Hoseok is sure that the mental breakdown finally overhauled him.

He had felt his presence all those past days, when falling asleep became harder and harder. When he is not lying there awake for hours the nightmares are what pull him out of his sleep, after what feels like barely a moment of rest.

Nightmares about empty hospital beds and doctors that tell him, way too motionless, that he came too late to save Kihyun.

It helps, when he hears his boyfriends voice before he goes to sleep. Those calls become his life line and his refuge, but still, they are never enough to wipe out the horrible longing he is feeling.

He wants to go home.

Wants to go back so badly that it seems to be eating him up from the inside, but he can't tell anyone. Things are... working out okay at the moment, if they can be okay after all. Everyone is a tiny bit of okay, Kihyun is... better...

He can't tell.

And now he is standing here, frozen, and can't understand how Changkyun can all of sudden cling to him, because Changkyun isn't supposed to be here.

Why is he?

Hyunwoo and him got the new task this morning, after barely coming back from their last job. A delivery, to Jeong Jihoon at that, currently Taesans biggest competition in the field. Taesan inculcated them with doing well, told them that a lot of future business depends on their relationship.

And they did well.

Even though they were more than tired, they drove over, passed the gate and got out of the car in front of a huge mansion. Jihoons men examined them for any kind of weapon. They endure it without any comment, long used to it. It is not like they carry weapons in the first place. Hoseok... Wonho... does things his own way.

There is a strange sensation in his gut when he climbs up the stairs to the entrance. He can't describe the feeling, but his steps grow just a tiny bit faster. He reaches out for the door knob, pushes the heavy wooden door open and finds himself in a huge entrance hall, sees a stair case down the hall which leads to the many rooms on the first floor.

But he can't take in any more of his surroundings.

Only a second after entering, he freezes.

Familiar voices.

Voices, he most probably would recognize anywhere.

" Hyung!"

Someone hurries over to him and he only realises who it is when he already hugs him tightly.

Changkyun.

" Hyung...", he presses out once more and Hoseok can barely understand him.

Not because he hugs him too tightly.

No.

It is the blood that rushes way too loudly in his ears, that drowns all the other noises.

The suitcase with the delivery fell to the ground long ago.

Why is he here... why is Changkyun here... why...?

" Minhyuk?"

Hyunwoos dumbfounded voice next to him.

" Took you long enough to get here.", there, the distinctive blonde appears as if it is the most normal thing in the world. " You went darker."

He ruffles through Hoseoks now black hair as he passes by to reach Hyunwoo. He smiles brightly, endless fondness and relief in his dark eyes.

Yes.

Hoseoks hair is black again.

Why is he thinking about that all of sudden?  

It doesn't matter but his head in a mess.

He almost doesn't register, that Minhyuk pulls Hyunwoo into his embrace, that Changkyun releases him to give Jooheon and Hyungwon the chance to greet Hoseok.

Wait...

Jooheon and Hyungwon?

His eyes widen only the more, wander from one face to another, trying to take in everything.

He had missed them horribly.

" What...",  he flounders, swallows heavily. " What are you doing here?"

" Deep breaths, hyung.", Hyungwon squeezes his shoulder, the brightest smile Hoseok has ever seen on his face. " You look close to passing out."

He feels like it, to be honest.

He doesn't understand anything, his head a big mess of everything and nothing, but his gaze still wanders.

If everyone is here, no matter what the reason, where is Kihyun?

He can't find him.

Everyone is here, why isn't he? Why isn't he...?

He feels the panic rising in his in his stomach, rushing through his whole body until it reaches the tips of his fingers.

Why isn't he...

" Kihyun is upstairs." Jooheon says, having noticed the sudden worse distress in Hoseoks eyes.

" Up..stairs?"

" Yes. Minhyuk forced him to take a rest. Go up the stairs, the first door on your left."

Hoseoks looks at the staircase, follows the stairs with his gaze until he sees the small door in the distance.

He is here?

Only a few metres part them?

A soft push.

" Go."

He is lost.

More lost than he has ever been before but still, his legs start to move.

He will get an explanation later.

Later, when he can think properly again, when his thoughts calm down.

After he saw Kihyun.

The closer he gets to the stairs, the faster grow his steps. He hurries up the stairs, his legs long ago started to feel like jelly, foreign to his body but they keep carrying him and that is what matters.

Yes, he is sure that the mental breakdown has finally gotten to him but cure waits for him, right behind that door.

He doesn't knock.

To hell with every second that keeps him from seeing Kihyun, for the first time in weeks. For a brief moment he wonders how he managed to go for the past days because right now, even a few seconds don't seem to be bearable.

He stumbles into the room, the door clicks shut behind him, the noise startling him.

" Wh--"

It is him.

It is Kihyun and he is close and alive and breathing and...

Kihyun stops in the doorframe which leads into what looks like a bathroom. His hair is still damp, cheeks rosy from the shower he just took. The towel he holds in his hand falls to the ground, his mouth slightly agape, never ending his question.

He became thinner, seems to get lost in his oversized shirt but he is standing, has the colour back to his face, his eyes open wide.

It is the moment Hoseok can't keep it in anymore. Days and weeks of having to be strong, holding everything back over and over again when he wanted to do nothing more than to flee himself back to Kihyun.

And here his boyfriend is, finally, and Hoseoks body won't listen to him anymore.

So he starts to cry where he is standing, painful sobs running through him as all of the pressure that made breathing so difficult finally leaves.

Hoseok is not sure how he found his way over to Kihyun. He manages to pass the distance, more stumbling than walking, but his arms easily find their way around Kihyuns body that has always fit so perfectly into his embrace.

Almost desperately he tries to take in his scent, doesn't know, where he should touch him first, where to hold him.

Kihyuns arms find their way around his body, almost hesitantly, but then his fingers cling to his shirt and he tries to get closer, if even possible.

" Don't cry... I'm going to cry, too.", he whispers, his voice close to breaking.

" I missed you so badly." Hoseok mutters close to his ear, hand on the back of his head. The tears will dry up, some time, but now he can't stop them. He had longed for this moment for far too long.

It feels like an eternity until he got it back together.

He pushes Kihyun away gently, not too far, and cups his face. True to his words, he started to cry.

Not an outburst like Hoseok.

But his eyes are red, his cheeks wet and his bottom lip quivers.

Hoseok softly runs his fingers over his cheeks but to no avail, because the tears keep falling. Kihyun reaches out for his hand.

" I wanted to wait for you downstairs.", he says weakly. " But Minhyuk forced me to sleep."

Hoseok watches Kihyun almost fascinated, barely listens to what he is saying because he is fully content with the fact that he can listen to his voice right next to him, not through the speaker of a phone.

He bends forward when he stops talking for a moment, presses a soft kiss on his forehead, then on his cheek, wanders further until his lips meet Kihyuns and it is in that moment, when realisation hits him fully, that he isn't dreaming, that he is here, that he is kissing Kihyuns lips.

It is only a chaste touch, way too short and over too fast when he pulls away, but it is enough to calm the mess that is his head.

For the first time in a while, a smile plays around his lips.

" I'm not dreaming."

Kihyun shakes his head, having the tears under control. " I wished you would be sleeping, because you frankly look like a panda.", he touches the dark spots under Hoseoks eyes. " But I'm here and you aren't dreaming."

His hands reach Hoseoks hair and Kihyun softly smiles when he touches the black strands.

" It is black."

" I know."

" Your hair is black."

Something flickers in his eyes, and a second later he is back to hugging Hoseok tightly.

" I missed you so much I thought I'd go crazy."

" I love you." Hoseoks mumbles close to his ear, his hand running through Kihyuns hair in a soothing matter.

" Don't ever do that again.", Kihyuns grip tightens. " Don't leave me again. No matter the reason."

" I had to. Or you would have left."

" I thought I'd never get you back."

" I promised."

That is when Hoseok remembers. In all of his anxiety, the distress, the relief, the tears. He forgot about where they are at the moment.

" Kihyun, hey.", he doesn't want to let him go yet, but he has to see his face. Kihyuns tears have dried by now, but his face is still wet and Hoseoks wipes away the remaining traces.

" What are you doing here? What... are all of you doing here?"

Kihyun bites him bottom lip, makes Hoseok more nervous than he already is.

" I'm sorry I couldn't tell you earlier."

But before Hoseok can get more of an answer, someone knocks on the door. By instinct, Hoseok pulls Kihyun closer to him when the door opens.

But it is only Minhyuk who appears in the door frame.

" Sorry to disturb you.", he motions down the hallway. " Jihoon. He wants to talk."

And Hoseok is more confused than he was before.

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

" There you are."

Jihoon greets them in his way too big office. One after another, they enter the room.

Kihyun can't help but to roll his eyes when he sees the head of a moose, that hangs at the wall. Jihoon has always been... a bit extravagant. Minhyuk calls it embarrassing but Kihyun tries not to be too much of an since he is helping them out.

He is not letting go of Hoseoks hand. Not that he could, even if he wanted to. You can't see it, but Hoseok is downright clinging to him.

Jihoons gaze wanders to their hands.

He pouts slightly. " I'm a tiny bit jealous."

" Seriously?", Kihyun deadpans. " I don't want to hear anything, mister."

He feels Hoseoks and Hyunwoos surprised gazes on him.

Jihoon scoffs and smirks before he turns to the others.  

" Now that we all gathered how about discussing some things?" he motions for the couches in front of his desk and everyone, more or less slowly, takes a seat.

Kihyun isn't sure how well Hoseok is handling everything.

He was a mess earlier and even though he is not crying anymore, his eyes are still the tiniest bit red.

It is the purest relief, to have him back by his side, being able to see how he is doing and not having to listen to his lies over the phone.

Hoseok had smiled earlier, when Kihyun also felt nothing but this huge happiness and love.

But now, his heart breaks just the tiniest bit when he notices how uneasy Hoseoks gaze is, more than nervous.

Kihyun remembers his conversation with Hyunwoo, how the older told him that the fear did something to Hoseok.

Kihyun will never stop to make up for it. And if that means to keep holding on to him, then he will do that. Because while he almost physically feels the fear Hoseok is experiencing at the moment  he also notices how his gaze wanders to Kihyun and that there is warmth in his eyes, between all of the things Kihyun never wants him to feel again, a warmth that almost makes Kihyun break out into tears once again.

Still, after all Hoseok loves him.

And now it is Kihyuns turn to look out for him.

They are back together.

Finally.

" So...", Hoseok says slowly and looks at Jihoon, then at Kihyun. " Ex- Boyfriend?"

" Kind of." Kihyun mutters and he wants to kill the other when Jihoon looks way too smug about it.

" Ji...Ji?"

Minhyuk nods heavily and Jihoon groans in his chair. " That we have to talk about again later. I hate that name."

Hoseok motions at everyone. " And we're here because he offered to help us in getting away from Taesan?"

A collective nod.

He is back to staring at Jihoon, his eyes narrowing. " You want to go against Taesan?"

Jihoon claps his hands. " There you are, Wonho! I thought you lost your flow while being out of business!"

Kihyun glares at him. " Hoseok."

" That's clearly Wonho."

" Jihoon..."

He waves Kihyuns threat aside. " It doesn't matter who or what. But I have to admit... it's quiet nice you got some feelings in that body of yours. Kind of freaked me out whenever we met in the past.", he supports his elbows on the table. " But all of that isn't important now. In the end we're all here because we're sick and tired of Taesan."

Kihyun can only agree.

Hoseok keeps quiet and just as Kihyun wants to check if he is okay he is getting up.

Kihyun looks up to him, his hand still holding Hoseoks.

" What are you doing?"

Hoseoks sighs deeply, seems more tired than ever all of sudden.

" Let's get you back home before Taesan notices."

Kihyuns eyes widen. " Why... would we go home?"

" We're not going to take part in that bull. None of us. Come.", he tries to pull Kihyun back on his feet. " Taesan hasn't noticed yet. If we go now we can act like nothing has happened."

" No."

Hoseok pauses his movement, and looks at him as if Kihyun just grew another head.

" No?"

Even though he doesn't want to Kihyun releases Hoseoks hand and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

" No one is going anywhere. Or... at least I am not going anywhere."

" Kihyun. Even if I have to carry you ou--"

" Jihoon. Tell your men he can't bring anyone out of this house."

Jihoons smirk only grows wider. " You're the scarier one so whatever you wish for."

Hoseoks gaze wanders dumbfounded between them.

Kihyun looks out of the window, trying to avert his gaze.

The last thing he wants is to fight with him right now, but if Hoseok once again tries to think about everyone else but himself he needs to intervene.

Kihyun can't let them go once more. If they leave now he isn't sure if he will ever see them again.

" Stop acting like that and get up." Hoseok says, distress visible in his voice.

Kihyun feels a body next to him on the couch. He sighs in content when he gets comfortable in his seat.

" Really love this mansion. I'd hate leaving that soon."

Kihyun smiles. Of course Minhyuk got his back.

" I can't leave yet.", Hyungwon says from where he is leaning against the wall. " Haven't used that computer Jihoon bought yet."

" Guys...", Hoseoks gaze wanders from one to another, stops at Jooheon for a moment who heavily and demonstratively falls onto the couch. " Don't do this. You know Taesan. You know what he will do... how could you even agree to this?"

Kihyun peeks at Hyunwoo. The older doesn't look too convinced either, but at least he doesn't seem to want to storm out like Hoseok.

" Looks like you're outvoted." Jihoon says.

It is not cheeky this time, as if the other understood Hoseoks fears. There is even sympathy in his eyes.

" I... need a minute." Hoseoks says weakly.

" Are you okay?" Kihyun asks in worry and wants to hit himself because how could he be?

" Yeah... just..." he nods to the door, walks over and leaves the room without another word.

Kihyun stops Changkyun as the younger wants to follow him.

" I'll go."

Hoseok didn't go far.

Just down the hallway to where light falls in through a huge window.

When Kihyun closes the door he leans against the wall and slowly slides down to sit on the floor.

He noticed Kihyun.

Still, Kihyun walks over only slowly, takes a seat next to him and leans his head against Hoseoks shoulder.

It takes a moment, but then he feels Hoseoks cheek against his hair.

" What did you plan?" he asks quietly.

" Seems like Jihoon got a hold of a delivery for Taesan needs way before it even got to Korea. Taesan doesn't seem to know about it yet. Jihoon wants to trade."

" That's all?"

Kihyun takes his hand.

" He got some people infiltrating Taesans group on top of that. He said he's been planning this for a while now. That it will be only a matter of time until he'll take him out. For us he could speed things up. So... it could be either way."

" I see." the weak response.

" I'm sorry for stressing you out like that."

Hoseok shakes his head. " No... actually... I'm sorry for being like this.", he admits. " What you just told me doesn't sound that bad."

" Don't be sorry."

" No.", he continues slowly. " I know I'm way too careful at them moment. But... I'm so scared. Scared as . I don't want you here... I don't want any of you here but especially you because I thought I lost you. I can't bear knowing you are close to this. I can't think rationally."

And Kihyuns heart successfully breaks again.

" I'm sorry, Hoseok. Because of me you're here. if I hadn't been sic--"

" What if... if it hadn't happened... who cares.", Hoseok gently kisses his temple. " I don't care. You shouldn't care. We're together now. You're getting better. I couldn't ask for more."

Kihyun loves him so much, it starts hurting.

He huddles closer or tries to at least, because it is not possible.

" Jihoon...", he continues. " He promised to help us out no matter what and I trust him."

" He still likes you, I can see."

" I don't have feelings for him anymore."

The first quiet chuckle in a while. " Good to know. It made me a tiny bit uneasy."

" You're the only one for me. You know that." Kihyun quietly mutters.

" I do. It is still nice to hear."

Another kiss to his temple and a moment of silence. Kihyun can feel, how Hoseok relaxes the tiniest bit.

" You think he'd really protect us?"

" He promised. Jihoon keeps his promises. And it seems to me he's got some business with Taesan and just needed an excuse to start ."

" Yeah. It has been going for quiet some time now."

The edge is gone from his voice and Kihyun knows, that he decided on some things.

" I want to go home, Kihyun. Really badly but I couldn't figure out how. I already thought about leaving the country with all of you but he will find us anywhere. Still... I don't want to go back there. Never again."

Kihyun knows how hurt it must be for Hoseok to tell him that. So he gently brings his hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles softly. " Then you will never have to again. I'll make sure of that."

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

 

When they get back in the office a while later, Hoseok starts to listen, asks questions and in the end seems to realize that things are better thought through than he assumed they are.

They will stay in the mansion, since it is the best secured area they could be at. Taesan might start to get suspicious about Hoseoks and Hyunwoos whereabouts when it gets dark. Then, when he will most probably will contact the mansion  Jihoon will get him to come over and do some business.

Kihyun can't say that he is fully convinced by everything, but he is feeling so much better now that Hoseok and Hyunwoo are here and agreed to everything.

Not that he isn't scared of what the next day brings. But Jihoon looks more than relaxed and happy, so he will try to trust him.

Not that this trust keeps him from kicking Jihoon way too hard when he starts to tease Hoseok and tries to tell some past stories of him and Kihyun.

A comfortable silence lingers in the room when it is late evening.

Kihyun currently is playing cards with Minhyuk, Jooheon and Jihoon, while Hyungwon and Changkyun are all over Hoseok and Hyunwoo and try to tell them about everything they missed the past weeks in a matter of minutes.

For the first time Kihyun hears Hoseoks laugh, free of distress and fear. He looks up from the game and smiles at him through the room.

" He agreed way faster than I thought.", Minhyuk says when he pulls another card and puts it in the middle of the table.

" He had to endure a lot." Jooheon has to miss one round and it is Kihyuns turn again. But the latter is distracted by his boyfriend once more.

" He looks so tired. Hyunwoo hyung as well."

" Your turn, hyung." Jooheon nudges him and Kihyun plays a random card without paying too much attention.

" What the hell are you doing?" Jihoon furrows his brow, studying his cards.

" I can't concentrate."

Kihyun puts down his cards with a sigh.

Minhyuk points at the cards in the middle. " We haven't finished yet."

" Ask Changkyun to fill in for me. He likes the game. I got things to do.", he pats Jihoons shoulder as he passes by. " We can use the bedrooms?"

" First floor is all yours."

" Thanks."

" Feeling like coming back to me yet? Me and my big heart?" he winks playfully and Kihyuns smacks his head.

He makes his way over to where Hoseok and Hyunwoo are sitting between Hyungwon and Changkyun.

" Newest gossip is exchanged?"

Hoseok reaches out for him a smile on his lips, and Kihyun takes his hand in his.

" Did you know Hyungwon can talk like a book?  I didn't." Hoseoks gaze is full of affection when he looks at the younger.

Kihyun pokes his cheek. " I did. And you need to sleep."

" I'm not tired."

Kihyun shares a gaze with Changkyun. " He really thinks he's got a saying in that matter. Isn't he funny?"

Changkyun chuckles under his breath and looks out the window, suddenly totally interested in the tree outside  when Hoseok glares at him.

" I'm serious, Hoseok. Both of you look like the walking dead. You better get your asses up while I'm being nice."

There is not a lot to say for Hyunwoo and Hoseok when Kihyun already pulled them to their feet and rushes them out of the office.

Kihyun opens the first door and peeks inside.

Another bedroom.

He peeks at Hyunwoo. " I assume you do not want to share a room with us?"

Hyunwoo shakes his head with a smile. " I'll take another one."

" Don't lock the door."

He looks at Kihyun in question.

" Minhyuk will sneak in later."

Hyunwoo blushes and Hoseok snorts when he follows Kihyun into the room.

They take in the interior.

" Looks like an expensive hotel room if you ask me.", Hoseok rounds the big bed and looks out the window into the dark. " Why did you leave this rich kid again?"

" He wasn't rich three years ago.", Kihyun opens a drawer and pulls out plush handcuffs. " Wow... that is Jihoon for you."

" Seems like he tested all the rooms beforehand.", Hoseok wiggles his eyebrows. " I didn't know you were into handcuffs."

" Those are certainly things I have never used before."

Hoseok pulls off his shoes and falls onto the bed. A satisfied moan leaves his mouth.

" Soft."

" Maybe he has some sleeping clothes ar---"

Kihyun shrieks when Hoseok pulls him down onto the bed.

" No. Just stay here."

" We can't sleep li--"

" No.", Hoseok whines, holding Kihyun on top of him so he can't move away " Later. Maybe. Definitely not now."

So Kihyun stays like this, warm and safe in his embrace.

Often, he thinks of his own heartbeat as annoying when he can feel it in his chest, but not Hoseoks. It is... calming. A steady beat and he has to fight the sleepiness that comes over him way too fast.

" Thank you."

" For what?" Hoseok mutters back, the sleepiness having covered him as well.

" I can never make this up to you.", Kiyhun moves the tiniest bit so he can look at his boyfriend.

" Can I see it? The scar?"

Kihyun sits upright, lifts his shirt so he can see the band aid on his stomach.

" It is healing well."

Hoseoks warm fingers gently touch the area on his upper abdomen.

" You're going to be better from now on?"

" I'm fine. No rejection reaction."

For a long while it is quiet in the room, the only thing he feels the tender touches of Hoseoks fingertips.

Only from time to time he hears Hoseoks steady breathing.

" I will never regret having done this for you.", Hoseok hugs him close when he is done inspecting the scar and presses a kiss to his cheek. " It is the best thing I have ever done. Definitely."

" Still... never leave again."

" I don't think I could leave again."

" Then don't."

" If things work out."

" I will make them."

Hoseok doesn't answer.

Instead, he pulls Kihyun down with him until they lie comfortably next to each other. He covers them with the blanket before he is back to hugging Kihyun close.

" Warm." he mumbles in satisfaction and closes his eyes. The sleeping attire is long forgotten.

Kihyun studies his face. He touches Hoseoks black strands of hair. " You haven't told me why it is black."

" Taesan doesn't like coloured hair. Made me dye it black again."

Kihyun scoffs. " ."

Hoseok opens one eye. " It looks that bad?"

" It's great. You went from greek god to y biker. Still... that he is forcing you like that makes me want to wring his neck."

" Don't mention him.", Hoseok closes his eyes again. " Tonight, let's act as if everything is normal."

" I'm in."

" I love you, Kihyun."

Kihyun huddles closer and closes his tired eyes. " Me, too."

Soon, they both fall asleep.

 

 

            And for the night, they manage to be okay but early the next morning, Jooheon wakes them, telling them that Taesan is on his way.