Jinki

It had been a busy day at the hospital but he was glad that he was not on night duty today. By the time Jinki reached his apartment it was already 2 am. As he walked towards his door he noticed the light seeping through Jonghyun’s door. Is he still awake? Ah! Must be his insomnia. If I remember, he said it gets worse around album releases. Should I…? 

The next thing Jinki knew, he was standing outside Jonghyun’s door with two cups of steaming camomile tea and butter cookies on a tray. Here it goes. Instead of ringing the door bell Jinki just softly knocked on the door not wanting to let the whole world know someone was up and about. Even the sound of the knock resonated loud enough to make Jinki look around. The door opened revealing a very confused and surprised Jonghyun.

“Hey! Can I come in? I made us some tea.” Jinki said smiling.

“S-sure” Jonghyun managed while trying to downplay his surprise and calm his throbbing heart. “Why are you up so late?” Jonghyun asked while closing the door behind them.

“I just got back from the hospital and saw that you were still up. Is the insomnia getting any better?” Jinki asked as he placed the tray on the table and waited for Jonghyun to take a seat before he sat down.

“Haha, not really. I'm too stressed and too tired honestly, but the more tired I get the less sleep I seem to manage” Jonghyun said taking his place at the table.

“I thought that would be the case. Good thing I still had some camomile left. It is supposed to help with insomnia and since I don't want you to rely on sleeping pills I thought this would be better,” Jinki said taking a sip from his cup. “ So how are you, otherwise? Heard your album had a huge impact! Congratulations!”

“You've heard it?” 

“Only the ones they play on the radio, but some of the nurses won't stop talking about it so…” Jinki said with a sheepish smile. He always admired Jonghyun's talent - not just his voice but the ways in which he could modulate his voice and draw people in. Jonghyun's voice had the quality to heal people, in that way Jinki always thought that Jonghyun and him were doing the same thing but using different tools. 

“Actually, I have something for you.” Jinki watched as Jonghyun disappeared into his bedroom only to come out with a huge grin on his face and something in his hand. “Umm…hehe, I suddenly feel shy giving this to you but here you go!”

Jinki smiled, immediately recognising the object. “Is this for me? Jonghyun-ah I'm so touched. Thank you. I shall listen to this as soon as I can!” He took some time to admire the album cover before placing it on the table and returning to his tea. 

There it was again, the calm silence that Jinki missed so much. It was that type of comfortable silence he felt only with Jonghyun, where they'd both just focus on their drinks and let it ease their minds. “It's been a while since we spent time together. I missed it.”

Jinki said it as it is, just as he felt and just as the thoughts formed in his mind. Without any filters. Completely unaware of the effect it would have on Jonghyun. Jonghyun's heart was barely starting to calm down but Jinki’s words made it stop completely. Not because he was overwhelmed with warmth but because all warmth was drained from him. He felt nothing but a stabbing pain. It wasn't fair how Jinki could say the simplest of things and put him in so much agony.

“That's because you've been busy spending time with Taemin.” Jonghyun almost spat out the response with more venom than he intended. But he didn’t retract his words or hide the pain in his eyes even when Jinki looked at him with surprise.

“I-I’m sorry for not giving you enough time since I started d-dating. I will try to spend a more time with you. I didn’t know it hurt you. I’m sorry Jonghyun-ah. I really am.” Jinki tried to sound sincere specially now that the guilt of this lie was killing him. He, more than ever, just wanted to come out clean with Jonghyun but he knew it was far too early for that. So Jinki decided it was time to change the game. “Jonghyun, you are just stressed out and are overthinking. You are not really hurt by me spending time with Taemin. We are still good friends.” Jinki spoke in a deep, dark voice. This has never worked on him before but I hope it works this time around. I really need it to work. I can’t keep lying to him forever. He will eventually figure it out if this keeps up.

“Oh I am stressed out but I’m definitely NOT overthinking! I miss you Jinki, and I need you too. And I try not to be hurt but I am and you KNOW THAT!” Jonghyun was done holding back. He knew Jinki had always known exactly how he felt and though he didn’t hold Jinki responsible for not reciprocating his feelings, he did expect Jinki to be a little more sensitive. 

! What is he? Why does it not work on him at all? “Jonghyun, I’m sorry but I love Taemin. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I know I haven’t been a good friend and I understand that you feel ignored but I didn’t choose who I fell in love with.” Lies. “Please understand.”

“Yes I understand. Even I didn’t choose to fall for a COLD HEARTED MAN LIKE YOU who doesn’t even want to acknowledge that his actions hurt me! I am not asking you to be more than the friend you’ve always been! I NEED YOU JINKI! But right now I want you to leave! Please ju-just leave me alone till I calm down.” Jonghyun was holding back the sobs that were threaten