From: Hoseok

 

Can you open the door or does it hurt too much ? ㅠㅠ

 

 

 

Kihyun looks at the message in confusion.

Still, he gets up from where he took a nap on the couch and slowly waddles over to the door, carefully so his already hurting legs won't get worse.

As soon as Hyorin left and he finally got everyone to leave for work and classes Kihyun called his boss and told him he wouldn't be able to come to work today. The pain in his head didn't get better and the dull pain in his legs only grew worse. The past hours he spent on the couch, feet propped up and a wet cloth on his forehead.

" Hey." Hoseok says when Kihyun opens the door.

Kihyun eyes him from head to toe. " Did we plan something?"

" Minhyuk told me to look after you. Here."

He takes his phone out and shows a message to Kihyun.

 

 

 

From: Minhyuk

 

Stupid brat is in pain and won't tell 눈눈… go there after work!!! And don't believe his lies about feeling well!!!!

 

 

Kihyun sighs deeply.

Minhyuk always knows.

" I didn't know what exactly is wrong so I brought tea." Hoseok lifts the bag in his hand and suddenly Kihyun is happy that he came over.

Not hat he wasn't before.

But… it is still difficult for him to admit that his body won't work the way he wants it.

" What's wrong?" Hoseok asks gently, caressing his cheek when he notices the frustration on Kihyuns face.

" Come in.", Kihyun pulls him inside without answering his question and closes the door after him. " I'm not letting you stay out there in the cold."

" You look pale." Hoseok worries when he pulls off his shoes.

" It's just…" Kihyun hems and haws and plays with them hem of his shirt.

" What?"

"Water… retention."

" I still couldn't understand."

"I got water in my legs which is unattractive as and that's why I didn't want to tell you.", Kihyun presses out and averts his gaze. " It hurts a lot."

Hoseoks features only soften more. " Idiot. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because of the unattractive as part."

"Come.", it is Hoseok that guides him back to the living room. " I don't know a lot about it… how can we make it better?"

" Prop up my feet… massage them. Just waiting. I don't want to take the medication. I already take too much of it."

"You had your shot and the pills?"

Kihyun nods as he sits back on his previous seat on the couch.

" Come. Your feet."

" I feel stupid."

Hoseok doesn't listen to his complaining. He pushes another pillow under Kihyuns feet and takes a seat on a chair he carried over from the small kitchen.

" Would it help if I massaged them?"

" Sometimes it does."

"Okay, let me try. ", Hoseoks warm hands feel comfortable on Kihyuns skin the instant he touches him. " Too hard?"

"It's okay." Kihyun mutters and closes his eyes for a few minutes. He has been up until late last night and got up early because of the Hyorin situation  and now the tiredness comes over him all at once.

" Still okay?" Hoseok asks after a while.

" Hmm."

" See. I'm great at everything." his boyfriend jokes and Kihyun can only agree.

" You are."

" Tell me about those things, Kihyun. There is nothing to be embarrassed about." Hoseok starts when his hands slowly wanders over his left calf.

" Maybe."

"You're feeling worse lately?"

Kihyun isn't really sure.

To be honest… he has a strange feeling in his gut when sometimes he feels more tired than ever, when his legs start to hurt more often or when he looks just too pale even for his condition.

But telling Hoseok has time.

Maybe until after another appointment at the hospital.

" Tell me about Taesan."

" Why are you bringing him up now?"

" Because he seems to be important."

" He is not.", Hoseok moves over to his other leg. " Not anymore."

" Did he treat you badly?"

For a moment Hoseok works in silence, then he stops his movement, one warm hand on Kihyuns knee. " It was his aura."

" His aura?"

" Yes... he could scare people less with one glance.", he doesn't blink anymore, as if he is lost in his thoughts. " He was a rational thinker though. Maybe that made him this scary."

" Frightening enough that you don't want Hyorin around because she was close to him?"

Hoseok only nods and Kihyun understands that he should stop now. It must have been difficult for Hoseok to even tell him this.

" Thanks for telling me this.", he squeezes Hoseoks hand. " Now you're with me and don't have to be worried anymore."

For that, Hoseok gives him his brightest smile.

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

 

When Kihyun enters a campus he feels out of place.

Almost like an alien between all the soon- to-be doctors, engineers and diplomats.

Almost ashamed because he only finished High school and never went to a college.

Almost.

Because in the end he is proud of what he has achieved until today and because Minhyuk persuaded him with difficulties that intelligence has nothing to do with degrees.

Still, he is happy to have found a nice empty bench in a quiet area of the campus where he can wait for Changkyun until the lecture of the younger is over and finally have the long dreaded conversation with him.

Kihyun leans against the backrest and looks into the grey sky.

The last few weeks have been quiet hectic for him.

Kihyuns life hadn't been the epitome of boring from the beginning and Hoseok stumbling into it didn't help at all.

He wouldn't trade it for anything though.

It is a different kind of trouble Hoseok... no... all of them brought into his life

Hyunwoo, who will be Minhyuks end. Jooheon who wants to be so strong all the time and nevertheless needs someone to look after and to care about him. Hyungwon, who shares so many feelings with Kihyun, the one he feels so close to sometimes and Changkyun, who wrapped him around his finger in the matter of seconds and most probably will always be his baby, no matter how old he gets.

Minhyuk.

Who has always been by his side, no matter what. Who will always be there.

For whom he will always be there no matter what.

And Hoseok.

Kihyun smiles to himself.

He doesn't even have to start to think about him.

Incredible Hoseok.

His Hoseok.

Love…

"Have you waited for long?"

Kihyun lifts his head when Changkyun calls his name. He waits, until the younger jogged over to him, slightly out of breath with a heavy bag on his shoulder.

" A few minutes.", he peeks inside the bag. " Lots of classes today?"

"Yeah. Kind of." Changkyun  takes a seat next to him on the bench.

" Sorry for calling you here like that."

"You would do me a huge favour if you explained to me what the reasons for this is. I was wondering since you yelled at me yesterday morning." Changkyun looks fairly nervous. Kihyun leans in until his nose almost touches Changkyuns.

" I'm not going to kill you if that I'd what you're afraid of."

"Since I don't know what I did wrong…"

"You think you did something wrong?"

Changkyun grimaces and Kihyun chuckles.

" Hyung..."

" I'm sorry. I'll stop."

He pushes his cold hands into the pockets of his jacket.

" I'm not going to beat around the bush."

" Now I know what Hoseok means when he's talking about you and starting explanations."

" Yes. He has a trauma or so he told me.", Kihyun meets his gaze. " Changkyun. Be honest: are you working at that club in Sinsa?"

It is almost too easy for Kihyun to read everything in his face. First he pales, only the smallest bit, before his eyes widen in understanding. He looks to the ground, his gaze wandering fast to the wood of the bench.

Kihyun waits, already knowing that he hit the bullseye.

" How…", Changkyun swallows. " How do you know?"

"I saw you entering with Kanghyun."

"I see…"he mutters quietly, hands between his knees.

" How did you end up there?"

Another heavy swallow.

"Hyung… the tuition… the books. It is more than I thought and I couldn't keep my other job because of classes."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I…", he still doesn't look into Kihyuns eyes. " I didn't want to burden anyone else. They have enough work and I have always been the one to give the least. I don't even have to go to college. It's because I want

to. How can I ask for more money?"

"But this kind of work?"

"It is alright, hyung. It's... they pay me well. "

Kihyun sadly examines him. " I know about the work. A friend of mine did exactly the same."

" Then you it out of firsthand!"

" Yes. And then you end up with a erted one and the customer ends up wanting more."

"What?"

" What if your boss says you have to go down all the way?"

" Why would my boss tell me that?"

 

Kihyun scoffs. " I know your boss, Changkyun. I know he can be quiet friendly but money turns the nicest into big s. And I don't want you to be the victim of that."

No one talks for quiet a while.

Kihyun because he wants to give the other the chance to sort out his thoughts. Changkyun because… Kihyun isn't too sure. Maybe because he is embarrassed. Maybe because he is going to break out into a fit of 'I'm an adult you can't tell me anything'.

Kihyun waits for whatever will come out.

He is surprised when Changkyun gets up and takes his bag. He nods down the road to the end of campus. " Do you want to grab something to drink? I think I need coffee."

Kihyun shrugs. "Sure."

He is surprised when Changkyun links their arms as they leave the campus. " Hyung?"

"Yes?"

"Is it wrong for me to feel slightly happy because you're looking out for me like that?"

Kihyun furrows his brow, not really getting the younger. " Of course you can feel happy, even though I don't quiet get the context."

Changkyun smiles at nothing and squeezes Kihyuns arm. " It means… I'm happy you're with us."

" You've had Hoseok all along."

"It's different…", they stop at the traffic light. " Hoseok Hyung. He is more of an older brother, a really emotional dad. Did you know that he carried me out of a bar fight and that's how I ended up with him?"

"He what?"

" Hyungwon and I left home pretty early. He has like five brothers and sisters and his father was so overwhelmed that he probably didn't notice until now that he is gone. I'm the usual abused kid that ends up in bad circles."

Kihyun feels pain by his words but Changkyun smiles it away. " It doesn't mean I have a life long trauma. It is fine. And in the bar fight I ended up through a misunderstanding. And then I was there, with Hyungwon, this crazily good looking guy named Hoseok, and his two friends. Two word Hyunwoo and  dimple Jooheon. Do you know that Jooheon still has contact to home?"

"He never talks about it."

"His parents seem pretty well of. But divorced and both having one new partner after the other. He hates it. Still has his brother but I think you know that his has his fingers in quiet the bad stuff. Jooheon cares about him but they are not too close."

"Why are you telling me this?"

They crossed the street and walk down an alley. Changkyun seems to know where to get the good coffee.

Kihyun feels bad listening to Changkyuns words. He should have talked to them more often, should have listened to their stories.

 Just being there for them.

He feels selfish.

They are always there for him.

" You look really down all of sudden." Changkyun asks in worry.

" I… didn't know about all of this. And I feel bad because I haven't asked earlier. I should have been there for all of you."

Changkyun softly elbows him. " This is why all of us love you."

Kihyun almost stumbles. " What?"

" What I wanted to say…", he blushes a tiny bit, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. "Now I feel embarrassed. But…. The difference between you and Hoseok. And I don't mean this in a negative way and please don't take it the wrong way. But sometimes… your warmth. It feels like the warmth of a mother. To us. And that is why I'm a tiny bit happy you came today, even though I'm deadly embarrassed."

" Changkyun…"

Kihyun can't say much.

He is speechless.

Because here, this adorable, squishy being is telling him the most cheesiest thing and he can't help but want to do one thing.

He hugs Changkyun tightly in the middle of the street.

" Hyung!"

"My poor baby."

"Hyung… people…"

"I don't care!"

"What if someone sees us?!"

"They would understand.", he gently pats Changkyuns back, smiling at the wall behind them. " I'm glad you feel like this around me. I really am."

They stay like this for a while longer until Changkyun wiggles himself out of the hug.

He coughs slightly. " Yes…"

"Awkward?" Kihyun laughs and ruffles through his hair.

" Scared Hoseok Hyung will chop my head off."

" I hope he doesn't see me as a mother."

Changkyun bites his lips in order not to laugh.

" Nope. I can assure you that.", he points down the alley. " The coffee shop is right over there."

" You do know I haven't forgotten about our actual talk." Kihyun reminds him as they walk down the road.

" I didn't mean to ignore it."

" You're not going to stop."

" Hyung... I think there is some kind of misunderstanding. I'm not an ."

"I know... and... WHAT?!"

Kihyun gapes at him and Changkyun laughs out loud. " I'm the barkeeper. Kanghyun is the ."

" But... the lipstick..."

" I don't know what you're talking about but there a few customers can't hold there alcohol well and apparently think I'm cute."

Kihyun stops in the middle of the street. " I didn't think of that..."

Changkyun darts a glance at him. " Does anyone know?"

" Why?"

"Because if the others find out they won't discuss things calmly like you do and I frankly don't want that at the moment."

Kihyuns thought wander off and,yes, he doesn't even have to try to imagine the situation. Not after the Hyorin incident.

" Only Minhyuk. I didn't want to worry anyone else before talking to you."

" Thanks for that, hyung."

They walk into another street.

" Can you nevertheless think about quitting? For my salvation? I will not force you because I know how much you hate being treated as the baby."

"Would you feel okay if I told you I will?"

" I'd definitely feel better. I'd feel the best if you quit though. "

" I will think about it."

" Then I'm better."

Kihyun takes his hand for a moment and squeezes it.

It wasn't a lie. He really is feeling better now that he knows it isn't the work he expected him to do and that he will think about quitting. Changkyun isn't stupid and will to the right thing. And if not... there is still time to intervene.

" So... Kanghyun brought you there?"

Changkyun nods and enters the coffee shop they just reached and doesn't notice anymore how Kihyuns aura turns dark.

When he can finally tell Hoseok about this he will have to listen to Kihyuns 'I told Kanghyun was bad news' for the rest of the year.

 

 

 

 

 

OOO

 

 

 

Some weeks later

 

 

 

'I strongly suggest well start dialysis soon.'

A never know frustration overcomes Kihyun when he leaves the hospital in the evening.

He stops right in front of the electrical door, not far enough for it to close again and he earns the first annoyed gazes by the nurses inside but he can't bring himself to move away.

He listens to his inner self.

He has been scared about this day for so long and when he came to the hospital for an unscheduled visit that afternoon he already knew, deep inside, that something was wrong.

How you realise that it is something else, not a cold that is raging through your body.

But where is it…

Where is the fear he had feared the most all the time?

It is there.

He can feel it.

But most of all it is the already mentioned frustration that has bothered him since he has left the doctors office.

He did everything they wanted. He took his medication, eat that stupid broccoli Minhyuk always made him eat.No Alcohol.

And still it didn't work out?

His kidneys had to get worse?

Kihyun takes a deep breath.

He finally starts to walk away from the door, hands deep in his pockets.

His thoughts are racing.

He needs to contact the insurance. How much of the therapy costs does he have to cover himself? Is it even considered by the insurance? Will his savings be enough?

How often does he have to go there and how long? Will he even be able to keep his job at the bookstore?

Will his health decline more?

He shudders at the thought of his blood leaving his body just to be pushed back later.

Why didn't he stay longer with the doctor and asked all of that questions?

Kihyun scoffs into the dark.

Of course he knows why.

He didn't have the words. Because even though he feels frustrated and angry and scared… it made him speechless. As if he never tried to prepare himself for this moment at all. As if it was out of the blue and the only thing he could to was leaving the office.

Minhyuk has been right all this time.

You can not predict the future.

Kihyun sits down on a nearby bench.

He doesn't want to see anyone at the moment, needs to calm his thoughts before he can confront anyone.

Not that anyone knows about his hospital visit today.

But as much as he wants to be alone he wants to hear Hoseoks voice as well.

So he calls him without much of a thought.

" Kihyunie~~~"

Kihyun sadly smiles at nothing. Sometimes he wonders when it will stop. Hoseoks excitement about any call, as if it is the greatest thing that happened to him on that day.

Kihyun hopes never.

" What are you doing?"

"I just took a shower. And now I want to watch a movie."

"What movie?"

It's nice to just listen to his unimportant talk.

" Minhyuk came over and brought this alien movie. But now he is with Jooheon. Something about planning my birthday present. Can you imagine? Just one week left." he chuckles.

" I know what you get." Kihyun slightly teases him.

" Tell me."

"Nope. Minhyuk will lynch me."

"Then don't.", he seems to have opened the fridge. " Where are you?"

" Still at work. Went out for a few minutes before I have to get back into this hellhole."

Lying is pretty easy for him when he doesn't want to upset Hoseok.

He knows that it will come out sooner or later. But sometimes Kihyun needs to think about his problem first.

Alone.

Getting to know it.

Becoming closer.

Figuring things out without other people's input.

Maybe he just wants to protect them from the news a tiny bit longer.

" I'm having a bad day, Hoseok." he mutters into the speaker.

"You sound like it. Something you want to talk about?"

" Just… one of those days."

It's pretty much the truth without all the details.

" So there is no one I can mess up for you?"

"Nope."

"Then…", Hoseok hums lightly. " You come over here and we'll watch the movie together. How does it sound?"

" Do I get your blanket?"

Hoseok has this fluffy thing in his bed he is really protective of.

" Of course. Everything for my love."

" You cheesy thing."

Who always knows just the right things to say, unconsciously or not.

" Love you, Hoseok."

It became easier for him to say.

" Me, too.", Hoseok answers, his voice gentle and warm. " When do you think you can be here?"

"I don't. It won't be too late. Watch the movie without me. Just make sure to protect the blanket."

"I will, babe."

"Okay. Bye then."