She saw fireworks, butterflies and colors. It was a beautiful world filled with beautiful creatures. Everything else was magical and sensational. Her heart burst like a piñata being hit by a candy-wrapped bat. The orchestra music with a loud plays to dance on. Each throb on her chest becomes significant with every drop. The ice sheets in her eyes shattered. She finally finds spring within her. She realizes what the indescribable feeling that troubles her is. It was not a mere concern influenced by their friendship. It is love. It is the affection that she denies for a long while.

She cries. She cries not because she is sad. She cries because of a wretched heart. She cries at the view of her profound happiness that he had given unto her. She realizes her past and present feelings that consistently synchronize with her thousand thoughts. The series of stormy nights did not stopped but he becomes her home, her sole serenity. He is her sanctuary, his arms and voice sings her a lull. She cries with satisfaction and triumph. It is the beginning of being found. The days of being lost is coming into a closure.

He comes for the second embrace and he wiped the tears with his thumbs. The stars are on his eyes, the galaxy was in his hands. He was my day when I was night. He is my sun when I am the rain. He is my summer in this winter of mine. I shivered with his light touch on my face. I was strike by the lightning and the view almost blackout. There was nothing much for my body to remember than being prone to passing out. But, I didn't. I remained standing in front of him. We exchanged smiles and when I opened my mouth, no words will come out.

"Don't cry. Did I made you upset again?" he asked filled with worrying. I shook my head and said that I wasn't upset that I am full of gladness instead. He was puzzled and astonished. He was about to embrace me again but I took a step backward. It's not it is unnecessary but I think I do not deserve to be overwhelmed by this endearment. To see him, to hear is voice are the things that already good enough and sometimes too much on me. There is nothing that I often wish for other than his happiness and health. For to be the root of that beautiful and fascinating smile and the contagious laughter is something that's selfish.

"Hoseok, I missed you. I have been always wondering when this day will come. I have been always wondering if you are sleeping, eating and recovering well. I have been always looking at the window next to mine. I have been always waiting for you to come back. I'm sorry for crying again, I tried not to but I failed." a silly chuckle followed these words. I was more than embarrassed for embarrassing myself. I was unable to look back to him for seconds. However, it's strange how it feels good to say truest matters to him. To be a little honest like this is maybe the first step in ending the melancholy. I was guessing and pondering and he knew that I was.

"I couldn't stand seeing you mad, cry or sad. I'm sorry for taking long. It should have been only weeks but it became months. By the way, thank you for the book that lent to me. If you did not came on that day, I don't think I'll be here today. To be alone in that room was a torture. I ate everything you brought; I didn't shared it with anyone even with the doctor that had helped a lot during therapy. They told me that I shouldn't be eating greasy and unhealthy foods, but I still took all of it." he smiled with the invisible perturbation.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to visit you often but I was needed in Papa's work. I think growing up a little bit makes you a busier person." I exhaled as I tried to hide that I was suddenly restricted on going outside especially to the hospital. However, there was no secret that will be kept forever. Hoseok, without a grain of hesitation speaks out of it.

"I know, we aren't allowed to see each other when I'm ill." his smile shifts into a gesture of being discomfort.

"It's not like that. I was grounded because I broke some rules at home. Well, it's that I am-" I attempted to cover it with a lie. I tried to pretend that it was not something that will affect us in the long run, but tells me of the reason that I do not want to know.

"My mother said that you could catch my sadness if we ever meet often. Mr. and Mrs. Jang are against on that decision but in the end they thought of your sake. Who wants to witness their daughter succumb in loneliness? No one." he interrupted with an explanation. I felt disappointed not only to myself but to everybody else. Is it a horrible thing to share the melancholy to a friend? Is it a wrong thing to let anyone to cheer up somebody? Is it not good to be on a person's side when it was needed the most? I couldn't understand why they made us separate. I couldn't understand why I couldn't see a friend that I already had in childhood. I couldn't understand why it was way worse than running away as my mother nags at me. Why do they be this cruel when are only still grown-up children and still at the state of finding our true selves?

We looked at each other's eyes and saw each other's sadness and longing. Hoseok begins to blame of himself. The painful view of him was couldn't be brushed off with smile or a sweet laughter. It was hurting deep inside. The heart was swinging towards an abyss. It was not the same as mine, his' was not an ocean or an athletic pool that nobody swims in. His' was a vast field of growing and withering flowers. His' has both rain and sunshine. In the midst of that world of his' there was a long line of burning flame that whoever goes near of it gets burned and frightful that they will not dare touching him once again.

We decided then to head home fast as we realized that the conversation will only take us to nowhere. We came back filled with hidden emotions and smiles. We pretended that we do not feel bad at all. We laughed and ate heartily as if it was not the last dinner that we will had with each other. The welcome back meal for Hoseok was not the way that our parents made it like. It was a farewell hour for as soon as the meat has been served, Mrs. Jung told me in front of them that they had moved home.

They had the considerable reasons that I could understand. Mrs. Jung wanted to keep her son closer so now they moved in a house near to her workplace. She stated that the decision has been all made in order to keep watch of Hoseok especially at night. She also mentioned that she couldn't just let her beloved son grow without a mother's guidance and advises. It was all from the parental love that even a woman who haven't conceived a child posses. She looks and watches him in warmth and fondness. To her, he was still her toddler, a boy who is afraid of thunder and couldn't sleep at night alone in his room. He was her heart's revival, her source of strength and the one who continuously provides the reason to keep on leaving and to dream. He was the half of her soul, the half of her heart. He was her very own son, the fruit of her prayers and the blessing that the heavens showered in her.

At the first step towards the door, I realized that the only way that I could talk and meet Hoseok is being at school. I wasn't told of their new address and I know that it means I am not allowed to see him aside from class hours. I began thinking of the possible ways instead of being anxious towards the situation. I do not know why I smiled steadily at him as I feel blissful as we stood outside while waited for the taxi to pick them up. We talked few more things. Few more trivial things that excluded our deeper thoughts. We talked about the events at school but never did we breathed anyone's name not even our friends. It's not like we don't want our parents to intercept our lives anymore, but it's that sometimes we live on like there was nothing to brood at. Sometimes, we would sit next to each other and become gleeful without a cause.

I do not feel afraid as I watched the vehicle they are boarding in moving away from the distance that I am standing still. Until the car painted in yellow disappears in the darkness, until the stars have shine a little brighter and until I was the only one there, I stayed. I was stagnant for almost half of an hour, I was not wishfully thinking but I was praying that time would stop or my memories will retain this kind of memories. Quick flashbacks of us when we were only young and still naive but happier because we haven't learned more than being in high school, being a good daughter and a son, being a good student and being someone who will be chasing his dreams for years. If only I could remember everything well after a decade, I will always cherish the most beautiful moments in life. If only I could, I would erase every sorrow, tears and frustration that I have and will going to have. For I want to die smiling and without regrets. I once told Hanna of this and she was agitated. She said that I was like only waiting for my end instead of living the current chapter of myself without reading the next pages.

The next morning, I headed first to the garden instead to the classroom. I found Jungkook there tending the soil and reading at the same time. He was reading the guide for growing crops. He was not in his uniform, he was in the clothes that he probably wears whenever he does gardening. Pants for a casual walk, a white t-shirt and an apron to prevent himself from getting all mudded. Aside from wearing a pair of gloves too, he had the rubber boots on to. I helped out in the activity as soon as I returned with a different set of clothes too. It was still an early morning with few students coming and strolling all over the school campus until a loud, thin and a disturbing scream echoed through the walls, through the stairs, through the hallways and through doors.

It was a girl whom screamed. Everyone who heard her well hurried to where she was. It was a classroom that is currently being used by sophomores like us. A classroom that is only a footstep afar from ours. No one knew how it happened, surprised and chill poured all over us. Some fellow students who ran along with us passed out and some threw out. Jungkook and I stood there with eyes wide open and strength almost departed from our bodies. There was no an issue of bullying last year and so today. No one has been reported to be losing herself neither someone who attempted to take her own life. However, on this very day it occurred. A female student who is rarely known by her classmates and is a separated soul was found hanging by the window with braided and tied shoelaces around her neck. She was in her uniform with her hair dripping wet and newly washed shoes.

"Someone! Someone go to the faculty! Someone call the teachers!" she cried aloud and shriek as she stares at her deceased classmate. Last night she was told to meet her an hour earlier from classes. She was told that she is going to tell her something since she was the class president. There was a crumpled paper inside her skirt's pocket. Vague phrases that reflect the person's envy, sadness and repression were written there.

Hanna is really pretty.

Our class president is really bright

If only I could, I had no friends

I am nowhere pretty

I have been rejected by this world

I can't do it anymore

I will not be sorry. I want to rest... I want to stop.

The paper was dry and unstained, yet it was drenched in tears and sweat. The teacher came with shock and tears at the corner of their eyes. The screams didn't stopped, it multiplied and lowered. Jungkook covered my eyes and dragged my away from the classroom as fast as he could, but I had seen it all clearly and vividly. It was the face of a person who lost it all. It was the look of a body whose soul has completely wandered to a different world. No one could tell why she did it aside from the note. She didn't fight with anyone, she was not called ugly by any boy, she was loved at home yet she crossed it. She hopped into the forbidden line. Now, she is completely gone and will never be seen anymore. To her, everything has ended like the last page of a book.

Eventually the disturbed school became filled with other students, the police and some government people. The red and blue blinking lights of the vehicle patrol hurt my eyes for a while. People with gloves, masks, they are the ones from the hospital rushed to the area. They were carrying a stretcher, a blanket and bags that probably contain tools for settling the body. Few are crying, several are praying for her soul, but the majority was only bothered after the suspension has been announced. She was a faded paint and they have decided to commemorate her for the next few days. Have they lost her? Have it hurt them? Have they realized what she tried to tell in the letter? No, aside from concluding that she was full of insecurities and a repressed soul.

My father called me too as soon as he received the news. He was worried about me although I was nowhere harmed in the situation. He requested me to come home before lunch but I refused to. I had to stay along with the others, along with the gardening club that has a leader who doesn't lives in the past. She was a senior who do not want to leave her youth yet. She was a year older in her class than what she should be. After the body has been taken away from the classroom that is now being labeled as tainted and possibly haunted, some stayed around the school's vicinity, some headed home and few were sent to the hospital due to fainting. I didn't met neither Hoseok, Jimin, Yoongi or Hanna or Minah.

Jungkook and I along with the fellow club members returned to the garden to tend the soil. We are now at third part of getting all the weeds cleared and putting fertilizer. The activity of the adolescences last for hours until it was proper afternoon. We decided to take a break and resume by one o'clock. The teachers advised us to head home already but they didn't forced us to since we are a club that contributes a lot to other clubs.

When we came by the canteen, the chatter about the incident between students continues. They said they couldn't believe it, they said that it was truly unexpected and they questioned the person's classmates level of concern. Someone said that they could have saved her if only they paid attention. Some said that a death like that could never affect the lives of the rest. They said, she could have been saved if only she had friends. We sat there and ate our meal with half disgust and dejection. Then, the basketball club arrived in a flock. Eyes are automatically turned to their direction especially to Yoongi who is becoming more popular as he become better in playing.

The next moment, in the turn of the frequent events, Hoseok entered the canteen alone. Yoongi greeted him and invited him to sit with his team but he declined and kept on walking until he was in front of the desk and deciding what to get for lunch. Jungkook caught me staring and he was confused as he learns who I was looking at. He gave momentary glances to both of us, the color of his expression changed.

"Alice." he called. I quickly responded looked into his droopy eyes.

"You are always looking out for Hoseok." there was a tiny smile in him. I nodded and averted my gaze. At the blink of an eye, he walked away from the ordering desk and goes to the corner where we are seated. I stood as fast as I could and separated myself. I walked away without looking back. I was suddenly in panic and at the urge of moving away. The odd feeling has returned. My heart is pounding and I couldn't think of anything than him. I was shaking as I reached the field and memories of seeing run in order to beg the heavens to cure him retracted in me. I fell on my knees, let myself reminisced those. Abruptly, I was a fool crying for remembering.

When I opened my eyes, wiped the tears of naivety and rose, the realization of my feelings repeated. I know why I was losing my mind back then. I know why my heart is pounding and racing. I know what drives me this way. I know what is putting me into insanity. I know why I am beginning to understand Hanna. I know why I couldn't look at Jimin they way I look at him. I do love him. I am in-love to him. I am in-love in Jung Hoseok. He taught me of the denied truth last night and somehow I tasted a little freedom.

"Stop crying." when I lifted my head, I saw him. He was handing a handkerchief to me. His forehead was curled into worrying and his eyes don’t have a single stain of sinister in them. It was like he has been purified. His presence became childlike than last time. He was not in school uniform, he was in pajamas. He was barefooted and the ice blue color in his irises stood out in the sunlight.

"I don't think I'll be able to stop." I answered while wiping away the left over tears on my cheeks.

"You should stop crying but do not stop loving a person wholeheartedly." he said without a smile or a change in his expression. I accepted the handkerchief that he offered but when my cellphone rang it disappeared. My tears were dried well in it but as it vanished along with him. I answered my call and it was Jungkook. He told me to go back to the canteen.

When I returned to the canteen, the gardening club has left. Even the basketball club and Hoseok alone was gone. I maybe made them mad because I walked out without even bidding an excuse. I was repulsive there that Hoseok could have been feeling the same way as them. I wandered my eyes, opened my ears, they are still talking about her. Sympathy and amusement filled the atmosphere. The red and blue lights of the police car are still can be seen from the windows. There are still people but the body has been brought to the hospital. Then, Jungkook came from an unexpected direction the east.

"I'm sorry for calling you. What happened? Did you feel sick?" Jungkook asked as he approaches me.

"I'm sorry for suddenly leaving." I immediately returned an apology.

"Hoseok smiled but he was flustered." he said.

"Why?" I flinched.

"He didn't say anything. By the Alice, don't worry the club president is not mad. But the gardening project will continue later on. The faculty told us to go home now. All of the classes have been suspended now. We will not be having classes tomorrow. See you then by Friday. Be careful on your way home." Jungkook unusually cut the conversation short as if he was in hurry. He also gave me the pieces of chocolates that lived inside my pocket overnight and said that these fell when I stood up. He walked fast paced with fidgeting fingers at the hem of his shirt. I left and headed home then afterwards.

The next day, I spent the rest of the early hours by staring at the daylight passing through the window pane. After taking breakfast, I went to my mother's library and scrolled my fingers on the covers of countless books. I was able to pick what to look at, but somehow I didn't read it. Instead, I left it on the top of other books and decided to take a walk. Jungkook sent messages of his likeness to see me, Minah too sent a similar text. The two of them both asked me to meet them by the river bank where we used to play tag and hide and seek.

Gladly, my father allowed me to go outside since he also witnessed that there was nothing for me to do at home. After he had given me an amount for buying snacks, I returned to my room and changed my clothes. I wore the pair of shoes that Hoseok gave to me on my birthday and also brought the Polaroid camera that I haven't pressed for the meantime. I walked on my way to the river bank. The town where we are living is never changing. There are still cherry blossom trees on the sidewalk. The row of old houses is still there and remained untouched by any paint nearby the convenient store. The roads still gray and barely had cracks in it. There are still children playing by the well-maintained playground. There are still groups of youth in their bicycles. It was a steady place whatever happened. The news of a student committing suicide has been scattered, but nobody seemed to be alarmed or worried about it. This was indeed the town of the undistracted people.

It was loud by the river banks. There are shouts of joy and playfulness. There are loud thuds and footsteps too. I stood there quietly and watched them run with pretty smiles on their faces. Everyone was there with their stuffed bags leaning on the ground. Jungkook and Jimin are following Yoongi who runs like the wind and Hoseok was affecting all with his contagious laughter. Minah and Hanna are sitting on the grass together with their lips constantly moving. We are still children, I had to remind myself. We only have grown a little but we are still the people that are liable into mistakes and troubles.

"Alice! What are you doing there? Come here." Hoseok called as soon as his glance caught me. I quickly climbed down to meet them.

"What took you long?" Jungkook asked while gasping for the breathes that he lost when he ran.

"I had to ask for my father's permission. I'm sorry for having you wait for me." I replied.

"Shall we go now?" Minah said with both hands on her waist. Hanna stands and picks up their belongings.

"Where are going?" I wondered. Hoseok went on behind me and he suddenly pulled my left hand. Aside from me, no one among the rest noticed the odd action.

"We are going to watch movies, play board games and eat at Jimin's place." Yoongi responded. Out of everyone, he was the most excited one. There was a mild disimiliarity in his smile too like it was expressing celebration.

"Let's go." Hoseok told me as everybody began climbing up to the road. I followed them with hurry.

I