Here's an update because it's my birthday!

Sorry for any grammatical errors.

JIYONG'S POV

I've told her to stop communicating with me.
But it all came back. And my heart wouldn't just stop.

Kim Taeyeon.

We barely knew each other since our debut days even though SNSD and BIGBANG were paired for a show a few times. Until we properly met and introduced to each other back in late 2013. How? Circle of friends and music. We clicked and became friends in no time. Since then, we both knew that we had a thing for each other but we were afraid of the consequences. Whenever we're free of schedules, we got to meet, hungout and had secret dinners. When we're not, there's always text messages and calls. We've spent the year constantly like that. Everything was okay, until I finally confessed to her. I didn't know what got into my mind, or what I wanted that time; one thing for sure, I wanted something.

I want us to happen. I want us to try.

But she didn't. She rejected me the first time. It really didn't hurt me that much because my feelings for her weren't that deep yet. I can still remember her response to me that day,

"Do you think... it will still be the same?"

Taeyeon had always given me her deep thoughts whenever we have conversations. I started to think about it then; if we ever we date, would it still be the same? Surely, not. When I'm in a relationship, my focus would always be on her. Her only. Sounds possessive, but isn't that what a relationship about? Being in a relationship means you're tied to your partner; that you will only hold your partner's hand— no one else's. Maybe that's why she rejected me; she didn't want to be in a relationship yet.

"It's really a no, isn't it?"

"We're being too fast, aren't we?"

So we didn't try and stayed being friends.

Friends that have a thing for each other.

Friends that tease each other.

Friends who chose not to fall in love. Yet.

It all turned sour when her scandal with that Baekhyun kid was released. She didn't say anything to me about that issue. She decided to kept mum and we didn't talk for months. That was probably the biggest fight I had with a friend. She won't reply to my texts and calls, she left me feeling and all. I was damned that I started to post relation things in instagram and twitter. I was surprised when she became emo and dramatic on her account too. And that's the time I realized we must be feeling the same way; one thing that I like about us. I really had high hopes that time.

So when we finally got to talk, it was 2015. She told me everything; she told me that the scandal was just media play to cover Jessica's departure from their group. I understand her for not telling me, of course. After we've talked, everything was the same again. I was happy. And we're back at playing our little teasing game, meets, hangouts, and dinners. But I was happier when that one night in August happened,

"Ji, the time's perfect."

"Huh?"

"I'm ready."

"Ready for what? Taeyeon, what are you saying?"

"Aigoo! Shall we date? Let's date!"

That's how we started our relationship. How we simply started dating. Secretly. 2016 came, and we became bolder; making coincidences on instagrams, liking same posts, and we even communicated secretly through it. It wasn't our intention to give clues to the media and netizens; it's just a Jiyong-Taeyeon thing according to her.

Our relationship was also like everybody else's. We also had our ups and downs, another big fights and misunderstandings. But most of them were my fault. I guess. Remember the Kiko and Nana scandal? Japan was like a second home to me as I have many friends there; Kiko and Nana are those special friends I'm close with, I playfully flirted with. But I've never slept with them and there's nothing serious. I've told her that. But she didn't have any plans on believing me. It's probably the main reason why she did what she did six months ago. But was it really my fault? Am I the one to blame?

Kim Taeyeon cheated on me six months ago with my bestfriend, Lee Soohyuk. Ever since we became a couple, her friends are also my friends; and my friends are also her friends now too. Even though she honestly told me many times that she didn't like some of them. Clearly, Lee Soo Hyuk doesn't belong to that list. Lee SooHyuk is months older than me, but when we're being professional I'd always tell him jokingly to call me sunbaenim. But SooHyuk –in my real life– he's my bestfriend, my brother. So when that one morning happened, both of them filled up my very own list of people that I hate.