“Sana, I don’t really know how to say this,” I pause as I search for the right words next. “So I’m just going to give it to you straight. I owe you at least that. I can’t be with you anymore, I’ve tried to make this work, but it just doesn’t.”

“What, you’re br-eaking up with me again?” Sana asked in disbelief, voice faltering mid-sentence, too much in shock to cry.

“I’m sorry Sana---“I attempted to explain, but she cut me off.

She refused to accept it. She didn’t want my apology. Her fists balled the fabric of my shirt, as she shook me and asked, “No. How do I win you back, just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

There wasn’t an answer to her question. It wasn’t a problem that possessed a solution, “I don’t know. There’s nothing more that you can do.”

She didn’t take kindly to the rejection. Rather than using words to convey her thoughts, she forced herself upon me.  Lips pressed against mine, hands around me forcing my participation.

“No, you can’t just kiss me and make it all go away,” I firmly reinforced, not allowing the moment to drag any further.

Physical affection was one of her vices, but this time it had no effect on me.  She stiffened at this realization. Her hands dropped helplessly to her sides and her expression softened as she resolved to convince me.

“Please just for one second, please remember.”

“Remember what? We can’t keep dwelling in our past Sana, because that’s what it is, our past. Us, here right now. This moment, this is what need to focus on.”

I was tired of talking of our past. We had both agreed to move on, to start a fresh. It didn’t matter how good we were, how perfect things were. The only thing that mattered was the relationship at present, and I wasn’t happy with it.

“Don’t do this. Don’t leave me again.” She begged in a voice too loud.

“I can’t be without you. We don’t have to be exclusive, if space is what you need. What about an open relationship? I don’t care what it is, as long as I still have you.”

I didn’t want anything more. I wanted it to be the end. “I can be your friend Sana, but I can’t be anything more than that.”

“What does that even mean? Friendship? When were we ever normal friends? It’s not Dahyun and Sana, if there’s no flirting and teasing.”

“I meant what I said, just friends Sana.” I repeated sternly, not giving in.

“Why did you even bother with the second chance, if this was to be the outcome?”

“I didn’t know this was going to happen. I honestly believed, that we would’ve worked.”

“I don’t believe you, I asked you about Momo time and time over again, and you assured me I had nothing to worry about.”

To be fair, Sana’s original doubts were warranted. She had asked me from the very start if Momo was a potential obstacle, and I had denied. I hadn’t lied to her, for in that moment, I truly didn’t see the potential of anything more than friendship. But from her perspective it would seem like I had deceived her from the beginning, that our second chance was founded upon false intent.

“I’m sorry Sana, I admit my fault in leading you astray entirely, but I too was confused with my feelings.”

“Do you even love me, or should I be asking did you even love me?”

Fights and petty words aside, I truly did love her. She was my first love, and she would forever hold a special place in my heart. “Of course I do. It’s not like my feelings dissolved over night. A part of me will always love you Sana, but a bigger part of me is with someone else now.” I reasoned, trying my best to not inflict a greater wound.

“Fight for us, don’t choose another because its easier. Real love isn’t easy. It’s fighting and driving one another crazy. It’s frustration and confusion. It’s about overcoming the obstacles together, and choosing to be with each other despite the chaos. You won’t find perfect, because love is imperfect. Humans aren’t perfect, we weren’t created that way, because we’re meant to make mistakes to learn, to grow. Choose us, because we’re real. Choose us, because we disagree and agree, because the real and raw emotions that we feel, can’t be faked.”

There was no wrong in her words, they only held truth, but the certain truth she was speaking of, it did not ring for our relationship. The faced argument was not one debating the legitimacy of our love, but rather its changed nature. There was no questioning the fact that I loved her. I loved the way she erupted in laughter at my childish antics. I loved the way the corner of her lips would curl into a smile, at the sight of mine. I loved her for the nights she’d bring me small chocolates whilst I studied for exams. I loved her for that one time, I was sick and she insisted on kissing me, and got sick too. I was so in love with her for a time, that I ignored all of the red flags. I wasn’t her first, but she was mine. The trail of broken hearts that followed her around didn’t scare me. I was convinced that she’d never do the same to me, that I was somehow an exception to that rule. I however was proven wrong. Times definitely became challenging, when she started to play a different game with my heart. At that point I knew that Sana wasn’t good for me, but I felt for her immensely. But despite everything, it was love. Although I said on numerous accounts that she never loved me. I knew she did, she just didn’t always express it. A long the way, we somehow got lost, or maybe I just couldn’t overlook it anymore. I wanted us to work, but I had fallen out of love. Sana couldn’t see that, rather she criticized me for choosing easy. Sure, hypothetically speaking it could be easier with Momo, but there was no certainty of that…

“I’m not ending us because this is too hard. This is our end, because my heart isn’t in it. I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.” I clearly corrected her assumptions.

“Why are you hurting me? She can’t love you as much as I do. I know you’ll miss me.”

I hated that I was hurting her, but there was no other way. It had to be a definitive end.

I glanced at her guiltily as I removed her ring from my finger, and forcefully placed it in her palm. She didn’t reject its return; instead she accepted it crumbling in tears. It was if I had broken the seal to her riverbank. It wasn’t the pretty sort of tears that is seen in movies. It was the real gut-wrenching sort of crying. The sort of tears that reddened and blotched your face. The crying that left your eyelids puffy and sore the next. They were tears surrendering to the end of our relationship. Unlike the last time, my eyes did n