Finding Clarity
takane no hana (高嶺の花)
Did Nayeon really have to cling on to Momo’s waist, was it really necessary. Her fingers rested just where Momo’s skin was exposed. We were shooting a magazine outtake video; surely she could refrain for the short duration. I tried my best to ignore it, but I couldn’t. My eyes were constantly drawn back to Nayeon’s hands that casually tightened their hold on Momo. I was under the spell of the wretched tinge of green. My hands curled into fists; as my lips twitched trying to refrain from voicing, “LET GO”
“Dahyun, you need to look to the front and smile.” The photographer impatiently instructed, as his foot tapped in disapproval.
“Uh, yes.” I obediently answered as I unclenched my teeth to form a masquerade smile.
“That’s a wrap for now girls.”
At his dismissal, I was gone. I wasn’t going to stick around and torture myself watching Nayeon flirt with Momo. I didn't need to hear their laughter. I didn't need to see how perfectly well they matched. No, I was going to avoid it the best way I knew, sleep. The resting area was calling for me. My steps there were perhaps a little aggressive, a little too revealing of my anger but I didn't care. I was too far absorbed in my own space, incoherently muttering wicked things under my breath. But of course, of all people to have stumbled upon my unpleasant mood, it had be to the nicest person of all.
“Sorry, I didn’t meant to intrude, I can leave if you want?” Mina asked thoughtfully, as her left foot hovered to take another step closer.
“No it’s okay Mina you can stay, I’m going to sleep anyway.”
“I’ll stay and keep watch for you.” She cutely giggled at her own joke, as she shyly tucked a fallen lock behind her ear.
My sleep didn’t last long though. The awful sound of the repeated clicks of the camera shutter rung in my ears waking me from my peaceful slumber. The culprit was Sana. Mina had obviously lost to her. “Wakey, wakey sleepyhead,” She sang giddily, as she pinched my cheeks whilst my eyes tried to adjust to the light.
“Dahyun-ah, let’s play,” Sana’s voice continued to sing gleefully, without the slightest consideration for my drowsy self.
“Please Sana, I’m tired just let me rest.” I grumbled, as my body turned away from her noise.
“You’re always tired nowadays. You’re no fun. I’ll just go find someone else to hang out with.” She bitterly spat like a child nonetheless.
There it was, she pricked my guilt. She knew exactly which buttons to press. “Alright, what do you want to do?” I asked giving in to her needs.
“I don’t know, but something that requires movement.” She answered, whilst swaying her hips to a soundless tune.
“Do you really want me to?” I grunted, as I rose from the lounge.
“Yes”
I honestly don't know where Sana gets her energy from, one moment she's dying from sleep deprivation and the next she's climbing on chairs popping here and there. My mind needed time to adjust, but Sana had no intention of slowing. Thankfully I was saved by our manager, calling us over, "Get ready to leave, we'll be done in five minutes." However, only seven of us surrounded her, Momo and Nayeon were missing.
“Aren’t we having dinner together tonight?” I asked our manager, trying to subtly ask about Momo’s whereabouts.
“No, Momo and Nayeon decided to go watch a movie, so they won’t be joining us,’’ she answered. A part of me instantly felt scorned and betrayed by Momo. I was acting like she was mine, when she wasn’t. I had no right to be upset; she was her own person free to do whatever she wished.
* * *
Sana giggled merrily as she forcefully squished herself between Chaeyoung and I. I could barely move with her body pressed against me. “I’ll just move,” Chaeyoung laughed, as she shuffled over offering her seat.
“You didn’t have to Chaeng.” I insisted, as she smiled at me knowingly.
“Really Sana, was that necessary?” I asked annoyed by her obvious disregard for Chaeyoung, or for anyone else of that matter.
“I didn’t do anything,” She answered coyly assuming innocence.
“Right, let’s just eat.” I dismissively replied. I wasn’t in the mood to explain things or myself to her.
“Aw is my ponyo feeling hungry?” Sana proceeded to tease, as she dangled the slither of grilled meat before me.
I knew Sana didn’t mean any harm by her teasing. How was she supposed to know how I was feeling, but in the same sense, her actions annoyed me the same.
“Cut it
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