Months had passed and I was still stuck in my own loop of predicament. Nothing had changed, or more so nothing had improved. I was still dating Sana, and my presence remained non-existent to Momo. The only minor difference was that I knew where my heart lied. I just couldn’t bring myself to admit it openly. So Sana and I continued to live out the fantasy that she had planned. Movie dates, dinner dates, sporadic walks late into the night, it was all the same to me. It was time spent untrue, because how could anything count as genuine when I hadn’t told Sana what I felt. Communication was key for any relationship, and here I was denying her the truth she deserved.

“Dahyun, what are you doing just standing there?” Sana called from her bed, as she beckoned me over with her foot.

“Nothing, sorry just got caught up in my thoughts.” I answered, as I shuffled my way to her.

“Thoughts of me I hope.” She playfully teased, as she pulled me under the covers with her.

“Do you know what day it is today? Sana asked, whilst I squirmed in the bed finding a place of comfort.

“Sunday?”

“Well yes, but no. Today marks our three months, well technically our one year and three months if you don’t count that brief period in between.” By brief period, she meant our break up.

“Oh, I didn’t realise. Is there something in particular that you want to do to celebrate?”

“No, I just want to spend it with you, the two of us.” She surprisingly replied. It wasn’t like Sana to forgo the celebration of anniversary dates. But I wasn’t going to question her on it, I was more than happy to oblige to the ordinary night in.

“As long as you’re happy,” I found myself saying to fill the momentary void of conversation. Her lips tugged into a half smile. “How is it possible, that I feel like I’m falling in love with you all over again," she said lightly as she buried her face against the crook of my neck. Sana then ensued to press multiple kisses, lavishing in the heat of the moment. then crashed upon mine, fingers under my chin holding me still. Her lips moved aggressively over mine, overwhelming me as she grazed her teeth alongside the bottom of my lip. I was putty in her hands, as I sighed weakly into her lips. One hand gripped my waist, whilst the other pulled me closer in. Eyes closed, I allowed her to continue mercilessly roaming my body, till I felt her fingers creep at the band of my pants. My eyes snapped open, and looked straight into her intense stare, stopping her hand from pursuing any further.

“Come on now baby, don’t hold on out me. It’s been too long.”

“Sana, it’s been three days,” I tried to reason.

“Exactly.”

“Let’s just cuddle tonight.” I said, as I held her face with both hands, softly laying a kiss of persuasion.

Sana didn’t give in, “Why does it feel like you never want to have with me?”

As I looked at her, I realized she looked familiar. It was her expression, an expression I once wore. It was the expression of someone who felt unappreciated. A part of me wanted to blurt out the real reason, but I couldn’t.

“That’s not it. I just want to hold you and talk tonight. I know that we talk all day, but its not same, as when we’re together alone, and you’re pressed against me lost in our own world.” What I told her was partly the truth, but also partly a fabricated excuse. I just couldn’t bring myself to engage in another carnal rendezvous, it didn’t feel right.

* * *

“Dahyun, are you okay?” Momo asked, as she approached me apprehensively.

“No, there’s something in my eye, and I can’t get it out.” I cried out in a mad panic, as I continued to try and blink the pain away.

The sound of my inflicted pain, had subdued her hesitation. It erased her qualms, as the feigned resolve in her expression faded. “Come here, let me have a look.” She said in her natural caring tone, that I had so dearly missed. Momo then reached her hand out to me, a gesture that I had not received in months. Her hand gently held my cheek, as she titled my face upwards for a better view.  Her eyes anxiously implored mine searching for the source of pain, as her free hand held the bare nape of my neck for support. At her touch, the once dormant butterflies came fluttering back to life, but it wasn’t the usual gentle tickle that I was accustomed to. No, Momo had awakened an insatiable hunger that I had never known. The depravity of my lust was hard to swallow as Momo neared closer examining for the origin of my agony.  The foreign intrusion upon my eye was almost bearable with Momo so close to view. But I was deathly afraid, afraid that she could sense my heart’s palpitating rhythm. I was afraid that she could read the damned thoughts that plagued my mind. Fortunately my panic didn’t escalate, for her smooth voice invaded the proximity between us, “It’s an eyelash, stay still for a bit okay?” I wasn’t aware that I was moving, but heeding her words I remained utterly still. It was of the faintest of touches, as her finger carefully removed the fallen eyelash with a quick glide.

“There, all better.” She proudly announced, with glowing a smile.

“It still hurts a little.” I whined softly, as I gingerly rubbed my eye.

“Don’t do that.” Momo instructed as she seized my hand by its wrist. “You’ll irritate it,” she informed, but rather than letting the sting go untreated, she puckered her lips and blew cool air relieving the soreness.

What happened next all happened so fast. It was just a blur of rapid movement before my eyes. Sana came rushing in ablaze, without the slightest inkling of warning and shoved Momo across the room. I stood t