One arm was towards the gray blankness in his front. The other arm was reaching out to me. The person has been dreaming for ten hours. He has been wondering outside with a soul traveling to a different world in the first falling of the snow for today. He had a bump on his forehead that I didn't easily noticed before the his scratched and bleeding feet soaked in the coldness. The hem of his pajama pant was ripped and his hair was polluted with whites and confusion. Jung Hoseok looks at me and a smile and tear came out. I muttered of his name along with the gradual movement of my feet. No matter how much I force myself to move faster, I felt the invisible chains wrangling on my ankles. My chest began pounding and my arms seemed like they had lost strength on its own. The sheer but intoxicating sadness was contagious. He hadn't cried after a smile before. It was always followed by his dry and youthful laughter with his eyes closed. He was supposed to wave his arms wider but instead the other hand was trembling and reaching out to me.

The next seconds of our eyes gazing at one another and exchanging indescribable emotions and senses despite of the touch's absence, it was nowhere quiet though cars rarely passed behind me. At first, the snow felt soft and watery for me, but now it only felt gritty and rough like the sand by the beach. Unpleasant, depressing and dark; this is how I judged the seventeenth winter in my life. Yesterday, our friends went into a quarrel and no reconciliation happened and today Hoseok had experienced a severe episode of his illness. Minah was crying and Hanna had a sullen look on her face. Everything was absurd and uncomfortable ever since. I was only praying for good things to come, but why all of these painful things occur? Is this the price for growing up and realizing the matters that I didn't before? Is this really difficult? Why would I have to sacrifice my heart most the time when I only wanted to hold those whom are dear to me? Why do Hoseok always had to suffer this way? Why does it have to be him? Why does it have to be him who should bear these terrible feelings?

Why? Why? Why does it have to be him?

"Don't come any closer." Hoseok was not reaching out to me. He was instead, drawing me away with his pale palm. I had it wrong. His empty gaze shifted into a glare. His eyes sharpened and he was hardening his jaw. Behind those whitened lips, I heard the gritting of his teeth and the other arm pointing at the gray sky was bearing a clenching fist.

"Don't do that!" I shouted although I knew that I would appear annoying to him instead of a relief. His expression became a deepened stern. He continued on shaking his other hand and asked me to leave him. It was pinch on me. I couldn't do it even he was pushing me all away from there. I cannot leave him like that especially when he is struggling in the extreme sleepiness and lack of rest. Hoseok shouted at me too. He told me to go home already and ignore what I have seen. Therefore albeit he said that he will be fine, he was still standing by the railing. He tried to deceive me that he will not be jumping down by a brief yet aching smile. By that moment, Hoseok was an idiot who has no faith in me. He was a fool that pretends to be stronger although he was already falling apart and soon to collapse. I dislike this part of him. I despise it when he had called me his important friend yet he was blowing me away from him. Such kind of paradox is something that I cannot contain. It angers me and droves me into being incapable of controlling myself.

"Go now. I'll return home and see you. Alice, please. Leave me for now." his voice lowered. It was raspy and gasping. He was exhausted. Those eyes had darkened shade underneath them. Those pupils are faltering and that vision is beginning to fail. It was getting blurry and distorted. I cannot leave him, I'll remain. I'll grab him away from the railings if possible. I don't care if I'll get hurt like the last time. I need to take him away from there before it's too late. I don't want to be in remorse after this. So, I'll do it!

"Go down Hoseok! You're stupid!" I did cursed under my breath. From the stern look in him, it shifted into a surprise and panic. Lumps of snow went into my clothes and I was soaked, but it didn't interrupted me during the rescue. Though I tried my best not to hurt him, I ended up doing it. When I gripped him by waist and dragged him out of the railings with all of my guts and irritation. He almost fell on the frozen river for he pushed me and I lost my grip around him. My arms slipped and I stumbled. When I thought that it was the end for me, a loud voice of a cheer was heard. After wandering my eyes for seconds due to shock and panic, I found the driver of the taxi that I rode holding tightly onto Hoseok's hobble wrist.

"What are you doing lad? What are you doing to your beautiful life?" the man questioned Hoseok. It placed him in awe and he looked to the man. There was a sudden pondering along with the glistening in his eyes. The wide-opened palm clenches and he moves on his own. Hoseok puts one of his feet back on the bridge's surface and the taxi driver pulls him upward until he was no longer left hanging on the edge. The taxi driver repeated his asking and revealed that he could not just let a poor boy end his beautiful life.

"My beautiful life?" Hoseok muttered of this along with a round of contemplation and scrutiny. A discomforted laughter came and tears quickly followed. The taxi driver gently took away his hands from him. I hastily wrapped him in the coat that Jimin provided for me and insisted that we are going home. However, he frantically shook his head and held onto my arms like a frightful toddler. Then, the kind taxi driver inquires to me if he was my relative. I said that Hoseok and I are not blood-related but he was neighbor. The older man suggested me to call Hoseok's guardian if possible. But, Hoseok flinches and pleads me not to call anyone regarding the incident. Instead of bringing him back at home or bringing him to the hospital, he seeks a place where I can remove him from everyone else's sight for the rest of the day. It made me flustered and quiet, I couldn't respond at all for I wouldn't do a such deed. Also, there isn't a place I know where I can bring him aside from home. So, I shoved out the idea of granting his wish and took out my cell phone to call Mrs. Jung.

"I'll try calling Mrs. Jung-" these words slipped on my tongue. Hoseok buries his head deeper onto my torso and suddenly begging me not to surrender him to anyone. I was uncertain, surprised and frozen. The taxi driver interrupts him and he was carried to the vehicle. What came next became more distressing to mine. Hoseok turned aggressive as he resists the older man's grasp around his body. He pushed him, unconsciously hits him on the cheek and it hurt the person. I immediately apologized and it was thoroughly accepted although it had left a red mark on the man's face. Hoseok was only able to be tranquilized when I told him that I will not be bringing him home. He went onto to me in a childish way. He was crouching and avoiding driver's multiple glances of condolence.

I had no one else to ask for assistance except from my father and Jimin. I couldn't ask Minah for it for she haven't pick any call that I make for her. I couldn't do the same too for Hanna and Yoongi is currently boarding a train to visit his grandparents. Taking out my father as one of the choices, it became Jimin. Since I had to keep my promise to Hoseok, I finalized it to call this friend again. Half embarrassed, half hesitant, I pressed on his number and it only rang twice then it was picked up. The caring friend whom is quick in responding said that he will come to us and I just have to wait for few minutes. Hoseok was half-asleep again and was not conscious about the person whom we will meet eventually. As we waited, I and taxi driver carefully put Hoseok inside the cab to aid the cold he is suffering in. When we are inside, I used the package of domestic tissues and hot packs that were given for free in the supermarket. I placed the patches on his icy neck to comfort him and brushed off the dirt and snow on his head. I also cleaned his injured feet. He had calmed down that he had fallen into a slumber. This time, it was a deep and peaceful one. I rested his head on my lap and in the midst of the stressful silence Jimin arrived knocking at the vehicles window.

"Are you alright?" he quickly wondered as soon as I opened the door. He steps inside and checks Hoseok's condition. He suggested to bring him to the hospital but I asserted that we shouldn't. Thankfully, Jimin didn't demand an explanation and instead he began thinking that it resorted into bringing Hoseok to his house.

"Will he be fine at home? My parents went on a trip but my brother is there." he breathed. Though I haven't mentioned of it, Jimin remembered that Hoseok dislikes being at the hospital each time his disorder reoccurs.

"Alright, then let's go. Please drive us to this street." Jimin hops out and opens the door opposite on the driver's seat. He politely spoke to the older man and the vehicles moves its way towards a different direction.

There was neither agony, irritation nor shock in Jimin's eyes. He was even composed on the matter as if he is used on it. This view of him sent an electrifying yet an assorted impression to me. Right by that moment he was not a child like us, but an adult in a lad's body. His gestures, his extra politeness towards the kind and helpful taxi driver and how he checks Hoseok. As we arrived at his house, Jimin only became more serene when he found his younger brother waiting for him at the front door with only a pair of thin sleeping clothes. Jimin dearly calls the child that resembles him in a lot of ways and requested him for prepare a futon in the living room nearby the heater. The child with long eyes and scarlet lips nodded his head and immediately returned inside. In his obedient and a partially-blank reaction, I can see that he doesn't have doubts in following his brother although he seemed surprised to find Jimin bringing strangers to their home.

I was the last one to enter the Park Family's residence because I had to pay for the taxi fare. I showed my gratitude to the taxi driver with an additional amount and bowing my head while thanking. As I turned around and faced the home where I haven't been before despite of being Jimin's friends for years, his younger brother was standing straight by the front door and waiting for me to be finished. I plastered a tiny smile as I went towards him. The quiet and well-mannered child accompanied me inside and surprisingly the house was an old traditional one. It was very similar to my house that I thought I was already home. If only the furniture were not different I would be mistaken. The only dissimilar there was smell, the placement of the bulb in the living room's ceiling and the lack of picture frames hanging on the wooden walls.

At my home, it would always smell of flour, cinnamon and butter but in Jimin's home it smelled of air fresheners and lemon grass. It was a fresh type of scent o me although it was familiar. As his younger brother whom was quite timid and shy leads me to the living area, I found Hoseok already lying on the futon. He remained asleep and stiff too. He was placed near the heater and wrapped in a soft and thick blanket. I bowed my head to the younger brother as a gesture of gratitude for letting me inside and when Jimin was going to reproach me, he hastily ran upstairs while biting his lip. Jimin went towards me with a half smile that shifted into a wide, sweet and genuine one as he expresses his delightfulness for seeing be twice in a day like this. But instead of repaying him a smile too, I asked him a favor to do for me.

"Jimin, can you do one thing for me?" I posed a question to him.

"Yes, what is that?" he opened his eyes wider and loosened his folded arms.

"Can you keep this as a secret from Yoongi, Minah and Hanna?" I said.

"Yes, I will. I won't tell anyone about this."

"Thank you, Jimin." I sighed and displayed a tiny and dreaded smile. I didn't intend to hide how I currently feel at the moment. My gaze switched from him to the sleeping Hoseok. He was resting peacefully and he was barely twitching. In slow and quieted footsteps, I went towards him and brushed his hair away from his eyes. His round yet smooth and pale forehead was showing along with his parted chapping lips. Jimin caught me looking at Hoseok with endearment and the look in his eyes became dimmer. We looked at each other, stared and I watched his smile fade into a frown. There was sadness, there was disappointment, and it produced an alienating atmosphere. He averts his attention from me and he turns away.

"I'll make you a cup of hot chocolate. Please wait here." he said quietly, almost whispering. I watched him walk away. For awhile, I noticed of something. As my old and recent memories scrambles at the silence of the hour on my mind, I don't know why a person's back view is lonesome when it was only them. There was an eerie repression and a cup of heaviness in it. This is how I felt when I watched Jimin stopped talking and leave. It was the same for Hoseok during the countless times that we had walked home together and he was going first and to my father doing his job in his workplace. It's such a strange thing to point out, but I couldn't help it. Why does a person's back looked so secluded and solitary when it was only them in the view?

I was about to put back my attention to Hoseok when I noticed a small figure luring from behind. It wasn't something else dangerous or odd, perhaps it was Jimin's younger brother. When I turned around, my hunch was accurate. He winces as soon as I caught him slowly and carefully walking towards us. I know that he was curious of whom we are and why did his brother bought home an asleep person. He must probably have these kind of thoughts on mind; Is he drunk? Why is he wearing only pajamas during winter? Why are his fingers and toes scratched?

To avoid intimidating the little Jimin, I flashed a gentle and only a subtle smile to him. I did a gesture of inviting him to sit down on my side. At first, he was hesitant, averting his gaze and shaking his head slightly. But then, afterwards he came to me and was giggling as the result of the perpetual shyness. He immediately looked down and began rubbing his fingertips together. He sat down with his knees raised and enclosed legs and arms encircled around it. We shared more glances and muted smiles until the timid has been lessened.

"W-what's your name?" this was his first sentence for me. He remained courteous in spite of the curiosity and maybe the spoonful nervousness and the lingering surprise he was stuttering.

"My name is Jang Allison. This person laying next to us is Jung Hoseok." in return, I eagerly responded to him. The little Jimin's forehead curls as soon as he hears my name. He titled his head to his left and looks back to me with another question.

"I haven't heard a such name before." a pout followed.

"Yes, it's because it's a foreign name." I snickered off. He had stopped talking and glued his eyes on the wooden floor. Silence dwelled in between us. The tranquilizing atmosphere was occupied by breaths, ticking of the clock and the snowfall that I was watching from the glass door of their home. Jimin returned with a tray of warm cups in his hands. He sits down to his brother's side and requested him to give one to me. I accepted it with a soft utter of thanks and I moved a little closer to the slumbering Hoseok. Jimin released rounds of exhales and bashful grins while watching his brother drink and finish the cup of warm milk. When the last drop landed on the young boy's tongue, he hastily put down the cup back to the tray and headed back upstairs.

For a while, it was slightly noisy. For a while, boredom was not noticeable. For a while, my mind was empty. Peculiarly, when I looked again at Hoseok I remembered the man standing on the same surface of the bridge's railings. That mischievous and rectangular smile, eyes that are blue as the sky and eyes and lips that are painted in strong and remarkable crimson. Unintentionally, in that color all that I can think is blood. Like someone has been pouring blood not in a violent manner, but instead in a whimsical way. Where did he go? How come he vanished that fast and left without even a single trace that he was there. What's with that? Am I daydreaming again? The pair of butterfly wings springing from his back was beautiful yet it looks very fragile and filled with darkness. It was something that is captivating and terrifying at the same time.

Once again, I heard the bird's wings flapping. I lifted my head and searched for it, but there wasn't a flight animal in the house. There wasn't one on the outside too. Then, my heartbeat began racing and I was becoming dizzy. I have seen a vision of a person's face. He was above me and staring at me with pity. A lump grew on my throat that it disabled me from saying anything. Then, numbness consumes my body and the view shifts into a vast darkness.

I closed and opened my eyes. I did the same thing for several times. I was hearing a voice, an unfamiliar one. It was calling my name in a panicking way. I tried to wake my other senses, but still I couldn't see of anything. It stopped and the next moment I was able to regain my consciousness. I found myself lying on the mattress where I was watching over Hoseok recently. It automatically came to me that I passed out. As I get up, I saw Hoseok and Jimin both sitting beside the glass door and moving their mouths. Those two were talking again with very soft voices that I could barely hear. Both of their heads turned to my direction when I removed the blanket on me.

Hoseok was not wearing the torn pajamas. He was in different clothes. Clothes that are not his', but Jimin's. A comfortable sweater, gray pants and a pair of clean white socks. A wide, cheerful and untainted smile came as soon as our gazes met. Jimin had a similar expression too when I glanced at him. The two of them went towards me and asked if I was feeling ill. I shook my head and displayed a puzzled expression. It was correct, I did passed out. But why? I don't even have a fever or caught a cold at all. I woke up late but feeling physically well though. I asked them on what happened and Hoseok said that I suddenly collapsed when he just woke up.

"Are you tired?" Hoseok asked. I shook my head and I immediately asked him too if he was feeling better. He left it unanswered. There was still misery in his eyes.

"Your phone was ringing constantly. I think you need to head back home now." Jimin suggested.

"It must have been my father." I muttered as I remove myself completely from bed. Jimin handed the device to me and when I opened it, series of long messages from Minah are there and missed calls from my father. It was already quarter to six in the evening It turned out that Jimin's parents have arrived an hour ago and they were in the kitchen and preparing dinner. I instantly felt ashamed to Jimin that I bowed my head and apologized for the inconvenience that I have caused him.

"It's fine, Alice. My parents are glad to have you here. Don't worry about it." he said in his prominent shyness that rarely occurs.

I proceeded into checking my phone; to read Minah's messages and to return a call to my father. To Minah's messages, it contained her thoughts and heartbreaks. She apologized to me, for the outburst and making Hanna cry and Yoongi upset. She constantly wrote my name in the beginning of the sentences. There was a lot of paragraphs and all of it was about expressing her embarrassment. Though I couldn't see her, I know and I can feel her loneliness that she was unable to sleep too last night. She must have been crying a lot until now and still blaming herself for the incident.