Sometimes Jongup feels small. But it happens to everyone, he thinks. At least, that’s what Yongguk tells him whenever he sits down next to him on the couch and just sits and sits, because Yongguk can tell that he feels small when he looks over and Jongup is just looking at him with kind-of-sad eyes. And he believes Yongguk, because then he’ll pull Jongup into his arms so that he’s sitting on his lap facing him, legs on either side of Yongguk’s hips, and hold him against his chest so that his chin rests on his shoulder and his nose in his neck, and then he’ll hug him until he’s okay again, even if it means getting a few tears on the sleeve of his shirt.

Jongup even managed to get Yongguk to sing for him one time, when nothing else was working. They had stayed up for hours that night, just chest to chest, nose to nose, arm in arm with the curtains drawn tight.

It helps the most when Jongup can feel Yongguk’s heartbeat right up against his own, because then he can focus on breathing just right to make his match.

And sometimes it’s the opposite, and Yongguk will slide up against Jongup’s back when he thinks he’s sleeping, and he’ll rest his forehead in the curve of his shoulder with quick breaths. He’ll put a hand on the front of Jongup’s chest and the other on his shoulder blade to smooth up and down, back and forth, sometimes underneath his shirt (when he’s wearing one) and Jongup thinks he does that because Jongup is always warm and Yongguk is sometimes cold and he knows that it helps when he can feel Jongup’s skin because Jongup’s skin is just so alive.

At first Jongup thought it was strange that Yongguk comforts himself by comforting others but then it made sense after the first night it happened, when Jongup didn’t pretend to be asleep and instead turned around when he felt that hand on his shoulder. He had opened his mouth but Yongguk shook his head and moved his hand up to his cheek when Jongup furrowed his eyebrows, saying just let me touch you. So he did and Yongguk was okay. He didn’t get it at first, but that morning when they woke up Yongguk told him that bodies are grounding, and that Jongup’s was especially so, and he didn’t know why, just that he felt solid and he felt warm and he felt  real  and it was what Yongguk needed to feel sometimes.

But today it’s Jongup who needs that; it’s Jongup who feels small and leans his front against Yongguk’s where he’s sitting on the couch, whatever he was watching on the TV forgotten as he brings his palms up to Jongup’s back and pulls him closer so that Jongup can feel his heartbeat against his own because Yongguk knows that he needs to feel it right now. And Jongup exhales when he turns his head to nose at Yongguk’s neck, so that on the next, more even breath he can smell that scent that always makes the next breath a little slower, a little easier, especially when Yongguk’s hands curl over the back of his shoulders so that the tips of his long fingers nearly brush where his collarbones are, and he does the same to Yongguk, slipping his hands behind him and against the couch, then over the top of his shoulders, too. They fit together like pieces of a puzzle this way, just like Yongguk tells Jongup bodies should do.

Yongguk knows that Jongup doesn’t want to talk when he cries, so he just moves one of his hands down and rubs the small of his back, massaging around each notch of his spine. He can feel Jongup loosen up and relax against him slowly, and his hands eventually stop clenching so hard around his shoulders. It took some trial and error to figure out what worked best for Jongup, as Yongguk had never really dealt with someone who cried like Jongup does before now; Jongup cries silently, he cries prettily and when Yongguk told him that once he just smiled back at him a little, then hugged him tighter. That was how Yongguk learned that Jongup was like him in a way, that he needed that same physical grounding. So instead of talking they just touch.

This time is easy; Yongguk’s hands work just like magic on his body, Jongup thinks, because he doesn’t feel so small anymore now, instead he feels relaxed, because Yongguk is there too, he knows now, and he’s fixed his breathing so that they match. Yongguk knows that he feels better, too, because Jongup moves his head to his chest instead of his neck, and Yongguk moves his hand to his hair, now, because he knows how much Jongup loves that. He asks Jongup if he’s better and Jongup says yes, he is, because it’s true. Yongguk always works.

So Yongguk takes his jaw and pulls him up so that he can kiss him, and Jongup follows his hand and slides back up against Yongguk’s chest so that he can let him kiss him. He knows that kissing is Yongguk’s favorite kind of touch, because then their muscles and veins are touching even closer, and it’s even warmer just like a sweet dream.

They can feel the weight of each other keeping firm roots in reality and that’s good, that’s nice, and Jongup can feel Yongguk’s fingers moving over his face, tiptoeing around the hoops in his ears and then down the side of his throat, where his nails scratch a little bit and then everything changes, then it gets a little faster and they can both feel the relief and contentedness coming from each other. So Jongup starts using his hands too, and he presses harder on Yongguk’s chest, but not on purpose, he just wants to feel the muscle moving while Yongguk breaths a little heavier, and he tries to keep up, as not to break the rhythm he has only just sewn together between their hearts.