CHAPTER NINE

Some time after our hookup, time just seems to bleed together with him, night descends, and we order two pizzas and pig out on my bed. When we’re full and sleepy, I clear my throat, my legs all wrapped in his. Another thing I notice around him is that I want my hands to be on him at all times. He just makes me feel warmer. I was never like that with anyone before, which I chalked off to my distant father and his habit of never, ever hugging me.

“Okay, let’s start the lessons now. I have so many questions for you. About the whole…the whole gay thing.”

He smiles that bright, self-assured smile I already sort of love.

“Okay, sir, ask away.”

“How long have you known?”

“Always. I knew I was different from the first moment. I couldn’t just play with other boys on the playground…any close friendship would lead to a broken heart.”

“Aw. Okay, and when did you…come out?”

“Trust me, I was never ‘in.’ It was always just sort of accepted with me. I guess I was so gay I didn’t have to say anything. It was out in the open. I did have a moment where I went around and told a few of the last people, but they already knew.”

“Okay. And what it’s like? The gay community?”

He sighs up at the window.

“It’s amazing. That’s the best part, having a little tribe. Gay people get to choose their families, and that’s like magic.”

“How?”

“In a place like Seoul, lots of gays are disowned, or maybe even homeless. A lot of people here don’t want a gay son or daughter in their house, so eventually you just find a new family. That’s what my friends are…my little family.”

“Do you have any straight friends?”

“Ehh - he cringes - I tried, but so many of them are so narrow-minded and stiff. And when I did try to meet up with some straight guys from high school, they’d go so out of their way trying to prove they were okay with me, they’d just make me feel like a freak. I remember this guy Park would drunkenly stumble to me every single time and loudly exclaim, ‘HEY, I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW I’M COOL WITH YOU BEING A GAY MAN, JUST FOR THE RECORD.’ Everyone would stop and stare, and all he’d do was put a sign on me that said I was different, and make me even more of an outsider.”

“Yikes.”

“I know…they can’t even treat me like I’m normal. But at least he does approve of me.”

“Why do some other people hate you guys so much?”

“Lots of reasons - he shrugs - God, politics, organized religion, just trying to stay with the status quo. Stupidity, mostly. And fear. But we’re not really that torn up over it. One hundred percent of the gays and lesbians I know have one thing in common: they’re resilient. They also just want to be left alone. When’s the last time you saw a bunch of gay guys picketing outside a courthouse, protesting against the rights of straight people to get married and be treated with respect?”

“Good point.”

“Yeah. And the ones you do see shouting at the rallies, they’re only doing it because they have to. The second you shut up is the second things can start to slide backwards. As we see lately…”

“I know what you mean - I say quietly - Anyway, how many guys have you dated?”

“I’ve had two serious boyfriends.”

“Was it hard? To break up?”

His eyes glaze over.

“One of them, yes. I still think about it sometimes. We tried to stay friends, but it’s awkward.”

“You still talk?”

“I mean, occasionally. We have this thing where we both meet up every Christmas Eve to get drunk together, since our families weren’t always supportive. We still go to Club Seven or Bear’s Bar that night every year and get totally wasted. It didn’t work out, and it’s in the past. I enjoy his friendship, though.”

Something is unsettling about this, but I try to move past it.

“What kind of guys did you usually date?”

“I usually like preppy ones. That’s probably what made me first look at you…”

“Interesting. Is dating the same as with straight people?”

“I wouldn’t know. But I hear we have a lot more . It’s just biology…dudes like to more than girls do, right? Therefore, two guys in a relationship will have much more than they would if a female was involved.”

“As I’m starting to learn - I take a breath - Do you think people are born gay, and born straight?”

“No” - he l