departure

Kibum is completely dissolved by tears. None of them had ever expected the phone call, none of them had ever expected to be here - and knowing that there's nothing he can do breaks his heart. Jinki is beside him, silent as they sit on a couple of chairs in the waiting room.

Accident. That's the only thing that goes through Kibum's mind. There has been an accident.

At first he wanted to scream, then he'd been crying and now he just doesn't know anymore. He's just there. Waiting. It's a little like the time Taemin had meningitis except it's nothing like the time Taemin had meningitis. The fear, the crushing feeling of doom, the anxiety is so much worse than then. And Kibum can do nothing to fight it because he doesn't know how to fight it, doesn't know how to ever survive it.

Jinki squeezes his hand and when Kibum looks up he sees a doctor approach them. His heart starts racing in his chest and Kibum is fairly sure that he's going to faint if he doesn't get any, hopefully positive, news in the next 30 seconds. But the doctor says nothing and his facial expression is indecipherable.

"Let's go talk in my office," the man in the white doctor's coat says and Jinki nods. Kibum has a bad feeling. He knows something is wrong. Terribly wrong. Why else would they keep him away if it wasn't because they had bad news? He squeezes Jinki's hand so hard he stops the blood flow but Jinki lets him. The other is just as afraid as Kibum, he just doesn't let it show.

The doctor leads them towards an office.

"Sit down," the doctor says in a friendly voice and points towards the two chairs in front of the desk. He, himself, takes a seat behind the desk. Kibum knows everything is wrong when the doctor folds his hands in front of him on the desk and looks from Jinki to Kibum and back again. "My condolences."

Kibum doesn't hear anything after that. He could have sworn that he didn't have any tears left but they start running down his cheeks again, the words too harsh to comprehend. It's a nightmare. It cannot be anything else. It feels real but it has to be a nightmare. It's a horrible nightmare and he'll wake up in two seconds and see Jinki groggy beside him, asking what is wrong. He'll find his phone and call and he'll listen to the voice on the other end, knowing that it'll be okay, it'll be fine, it'll be alright.

"Can we see him?" Jinki finally asks and Kibum begins to hear again. The world is no longer drowned in tears and the vacuum his thoughts had created.

The doctor gets up from his seat and Jinki follows, dragging Kibum with him. Kibum doesn't want to see him. Kibum doesn't want to remember, doesn't want to believe that this is real when it isn't. But when the doctor removes the cloth and he stares down at the closed eyes, full lips, soft skin now marred by a few red scratches, brown hair and forehead he has kissed to many times, he realizes it's not a dream. This is reality.

Jinki chokes up beside him. For the first time ever since they got to the hospital in a haste, he notices the tear that silently runs down his husband's cheeks. Jinki lifts a hand and slowly caresses the cold cheek of the dead boy on the bed. Kibum swallows the lump in his throat when he leans into Jinki and stares at his son.

Minho looks peaceful as he lies there, no indication of the accident he'd been into that had stolen his life too early besides the few scratches. It's not the first time the boy has had scratches in his life. He used to have a lot when he played soccer, Kibum tending to his wounds more times than he can count. He remembers how the boy never really cried whenever he got hurt. He remembers how Minho used to play with his brothers. He remembers the fight the two had over Mr. MongMong when they were small. He remembers how much he hated shopping, he remembers how nervous he had been when he had told Kibum about his auality. Kibum remembers it all and suddenly remembers nothing at all when he turns to look at Jinki who no longer cries silently.

Kibum wants to comfort his husband but he feels empty, he feels numb and he doesn't know what he's supposed to do. The doctor knocks on the door behind them, interrupting them and smiles a sad smile.

"You have to say goodbye now," he says and Kibum nods a little before he leans over his son and presses his lips to the cold forehead one last time.

"I love you," he whispers to the boy, to his son.

Jinki says nothing, too choked up on his tears and Kibum suddenly feels like the adult, like the one in control. The one who no longer needs to cry. This is not the truth, Kibum is never going to not cry for the rest of his life. Losing a son is a pain that'll never subside, that'll never dull and Kibum knows this as he leads Jinki out of the room. They'll be hurting forever.

They sit down in the waiting area, Jinki leaning on his husband as he cries his heart out for the first time in the long dreadful hours. They need to tell them. They need to tell Jonghyun and Taemin that their brother has died. That there is no longer going to be three of them. Neither Kibum nor Jinki knows how to do this exactly. What are they supposed to say? How are they going to explain? They need to be there, to look at their sons, to see their reaction. News like this cannot be delivered over the phone. Not like Jaehwa's birth. They have to contact Taeyeon as well.

Kibum hides his head in his hands and Jinki stares into the wall in front of them. There's a silent agreement between them, they need to go home, the hospital is draining them but none of them makes any action to get up and leave. They just sit there.

People walk past, patients dressed in the signature pajamas, doctors and nurses in their uniform, relatives either in a hurry with worried expressions or with relief. 5 hours ago it had been Kibum and Jinki as they hurried into the hospital after the dreadful phone call. Your son has been in a traffic accident and his condition is critical. Whoever it was that ran the red light and crashed into Minho deserves death, in Kibum's opinion. But at the same time he can't get himself to actually wish this over someone else.

Kibum has no idea how much time has passed when Jinki gets up from his seat.

"Let's get home," he says and stretches his hand towards Kibum, waiting for the other to take it. Neither of the two says anything when they leave. In the car, Kibum finds his cell phone and texts both Jonghyun and Taemin and asks them to be at home when they arrive in 20 minutes time because they have something extremely important to say. Jonghyun texts back almost instantly with an "what happened?" while Taemin never answers his texts. Kibum knows the boy has seen it and that's good enough for him.

They drive home in silence until Jinki parks in front of their house.

"How do we..?" Kibum croaks, voice hoarse after crying. Jinki just shakes his head. He doesn't know. But they'll have to say it anyway.

They're greeted by Jonghyun who looks extremely worried. The 26-year-old knew something was wrong the moment he saw his father's text message. When he asks what's wrong, Kibum just shakes his head and takes off his jacket. Jonghyun goes to fetch Taemin while Jinki undresses as well.

They're sitting in the kitchen around the table, Kibum shaking a little. His fingers are tangled in Jinki as he tries to find support. Jonghyun is genuinely concerned, the distress so visible on the two old men. Even the 16-year-old Taemin is fidgeting with his fingers, knowing that something is wrong.

"Minho ..." Kibum starts and almost breaks down in another set of tears at the name. "Minho got in an accident." Kibum can't continue when the tears finally get free. He buries his head into Jinki's shoulder. Jonghyun's fear is now palpable in the room.

"What about Minho?" he asks. Taemin nods a little, worry glinting in his eyes.

"Is hyung okay?" Jinki takes a deep breath before he breaks the news to his sons.

"He's dead."

The silence in the room is so heavy that one can hear the clock as the second hand slowly makes sure that time still goes on. Neither Taemin nor Jonghyun says anything. They just look at their fathers as Jinki holds Kibum, who now sobs silently. It's Taemin that breaks the silence first.

"What?" he asks in a whisper and Jinki nods. "He cannot be dead!" he almost shouts before he rises from his seat so violently that the chair tips over behind him before he dashes out of the kitchen. Jonghyun is looking at the door where Taemin disappeared and then back to his parents.

"They'll save him," he says in disbelief, not wanting to acknowledge the fact that his brother has died. "It's not true. You're lying." But the truth is right there in front of him, right there in the way Kibum cries into Jinki, right there in the tear tracks down Jinki's cheeks. It's right there.

Minho is no longer.

author's notes

This story was originally a horrible bonus chapter to A Cliché Family. The entire AU can be read here.
I like writing sad stuff and this was an interesting take on traffic accidents. I know they're usually written from the one's left behind but the whole parent-losing-a-child was interesting to write. I can't imagine the pain it must be to suddenly hear that your child has been killed.