Chapter 2 

                                                                Worried for what?

                                                                        

We care too much, we love too much, we think too much. But why can't we tell it out loud? Why do we keep hiding how we feel? Is admitting that we aren't fine being weak or does it mean being strong because you are trying to fight a battle all on your own?

Lisa's POV
A year has passed since that day happened, it was all so sweet but at the same time, sad to commemorate. That day, unexpected things happened. I got out of my shell and for the first time, aside from Ahjumma, someone accepted me for who I am. Jennie-unnie jokingly said that I might be gay but I felt like I was cornered and so I thought of it as an opportunity to tell her. At first, I thought it was a wrong decision. But when she clasped my hands and looked at me with her sincere eyes, I knew it, my decision was right. And also that day, the woman who became my bestfriend, my mother, my anchor died. I remained strong despite the lost I had. But the day after she died, Jennie-unnie started to look at me in a way she never did before. I know she pities me but I don't want her to feel that way and that is why I keep smiling in front of them, never cried after the burial of Ahjumma and remained their maknae. I know how it feels to lose somebody you care so much and I don't want them to lose me too just because I got carried away by my emotions.

This morning, things were so fine and sweet, atleast that's the good thing about this moment. But after quite a while, Jennie-unnie cried.

"Why are you crying Unnie? Is something bugging you? Tell me." I demanded.
"I am fine Lisa. Just some dust came in contact with my eyes and it irratated my eyes." 
Knowing she won't tell me why, I just nodded and smiled.
"Would you like me to check it for you?" I asked.
She answered, "I am fine now you cute little puppy."
I blushed at the word cute and to hid my reddening cheeks, I pinched her cheeks and , "Look who's talking---the puffy chinchilla smiling like a gummy bear." 
She glared at me cutely and so I scooped her in my arms and was about to bring her to the kitchen. "Let's get up already unnie. We should eat some food, I am so hungry right now." As expected, she was shouting in disagreement.
"Lisa, put me down. Yah!" She kept wobbling trying to get off in my arms and when she put much effort, we both got unbalanced and so we fell flat to the floor.

She was on top of me and our faces were perfectly in line with each other. Her eyes were looking in to mine and so was I. Her lips a bit parted and my throat got dried. This was the first time we got awkward with each other's presence. The fall was a bit bad but it did not cause any injury for both of us. The thing is, I just wanted to get out of the moment but Unnie stayed stiff. The awkwardness lasted for about a minute and then Jisoo-unnie entered the room. 

Jennie-unnie and I looked at her shocked when she jokingly said, "Get a room you two!"
We should have laughed at the moment but we did not. When Jennie-unnie got back to her senses, she apologized. "Lisa, sorry. I should not have wobbled. Does it hurt?" She was pointing at my shoulders since I was carrying her a while ago and told her, "It is okay unnie."

We both sat up to stretch our bodies and then Jisoo-unnie was about to leave when she said, "Lisa, Chae-young cooked some gamjatang. She thought that you might be craving some so she cooked it up for you. Ppalli ppalli!" 
"Really? Daebak. Chaengy is the best"
"Yeah. She did! Now come you two." And then she left.

From feeling awkward, I became excited and immediately stood up. 
I was about to offer my hand to Jennie-unnie when she did it herself and went out of the room without saying a word.

I was stucked for a moment and felt weird at the sudden action of Unnie. But since I was so excited to eat, I followed them afterwards at the kitchen.
There was a space between Jennie-unnie and Chaengy, and that is where I sat.

Chaeng scooped some gamjatang and filled our bowls. She led a prayer and afterwards, we started eating.

"Yum! Yum! The best! Thanks Chaeng!" I smiled widely and Chaeng looked at me lovingly. 

Jisoo-unnie, just like me, noticed that Jennie-unnie was silent. And that caused her to ask, "Are you not feeling well? Omo. We have a long day ahead. You should take some medicine."

Unnie did not answer and when I put my hands on her neck to check if she was hot, she looked at me. She let me do it. She did not move her eyes and then she held my hands. Everyone wondered at the sudden gesture and she said, "I am really fine guys. Thanks for caring but there is no problem."

I know her too much that even her words and smile can't hide the pain behind. 

I am dead worried for why she was strangely acting this morning. After we ate, she said "Thank you for the food Chaeng even if it was mainly for Lisa. *Jennie's laugh* Just joking. Thanks. I will just be in my room if you need anything."

Usually, we would be spending time together to watch some movie during Sunday mornings. But this time, she left. Since the three of us were the only ones left, we decided to just choose whatever we are pleased to watch. The movie started playing when Chaeng rested her head on my shoulder, her hands on my forearm. We are bestfriends and it is no shock for us to be like that. Actually, all of the members are clingy with each other though Jennie-unnie is the clingiest.

We stayed like that till the middle part of the movie when Jennie-unnie went out and said that she was bored and decided to join us.

She saw how Chaeng and I were so clingy and she said that, "Chaeng, may I borrow Lisa for a while? You have her all the time, just this time please?" 
I know it wasn't a joke but Chaeng laughed and said, "Okay unnie. You can borrow her but not all the time." 

And then Jennie-unnie hugged me tenderly. But then I told her, "Let me be the one to hug you Unnie" and I wrapped my arms around her and let her head rests on my chest. I wanted to ask her what is the problem but I know she won't say anything. This is the least that I can do as of the moment to atleast tell her through my actions that I will always be here to comfort and protect her.


Jennie's POV
I know that everyone must be wondering why I was acting strangely during breakfast but I can't tell them why. Lisa seemed so worried but she doesn't know what to get worried for. All she know was I was lying when I said I was fine. She did not say that she caught me lying but the way she acts say so.

Whenever Lisa holds me or hugs me or when I hold her or when we are together, I feel so secure. I feel like I am the princess with her prince in a shining armor. 

She comforted me though she was the real reason behind my strange actions this morning. 

I know I should not feel this way but whenever Chaeng is being praised by Lisa or when they are together, I can't help but feel jealous. When I started having a crush on Lisa, I did not feel anything like this. I just started getting jealous when we had Vlives together. Lisa and Jisoo unnie are sweet too and they make me feel so uncomfortable. But it is the worst when Chaeng is with Lisa. They are bestfriends, but what can I do? Getting jealous happens even I don't want it. I can't help but feel it. 

I don't know if it means that I am strong enough that is why I keep all the strange thoughts by myself. But I would like to think so. I cannot tell them that I feel jealous, they would say I am gay and ofcourse, I would deny it cause I am not. Lisa is like a man to me and having a crush on her doesn't seem big of a deal to me.

The movie was done when Lisa talked. "Unnie, are you sleeping?"
I haven't noticed that I have closed my eyes while I was in comfort of the firm chest and arms of Lisa. 

I haven't even watched the movie. And I was so ashamed.

Jisoo-unnie joked, "Looks like she wanted to be in your arms Lisa and was not actually interested in the movie"

Chaeng and Jisoo laughed but we did not. I was about to answer in defense but Lisa said something, "That would be my honor if that is true."
And then she tightened the hug. I can't help but feel the warmth of the moment and I started blushing really hard.

They noticed it and I because of shame, I buried my face on Lisa's chest. I love her scent even though she haven't taken a bath yet. 

Why does she keep being like this? My heart started beating so fast again that I got scared they might hear it or that Lisa might feel it.
I pushed her away and she was so shocked. I am shocked at my own self too. But I can't do anything about it anymore. What was done was done. I got up and turned around when Jisoo-unnie and Chaeng said, "Are you really okay? You have been acting so strange. Atleast you should tell us why. We are wondering."

I could not answer them and just apologized. I was not a secretive person but this emotions should be kept secret. No one should know I have a crush on Lisa. No one should know that I am getting jealous for my friend. No one should know that I was happy when Lisa kissed my cheeks. No one should hear my heart beat. No one should get to know what I am hiding. I am Lisa's friend and having a crush on her is nothing. Having a girl crush seems ordinary nowadays. It is just that I am worried for myself too. I worry too much but I don't know what exactly for. 

They said I could tell them anything but I am afraid I can't. 

I said my apologies again when I left. When I was about to close my room's door, Lisa held my wrists. I haven't noticed that she followed me. Her eyes were filled with tears and said, "Please Unnie, tell me what is going on? Have I done something wrong?" I was so sorry and took her to my room then closed the door. She hugged me tenderly and said, "Please do not act this way today. I have been feeling so sad starting last night knowing that today will be the first year after I lost Ahjumma. I need you Unnie. Please." And so I hugged her tenderly too.We both cried and I was so guilty to say these, but I just said it, "There's no problem Lisa. I have been feeling pretty dreadful thinking that by tonight, we will be performing in front of a huge crowd again. I am scared that we might mess up. I am sorry." I said those words hoping I won't get caught by Lisa. But she knew it, as usual, she knows when I lie or not. "You don't have to lie Unnie. I just want you to not act this way right now." 

And she asked me a favor. "I know were are going to be busy today, but can we visit Ahjumma's grave later on?" Wanting to do it too, I said yes. We lied down on my bed and stayed silent till we fell asleep. And so the morning felt as if it was a night filled with so much emotions.


Words to note:
Gamjatang - Lisa told on Weekly Idol before that it is her favorite Korean cuisine/food.

I am thinking of updating every now and then since the semester is about to finish. But still not sure since I might attend midyear classes.
Chapter 1, 2 and 3, probably 4 too, will be about last Sunday. I know I should not focus much on those but I just want to make my story more realistic, I guess.

Thanks for my subscribers and for the comments too. I am a newbie and I feel so happy to be appreciated for my work. Thank you guys! Hope you like this chapter. I will try harder for the next one. I started writing my story just last night and I have done 2 chapters already. Yay! Love you all :)