The light forces it’s way through the uncovered windows as the nine members sit around the quiet table in their living room. Food is being hastily shoved down as they gather nourishment for the rest of the day, faces moving around as different thoughts of the following practice grinds through their heads. The sun is shining less brightly this morning, head held low, only poking at the cold food on his plate. Earlier he had woken with a lukewarm ice pack against his knee, light pricking his eyes hard, causing him to squeeze them shut the best he could. A soft blanket was covering him, but was disheveled and half-way to the floor, toes feeling the biting cold of the room through his thin socks. The others had ignored him blatantly as they rushed past the aching member in their morning routine, him slowly gathering himself to a seated position on the couch as he could see the wide gaping hole between him and the others intimidating him with it’s bottomless depth, even more real every time he felt it. Even with Hwiyoung. The newly awakened younger stopped and looked at his friend whose eyes were tired, rubbing  them to a flush shade of red with a strained expression on his face, lips tugged slightly upward despite his condition as their eyes met. The younger moved to help the other get up, a sudden snap of movement that was quickly intercepted by the older, whose eyes were now slightly glazed over as they almost protruded his skin, intense, focused on the space between his brows for a brief second. He slowly retracted his hands as the other shakily got up on his wobbly legs by himself after hours of seemingly uncomfortable sleep, showed by the hand firmly rubbing against his neck. He wobbled off to the bath as the younger stayed put, hands by his sides as he watched the other struggle; lips stretched to a thin line as he disappeared through the door.

Attentive eyes stare at the deflated person slumped by the table. Hwiyoung, guilt filling his stomach like a whole meal, with concern watches his good friend shut himself completely off with a blank gaze down at his untouched plate, shoulders hunched to an uncomfortable position. His eyes leave the older and drifts along the line of people sitting around him, fully focused on their own food, but sometimes throw invisible annoyed looks at their Taeyangie, leaving a dry feeling in the air, and Hwiyoung meeting their gazes with a look of distress, helplessness churning around his chest as he sees their confused reactions at his notion, them shrugging and going back to their meal, unable to understand his concern for their fellow member. He presses his need to speak up down below in the back of his mind when he sees the leader’s comforting hand on Taeyang’s slumped shoulder, causing their sun to tense up his back, straighten up as his eyes bat over to the older a slight second before settling back down at the calories on his plate that does not seem to tempt him one bit as he feels way too heavy in his chair already with the looks he was getting.

The breakfast is coming to a natural end as people get up from their seats and move hurriedly out the door to practice, rushing ahead as they realize the pressuring time provided to move from their dorm and ahead to get there. A hand moves from taeyang’s shoulder, under his shoulder-blades to his armpit, hitching him up to his feet. He snaps his head around at the motion, but feels reassured at the calm profile of his leader who is looking ahead at the people tumbling out the door, shoes messily trudged onto their feet as they stumble through the cramped hallway.

Another hand places itself onto the small of his back, then moves around to secure itself around his hip, his big red sweater crumpling and riding up as he is almost being carried by the other male, Youngbin going ahead to put on his shoes, the feeling of his warm hand lingering a bit like a washable print. It was in no way comfortable being handled like this, but in a way less painful then walking.The sun feels cold sweat prickle his nape and forehead as he is in no way ok with this kind of action from the other members. They shouldn’t even touch people like him; dirty, filthy. He feels looked down upon, he wants to be helpful, not the one being helped. As the other members said the day before, he was causing trouble for everyone and he should learn to manage himself, this was not the way to go if he wanted to improve himself. 

He felt a tightening in his chest as he forcefully ripped the hand whose owner was unknown off his side, turning his head to see the offended expression on Hwiyoung’s face as he did. 

«What is your problem?!» The scrunched brows on his friend’s face almost scares him, causing the older to retract a bit, tensing his body as he moves away, facing the younger. Though freeing himself from the other’s grasp like he wanted, this was not at all how he would like it to go. «Oh god, he is mad now». Blood starts pumping faster as Taeyang tries to come up with an apology, cursing himself for creating this situation in the first place. He never does anything right.

«I am trying to help you, why the hell are you acting like this». Hwiyoung is frustrated at his hyung. Why is he being like this when he is clearly trying to be nice? His hand movement, so harsh. The other looked almost disgusted by his friendly motion, not at all grateful. «Are you mad at me? I’m trying to be nice to you!» The intensity of Hwiyoung’s stare as he spoke, shrunken pupils tearing a hole through the older’s already broken barriers causing  his unfocused eyes to flicker down to the parquet covering the living room floor, regretting, he should have just let him. 

Hunched shoulders and hands up to his face, who is melding into different expressions as racing thoughts are steaming through his head, churning around and hurting him as all his outcomes involve losing his friend to his inability of making rational decisions. He didn’t deserve him anyway. He never did, the fans, everyone could see who was cut out to be an idol out of the two, he souldn’t be taking liberties and doing things he was never cut out for. He shouldn’t, bud he does anyway because he wants to, and he is selfish like that; and he doesn’t want to lose his friend either, because even though he doesn’t deserve him he wants to stay with the person that has always been there smiling at him, enduring everything together with him.

Then the thought of him never dancing with the others again shoots through his mind, screaming at him like a blinking alarm ringing in his ears, and it feels like he has just been hit by a truck. His bent body, protecting his vitals, hunching down to a painfully vulnerable position starts shaking as a pitiful sound escapes through hiccups of built up stress pouring out.

«I-I-I-I’m s-so s-s-s-soorry, I j-just, I just w-w-wanted t-to w-walk on my own» his head slightly tilts upwards as his fingers spreads to look at the younger. «I-I’m sorry, p-p-please forgive me». He is down to a squatting position, after talking covering his head with his arms, only able to look at his friend for a few seconds because his face must be a mess right now, and he doesn’t want him to see that. 

The younger’s eyes widen at the sight in front of him, trembling hands reaching ahead as he realize what he has done. He messed it up again. He is about to start pleading with the elder, apologize, whatever it takes to make him stop crying. When did his charismatic cool hyung become this fragile? Or had he really been that harsh? What is this, it seems like the other has no self-asteem at all. Why didn’t he see it? How did anyone not see it? Muscles tenses in his body, willing to move, but with no direction, unable to comprehend the situation, he remains stagnant.  Someone rounds the corner and immediately rushes towards the scene, pace picking up at the sudden unexpected visual in front of him, dropping the shoes he is carrying as his hands stretches forward because he wants them to reach the baby faster. Hard stares at the fretting younger who is seemingly being the worst possible to his hurt hyung, before calming words blends in with the soft sobs in the otherwise quiet room. Hwiyoung feels a stinging pain in his chest, spreading throughout his entire body to his fingertips.

«Taeyang-ah, what happened? Please tell me». Youngbin’s demeanor changes so suddenly when dealing with his dongsaeng. He usually have this leader-aura around him, a bit of resistance and a feel of authority, but now he seems so soft. His eyes that previously were shooting daggers at hwiyoung are now calmly looking down, focusing on getting an arm away from the younger’s face, still an underlying worried tone to his voice and features. Taeyang’s tense shoulders drop a little to the firm touch comfortingly patting his back in circles, but he is still refusing to move his arms.

The older slowly gets up from his crouching position to face hwiyoung, who still is clueless of what to do, fearing that he completely broke his bright and cheery hyung.

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So i have been busy with work lately, sorry about that. This chapter is a bit longer then usual, I actually planned it to be even longer, but it became too much, and i needed to post it, or it never would be done. I read over it so many times, but it still seems a little off, is it just me? If you feel like it, please give me some pointers since it is my first story? And also, i had to write this on tablet with no type correction program, so the grammar might be more off then usual, sorry about that too. Please tell me if you see any mistakes?