SONG JOONG KI'S POV

2023

I'm on the set of my film co-starring Joon Gi sunbaenim. It's our break and we're currently talking about some of our fighting scenes when two little kids a girl and a boy ran up to him and interrupted us..

"Appa!!!" 

both of them gleefully screamed and hugged Joon Gi sunbae.

Sunbae kissed them both and smiled from ear to ear.

"My twins! What are you doing here?Where's eomma?"

he brought them unto his lap and seated them.

"Eomma is still outside getting some things."

they answered in unison that made me laugh

they look so little but they can already talk straightly. They suddenly directed their cute little stares at me..

"Appa, who is that Ahjussi? Chingu chingu~?" the little boy asked in his cute little voice but somehow sound like an adult just like his dad.

"Ah Right! He is Joong Ki samcheon. He is appa's colleague. Joong Ki-ssi they are my kids. Kids introduce yourselves to uncle."

both of them stood up

"Annyeong haseyo! My name is Lee Yeong Suk. I'm four years old." then bowed.

'Person with courage like a rock' 

the little boy nudged his little sister like telling her to speak up too. 

"Annyeong haseyo~ My name is Lee Ae-Jeong~~ I'm also four years old. My father is Lee Joon Gi and my mother is.."

'Love and affection'

                         'Courage and Love'

the little boy interrupted her

"Yah! Why do you always tell so many things. I told you to only say your name and age you never listen to me."

that made me and sunbaenim laugh..

the little girl ignored him and called me "Joong Ki Ahjussi~" as she hold on to the ends of my long sleeve.

I smiled at her.

"I'm Joong Ki oppa." 

I chuckled.

"Eeeeh? You are already an ahjussi."

giving me her confused look with her arms crossed.

we were both laughing to the little girl's cuteness..

"Joong!" I turned to my manager who's waving with my phone.

I excused myself and ran towards my manager.

"Hye Kyo has been calling you. Answer it quick!" he immediately handed me my phone and left.

I answered it right away and went to a silent corner.

"Hello honey?" she's in China busy with promotions.

"Oh..Jagi, are you filming?"

she told me she will be in China for 5 more days since she had to suddenly shoot a CF and told me to leave our son to her mom's home while I'm also busy with filming. 

Our life has been great but we rarely had time for our son and our family since we have projects left and right after we got married. The only time Hye Kyo stopped work was when she got pregnant months after our marriage and immediately started again two months after she gave birth. We are both passionate with our work so we support and understand each other but sometimes I just want her to quit so we could spend more time together.

We ended the call and I turned to go back to where I left when I recognize a familar face happily smiling seated beside sunbaenim with their kids on their lap happily munching the food that she probably brought for sunbae.

It's Moon Chae Won..

I froze in the place faraway enough for her to notice. I stared at the woman who I once loved and the one who once loved me back..so much. 

She is still beautiful as ever. She aged gracefully still having that youthful smile and sparkling eyes which resembles the little boy's eyes. She still has that bright aura that affects everyone around like her little girl. 

It's been four years since I last saw her..

and I still miss her as much as when I saw her on her wedding day..

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Nov 13 2019

Hesitation is killing me and I can't seem to move my feet out of the passenger seat. I froze on my seat like a statue.

"Yah! Hyung! Don't tell me you changed your mind? We are already here."

Kwang-Soo nudged me. I glared at him. It's his fault he forcefully brought me here.

"Ya! Do you really think it's okay for me to attend her wedding?"

he fidgets and think for a while.

"O--of course! I already said it multiple times. Chae Won noona gave her permission. She also want all the rumors to die down completely." he let out a loud sigh so as I.

After my marriage some fans circulated rumors about me and ChaeWon because she didn't attend my wedding. The fans knew we became close after our drama and she's also a close friend to my bestfriend so they think it was suspicious for her to not be invited as our other co-actors attended. The rumors of course were true she was not invited because she's my ex girlfriend. But up to this day no one really knew about it. 

I let out a loud sigh again.

"Ya. It's her birthday too. Give this to her as a gift. She wanted to be freed from the past. You know some of your fans still hates her even up to this day and of all people you know she doesn't deserve to be hated. After all, it was you who had been an awful jerk to noona." he gave me a death stare.

Sometimes I hate him even if he's my bestfriend.

I massaged my temple as all the hateful things I did to her came flashing back to my memory.

I had hurt her so much. I know everything she had been through but I was a selfish jerk who didn't care about her feelings. All she had done was love the wrong person. I wounded her so deeply with my harsh words and I admit I still regret everything I have said and done.

I remembered all the things she had done for me. Her waiting patiently and faithfully for me for two years when I served military. Her who took care of me when I was still in military and sent me encouragement when I needed it the most. Her who loved me unconditionally, giving me her time even when she didn't even had time for herself. Her who continued to care for me even when we broke up and her who continued to love even after the harshest words I said to her even after I left her shattered.

A tear fell from my eye and I immediately wiped it luckily Kwang-Soo didn't notice.

I was seated far back for her to notice while Kwang-Soo was seated on the second row. It was a garden wedding the place were covered all over with white flowers. It was simple but intimate, just like a simple person like Chae Won would want. 

The music played and there she was standing at the start of the flowery path way. She's ethereal. She walked towards the altar where her groom is waiting, Lee Joon Gi sunbae. 

She is happy. Her eyes are even smiling even with the tears threathening to fall. I can see her face luckily I was seated near enough to the aisle.

The wedding went on til it's time for their vows. I really wanted to leave after the press had taken enough pictures of me outside since no media is allowed inside the venue. But out of respect I stayed.

"Moon Chae Won, my love. I know you've been hurt before and I thank the man who left a precious soul like you because if not for him, I wouldn't have had the chance to stand here infront of you and I wouldn't be the luckiest man in the world..."

I felt a pang in my heart because I know that was meant for me although I know that Joon Gi sunbae never knew about what happened, Kwang-Soo told me, that loose-mouthed guy. Chae Won wanted to bury all of the past and Joon Gi sunbae accepted.

"...thank you for opening your heart once again for me, thank you for having the courage to love again. Thank you for your love and thank you for accepting all my flaws. Thank you for being you. Thank you for all the things that you are and you will be. I'm not going to promise anything but instead I will show you everyday starting today and until eternity, that I will respect you, protect you, take care of you and love you with all that I am. I love you so much!" 

everyone applauded and left some crying icluding sunbae and Chaewon herself. 

I don't know .what I'm feeling but I'm feeling weird inside my heart like there's a heavy stone crushing it.

Chaewon then started with her vow. 

"Lee Joon Gi, my love. You don't know how thankful I am that you came into my life. Words aren't enough to tell you how much I thank you for giving me the chance to love again. For giving me the courage to love again. Thank you for being patient, thank you for not giving up on me when I almost gave up on myself and love. Thank you for fixing me whole again and thank you for showing me that I deserved to be loved this much. I once doubted myself and thought I'm never enough.."

now I'm sure what I'm feeling..

I'm hurt..I'm jealous.

"..but you've proven me time and again that I'm more than enough. You've proven me that it is okay to love so much. It is okay to give your whole self. I am blessed to have found the person who can accept me and the kind of love I can give. From now on, I offer my whole life with you and the family we will have. I will take care and love you for the rest of our days. I loved you yesterday, I love you now and I will love you even more for all the tomorrows that will come until forever."

everyone now was in deep tears including myself..

they are all touched and overwhelmed with the love both have for each other..

While I am unknowingly crying for a different reason and that is..

regret and jealousy

I secretly wish I was sunbae. I secretly wish her love was still for me. It sounds wrong but all I can ever do now is wish..

It is my fault and mine alone

I've lost my moon...

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"Ahjussi!"

I was woken up from my reverie by the little girl's cute voice and her small hand shaking my leg.

I went down her level and asked her.

"Yes cute little thing?"

she pointed to where ChaeWon, Joon Gi sunbae and her brother is..

I looked at them and saw Chae Won smiling at me..

"Appa said to come eat with us..my eomma cooked many many dishes that appa and Ae-Jeong~~ and YeongSuk oppa and harabeoji and Halmeoni likes~~. My eomma is a very good chef like me. All her food are delicious! Come eat with us Ahjus--"

she said without pause and full of aegyo but her brother once again interrupted her that made me burst into laughter again.

"Yah! You're talking too much again Ae-Jeong!" the boy shouted while seated on her mother's lap.

The little girl grinned at me and was holding my finger leading me to where they are but I respectfully refused and gave one last smile to sunbae and Chae Won. 

Ae-Jeong happily skipped and jump back to her father's lap. 

I turned and started walking away only to look back at them when I heard Chae Won's contagious laugh directed at her husband who was teasing her..

Chae Won has been inactive in the business since she got married and dedicated her time only for her family. She supported sunbae with all of his projects while she took care of their little family as a happy and contented mother and wife.

I sure am happy with Hye Kyo and our son. I love them.

but at the deepest part of my heart I have always wondered..

What if I was in sunbae's place?

Have I been happier? Will I be that happy too? 

I'm sure my answer will be yes. 

But now..only regrets filled that part of my heart.