You will see a video later. Press play and listen (while reading) so you can feel Taeyeon more.

Long chapter ahead. Sorry for any grammatical errors.

Expect the unexpected.

TAEYEON'S POV

"My love, saranghaeyo... saranghaeyo.."

This place, this house, should I leave this too?

Everything reminds me of Jiyong; even him.. he reminds me of my sin.

Or should I.... should I leave this world.. too?

It's one of those nights where I feel hurt, broken and depressed. I feel so weak and I won't get out of my bed. My family and friends think that I am just being my old self... they think that I am okay.. when in truth, I am really not. I am not okay ever since that morning. It was all my mistake, I should be the one to blame. Blame it all on me, Jiyong. I could have stopped it, but I didn't. And I am a sinner. I should just die. I want to end all this pain.

But you... even though you remind me of my pain, you're still the reason why I'm still alive; why I still want to live. I still want to live because I need to talk to you.. to see you again. That's become my purpose in life now. How ironic.

You.

Kwon Jiyong.

***

Soohyuk is Jiyong's bestfrend; who Jiyong trusts, I trust too. So when Soohyuk told me he's going to my house to drop all his presents for me and Jiyong, I gladly welcomed him in my house. We set all the presents on the living room and I checked it all one by one. There are clothes, accessories and shoes from Paris— all for Jiyong.

He's such a good friend, I thought.

He then pulled out the two wine bottles and gave it to me, "And these.. are my present for you and Jiyong for your anniversary."

Anniversary.

We'll be celebrating our 2nd year anniversary on August.

How time flies so fast.

I took the bottles from his hands, "Oh, thanks. These must taste good." I smiled at him and put the wines on the table.

"No worries. How's it going between the two of you? You said he's in Japan?"

How's the two of us?

He's sat on the couch and I sat beside him, "Yeah, he's in Japan. For a fanmeeting, or probably a freaking date with that Kiko or Nana." I scoffed.

.....How's the two of us?

"Nana? Kiko?"

......We're okay.

"His freaking little Japanese girl and freaking supermodel Kiko."

No. We're not. I am not okay.

That insensitive jerk who keeps on hanging out with those Japanese supermodels. That jerk who doesn't ask if I'm okay with that. No— he asked. Of course, me being the good girl, I told him that it's okay. And I thought he's sensitive enough to know my real feelings. But he's not!!!

Because, you jerk! You have a girlfriend! I'm your girlfriend! Here. RIGHT HERE.

Who posts a picture of him with other girls when he already has a girlfriend?

Let me change that.

Who the posts a picture of him with the other girls– that were already linked to him before– when he has a girlfriend?!

WHO? KWON JIYONG.

The media already made a scandal issue about them yet he's still hanging out with them. Is he doing it on purpose? I'm freaking mad. And now, he's in Japan again. Probably, he's meeting up and going to party with them. Or flirt, play, sleep. Dammit. I crooked my eyebrows and crossed my arms as I thought of Ji.

Soohyuk spoke, "Ah. Well, I don't have the right to meddle with those things. I guess I'll just leave-"

It's past nine and I should let him leave but, "No, please." I sighed, irritated. " Just a moment. I want a release. That jerk is so insensitive. Shall we drink the wine?" I honestly told him. I looked at him and hoped for a positive answer.

"A-alright. But I won't drink that much. Need to drive home."

I stood up and got two wine glasses from the cabinet. I came back and Soohyuk already opened the wine for us, and we started to drink. Until I'm drunk enough to say and rant random things to Soohyuk.

"He keeps on hanging out with them. He probably likes them both. Or sleeps with them both."

"I don't think so. Jiyong's a one-woman man."

I scoffed. "One-woman man? Tch. He has no clue that he's making me feel soooooo insecure by hanging out with those models." I drank, and almost spit it out when Soohyuk spoke.

"You're beautiful in your own way, Taeyeon."

My face flushed. He's looking directly in to my eyes, "Ah, thank y-you." He probably said that to make me calm. I smiled at him and complimented him back. "You're a good guy. There must be a line of girls wanting to be your girlfriend."

I thought he's done, but...

"Have Jiyong told you that I like you?"

We were looking at each other and I can really feel my face heating up. Maybe it's the wine, or maybe it's Soohyuk's confession.

"I... he didn't. W-hy?"

He sipped from his drink. "Because you're my ideal woman. There's nothing unlikable about you."

"There are." I smugged. "Jiyong's your bestfriend, you know."

"I know. But would that really be a reason for me not to like you?"

He's getting closer and I feel even more tense.

I didn't know what to say so I stared at him, wishing he'd just told me it's a joke and we'll laugh it off. But no. He leaned in closer and our lips touched. I was so shocked that I can't move. I was even more shocked when I found myself closing my eyes and kissing him back.

WHY? What's happening?

The wine? Soohyuk? Jiyong's insentiveness? Jealousy? Revenge? Insecurity?

I forgot about Jiyong and all I thought of was...

Lust?

Lust.

Lust overpowered everything.

And I am tipsy.

I hoped I could stop. The moment I circled my arms around his neck and pulled him back, I knew— I won't stop.

Unless he'd stop too.

But he didn't. We didn't.

And we woke up in my bed the next morning, .

First thing I felt?

Fear.

I opened my eyes and saw a man beside me, sleeping. . I immediately sat up and covered my body with the comforter. I saw how our clothes created a mess on the floor. I panicked, so I quickly woke him up and shouted at his face, "SOOHYUK! ING ! WHAT HAPPENED!? NO"

He immediately stood up too. Just like me, I can see and feel he's panicking. "."

I looked away when he stood up to put on his clothes.

Whose mistake was it?

Probably, mine.

I was staring blankly on the bed,  trying to remember what happened last night but I could just recollect bits of it. I closed my eyes and tried to recall what happened after Soohyuk brought presents in my house for me and Jiy—

Jiyong.

I opened my eyes and whispered. "J-jiyong."

There's an instant sting of pain in my heart when I thought of his name, and it made me teared up. .

"Jiyong will hate me. Jiyong will not forgive me. SOOHYUK!"

He's now completely dressed up while me, still , unmoving, and fear.. it's all over my body. "I'm sorry, Taeyeon. I'm really sorry. I'll explain everything to Jiyong. It was my mistake. I'm really sorry."

Mistake.

One mistake that could ruin our relationships.

"How can I do this to Jiyong?"

I admit. I was jealous and all, but I never wanted to cheat on him. . Why the .

Taeyeon.... she's perhaps real afterall.

I bowed my head and cried.

"Taeyeon... I promise I'll ex-"

I shouted at him, "Get out! It's both our mistake. Jiyong.. he'll never forgive me. If you didn't kiss me first then this shouldn't have happened!" I sobbed, "Leave me alone.. Please. Just leave me alone.. Everything happened was a mistake. Just leave... Don't tell this to Jiyong yet.... I'll talk to him..." I paused, "...and please... don't talk to me anymore."

He left the house quietly. Or I thought so.

Still crying, I tried to pick up my clothes from the floor but the loud banging of the door startled me.

I looked back and there, I saw him.

My world stopped.

No, it's breaking down.

I saw Soohyuk behind him, trying to explain things to him. But Jiyong and I just stared each other. His eyes are as wide as mine. "KIM ING TAEYEON?!"

He then yanked Soohyuk's arms away, pushed him and shouted at his face, "WHAT THE SOOHYUK? WHAT THE IS THIS?! WHY THE ?!" His voice, his angry face, scared me. I stood up, bringing the sheets to cover my little body.

I never saw Jiyong brawled with someone. I never saw him punching someone infront of me. And thinking he might do this now, it scared me very much.

Almost in a whisper, I called him, "J-jiyong.." My voice sounded so weak; I even thought I've lost it.

We stared then again, his eyes piercing through mine, hurting my soul. I teared up and literally jump out of fear when he yelled at me, "OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE! KIM ING TAEYEON WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!"

I was shaking. Too afraid to do anything, to say anything. But I'm a cheater. I shouldn't be scared. I have a place in hell.

I just watched them from behind. How Jiyong angrily punched Soohyuk. How the two bestfriends fight. The noise they made, their groans, terrified me. Another sting of pain. Because of me, Jiyong's being like this. Because of me, the bestfriends are fighting.

Jiyong let him go and we were left in my ho