CHAPTER THREE

Hey, I type, my stomach fluttering and flipping. I have to admit, I’m kinda feeling the buzz of our meeting, too. And then it flashes through my mind: I am talking to a gay guy. This is really happening…

Hi! he says. Thought you’d never respond. What’s up?

Not much.

Cool. I have something to admit, he says. I Facebook stalked you. Already. And I was wondering…are you closeted?

Closeted? I ask.

Well, I know you talked to me on the bus, but we have zero friends in common, and your pictures are only with girls, so….

Ahh, I say. It’s complicated.

What? I ask.

I’ll talk to you another time.

You will?

Yeah, I know how it is. I know this story.

You do?

Yep, sadly. You have a girlfriend or a wife, you secretly hook up with dudes on the side, and you’ll want to sleep with me and then keep me your dirty little secret when we pass on the street. I’m not into that whole thing. Nice meeting you, though. Really.

Okay, stop, I interrupt. That’s not it at all. The thing is….I’m straight.

Straight?

Straight.

Um. But you just agreed to hangout with me…

I pause. How did I say this in a way that made sense?

Okay. I have only dated, or even been attracted to, women before. Not even or anything. This is why I was so surprised and confused earlier…

Wait, really?

Yes. You are the first gay guy I have ever talked to. Ever even WANTED to talk to. Ever.

I see that he starts typing, then stops.

Oh…wow, he finally says. Wow wow wow. You swear?

Yeah. I have no reason to lie…I’m a moderate liberal. But was your “wow” in a good or bad way?

He ignores my question. Wait, so what made you realize I was gay?

Um…I could just tell, I guess? Is that bad?

Not at all, he says. I love being a homo. This is all just…new. I haven’t talked to a straight guy. Well, not publicly, at least, if you know what I mean.

I don’t think I do…

Lol. Let’s not go there, then. So…you’re straight. Or I guess you WERE. Wow.

Yeah. I don’t understand it any more than you do.

And…do you have a problem with what you’re feeling? he asks. Do you feel shame or guilt or anything right now?

Not at all! My parents are liberals, like I said. I’m not conflicted at all, I’m just…I don’t know what to make of it. I’m confused.

And you really do want to hang out and see what happens?

I mean, yeah…I think I do, I say, my nerves heightening with every word.

Well, then! That’s all I need to know. We can figure out the rest later.

Okay. How about next weekend? I’m…

Oh, I’m talking about tonight. Soon.

And my heart stops.

Wait, really?

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