Hanmi’s remorse for Jinyoung was no more than what she had for Taemin, but it hurt just the same. It was the second time she lost a loved one, and she still didn’t know why. Luckily, she still went ahead with writing the songs for B1A4, though she declined the payment. The money doesn’t go to Mr. Lee anyway but her own savings. Hanmi felt that she owed WM Entertainment a huge debt for Jinyoung’s death, although she didn’t really kill him (that’s what she knows for now).

 

She mourned with Yoonhee over Jinyoung. She hasn’t met any other new friends in SM besides her anyway. Gongchan was greatly grived too. He knew Hanmi was having the toughest time, sp he regularly passed by SM Ent. to make sure she was ok.

 

“Thanks for coming by today, Channie. You’ve been going here since after the funeral,” said Hanmi as she bid Gongchan goodbye after one of his visits.

 

“This way I know my hyung’s girlfriend is ok. I promised him I would look after you,” replied Gongchan sweetly.

 

“Really? When?”

 

“He-He visited my dreams…” Gongchan knit his brows as he tried to remember the vague encounter.

 

--flashback—

 

Gongchan was sleeping in his now-half-empty room (with Jinyoung gone). Suddenly, light filled the room and a voice spoke.

 

“Channie~”

 

“Who’s there?” demanded Gongchan.

 

The light died a bit and there stood Jinyoung’s figure, like a mirage, only more solid than a mirage. He looked like he was glowing from the inside.

 

“Channie, you don’t even recognize your favorite hyung’s voice?” laughed Jinyoung.

 

“Hyung! But…You’re dead,” said Gongchan uncertainly as he got out of bed.

 

“Not quite. I just wanna see you before I go on,” said Jinyoung.

 

“Why me? Why not Hanmi noona?”

 

Jinyoung’s face clouded a bit, but it shone again as quick. “There’s not much time. I have to tell you something.”

 

Gongchan stayed quiet, so Jinyoung went on.

 

“Since I’m gone, I want you to watch over Hanmi, ok? Make sure she’s safe. Be like her make-shift boyfriend, something like that.”

 

Gongchan’s face lit up. “Anything for you, hyung.”

 

“I have to go now, Channie. I’ll see you soon,” said Jinyoung.

 

“I’ll miss you hyung. Until then,” replied Gongchan.

 

Light filled the room once again, and then died out. Gongchan suddenly remembers to tell Jinyoung something, but it was rather too late.

 

“Hyung! Hyung, wait!” called Gongchan.

 

He bolted up from his bed, sweating, and got Baro running into his room.

 

“You ok, Channie?” said a worried Baro.

 

“Neh, just…bad dream, I guess,” said Gongchan, trying to calm down.

 

--end of flashback—

 

“Oh, I get it,” said Hanmi trying to smile, but Gongchan could see tears in the corners of her eyes.

 

“Hyung loved you, noona. I don’t think he’ll be too happy if he sees you crying,” said Gongchan.

 

“It’s just…I’ll miss him so much, Gongchan-ah,” sniffed Hanmi. Gongchan pulled his noona cloase and hugged her, letting her cry on his shoulder.

 

“I will too, noona. But please don’t cry for long. Hyung would want you to move on. There are more years ahead of you,” said Gongchan in a soothing voice.

 

“You talk like you’re older than me,” said Hanmi, pulling apart and smiled.

 

“I…don’t know. I just knew that was what hyung would want to say,” said Gongchan, running his hand through his hair.

 

“Well, thanks, anyway,” said Hanmi. Gongchan hugged her one last time before leaving for their dorm.

 

A year passed after the cursed deathday. Hanmi wasn’t just writing lyrics now. Yoonhee would make her go with her to recording sessions, MV filmings, photoshoots, etc.

 

“Just so you know there are other work stations in a music company,” was Yoonhee’s reason. Hanmi couldn’t decline. After all, she WAS a fangirl before her first and second life merged and became partly nightmare.

 

That was how she met Ahn Daniel. It all went ala-He’s Beautiful. She was running through TOP Media in search for Yoonhee.

 

‘Aish, unnie, if you’re ever going to bring me to a filming, make sure I’m following you!’ she thought as she checked every room she passed, hardly paying attention to what was in front of her.

 

Bam. She crashed into someone’s chest with such force that she fell back. Actually, she felt hands pushing her back.

 

“Ouch,” she muttered. And the person didn’t even help her up.

 

“Yah, you watch where you’re going next time,” said the person in an airhead sort of voice. Hanmi looked up; ready to give the offender the meanest scowl ever, all to be drowned by who the person was.

 

Ahn Daniel.

 

Niel only looked down at her with a diva scowl. Hanmi focused on the matter at hand.

 

He pushed me. And he won’t even help me up. Even if he IS Ahn Daniel.

 

“You have no manners, have you?” retorted Hanmi. She got up and brushed her skirt.

 

“What? You were the one who bumped me!” retorted Niel.

 

“You PUSHED me, genius! I wouldn’t have fallen if you did!”

 

“Excuse me? I didn’t push you. And if you would excuse me-not that it mattered-I’ll go on my way,” said Niel coldly. He went on and pushed through her.

 

Hanmi was lost for words and just stared at Niel’s retreating back with agape.

 

“Jerk!” she called after him, which he ignored.

 

‘Remind me again why I fell for that guy,’ she asked herself. She glared at Niel’s direction one last time before resuming her search for Yoonhee.

 

She found her in a room with the sign ‘Teen Top MV filming—Observe Silence’. She slipped in the room silently and heard a beautiful melody enter her ears. She was captivated and the music led her to the front row of the crew. She watched as 6 pretty boys danced flawlessly to the music’s smooth rhythm.

 

Nae yeojachinguga doe eojullae rago malhaesseo
Dasin neol mot bolkkabwa mangseorimyeo malhaetdeon geomnaneun naui gobaek
Geu nugudo namankeum saranghal sun eobseulgeoya
Eotgallineun ni son~ japgo georeogago sipeo

 

(Teen Top—The back of my hand brushes against)

 

It all went well until the main vocals came back to the front. Hanmi felt anger bubble inside her. It’s him. She managed to stay quiet until the filming ended, where she saw Yoonhee at the other end of the room.

 

“Psst! Unnie!” she hissed as Hanmi slinked her way to Yoonhee undetected.

 

“OMG, Hanmi-yah! Stop that!” yelped Yoonhee.

 

“Unnie! You left me behind in the lobby! I was looking all over for you,” hissed Hanmi, kinda pissed.

 

“Oh? Mianhae. Did you see the guyd perform?”

 

“Yeah, partly, and I was enjoying it until-“

 

But she was cut off by the arrival of the 6 boys earlier (Teen Top) and their manager.

 

“Oh, you’re Han Yoonhee of SM Ent.! Pleased to see you here,” greeted the manager. Yoonhee bowed and so did Hanmi.

 

“Who is this fresh face?” asked the manager.

 

Hanmi saw Niel’s eyes widen. “It’s you!” he said scornfully.

 

“And so are you!” retorted Hanmi.

 

“You guys met before?” asked Yoonhee.

 

“Yeah, he greeted my nicely by pushing me to the floor,” said Hanmi with perfect sarcasm in her voice.

 

“I didn’t push you, ok?! Stop spreading lies!” said Niel.

 

“You’re the liar here, airhead!”

 

“Bigmouth!”

“Woah, Niel-ah, stop it,” said the guy behind him.

 

“Can you take the brattiness of this girl, CAP hyung?” retorted Niel.

 

“You do know you’re sarcastic sometimes, Niel-ah,” said another guy, red-haired.

 

Niel rolled his eyes. “Thanks, L.Joe hyung, really appreciated.”

 

“ANYWAY,” interrupted Yoonhee. She sensed a big problem around here. “Hanmi and I have to talk for a while. Will you excuse us?”

 

Yoonhee bowed and ushered Hanmi out, but not without sharing a tongue-out insult to Niel, who returned it gladly.

 

“Hanmi-yah, what do you think you’re doing?” Yoonhee said. There was alarm in her voice.

 

“What? That brat started it!” said Hanmi defensively.

 

“You better fix this up because you’re gonna be working with them next. And you’re almost 18, for crying out loud!” replied Yoonhee.

 

“I’m WORKING WITH THEM NEXT?! Whose idea was this?” demanded Hanmi.

 

“Mr. Lee’s. You doing something about it?” said Yoonhee in a sassy way.

 

Hanmi went blank. “Fine. For my job’s sake, I’ll make peace. I can’t believe this.”

 

Yoonhee nodded with satisfactory and the two went in again. Teen Top’s manager and Teen Top were discussing things about the shoot.

 

“Hey, uhm, hi. Hanmi has something to say,” said Yoonhee. She gave Hanmi a little push.

 

“Right, uhm…” said Hanmi. “I…I just wanted to apologize to this guy here. I didn’t catch your name. I’m sorry I acted like a brat. It was my fault, I guess.”

 

Hanmi kept her head low, so she didn’t see what the others saw. Niel’s face softened. He wasn’t really that diva-ish and mean in real life. He was an actual sweetheart. But for dignity’s sake, he kept his voice hard and face stoic.

 

“Right, well, I guess I could take that,” was all he said. Then he got out of the room. Changjo sighed and went on after him.

 

Changjo followed Niel to the boys’ bathroom.

 

“Hey, hyung,” he said. Niel was staring at his face in front of the mirror when Changjo came in.

 

“Oh, Changjo-yah, hey,” said Niel. He tried his best to cover his red face, but Changjo saw anyway.

 

“Why can’t you just swallow pride, hyung?”

 

“What? I didn’t…”

 

Changjo raised his brow at Niel. Niel sighed in defeat.

 

“Yah, what are you doing here? Go find out if she’s alright for me!” said Niel, still refusing to admit what he felt. Very Heechul-like.

 

Changjo snickered, and then laughed till his sides ached. “Hyung. You. Are. Hilarious!”

 

“No, I’m serious! Get out of here!”

 

“You like her, hyung. I mean, why won’t you, besides the fact that you just met her?”

 

“Shut up and do what I told you!” Niel pushed Changjo out of the bathroom. ‘Aish, that kid knows everything about me!’ he thought.

 

Changjo went back to the set still snickering.

 

“Changjo-yah, you ok?” said Ricky. He helped hold the door open for Changjo to get in.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” said Changjo in between laughs. He approached Hanmi, Yoonhee, the manager, and the others.

 

“Hey, uhm, Hanmi noona?” said Changjo. “Do you mind if I drop the formalities?”

 

“Oh, hello. You’re Changjo, right? I don’t mind,” smiled Hanmi.

 

“Yeah. I was wondering if you’re alright, I mean, from the fall you took a while ago,” said Changjo.

 

“I’m ok, thanks,” said Hanmi. “Why are you asking this? Shouldn’t your hyung be the one?”

 

With this, Changjo burst out laughing. “You should’ve heard him, noona! He was worried like crazy about you. He just can’t bring himself to admit his mistakes.”

 

Changjo exaggerated this part, but he didn’t care.

 

Hanmi’s heart melted. ‘Niel was worried about me?’ She was beginning to remember why she picked Niel over all of Teen Top.

 

At this point, Niel came in the set, face completely white again. When he saw Changjo and Hanmi, it took all his willpower not to turn red. He glared at Changjo. His dongsaeng only snickered all the more. Niel was pissed, so he got out of the room quickly. The others didn’t even notice he was there until they heard the door slam.

 

“Noona, if you wanna talk to him, I know where he’s going,” whispered Changjo. He leaned close to Hanmi’s ear and whispered ‘rooftop’ in it. Hanmi froze for a while.

 

Just like Jinyoung.

 

“You alright, noona?” asked Changjo.

 

Hanmi got out of her trance. “Oh, neh, I’m fine.”

 

She went out and up to the rooftop. Sure enough, Niel was there, leaning against the railing with his back turned to her.

 

“Let me guess, Changjo told you where I was,” scoffed Niel.

 

Hanmi was surprised. “How did you know it was me.”

 

‘I didn’t,’ thought Niel. ‘I took a chance.’ Instead, what he said out loud was, “I was really hoping it wasn’t you.”

 

Niel turned and faced her. Hanmi frowned and stuck her tongue out at him. Niel only found that really adorable.

 

‘Oh gosh, stop doing stuff like that,’ thought Niel as his heart beat faster.

 

“I said I was sorry. I really am,” said Hanmi softly.

 

Niel faked a scoff and turned, only to hide his reddening face. Hanmi was annoyed.

 

“Changjo said you were worried about me,” she said.

 

“Why would I be worried about you?” said Niel. Answer: Because I know I hurt you.

 

“Is your dongsaeng a liar, then?”

 

Niel didn’t answer this one. Changjo was his favorite dongsaeng, and Changjo didn’t lie. Niel was an actual sweetheart, but he had trouble expressing what he feels. What he did next was the most unexpected thing he ever did.

 

Niel walked toward Hanmi, leaned close and kissed the corner of , then ran away. But not before Hanmi could call him back.

 

Hanmi was dumbfounded. What is it with this guy? He acts all cold then he comes and kisses me! WTH?!

 

“Yah! Get back here! What’s wrong with you?” called Hanmi. Niel had to stop. But he didn’t answer nor turn.

 

“What’s the matter with you? You act all aloof there then you come and kiss me?!” Hanmi bursted out.

 

Niel only shook his head hard and ran out of the rooftop.

 

Hanmi was stumped. If you liked me, why did you have to act cold? Why not just tell me? She went down a few moments after Niel and bumped into Changjo on the way down.

 

“Noona! I was gonna check up on you when I saw hyung run down. You ok?” asked Changjo.

 

Hanmi shook her head and told the boy everything that happened. After the story, Changjo sighed.

 

“Niel hyung has the hardest time expressing his feelings among all of us. I’m sorry about that, but what he means is he really likes you,” explained Changjo.

 

Hanmi only nodded.

 

Later, in Teen Top’s dorm, Changjo sat and stared at Niel from his bed.

 

“Why are you staring at me like that?” demanded Niel.

 

“She was shocked and puzzled by what you did, hyung,” said Changjo, not breaking his look.

 

“So?”

 

“Hyung!” said Changjo in an exasperated voice. “I know you need improvement in self-expression, and I’m here, to help, ok?”

 

“I don’t need your help,” said Niel quietly.

 

“You do, hyung. I know you,” pressed Changjo.

 

Niel sighed. “Fine. Do your work, genius.”

 

Changjo had to smile.

 

The next day, Niel met Hanmi when Yoonhee dropped her off.

 

“Hey, uhm, good morning,” mumbled Niel.

 

Hanmi looked confused but said, “Good morning to you too.”

 

“Oh, let me get that,” said Niel. He relieved Hanmi of her huge shoulder bag.

 

“Uhm, ok, thanks,” said Hanmi, getting more confused.

 

They walked a few lengths in silence until Niel finally made the move.

 

“Hey, listen, we got off at my worst foot. But whatever Changjo told you about me was true, ok?” explained Niel.

 

“Ok,” said Hanmi.

 

“I really like you, Hanmi-yah. I know it’s strange since we just met, but I liked your strong attitude that won’t back down easily,” said Niel. “For now, that’s just about what I know about you, but it changed my feelings just the same.”

 

Hanmi nodded. “Did Changjo tell you to say stuff like this?”

 

“Yeah. The dude’s brain is probably more knowledgeable than CAP hyung’s when it comes to this stuff,” laughed Niel. Hanmi giggled too.

 

“I like your laugh too,” said Niel.

 

“Yah, you just heard it!”

 

“I already like it, so there.”

 

They became closer after that. All thanks to Changjo, really. One night, Hanmi was having one of those consult her heart moments if she should answer Niel. It was already months after Niel’s confession, and Niel’s already asked if she could be his girlfriend. Hanmi waited for a month before deciding. Hanmi was writing on a piece of stationery what she would say if Taemin and Jinyoung were here.

 

Taemin oppa, Jinyoung oppa, I miss you guys. Are you ok up there? How are you enjoying each other’s company? I know you’re looking out for me, so you’ll know all about Niel. Should I give myself to him? I feel like I’m cheating on both of you if I do, especially Taemin oppa. I like Niel the way he likes me, and he makes me happy. All I need now are both of your consents. Will you allow me?

 

Hanmi’s room suddenly filled with light. She heard her oppas’ voices all around her, supporting her, encouraging her, and embracing her. She didn’t know that she was already asleep, but her sister did.

 

‘Aish, Hanmi-yah, you mutter in your sleep,’ thought Eunmi as she arranged her little sister’s stuff on the desk. ‘I’d love to contradict what you’re oppas are telling you, but you won’t understand. It’s not yet time. I’m sorry.’

 

Eunmi placed Hanmi on her bed and left the room.

 

As we are all expecting, the cursed deathday arrived, and Niel was no exception.Hanmi’s heart was ripped into three by now, and she still doesn’t know why.

 

Eunmi listens thru her sister’s door every night she cried. Eunmi’s stone heart crumbled too at the sound of her sister’s breaking soul. But Eunmi was helpless. It was her against the world, their world, that is.