*two months later*

Well. 

I've finished college. Somehow I managed to survive all thanks to my sister. But.. my pitiful days didn't change.. not for the good at least.. If something, it got worse.

Fight after fight and tears after tears. I think I developed mental illnesses..

And all of this mess has been going on for.. I don't even know anymore. I might have lost my sense of time. But maybe it's for the good. Because even remembering the time spent being here hurts like hell. It just makes me more angry than I could take right now.

I seriously just wanna go. Just leave. Anywhere is better right now.

I thought getting a job was gonna help me to do that. Or at least to manage. But no.

My family is literally picking off the fruit from my tree. Taking money. Asking for change. Not giving it back tho.

Pay for food, pay for this and that. Yeah, I do it ,because they leave me with no choice. So how am I gonna save up and go??? Why am I so cornered here? And even if I have saved it up. What do I do from there..?

More and more even my sister is affected. There are some days when we only eat a meal or two a day, but I'm getting fed up with it, ironically.

So I thought. Maybe a kitten will help. I'm so depressed and my sister is sad too a lot. Maybe it's helpful. To care and to be cared for. To love and feel loved, even by a kitten. It still matters.

Like we always had one before. It could bring up memories from my hometown and Daegu. That would make me happy. 

Looking at our situation I would take care of it anyways. Don't feel like anyone would be against it so.. I heard mom talk about getting one for months now. Might just do her a favor and act upon my words, or thoughts in this case.

After days of trying to find a kitten. I finally do. So I go to get it. Nervous and excited at the same time. With the pre bought small carrier in my hand. I sighted long then knocked on the door.

"Oh you're here? Nice to meet you. Come in." The smiling lady said as she closed the door behind me "I'll get the kitten, just a minute." And she walked off

Is this really a good choice? I heard mom found out yesterday, my plan. She was calm, did't ask no questions. But we didn't talk about it at all. I guess she's okay with it. I would take care of it alone anyways. She doesn't have to do anything here.. It's me that always has to bend to the rules.

"Here you go."

The woman suddenly placed a really fluffy and soft thing on my chest.

Oh my god. This is a cat! I haven't even touched one in years.

"She likes to eat wet food, but she can eat almost anything now." The lady started to explain and kept on

I looked down to my chest to the kitten. And just the feeling of it's fluffiness and warmth made my heart beat fast. It does remind me of Korea. It reminds me of home. My home.

Reaching down to softly touch its fur.

Why did I leave home?

"So yeah, I'm sure you'll take good care of her." The woman smiled even bigger

"Of course I will. I have everything prepared already." I smiled back

Walking together on the street. I realised that I faintly smiled along the way.

It was a good idea. I felt it was the right choice. Even if it takes responsibility, if this is the only thing that reminds us to home. Maybe things will get a little easier. Until I figure out what to do at least.

Fighting Yeon.

I opened in. But the sound of breaking and crashing was my welcome.

"What is happening?" I asked worried

Mom and my little brother was crying.

"Look what you did. This is all because of you." She said

"Where is it??!!" 

At that moment Greg was walking towards me angry, furious and seemingly ill as he was targeting the small carrier in my hand. I suddenly moved it behind me, protecting its content.

"Why?" I asked strongly

"Give it to me! I'm gonna kill it." He said it hot headedly stepping way too close

"No!!" I blurted stepping back still protecting the kitten ,but bumped into the opening entrance door behind me

"Oh.. What's going on?" My sister peeked from the gap she made

"I said give me that damn cat." He went to grab his baseball bet he got from mom. And an expensive one too.. "Fine. Then I'll smash it like this."

As soon as he grabbed the bet my sister jumped right in between "No! Stop!"

I felt my body trembling. Shaking from fear. How did this happen? Just because of a little kitten? Just why?

"Get out of the way!" He held the bet

"If you dare touch her.." I glared at him furious too now ,yet still shaking with fear

I have to protect my sister. She can't get hurt.

He stepped even closer. Seemingly ready to attack both of us. I dropped the carrier to stand in front of my sister.

"No!" I heard my moms voice "Greg, stop."

She held his bet then him too "You wanted this? Huh?" She was looking at me all of a sudden "If you weren't so ing disrespectful and do this behind our backs it could have gone fine. But you're so arbitrary. We didn't even know about this. And you're bringing this thing in OUR house?? No."

As bad as it sounds I wanted to end my life on the spot.

I hated to live with them. With him. Here. Like this. Every. ing. Day.

I'm shaking so much. What the is their problem with me all the time??? It's ridiculous if he's ready to beat me up because I decided not to go to University. Or a kitten.

"What the mom? You knew about it. Why are you lieing?" I snapped "And we needed this kitten. Not you. But your children. You don't even notice that we've been depressed for years now. You never helped us in anything since you left dad!" I sobbed "Why the does he have to attack me for a cat?"

"He has a right. And if you could have some respect for him ,he wouldn't do this, you know? It's all because you never care about others or what ohers might want or not want..!" She continued starring 

"Me?" I snapped "After all the things I put up with. You. This whole thing here. Never seeing dad. That pshycopath, that wants to legit kill a cat with a baseball bet. I am still the one to blame??"

"Stop."

"You stop! I don't even know you anymore. Maybe you should do something about yourself first before you go pointing at your own daughter! Then maybe you'd have a job and we wouldn't have to ing starve everyday! It's all because of you!"

She was silent. Dumbfounded.

"You need help. A physichitrist. Fix yourself and then come back." She said sturn

"What?"

"You know what? You might as well go and get yourself sorted out. Now. So pack your stuff and find a rent you can pay." She pointed outside

I looked at my mom if it's serious or not. She just turned away.

"Are you serious?" I asked

"I am." She said without hesitation "You need to learn what it is to live with others. And be useful for once. Not a freeloader that you are now." She gave me a hard glance "Let's see how easy life was for you."

I ran upstairs crying unstoppably and started to pack everything away in a random my bag.

"Unnie!" She said stepping into my room crying "Where are you going?? Do you really have to go?" she grabbed my clothes "Don't leave, please."

She was crying so much her grip got weak.. so weak..

"I don't need the kitten. Just please don't leave me." She continued to burst

I never saw her like this. She always smiled even at really bad times. I knew she had those days, but she never let anyone see that, not even me.

"I have to leave. I can't stay here anymore. And it's not like I have a choice anymore." 

I sobbed then I turned around wiping my tears, not to show how bad the situation really is, but looking at her face was breaking my heart. There and then I decided to stay strong for this time, for her sake and be as hopeful as she always wanted me to be.

"It'll be fine" I smiled with teary eyes "You'll be fine and I'll just work my way around it."

As I was about to pass her she grabbed me stronger than before, but still too weak to hold me back.. I hugged her so tightly.. This might be the last time I see her, for a really long time.

"You'll be fine" I whispered then I put both my hands on her face lifting it up to face me "Don't forget to smile.. and stay strong."

I grabbed my beg quickly and stormed out of the house.

Leaving my family.. my sister, the only one who could comfort my anger that's now out of control.

I had no choice ,I really had no choice.

I was getting suffocated in there. Almost beat up with a baseball bet. My mind is not clear right now. I just can't think at all.

I didn't stop running when I got out. I just ran into nowhere. I didn't even know where I was anymore. I just ran..

Just out of there.

Suddenly I stopped and fell down to the ground crying so hard I couldn't breathe anymore.

Why is this happening to me??? I can't take this!!

Blurtung crying so hard I felt my heart beating so fast, I thought I will die.. Oh no. Am I having a panic attack?? This really hurts!

Everything hurts. I can't breath!

I NEED TO BREATH!! WHY AM I NOT BREATHING???

This can't happen now. I won't die here. I won't!

*finally breathes in deeply*
 

...

When I finally calmed down enough to think clearer. I grabbed my phone and started searching for a name on my contact list. There wasn't many in the first place.

"beep beep beep"
"Hello?!" the voice on the other end said.
"Erm.. Hi, It's me Yeon. I know it's sudden ,but.. Can I stay at yours for tonight?" I asked trying to calm my shaking voice
"Oh.. Yeah, sure, but why's that? Is there something wrong?" He asked confused
"I'll explain everything when I get there."
"Okay, sure. I'll tell my mom you're coming otherwise she'll freak out."
 

He chuckled slightly on the other end than we hang up.
 

He was one of my old classmates I was getting along with.. well.. kind of.

His name is Jake. We were friends. Kind of. Then he confessed he likes me and it got awkward to be together. He couldn't take my continous no for an answer. So we kinda drifted apart. Kind of not talking to each other for half a year.

Still. He was the only contact I had.
 

~ ~ ~ ~

*knocks*

...//*door opens*
"Hi, come inside" He said first smiling then slowly not so much

I walked in.

"Jeez, it's freezing outside." He said as he closed the door "Are you okay? Want some tea or just something warm, I don't know.."

"I'm fine."

"What's with the backpack?" He frowned

"Can we talk?"

Knowing it was serious he turned turned around.

"Let's go upstairs then."
 

We sat down on the bed and I explained everything to him. And he was shocked.

"And basically all that because of a kitten!? A kitten??" He asked dumbfoundedly smiling "That's mental."
"Yeah" The fresh memories of pain started to pour back again
"I'm kind of glad that's not my family."

Then he saw my face. 

"I'm sorry. But it's gonna be fine. I got you. You can stay here as long as you want to. Mom will possibly let you. And you can just sleep with me."

We looked at each other.

"I mean in the same room. Chill." He added partially embarrased
"Thank you." I said wiping my once again teary eyes
 

That night he slept on the floor. So I could use his bed.

Never thought my first sleep over with a guy is gonna be like this. Just a messed up situation.

Where do I keep ing up that I get this?