Our days have become evenings. Every caress, whispers and secret recessions were all turned into forbidden intimacy. It was no longer a young love. It was no longer an odd friendship. The momentary stares that we shared shifted into kisses and every yearning is a bare interaction. Confessions and desire are always told when needed. We knew what were becoming to and this was a sin that children like us are not suppose to play with. And those who play with fire shall get wounded or burned will all of the flames that are nourished.

I was no longer a child, no longer a girl as I stood in front of the mirror in my room. The fair and default skin was not blemished with marks and scratches. My heart ached as I think of my mother and father. I was no longer an innocent either untainted. I was now a seventeen-year old woman who has a lover and she had learned how to take off and put on her clothes in front of him. Guilt came to me as a tidal wave. It was raining within me and the storm never stopped. it grew stronger until it became a definite mayhem. The loneliness was only infinite, but the placebo was doing fine to me. It was so believable that sometimes I thought I was cured.

The spring has passed and summer was here once again. The very same scenario of Hoseok continued. He keeps on running and he keeps on living. He tells me that he was alright with every doze he encounters. He smiles whenever he was in pain and he laughs whenever grief comes upon him. Jimin retained himself. He was still the earnest and good friend. Minah and Hanna was the same too along with the observant Jungkook.

When summer classes were over too, weeks of vacation followed. Some fellow students planned to spent several days camping in the woods, some agreed to go to the amusement park or a water park. Some even have list of activities in their hands. This seventeenth summer of mine was supposed to be the same until Hoseok made a confession on the last day of classes. It was when I was on my way to the gardening club and had change of clothes. He was not running but he was in hurry. He was moving so much but he was sweating a lot. He lives as a finite contradiction in that moment, it was strange yet fascinating.

"Can I talk to you for few minutes?" it was unusual for him to speak that way. What made him more peculiar to appear was the fidgeting in his fingers. It instantly made me worried but before I was to ask what could have happened, he spoke first.

"Can you come with me to the city?" he asked. The place he pertained to was the city where Yoongi currently resides. It was a vast land, a crowded place and a jungle of assorted and unknown souls. Hoseok insisted me to come although I haven't answered yet. He said that I must for I was the only person who could be aware of it.

"Why?" I muttered in confusion.

"My father was there. I have to find him before my mother's birthday." he hastily said. I recalled the time back then when Mrs. Jung said that her husband was leaving for work. I remembered the time when Hoseok proudly expressed his excitement for his father's new work. I remembered when they both smiled sweetly as if it was the best thing to happen. I remembered the time when it was Hoseok's first try of pretending. I couldn't be surprised anymore, I have to be prepared for another bitter but truest truth.

I am unsure if I had to come with him or not, but in the end the hesitation burned with the desire to remain with the company. I became required to lie to my father and mother in order to fulfill Hoseok's request. I packed up few clothes, brought the camera he gave to me and wore the shoes that was from him too. I said that I was going to a hike with Minah and Hanna. I used their name to get away without them knowing. I am aware of the consequences, but what can I do? It was only I whom Hoseok can fully depend on without bearing a single worry.

We met by the station by four in the morning. We had decided to leave in that early hour so that no one would see us stepping inside the train. Hoseok purchased two one way tickets. We were supposed to get two ways, but he suggested that we will getting a pair when head back. It was long while since I last boarded the train. It was also going to be quite a long journey to the city that I am yet unfamiliar with. While we are sitting across the row and facing each other, he borrowed my phone and started to look into maps. Though I wasn't looking, I knew that he was making himself informed about the city's streets and landmarks. He has been thinking ever since we met today and as we ate he was still staring thoroughly at the screen.

It was afternoon when we arrived there. The subway station was crowded as expected and as we stepped out of the train, he held my hand to avoid missing each other. We paused by the waiting shed as we anticipated for a taxi to pick us up and then, Hoseok had began speaking after eight hours. He handed me a piece of paper and there was written an address. When I paid a glance to him, he told me that the residence put there was his father's. A smile of relief was in him. He was glad that finally he can see him again. He was also nervous and wondering if Mr. Jung will be able to recognize his son after a decade.

"Will he be glad to see his son? Will he give me an embrace? I wonder what it will be like." he said with a shaking smile.

"Whose parents wouldn't be happy to be reunited with their children?" I returned a question and gladly I cheered him a little bit. The crescent shape that his lips formed was genuine for a moment.

His heart has been pounding as we went inside the taxi. Hoseok gave the piece of paper to the driver and requested to be brought to that address. The aged man nodded and so another two hours of journey was spent. The home of Mr. Jung for the recent three years was located closer to the forbidden slums of the city. As we get closer and closer to our destination, the putrid smell and people greeted us along with half-dressed and barefooted children. It was a saddening face of society. They should be indoors for the weather was hot and sun was burning but they are outside and playing with extravagant smiles and laughter.

We eventually set our feet on the exact address. Along with our baggage, nervousness and excitement, Hoseok pressed the button and the door opens. It's not like I was expecting the best but when it turns out to be a woman that was around Mrs. Jung's age, I instantly felt chagrin. She was fairly dressed however her entire face was painted with strong cosmetics. Her perfumes immediately bite our noses as she approaches us. She was polite and soft-spoken yet I couldn't help but to seemed intimidated. This was maybe how people living in the city looks like. They might look heavy and uneasy to talk to, but not everyone has the heart like how they appear of visually.

It was some conversation before we were let inside. The woman asked for Hoseok's name and age and interrogated how he was connected to Mr. Jung. It was a casual interaction until she noticed the piece of paper that he was holding. Then, I was asked to introduce myself. I gave my name and said that I am currently at the last year of high school. However, when I was demanded to speak of my relation to Hoseok, he interrupted and vigorously revealed that I was his beloved.

The stranger woman smirked as she hears of that. She was partly impressed yet still collecting a sufficient reason to believe in us. Hoseok continued telling until he had stated that he was the man's son. She was not surprised at all and instead of putting a reaction, she opened the door wider and told us to get inside. I was thinking excessively as we entered the home that was quite of mess and disorganization. There are bottles of alcohol in the doorway and I immediately noticed the ash tray lying at the top of the kitchen sink that was not too far away from the welcome path.

Washed clothes are hanging by the corridor that it almost blocked the sunlight and the floor was dusty too. It was truly lacking in cleanliness but I told myself that such a tiny matter shouldn't bother me. We did not come to stay there anyway, we came to meet his father that he had been missing so much. The nights that he spent praying and hoping had been paid and the day that he once wished to have during the town festival has been granted. His eyes that are previously filled with forcefulness and pretending is now shining with yearning and anticipation. He was even bowing and grateful as we sat down on the sticky couch.

It was a new world for me and this could be how Yoongi feels like when he arrived in this city. But he is moving forward to his dreams so I don't think there was an ache within him. He is not living in a similar room; I don't think he has even thought of sadness here. The woman introduced herself, she told us that her name was Jia but it wasn't the one that was in her national I.D. She said that it was just a nickname and Hoseok's father likes to call her of that. Though it hasn't been stated yet, both of us came into realization that she was Mr. Jung's woman. It was upsetting.

"You kind of resemble your father." she complimented Hoseok. He was still feeling better despite of the truth.

"I haven't seen him for ten years. I was only seven when he left home." he responded.

"I only met him last year. I was homeless back then and with your father's kindness he took me home. Yes, as you can see we are sleeping together but couldn't get married at all because he had a family. He told me stories about you and your name too. Hoseok, isn't it?" she sat down on a rotating chair, crossed her legs and arms. She was sympathetic but at the same time there was a belittling.

"Is he that kind?" Hoseok asked. I paid attention to his lips than to his eyes. The woman laughed joyfully and I found it unfitting.

"Yes, he is but he doesn't have a heart." she nodded.

"I'm sorry but what does that mean?" he kept being polite.

"He couldn't love anyone in the long run. It was always changing and I wonder how much time I have to stay here. To tell you of this, I feel bad for your mother. I once told him to return to his family but I don't think he had the desire to see his son although he was wishing to. Sometimes, I couldn't understand him but he is a hardworking man. He was never short on finance too and every Saturday night we eat outside. To have him is like my ideal dream in my teenage dreams, but it was not meant to be flawless." it was a long statement. By that moment we fell in between sorrow and celebration and eerie silence blanketed the damp atmosphere. All of a sudden, the bright blue sky darkened and rain poured like the tears of someone who lives in constant misfortune and failures.

"You two could rest in my room for now while you are waiting for him. But, do not do that. I know that you two are dating but do not do that. I do not permit that thing here." a little blush formed on our cheeks but still the heaviness of patience retained. Hoseok lay on her bed, but I kept standing behind the closed door. I wandered my eyes and as I saw the slightly opened window, I went towards it and found the view of two worlds. On the north, there are tall buildings and pretty skyscrapers but on the direction where we are torn places, wet roads and people. I could hear the market's noise but couldn't tell where it was coming from.

Hoseok coiled there and fall asleep. I closed the window and the air conditioner so that he wouldn't be disturbed in his rest. I went out of the room and saw her putting her shoes on. She waved at me and said that she'll be right back after running for some groceries.

"We never have visitors before." she uttered as she picks her purse, opens and closes the door.

It was unusual for me not to feel exhausted from travel. I couldn't remain seating too. So, I couldn't hold back my urge to clean the house I grabbed the pair of gloves beside the stove and began washing the dishes. I was killing my perpetual boredom and after the dishes I went to fold the dried clothes and I brushed off the dust on the couch. When it took a little long before she returned, I cleaned the floor. I continued cleaning up until there was nothing to do.

The night falls solemnly in the vast city. The market noise was still there and Hoseok haven't coming out of the room ever since I left him sleeping in the bed. Rain had stopped and the warmth of summer contained in the streets. There was an irremovable acrid smell in the air as if it was already part of the place. I sat down at the corner of the house near the window and glances at the night sky. I was still waiting for the woman to come back for she said that she only went out for some groceries but she was taking long. I wonder if she was with Mr. Jung now and deliberately talking about on how to meet his son. I hope it will be a remarkable reunion with affection instead of hatred and questions.

A lot of pessimism and optimism flowed on my thoughts. I wa praying for good things to only come on our, on everybody's way but my heart keeps on dictating that there was none to expect. I checked my phone as I waited and saw messages from my father asking if I had eaten and reminding me not to forget putting on my insect repellant lotion. An ache flicked me, they do not know that I lied about the hiking. Deep within me was pushing me to stop committing deeds that are not suppose to be done and also my body's desire to create and collect more secrets.

For a brief moment in my lone hour, I strongly prayed for freedom. I begged the heavens to hand me a good amount of courage to resist and learn the truth. I want to stop before I completely sink in this secrecy. I know that it is selfish to keep Hoseok and live without contempt. I know that one day; I will either lose one, lose both, gain one or gain both. In that while, I was ambivalent, confused and feels embarrassed and imprisoned.

When the clock has hit eight in the evening, the door where Hoseok sleeps opened. He slowly stepped out with a disheveled hair and a hand gripping on his chest. He wandered his eyes and found me sitting in the distance and observing him quietly. He hastily walked towards and asked me if there was something that is wrong. I shook my hand and smiled generously and he sat down beside and embraced me with an arm. We had a small talk about the future but it wasn't the one about becoming a fully-pledge adult. It was about the university and the possibility of him to settle in this city while he study. He also plans to meet Yoongi before we return to the town. I kept listening to him and did not talked at all. Eventually, the woman and Mr. Jung knocked on the door that I opened.

"Alice?" Mr. Jung mumbled with a pair of furrowing eyebrows. I embarrassingly nodded and smiled a little.

"You've grown. You became the girl that your grandfather prayed." there was gladness in his expression as he received a confirmation from I. Hoseok then hastily went towards him. They looked into each other's eyes for a long moment. I was caught in between as recognition takes place.

"Hoseok?" his father uttered. There was an assurance yet no one in them could take a step forward.

"Yes, I am Hoseok Dad." he responded while shaking. A long pause came as the stares that they exchanged penetrated their hearts. Tears followed and without saying of anything, they moved towards each other and embraced. I averted my gaze and turned around to the kitchen but even with a short distance I could hear their weeping and through the cries I could see the tight hugs of people whose parted for a decade.

I avoided listening but I can still hear how Mr. Jung was apologetic to his son. He expressed his regrets on leaving his family and his deep yearning for them. He said he tried to return home last year but he couldn't because it might damage their peaceful living in the town. I could feel the man's resentment and how he was ashamed that this day came. To an aged man that I couldn't recall how he looked like back then, it was all about his punishment for being a terrible parent. But to a growing boy whom is gradually transcending into a man of woe and secrets, it was all about a blessing and a prayer that has been finally answered.

Mr. Jung definitely changed from inside and out. Though it was blurry, the bump on his stomach has disappeared. He is now wearing thick prescription glasses and dressed in a less-groomed way. Even still, the uncanny resemblance of him and his son remained noticeable. The family had stopped crying after an hour of stuttering conversations and sobs. The next moment that came was that we were eating in one table. I barely took a bite of the meal for suddenly I was uncomfortable to be sat with the three of them.

After the dinner, she lent us of her room to sleep. At the end of the day, I was glad that Hoseok's illness did not took place even once for now. I reminded him to take his medication before he went to sleep and when all of the lights had been out, I was the only one who stayed up in the rest of the hours. I went on staring at the sky and thinking of our friends and family. My father must have been worried and couldn't get a good rest. By this hour, by one o'clock in the morning, he could be walking all around the workshop. I wanted to wake Hoseok but he might not fall asleep immediately. I was about to tell him that I want to return home tomorrow morning, but I am afraid that he might be disappointed at me.

However, shall I leave with a letter of telling him about the re