I feel like throwing up.  I don't want to do this. I really do not want to marry him.  I love him too much for far too long to settle for this mockery of a marriage.  My hands are cold as ice, and though I am standing right next to him listening to the serious looking official who is forever sealing my fate, I feel alone.

This is stupid. I took a step back ready to run for it.  But he quickly put a hand behind my back, supposedly to steady me, but in reality so he can remind me to stick to the plan.  He threw a quick sideways glance at me which made me swallow in fear.  I can see a hint of anger in his eyes.  He doesn't want this either but we have to stick to the plan.  

I should be delirious with happiness right now. I'm marrying the man I love. I'm having his baby. But everything just turned into a nightmare.  I heard a cough and noticed the official seems to be waiting for me to say something.

"I....I....ddddd...do?" I stuttered in confusion.  It was a blur after that.  Did I just marry him? Am I lost in another one of my fanfics?  Can I wake up now?

I felt his lips touch mine.  Time stopped and I forgot to breathe.  This is is what lead us here. His kiss was my downfall.  Before I can shame myself even further by kissing him back, he straightened up and gave a fake smile for the cameras.  

Hell just started.  Again.

Two weeks ago, when I found out I was pregnant, I thought my life ended.  I was wrong.  I ended his dreams, even though I never meant to hurt him.  Now no matter how much I begged him, he refused to give me the time of the day to talk to him.  He made short work of arranging this super secret and private wedding ceremony.

The cameras were pictures for formality in case our baby's status ever be questioned.  He thought of everything.  Everything except the fact that marrying me just might end his precious hard earned career as a singer, idol and promising young actor.  Everything except that the love we once shared was real.

He refused to believe me now.  I had lost his trust.

He signed the register with a flourish, jaw clenched in anger before handing me the pen without once looking at me.  I signed the register with a halting, shaking hand.  He stood stiffly behind me until I finished signing the paper.  I felt him relax slightly but just as quickly he put his fake smile back for the official that was here to make sure our marriage was legal.

Chanyeol, Xiumin and Chen rushed in to congratulate us with relieved smiles.  The rest of the group remained unaware we were getting married today.  Suho knows but was covering for the absence of the four in a scheduled appearance.  Baekhyun shrugged off Chanyeol's hand on his shoulder and went straight for the alcohol on the table.

I reluctantly joined them at the table to share a meal.  They had each other.  I was alone.  I should be in my husband's arms.  Instead he was across from me glaring at his glass and looking like he wants to hurl it across the room.

Xiumin sat down beside me and Chen on my other side.  They were all awkwardly trying to make the two of us feel better but not really helping.  The food came in as we were all sitting in silence.  Baekhyun was now more than halfway through a bottle of champagne by himself. Xiumin was awkwardly patting my shoulder and Jongdae was humming under his breath pretending not to be aware of the tension in the room.

I smelled the food and turned white.  Morning sickness had been my constant companion for the last two weeks.  Stress and anxiety were adding to it.  I hadn't eaten anything this morning except some dry crackers and even that I threw up before the ceremony started.  I stood up quickly and ran for the toilet barely making it before I started throwing up again.  Since I had nothing in my stomach, only bitter tasting bile came out until there was nothing and I was just dry heaving into the bowl.

Outside the bathrooms, Baekhyun was pacing agitatedly.  He was tipsy from the alcohol but not so drunk that he was oblivious to her.  Despite everything, he loves her and was worried about her.  He had never seen her throwing up before and was worried when she turned white and started running out with her hand covering .  He ran behind her without knowing why or what he would do if he caught up with her.

"Yoo Mi?  Are you alright in there?" He spoke softly from the door unable to see her behind the wall covering her and the bathroom stall. She didn't reply but instead he heard her  sniffling quietly.  Frustrated, he was about to enter when another woman entered and glared at him for blocking the doorway.

Ten minutes passed before Yoo Mi finally came out.  She looked pale and shaky.  Chanyeol and Xiumin were arguing in low tones in the hallway with Baekhyun.  He broke off as soon as she came out.  He rushed over to her side and grabbed her wrist.  She was swaying on her feet feeling dizzy.  They were both unaware of the worried and panicked look on Baekhyun's face upon seeing her like this.  Only Chanyeol and Xiumin saw this and they exchanged a silent look.

Chen came up behind them to quickly whisper that he has settled the bill and they could go.  Chanyeol nodded to Baekhyun.  She looked up and blinked at Baekhyun in a daze.  He switched back to his cold eyed look in the blink of an eye.  Her eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted.  He caught her in his arms.

He dropped all pretense of coldness and started panicking for real.  The other three men were useless as well. They never