Doubts and Fears
The Price of PrideA/N: So... I lied... This story is not finished yet, but I got really anxious that I may not finish it, so I'm going to start posting it bit by bit. Unlike my other chaptered stories, these chapters may not be as long, not until the end. It really depends on where I feel it's appropriate to cut off. Anyhow, please enjoy this angst-filled chapter!
The heat from the early morning rays of the sun was the first that Sunggyu felt when he woke up. He blinked wearily a few times to clear his vision; the digital clock on the bedside table read 6:30am. He had an hour to get ready for work.
The second thing he felt was cold and emptiness. When he rolled over to his other side, he sighed in disappointment; the space was empty. Woohyun must have gotten up early to leave for work… again.
It had been like that for five months now. Sunggyu would wake up to an empty bed and his boyfriend of three years nowhere to be seen. Not a note or even a kiss good-bye. It was a huge disappointment and always set the mood to low for the rest of his day.
Nonetheless, life went on. So, despite the anxiety in his stomach and the heaviness in his heart, Sunggyu got ready for the day and left for work.
Sunggyu met Woohyun in college. He was a year older than the other, but both were business majors with a minor in music, a rare combination. Thus, they shared a few electives, so they got to know each other as friends.
Three years ago, when Sunggyu was a senior about to graduate and Woohyun was a junior, the younger had gotten on his knees, in the middle of campus, and declared his undying love and devotion to his sunbae.
There had always been some unspoken attraction between the two, but neither made a move for a while, opting to just flirt and throw jealous glances at whoever they were dating at the time. Woohyun, especially, was a bit of a playboy and a campus heartthrob for both men and women, and always had someone on his arm. None lasted very long, but it was to be expected from someone like Nam Woohyun. So, it had been a surprise when he promised to be committed to Sunggyu.
They moved in together when the younger graduated and it had been a blissful three years… until 5 months ago.
Sunggyu figured that he would just give Woohyun some space. After all, everyone needed it, right?
“Are you and Woohyun having problems, hyung?”
Sunggyu’s small eyes widened at Dongwoo’s question. They were having coffee at Sunggyu's favorite cafe after a long work day before heading home.
“W-Why would you think that?” he asked, avoiding his friend’s eyes.
“Well… for one… you look miserable.”
Of course, Dongwoo may look absent-minded most of the time, but he was also quite observant.
Sunggyu sighed. “I don’t even know, to be quite honest. We’ve barely talked in months.”
And so Sunggyu revealed what had been happening in the last five months. How Woohyun would always come home late from drinking with his friends. How he would barely speak a few sentences to Sunggyu. Their date nights, which used to be a twice-a-week event had become zero because Woohyun would make excuses that he was too tired to go out, that he had plans with his work friends, or he simply just didn't want to go. And how he would fall asleep on the couch waiting for Woohyun to come home from his nightly rendezvous and wake up in their bed, still without Woohyun next to him.
“I feel like I did something, but I don’t know what,” he finished off, miserably.
Dongwoo pursed his lips in contemplation. Both friends were silent for a while, sipping their coffees and picking at the chocolate croissants they bought.
“Do you think he’s cheating?” the younger suddenly spoke up.
A lump formed in Sunggyu’s throat but he swallowed it away. “No, he wouldn’t. Woohyun wouldn’t do that to me.”
“I mean… he was a playboy back in college,” Dongwoo reasoned but Sunggyu shook his head.
“I know he was, but he wouldn’t cheat… right?”
He was suddenly unsure. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed plausible. But, at the same time, this was Woohyun. He loved Sunggyu… right?
Dongwoo shook his head. “I don’t know, hyung. But, do you want me to talk to him? Find out what’s going on?”
“No,” the older immediately answered. “No, don’t do that. It might just make things more complicated. I’ll… I’ll try to talk to him, myself. But, for now, I’ll give him space.”
“It sounds like you’ve been giving him space for months,” Dongwoo muttered.
Sunggyu pretended not to hear and continued enjoying his coffee.
A month later and Sunggyu still hadn’t talked to Woohyun. How could he when the latter was always home late or would avoid him, even at home?
Sunggyu felt like he was living with an elusive roommate rather than a boyfriend. And it surely didn’t help the feelings of insecurity washing over him every time another of Woohyun’s work friends posted and tagged a photo of him surrounded by guys and girls, all too incredibly close for comfort to the younger.
He really couldn’t help but wonder if his boyfriend had indeed reverted back to his playboy ways from college.
“Woohyun, do we have a problem?” he voiced out one day.
It was another weekend when Woohyun claimed that he was too tired to go out on a date, so he was lounging around in front of the T.V., watching some variety show.
The younger suddenly looked uncomfortable at the question. Sunggyu stood by their worn suede couch, expecting to finally have the talk.
Ultimately, Woohyun sighed and in a bored voice, answered, “What are you trying to say, Sunggyu?”
“That’s not an answer to my question.”
“Why did you even ask such a stupid question?”
The nonchalance in the younger’s voice stabbed at Sunggyu’s heart and he hesitated. But, before he could voice his question again, Woohyun got up from his spot on the couch and stretched.
“I forgot I promised my co-worker that I’d help with a project today, so I’ll be heading out.” He lightly pecked Sunggyu’s forehead. “We might be getting a drink after so if I’m late, don’t wait up.”
And that was that. At least he still showed Sunggyu some affection. A kiss on the forehead was better than no kiss at all.
A/N: So... opinions, so far? I hope it's not too confusing. I'm kind of playing around with a new writing style and I'm not even sure if it's any different from my usual, but we shall see how it works out!
'Til the next chapter, chingus!
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