Surging pain was piercing his skull as he fluttered his tired eyes open, quickly closing them again, blinded by the light of the cold training room. Frantic members were pacing the room, talking worriedly to each other, leader speaking angrily on the phone. He felt warm, realizing he was leaning against something soft, with hands around his waist massaging him affectionately. He turned his shaken head around slowly, one eye closed in pain, to see the outline of a tall boy with black hair and a worried look on his face through his blurred vision. Rowoon registered movement from the boy he was locking his arms softly around, and their eyes met as he turned against him. His stern face softened with a hint of sadness shining through. This Taeyang had way overdone it. He appreciated this person shivering within his grasp so, so much, he didn’t want this. His long fingers tightened around the younger’s hip-bones, rubbing them tightly to somehow make him feel better. The sunny, bright, inspirational Taeyang, how did he not see this? The soft smile he would always put up, covering his mouth as he laughed; how did he not notice the dark gathering below his eyes, the strain tensioning up his shoulders? He had surely known he had been working hard on his choreo, but had it really gotten this bad? He felt guilty. It was surging up within him like a fire, burning his insides as he sat there with this tired body pressing against him. He should have cared more. His voice sounded tired as he spoke.

“we will bring you to the hospital as soon as the car arrives”.

Taeyang looked around the room again, and turned back at Rowoon, dizzy. He could see it more clearly now, this expression of his as his eyes had started to focus more. He felt a growing lump in his stomach as he read his hyung’s face. He had made him worry. A feeling of devastation could be sensed from this usually bright and shining person as he realized what trouble he had made for the entire group. He had worked so, so hard for this. Everyone had. The showcase was not far away, and they had all worked, gotten sweaty, tired, exhausted for this opportunity to show everyone, their fantasies, that they had improved. To show everyone how good they were, and to go further, together. But he was pulling them down. Dragging them together with him like a sinking ship. He should have managed himself better. This loving, caring person behind him should not need to bear an expression like that. He should not shape his face like that, furrowing his brows, tightening his lips…

Rowoon felt something warm and wet falling onto him as he heard soft sobs coming from the boy he was holding, hands covering the crying younger's face. He knew. He knew what his Taeyang was thinking, why he was crying, and it was cutting in his heart like a knife. He took the younger's hand in his and started massaging his palm as he wiped his eyes with his other thumb. He then started caressing his face, sliding his hand slowly along the boy's cheeks and down the bridge of his nose to the tip, which he squeezed lightly with his fingertips. He was following all the lines and crevasses of the hand tracing them until he could hear the sobs quiet down. He didn't want this bright light to fall into despair like this. He didn't expect it. Rowoon had never seen Taeyang cry before, and even though somewhere in himself he thought this boy looked like a beautiful angel even when he cried, he liked Taeyang the best when he was shining like usual. When he was smiling brightly, almost closing his eyes, and emitting rays filling the room whole. Not like the sun, because he simply was the sun. He knew it, if the big ball of gas in the sky would burn out one day, Taeyang was still going to shine, and he would always provide all the light and warmth he needed.

Taeyang felt comfort in the warmth of his worried hyung, and leaned his throbbing head against his strong chest. He softly closed his fingers around the hand that was massaging his, while listening to the beat of the heart from the one behind him as he let his eyelids droop across his bloodshot eyes. He didn't deserve this treatment when he had been so careless.