"What am I to you?" what I said drove him into confusion. Hoseok finishes tying his shoelaces and stands in front of me. His eyes reflected list unreadable thoughts to me. His lips parted and he gulped, a smile came and took few steps towards. My dread becomes visible and his eyebrows furrowed into tracing what could I mean with that question. It was only consisted of five short words, however to answer it was difficult and uneasy. One misinterpretation and somebody's heart will be broken or be mended. By this time, I did not averted my gaze neither flinched or was flustered. I waited for him to speak and know the truth. We are just friends, but why is he always making my heart shake? We are just friends and old accompanies, but why I cannot take him out of my mind? We are just friends, but why I couldn't understand why I had this vehement?

I had many questions. So many that it cannot be counted my fingers. I wonder if an answer will float. Underneath the tangerine sky, in the hushed atmosphere and away from our friends or our parents surveillance, our eyes met and an electrifying sensation lingered to us. I mustered the courage to give him a slice of how I truly feel. With my wobbling knees, drying throat and hands losing the friction itself, I hastily moved closer to him. Hoseok remained astonished even though I had pounded his chest and see the agitation in me. Then, the unspeakable and indescribably feeling breed in my heart and it kills me every time. However, what refrained me is he had no other emotion than being surprised.

The shock shifted into perplexes. When his head fell low and his hands were drawn to the ground, I know that he had began thinking. What could it be? Will he keep his silence and ignore me? I don't know, I couldn't predict what his next action will become. I, is still trembling from fear and nervousness. I cannot stand steadily and hide my uneasiness. At the moment that I was able to touch his face, Hoseok collapses and struggles to get up. My tension grew higher and I was at awe. The fading daylight hits his face. Despite of his vivid grimacing, I found him beautiful in that way. Eventually he falls asleep in minutes and forgot what I asked him. His memory fluctuated, I know. He even couldn't remember why we were at the field in the early seconds of his awakening until I retold him of the reason. Hoseok was lost when he saw me and he winces in panic. He moves away from me while shivering in fear.

"Who are you?!" he yelled. Hoseok's eyes was different, his pupils are dilating. He was pale and his voice was raspy and filled with agony. He folded himself and resembled a child facing his trauma. He had his sweat, saliva and tears falling from his chin. He is also having a difficulty to move as the aftereffect of his drowsiness. My eyes grew wide in the revelation that his illness has turned into a terrible state. It has began to affect him thoroughly and it is attacking his head. Although, I was shunned and caused him to panic, I went towards him and tried to calm him with the best that I can. I forced him to surrender on my embrace until he recognizes me. Though I was hurt and hit, I did not let him go up to the tip of his hallucination. When he falls into silence and slowly realizing that it is me, in an impulse I took out my phone and called my father's number to seek rescue. However, he brushes it off from my hands and yelled that I mustn’t tell anyone on what I witnessed. I demanded him to give an important reason to carry out his wish, but he only retold that I shall not do it.

"But you are not being well. I can't let you-" he interrupted me with a glance.

"Don't tell them, especially my mother. I don't want to wake up seeing a hospital room's ceiling." he told me intensively and strictly. He was panting, and still attempting to gain his balance. I was taken aback and quieted. I became defenseless and followed his will though I was strongly against it. As I picked up my phone with a damage screen, Hoseok gets on his way back to the classroom. While I watch him walk away from me, I started to cry and begging the heavens to free him from the illness. I feel so bad that I couldn't breathe. To see him that way, to be weak and unable to comfort his broken heart, I feel useless and incapable of doing anything.

When I came home, I spoke nothing of it to my father. Even though my heart is aching horribly and I couldn't stand the flashing of that memory on my mind, I kept my lips intact. I held my emotions tighter and I behaved to best that I can. In the proper evening after I had dinner, bathed and about to go to sleep, I couldn't rest a blink. I was full of remorse and regrets. The recalling of the terrible situation earlier in the field constantly appears in my head. It was a torture to see Hoseok suffering. It is a nightmare to witness him in that condition. And not to confide it to my parents is a greater punishment to receive and endure.

By the next morning, I woke up filled with guilt. As the sunlight slips into the curtains of my room, the internal ache in me manifests. It's going to an another day and another torment to deal with. I first thought of Hoseok and wondered if he had an attack last night and at the same time I prayed that he get to sleep soundly and without an interruption. When we met in front of our houses, I was in contradiction. It was to greet him or ignore him. However, I ended up choosing the first option for I couldn't resist the desire to be with him. While we walk on our way to school, there isn't a single sign of agony in him. His smiles remained bright and wide, but his eyes had a soft shade of dark circles under. I wanted to ask him if he had slept well, but I hesitated and instead mention about the new book that my mother bought yesterday. The topic got him excited and anticipating on reading it. While he gets all whimsical and cheerful, I carried my burdens and concealed my sorrow with his presence. His smile, his voice, his gestures, all of it remained to its places. His strangeness, it captured in a whole new tender way and it has become inescapable.

The four hours of sitting behind him passes. The school's bell rings and the class rose and bowed to show the gratitude of receiving knowledge from the teacher as part of the aged tradition. When everyone stood and approached their peers, I found myself still sitting down and staring at Hoseok. I was spacing out to his view until Yoongi went to him and they called Jimin whom was busy in copying the notes that was written on the board. Minah and Hanna came to them and I was the last one to join the group. Halfway through the lunch break, Hoseok disappeared from my vantage point when Yoongi asked him to accompany him to the faculty office to assist our homeroom adviser. The girls left too to buy something from the canteen. I was left alone with Jimin. There was a fragmented silence and harmony between us. There was this type of atmosphere that is trying to hoard itself but still becomes visible and clear. It was half-heaviness and discomfort. Then, it quickly grew stronger and stinging that even the lukewarm air blowing through cannot erase.

Jimin was harboring a peculiar aura to himself. He was unsteady. He was rubbing the back of his head, smiling sheepishly and constantly checking his phone. He looked like he was waiting impatiently for something or someone. I wonder if it was Minah since she was the closest to him. I became uncertain to talk him and I was pondering if I must leave and meet the others downstairs. But, my lost gaze that contained of Hoseok and his glowing eyes in apprehension met. Jimin's expression shifts into a relief and he goes towards me in a familiar gesture and manner. He placed his hands on my shoulders and it was unusual for he haven't done a such before. I got puzzled with his treatment because he always teases me whenever he had the chance to bug me. He was always making fun of my short height and increasing weight. He calls me fat and a dwarf too, but he called me on my name instead.

"Hey Alice, are you vacant on Saturday?" Jimin suddenly became confident than being arrogant. His tone was polite and far from what it used to be. His smile is softer and his gaze was different. His owned trepidation dissolved in the blink of an eye. I unconsciously nodded my head as a response and it took a while to process his words.

"I knew it, you are free this weekend. My hunch is working well." Jimin removed his hands from my shoulders and flicked his fingers. He clicked his tongue in satisfaction. He was grinning, laughing and tapping his feet. He was almost dancing and jumping too.

"Why did you asked?" I said.

"Can you come with me to the fair this Saturday?" the origin of his anticipation and trepidation was unknown to mine. So, I took a step forward to learn what could it be. Jimin became flustered and his face was red. He was stuttering and gulping when I queried about the fair that he is inviting me.

"It is going to held at the theme park in the neighboring town. My sister handed me her two excess tickets. I was thinking of having you with me." he explains his reason.

"Why does it have to be me?" I frankly asked.

"Because you are the only one who can come with me there." he was vague and his constant snicker distracted me too. Hence, I couldn't see the reason of him inviting me. He can invite Minah or Hanna, but why is it me?

"I decline." I briefly answered.

"Why?"

"You're not telling me your reason." I folded my arms and ran to the shaded corner.

"Is it because of Hobi that's why you can't come with me?" Jimin confronted. He sat down beside me and attempted to put one of his arm around me, but I immediately pushed him and distanced myself.

"What are you doing?" I bawled as I looked at him with irritation.

"You have been always nicer to Hobi. You never got mad or yelled at him. Why are you always treating me bitterly?" he argued.

"Hobi's been my friend for a decade. We know each other well and we treat one another as siblings." I contradicted his idea.

"I'm your friend too! What's our difference?" Jimin pounded the wall and became furious like I was fanning the fire in the furnace. It was an odd and unexpected reaction from him.

"Why are you shouting?" I sharply confided. Jimin grabbed my hand and placed it on his chest. It got me all startled.

"Listen, I might be always teasing you but I'll quit doing that from now on. I know that I made you upset in countless times. I'm sorry being mean to you. Do you know why I'm like that to you? It's because I am trying to get your attention all the time!" he exclaimed. I winced at his speaking and I shove his grip away. It put me into stupefaction and silence. Then, he continued.

"I'm not teasing you to have fun. I'm not teasing you to kill time whenever it is getting boring. I'm teasing you because you never see me the way that see Hanna and Hoseok." there was grief between his breathes. I somehow felt it, but I had a disbelief in it at the same time.

"What are you saying?" I had my forehead curling into confusion. Jimin retorted but I turned away and decided to leave. I expected him to laugh and say that it's just a joke, but he goes after and persuades me to listen to him.

"I'm not in the mood to play as the subject of your fun today Jimin. Why don't you go on your own way and leave me alone?" I brushed off his hand from me.

"That's not it! You're wrong Alice." he exclaimed. I was neither surprised or astounded like earlier. Jimin's behavior was unusual and weird. He makes me confused. He know a lot of girls in our class, but why does he want me to come with him to the fair? Besides, I think that he is only going to play a prank to me like he did with Yoongi in my birthday. They made me all excited and happy back then, until they gifted an empty box. I proceed on my way and I met the girls in the first hallway to be found after the stairs. Minah eagerly pulled my hand and they took me back to the rooftop. When we came back, we saw Jimin hardening his jaw and cracking his knuckles. He stood near the metal fences as if he is preparing for a fight. Hanna and Minah both got amused in discovering his rare side and approached him by poking his nape with a wrapped popsicle ice cream. Jimin twitches and chuckled awkwardly as he turned to us.

"Whom are picking a fight with?" Hanna inquisitively asked him. Jimin looked to his right and picks up the cold treat that they treated us.

"Nothing. There's no one I'm going to punch in the face." he responded while ripping open the popsicle's package.

"Is that so? You looked so mad." she shrugged and handed me a piece. Minah went to the shaded corner of the place and invites us to sit with her. I went beside Hanna and Jimin went on beside me. He ate his ice cream with a gleam of unknown sourness. He was even scowling and sighing. Although I was focused on the theme park that Hanna has been describing and proposing for us to visit it the end of the summer, I noticed him fostering a rough atmosphere to himself. I'm the only one who saw his interchanging expressions made of sulking and protesting. I had a hunch that it's because of me because I refused to his invitation.

A moment had passed and we had finished our desserts, Yoongi and Hoseok returned when the popsicles that are for them have melted and looked inedible. However, they still accepted and ate those although it was watery. The two of them are tired and complained how our homeroom teacher made them arrange an abundant amount of papers. As soon as they sat there alongside us, I took out my handkerchief and hurried to wipe Hoseok's sweat. Minah did the same with Yoongi except from wiping his forehead personally. Instead, she handed him of her towel and told him to rest for a while. This scenario was nothing new to us since we have been helping each other when we are only in middle school. But somehow, Jimin suddenly walked out and said that he was getting uncomfortable with us. We followed him leaving with our eyes. Everyone else are left with curiosity except me.

"What's the matter with him?" Yoongi raised one of his eyebrow in intrigue.

"I don't know. When we came back he seemed to be angry at something. Did you two argued?" Minah pointed her lips at me.

My expectation for them to suspect me came, but I still got startled when all of their attention was drawn to mine. Even Hoseok paid a glance and waited for me to tell them of what happened. While I was thinking how to began, I rubbed my eyes but he scolded me for it. He wasn't annoyed by a mannerism of I but he reminded me to wash my hands first before touching the pair of a sensitive organ in my body. I plastered a smile and I was stiffly laughing as they demanded me to state the reason behind Jimin's mope. I was about to deny my fault, but I remembered one of our promises. It is not to lie with each other, always tell the truth and share our thoughts to one another. It made me nervous too at the same time and the look in Hoseok's eyes made me defenseless. Though he was stoic, uninterested, and quieter than recently, my voice flailed as I started.

"He asked me to come with him to the fair." I told them with my awkward expression. They all nodded, looked at each other and returned their stares back to me.

"Was it said why he wanted you to come with him?" Minah interrogated eagerly.

"Jimin asked you to go out with him?" Yoongi posed with a smirk.

"Yoongi!" Hanna called him out.

"Why? What's the matter? Jimin's doing a move. He had been liking Alice since middle grade. Is there something wrong with that?" Hanna nudges him for being heedless. Hoseok looked away from us and isolated himself from the conversation.

"Why it wasn't the girl from the other class? I though Jimin's liking-" Hanna interrupted Minah. She proceeded into her sole question. Their attentions return to me.

"He said that, I was the only one who can come with him there. But, he suddenly changed the subject when I asked for his reason." I exhaled and rubbed my palms together to lessen my nervousness. I waited for Hoseok to say something, but until the end of the talks he commented nothing. Their focus on me did not lasted much and longer. The thoughts of silliness and curiosity towards Jimin were brushed off in the peak of a day on a summer's time. When we ran out of the things to speak of, we lied on the dusty floor of the roof top. Peaceful silence lingered in our senses as we take our time to rest.

I laid down beside Hoseok but facing away from him. When all else there is being complacent and relaxed, I kept my eyes open and listened to sound of his breath. He was not sleeping, he was thinking. I can tell of it. But, what could be on his mind? Is he happy, angry or troubled? Does he think of his mother, or his father that never came back to his family? Anyway, while I had him in me I suddenly thought of Jimin too. What could he be doing in this hour when he is supposed to be with us? Is he hitting a tree? Is he meeting the girl that Minah mentioned? Or is he had already returned to the class and waiting for the lunch break to end? I was over thinking again. No matter how much I try to dispel the enemy, I always drown in it and unable to swim out of it. No matter how much I contradict my over thinking with optimism, I always sink in the darkest and coldest ocean within myself. As I submerge into it, the clouds in the gloomy sky get in the way of the fading light. The shackles of my fears and hidden thoughts surround me and force me to sleep. And when I wake up, I will found my entire soul suffering from bruises but still attempting to recover from the maim despite of all the ferocity.

In the first echo of the bells ringing, we got up hastily and headed back to our classroom. I gripped into Hoseok's hand as we went downstairs. He did not let me go until we made it and we walked towards our designated seats. When we arrived, Jimin was already in his place and ignored Yoongi's greeting. Before the bells ringing stopped, our eyes met and Hoseok handed me a textbook. He said nothing, not even about our run,