MCW'S POV

Song Joong Ki is brutally honest he has no concept of white lies. He will tell you everything whether it will hurt you or not and I don't know if that's a good thing.

.

.

.

"Jagi, are you perhaps lying because it's the first day of snow?"

(PS: It is said in Korea that you will be forgiven of any lies on the first day of the snow.)

I let out a nervous laugh trying to hide my fear of what's about to happen.

He's looking directly in my eyes and I don't know anymore if that's a look of pity or hurt.

"I'm so sorry, Chaewon-ah. You know we're both busy with our own lives and I don't think I can still do my duties as your boyfriend. So, it's better to stop or let's just stay as friends."

I'm still in awe trying to process everything he just said. 

Is he really breaking up with me?

"Is that really the reason Joong Ki?"

A tear fell from my eye unknowingly.

He didn't answer instead he looked down.

"Look at me in the eyes and tell me the real reason."

Is there someone else?

I honestly regret asking that question as soon as I said it because I know I'm bound to hear the hurtful truth.

He slowly looked directly in my eyes..

"It's really one of the reasons and...

...I don't feel the same way anymore."

he said that matter-of-factly without even flinching he said that right through my face.

He doesn't love me anymore.

Tears clouded my eyes but I refused to be weak and contained it. 

How can I hold on to someone who's letting me go. 

I can't respond it's like my words are stuck in my throat.

Like an idiot I just nodded and turned away from him. 

I felt him put the lock in my hands and squeezed it like he was comforting me.

his last words before he completely left were..

"I'm truly sorry. I hope someday you can forgive me."

Just when I felt that he already left. I lost all the strength and fell on my knees. I didn't want to get attention but I'm crying like I'm dying inside. 

My heart is aching but my mind still can't believe what just happened. Is is just a nightmare? 

Please wake me up from this bad dream

.

.

.

I opened my eyes and I see darkness..

I turned to my right and saw a faint light from the bedside table.

It was my phone flashing..

I'm still trying to remember what happened and why am I here in my room all of a sudden?

My phone kept ringing so I checked who it was..

"Hyo Joo eonnie" was shown on the screen. She is Han Hyo Joo my long time bestfriend.

I accepted the call.

"Yah! I've been worried about you! I've been calling since morning!"

my head is spinning from the loud eonnie on the speaker.

Morning? What time is it? 

I checked the time on my phone it's 10pm..

OH SHOOT!! AM I LATE FOR OUR DATE?!

"Eonnie..I will just call you later. I'm meeting Joong Ki at Namsan and I'm already running late. Omo!"

I didn't hear her respond so I was about to end the call when she suddenly talked.

"Chaewon-ah.."

her voice turned soft and low

"Yes eonnie? Can we talk later? I'm really late. Is it important?"

I stood up from the bed and opened the light.

I took my towel and was about to enter the bathroom when..

"Chaewon-ah you broke up with Joong Ki...don't you remember? are you okay? Would you like me to come over?"

Her first words struck me.

So, that wasn't a bad dream. We really broke up and that really happened at Namsan Tower. All of it really happened Chaewon. Reality killed me for the second time. 

I didn't realize I'm crying like crazy again.

.

.

.

I tried to remember what happened after he left..

I can't feel my legs but I tried to muster all the strength I have left and ran towards the way where he vanished. I searched frantically for him but he's nowhere to be found. I went to the parking lot to look for his car but it was gone. I tried to dial his phone but he rejected it many times. 

I lost control. I lost my mind. I didn't care if the people recognize me. I cried my heart out. 

I sent him messages begging for him to come back and take his words back. To tell me he was just lying. To tell me he was just confused. I told him I will give him the time he needs but I don't want to let him go. I can't type clearly with the stream of tears coming out. 

I was desperate. I don't want to lose him. I can't live without him.

.

.

.

That's all I can remember. The pain shot my heart like a gun. I'm crying again. 

Han Hyo Joo eonnie said my driver saw me just in time before I lost consciousness. He called eonnie using my phone so she went straight to my apartment and took care of me and left when the morning came since she abruptly left her shooting when she heard what happened. 

I'm really thankful to have her by my side..

I've been sleeping for almost 24 hours.

I checked my phone to see the messages I sent and all the call logs flooded with his name.

I pitied myself. I have never been this low but the pain is killing me more. 

I cancelled all my schedules for a week and stayed home. Trying to numb myself from all the pain I shut myself out from the world. 

After a week. I'm back with my fake smiles. I have to live even when I'm dead inside. I have my family, friends and fans that still needed me. I drowned myself to work til 2016 came. 

My movie was shown. His drama against my drama. His drama was a success. My drama was fairly received. He and Song Hye Ko-ssi gained a lot of fans while I was hated by a lot of their fans.

I don't understand why because we never made it known to the public about our relationship. No one knew except our families and closest friends. I decided to close down my sns because I can't take any more hate and pain.

I acted like everything was fine but I cried myself to sleep every night. I still can't believe I lost my sun and all I see now is darkness..

.

.

.

October 31 2017

Today, the man I love is getting married but not with me. Song Joong Ki and Song Hye Kyo popularly known as SongSong couple is tying the not.

I'm  no longer crying. I think all my tears dried up. I admit I still feel hurt but I have long accepted the fact that he was no longer mine.

I still remember how I finally accepted the harsh reality..

It was almost 2017 and it was more than one year since we broke up.

I hate to admit but I was still desperate and still hoping we had a chance. I sometimes send him texts like how is he, if he's eating well but he never once replied to my messages but when he did reply for one last time my world fell apart completely..

"Chaewon-ssi. I hope you stop doing this and start moving on. I'm already dating Hye Kyo for a year now and I don't want her to misunderstand please stop. I'm sorry."

that was the last reply I ever got from him. 

I remember throwing my phone and screaming in pain and anger as Hyo Joo eonnie calmed me. I was hysterically crying when a shout from eonnie woke me.

"Moon Chae Won!! Stop this! Look at yourself. This is not you. You've been like this for a year but what have you ever gotten from all of these? Pain? Heartache? Where is the independent Chae won I know? Where is the bright smile of yours? Where is the strong-willed, full of pride and dignity Chae won that I know? There are more than one person who loves you. You are a source of happiness and love for us, for many people. Please come back now." 

She said crying while hugging me.

"Eonnie..is giving love automatically makes you deserving to be loved? because I think I have given too much that I have forgotten to love myself."

Han Hyo Joo eonnie hugged  me even tighter..

"Someday, someone will love you more than you loved yourself. Someone will love you more than you loved him. Someone will love you the way you deserved to be loved."

.

.

and that is how I finally accepted reality and started moving on.

I honestly saw this coming. I knew he loved her so much I can see it in his eyes. It was the same look I had for him. I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him but I guess he never felt the same. But now he finally found someone who he loves so much to not even care about what the world has to say. He had the courage to tell the world which he never had for me. 

I'm happy that you found happiness, Song Joong Ki. 

A tear escaped my eyes but I genuinely wished them well.