CHAPTER 02

I walk three blocks back to my house, my mind screaming with one question all the while: did I really just flirt with a gay guy? Me, Choi Siwon, the captain of my basketball team and the winner of the Most Charming award at Seoul Christian Prep? To make matters even more confusing, there is already a series of Facebook messages waiting when I get home and check my phone again, all from the profile of Cho Kyuhyun:

Goodness ing gracious. Please pardon my language, but something about that meeting was really hot.

Oh, and by the way, nice meeting you, Choi Siwon.

And one last thing: I would REALLY like to see you again.

I smile, my face getting all hot and nervous and numb again. I don’t know what to say, so I don’t say anything. Why am I even smiling, to begin with? Why can’t I take the sight of his out of my mind? He’s a guy, and I’m supposed to be straight…

I click on the message and look over his profile, and that same shimmery feeling from the bus takes me over again. God, this kid is photogenic. So photogenic that it makes me sigh when I scan his photos. My eyes just enjoy him: in every photo his face gets prettier, his eyebrows get darker and stronger, his eyes get browner, his hair gets more immaculate, his eyeliner become more artful. You can tell from his Tumblr that he’s a really artsy kid...everything is perfectly designed and laid out. In some photos his hair is dyed blonde, making his brown eyes look intoxicating, and in others it´s long dyed in a golden brown, weird mix but beautiful in him. He is like an art project come to life...all of the colors are there. As I study him, I realize I want to turn him over in my bed and explore a few things, see how he tastes and smells and feels, and compare it to the women I’ve been with….

In a quest to clear my mind I take a shower and , as usual...but what would you guess I imagine as I rub myself, against all odds? Kyuhyun, playing with me, touching me, doing things with me that I’ve only ever done with girls…

The strength, and pleasure factor, of my resulting catches me completely off guard. This exhilarating little case of anxiety only grows as I change into my lazy clothes. I make a quick dinner, my still flying at half-mast, and it doesn’t get any better or less distracting. I try to walk around the house to calm down, but it doesn’t help either, and my mind is just getting dizzier, and more confused, by the moment. So after pouring a glass of wine I take out my laptop, hold my breath, and Google the following sentence: Can straight people suddenly become attracted to the same ?

I fell in love with my first girlfriend when I was in kindergarten. Her name was Jessica, and she was awful. I liked her because she was rude to me. (I guess I was popular and most of the girls just kissed my , so I appreciated her honesty.) Anyway, I followed her around like a puppy for a few days, and then she repaid me by throwing sand in my face in front of the teacher and getting sent to the vice principal’s office. Since then there has been a steady stream of girlfriends and crushes and, occasionally, hookups.

I only mention all this because there has never been a question. I always just knew that I was straight. I have a few gay acquaintances, but no close gay friends. My friends are mostly all from my sports days in high school and/or my frat days at the University of Seoul, and we spend our time watching baseball and basketball games and going to bars and hitting on beautiful girls.

My parents are extremely progressive, though, especially considering that I was raised in the capital city. I even remember one time when my dad took me to a Lady Gaga concert at the Seoul arena for his job, and we saw protestors outside shouting and holding signs that said God hated gay people and wanted them in hell. I asked my dad why anyone would think like this, and he became furious and told me it was because they were mentally unstable, and that only crazy people held prejudices like this.

But still: I was straight, through and through. Southern society broadcasts a message that says straight guys play sports and speak in baritone voices, and gay guys speak feminine and wear Lady Gaga T shirts. That’s probably the view I took, that’s probably why I’m so con