the room. I started walking to my training room, when i felt two arms back hug me. I stopped and turned around in their arms. It was Hoseok. “Be careful.” He mumbled hugging me tightly. “You know i can’t live without you right? Don’t let the manager put you down like that. He can’t tell you what to do. I promise one day, i’ll get you back Minha. I promise.” I felt a few tears well up in my eyes. “Hoseok-ssi. You heard him. Im not allowed to talk to you guys anymore.” I said wiping my face. “Tough. I’m not letting go that easily.” He said. I felt a bubble in my stomach, it was like the first time we confessed. Only it was breaking my heart at the same time. “You know we can never be, just forget me. It’s over, Hoseok. I’m sorry but i can’t afford you messing up you’re carrer because of me.” I felt my heart break into a tiny million pieces.