It has been two weeks since the end of the world. Only a week since my mother has passed. How fast time goes in times like these.

For the last 5 days, there was a sudden shift in our group. Everyone wasn’t as talkative or playing games as we used to before. All we did now was train, eat, occasionally chat, and sleep. It was almost like we were the zombies, just in constant motion to keep going.

Jimin had been training a lot since what had happened with my mother. Every morning he was out with that dummy, practicing different techniques and even practicing with a silencer on some of the guns we owned. He started to get the hang of the things pretty well.

Kai and Krystal stayed to themselves a lot of them time, only talking to us only ever so often. I noticed however that Kai was showing Krystal how to fight as well, probably wanting to make sure that if he wasn’t there, that she could protect herself.

Eun-Min and Bong-Chul had been looking at maps of the areas around us. They had been looking for potential places to go to in search of food, gas, and possibly more weapons. It was a great strategy, making sure we didn’t go to the same place twice.

My father on the other hand had really stayed by himself. There was one night I saw that the cellar was open and when I went down, I saw him drinking, holding a picture of my mother. He was crying, repeating the same phrase over and over again.

‘I’m sorry.’

It broke my heart seeing him like that but I knew that I shouldn’t talk to him about it. We all cope with loss in different ways and I guess this was his way of doing it.

Bomi seemed a little livelier these last couple of days thankfully. She was smiling again and that made me smile as well. She would play together with Jung-Yoon and they even started carring around little knives as well.  As much as we all didn’t want to train them, it is like the situation with Krystal. If we aren’t there, they need to know what to do. But they are kids you know?

There is no way in hell they should be going through this. At this age, Jimin was worrying about how short he was compared to the other guys in class and I was worrying about the acne appearing on my face. No way should they be killing things but times change I guess.

I, on the other hand, had been planning. Planning our next move. I had found an old journal of Grandfathers and started to write notes in the back. Where to go, what we would need to take with us, how much food we need, etc. I don’t think anyone had any idea what I was doing but I was okay with that.

If it ensures everyone’s safety, then I will happily spend all the hours of the day thinking about it. However, the time came once again where we had to leave.

We were out of food. We had to go on another run. And when deciding who should go, there was a huge fight about it.

“Why the hell can I not go?!” I yelled, upset. My father, Bong-Chul, Eun-Min, Kai, and Jimin were all going so why couldn’t I? “It’s not like I would be useless! You would need the extra pair of eyes! Just let me-”

“No Avri. We need you here. We can’t leave Krystal alone with Bomi and Jung-Yoon. What if something happens?” My father retorted. He was right, but obviously I didn’t want to point that out at the time.

“But-”

“It’s final, Avri.” And that was when I knew I lost the conversation. I sighed in frustration.

“Fine. But I swear… if anything happens, I will kill you myself.” I said and my father burst out laughing.

“Alright, but I think with five of us we should be good.” He said, placing his hand on my shoulder. He then left the room, leaving before he could hear what I said.

“That’s what you said last time.”

~~~~

I headed up to the bedroom not surprised when seeing Bomi, Jung-Yoon, and Jimin already sacked out. I crept under the covers trying not to wake Jimin and thankfully I didn’t. I turned over to face him, just staring at his face.

“You better be safe tomorrow, dumbo.” I said, moving some hair out of his face. “I can’t lose you too.” I whispered, my finger booping his nose. I turned back over, exhaling slowly before closing my eyes to fall asleep.

What I didn’t know though was that Jimin was awake at the time and as he opened his eyes to stare at my back, his face turned red, embarrassed by what I had said and done. His heart was racing and he started to reach for me but then drew his hand back. He knew what this feeling was but he kept it to himself, not wanting to act on it. So instead he said in his mind what he wanted to say out loud.

'I can’t stand the thought of losing you either.’