I'm shookt too, tbvfh.

Moment Of Truth...

Sorry for any grammatical errors.

JIYONG'S POV

"About the weight of sadness that comes with breaking up....

why didn’t I know? If you... If you..."

"We're all ed up, aren't we?"

"ing yes. But before I leave, I have something to tell you..."

"What is it, G?" Soohyuk curiously asked me.

"Soohyuk...." I drank from my glass of alcohol, dreaded of what I'm about to say next, "Have you... have you ever thought of having a child?"

He was taken aback from my question. Sure, that's out of the blue; but I know he'd take it seriously. "That's unexpected. Well.. of course. We're getting older, aren't we? It's this part of our lives when we think of a family; building a family, raising our sons and daughters." He smiled.

"Who do you want them to look like? The mother or you?"

Why are you doing this, Jiyong?

"I would be happy if both." Then again, he smiled, wider. He's probably having the thoughts of it. And it made my stomach lurched. "How about you?"

"Of course. It's one of my dreams. You know that."

Family.

A wife.

A daughter and a son.

My lifelong dream.

Of course.

"Yeah," he looked down. "Is this some kind of punishment?"  He laughed.

"What do you mean?"

"Than beating me to death... you're punishing me with more guilt? Because I know it very well.... that's your dream... And I've ruined it. You're about to wed Taeyeon, aren't you? But I've ruined you both."

"Yes....... but no."

He looked up to me, "Then why.. why did you ask?"

I stared at nowhere. Hesitating.

Jiyong, he needs to know.

"Taeyeon..... was pregnant." I tightened my hold onto my glass, fighting the tears.. the anger. "You got her pregnant, you bastard."

"W-what?"

"Don't make me repeat it." I am getting drunk and the alcohol's adding more fuel to my anger.

"I didn't know. . She didn't tell me–" He widened his eyes, realizing something, "But it only happened once... If I got her pregnant then.. why wasn't there a bump on her tummy... when I saw her on the awards night? Did she–?" His voice breaking.. "Jiyong... did s-she.. abort i-it?"

My eyes are warming with tears of anger... and sadness.. so I looked away.

***

"I got pregnant."

Right.

Break me more.

"But it's gone."

Why don't you just shot me with a gun, Taeyeon!?

"WHAT?"

"You heard me!"

"You aborted it?!"

"Yes. Yes, I did."

"W-why?" I whispered. "It... it was supposed to be Soohyuk's first child..."

. What am I thinking? Of course, she would. I know Taeyeon. She was probaly scared. And why am I thinking of that bastard? Crap. I'm angry.. and confused.

"If you were in my position, you'd probably do the same!"

My mind's a mess and didn't know what I'm saying, "But Taeyeon. You killed a-" I stopped when I realized I used the wrong word, causing her to breakdown, shaking.... hyperventilating. I almost accused her as a killer. . "T-Taeyeon.. I didn't m-mean—"

She used all her energy to yell at me, "WHAT?! JIYONG WHAT! I KILLED THE CHILD?! IF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK OF ME, SEE ME AS, THEN GO AHEAD. ING CALL THE POLICE IF YOU WANT!"

"T-Taeyeon... S-stop. I didn't mean to say that. Calm down."

"CALM DOWN?! DAMN YOU! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH!" she panted. "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME TO DO THAT! TO MAKE A DECISION JUST BECAUSE I WAS SCARED!"

"Taeyeon! Calm down!"

"NO! YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING WHY DID I DO IT. THEN LET ME TELL YOU." She paused to wipe her tears and breathed. "My family... they will hate me if they know about me being accidentally pregnant and aborting the child. My work, you know very well that I'm at the peak of my career.. I can't let it all go to waste... And me... I was scared. I'm still not ready to be a mother, a parent." She hiccuped. "J-jiyong.. you don't know how hard it was for me.."

She's still not calming down and it fears me. She looks like she's about to lost conciousness, so I went to her slowly. "Tae..."  .. can I hug her instead? I held her both shaking shoulders and calmed her. "I-I understan-d.."

She clutched me shirt and sobbed in my chest, "Ji, I really didn't want to do it. I wanted to keep the child.. But I was scared.. And I'm not ready.. And the child... goodness, the child, Jiyong... I won't let my first born to be the talk of the town... to get the rumors of having a mother.."

"You're not a , Taeyeon. You are not."

She stopped for awhile... and sobbed even more loudly in my chest... she continued, "I w-went to my aunt... she kept it a secret and gave me the abortion pills.." She started to shake again, probably remembering her hard times, and in that moment, I felt another pain too... her pain and suffering.. "I took the pills... all alone in here... in my house.... I aborted the child.. I bled and bled and bled... alone. I did it all alone, Jiyong." She cried.

In that moment too, I wrapped my arms around her petite body and brushed her hair. "It's o-okay now... It's done... Hush n-now.."

"I-it's terrifying... traumatic... to bleed that much.. to stay and curl up in bed for hours just because it hurts... while crying.. while blaming myself.. you have no clue..." she gulped... "but you.... do you know you're the reason why I still hold on? Why I still chose to live?"

I broke off the hug and faced her, "You shouldn't be doing this,"

"When I saw you in the awards show.. I thought.. you could help me.. I really wanted to have someone to talk to... But you pushed me away.. I deserved that anyway.." She looked directly in my eyes and we stared for seconds. "I am really sorry, Jiyong. I am really sorry. If this... the pain, the suffering, the suffocating heartbreak.. are my punishments.. then I'd choose to live with that. If that will make you forgive me... to atleast forgive me... that's all I want...." I was speechless, didn't know what to respond. I am drained.. with all these confessions and pain.

"Taeyeon..." I sighed heavily, "Aren't you tired? Because I am...."

Physically.. emotionally.. tired.

We decided to sat on her bed with our backs on the board.