A/N: Why?! Why do I do this to myself?! Why do I keep delaying the inevitable?! **crying**

Woohyun peeked into the bedroom to see Sunggyu napping, peacefully. Sunghee told him that it was happening more frequently now.

It had been two weeks since the incident. Sunggyu refused to stay at the hospital and insisted on going home.

“I refuse to die in a hospital!” he screamed at them when they asked him to re-consider.

They had no choice but to comply with his wishes, unless they wanted him to revert back to his foul moods. It had taken him a week to talk to them without getting angry, and Woohyun didn’t take any of his biting and hurtful words to heart.

The older had reasonably calmed down since then, quietly accepting his fate. He even started joking about it, telling his sister not to go through his stuff after he was gone, to donate his collection of Nell and Infinite paraphernalia, and entrusting Woohyun with the secret of his stash of junk food under his bed.

Nowadays, he always slept and rarely ate. Woohyun would bring strawberries, just to urge him to eat something. Sometimes, he would simply sit on a bench outside in the gardens, wrapped up in a blanket, staring into the sky. Most of the time, he would just sleep wherever, in his room, on the couch in the living room, even on the garden bench outside.

The idol approached the bed and gently slipped in underneath the blankets with his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around the older’s waist. He placed a hand on the other's chest, feeling his heartbeat; it was a habit he had developed recently. For the next couple of minutes, he simply watched Sunggyu, taking in his chubby cheeks, his button nose, and his thin pink lips. Woohyun wanted to imprint his image in his brain so he would never forget.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, staring at Sunggyu, but eventually, the older stirred. His tiny eyes fluttered open and blinked for a few moments before his lips quirked into an affectionate smile upon seeing who was in bed with him.

“Hi, handsome,” he greeted.

Woohyun forced a smile. “Hi, beautiful.”

Sunggyu didn’t even protest at the endearment, simply snuggled closer to Woohyun. He had stopped pretending that he didn’t like Woohyun’s cheesy pick-up lines and displays of affection. It was both a blessing and a curse.

“I have a day off this weekend,” the idol said, running a hand through Sunggyu’s thinning hair. “What do you want to do? Name it, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure you get to do it.”

Sunggyu appeared to contemplate for a few minutes, his fingers playing with Woohyun’s lock necklace.

“Let’s go on a date,” he said, smiling widely. “Like our first date. Let’s watch a movie, eat out, and then go to the Han River.”

It was during that moment that Woohyun realized that they haven’t gone on a proper date since their spontaneous one during New Year’s. He had promised Sunggyu at the time that he would try to make sure that they did… but, he had just been too busy with his solo debut and it slipped his mind. And now… Now, he would make sure to fulfill that promise and many more.

The younger smiled at his adorable boyfriend’s hopeful expression. “Call!”

Sunggyu buried his nose into Woohyun’s chest, inhaling deeply and releasing a sigh. “You smell nice.”

“Hmm… You too.” The older always smelled like coconut. He blamed it on his favorite shampoo.

Another silence.

“Do you regret loving me Woohyun?”

The question clenched painfully at the younger’s heart, yet he simply kissed the older’s forehead. “Never. Not one moment. Not one second.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I told you to stop saying sorry.”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

Then don’t leave me, Woohyun wanted to say, but bit his lip, instead. It was a touchy subject for both of them. He wanted the older to keep getting treatment, to continue fighting to live.

But, he also knew that Sunggyu was tired… so very tired of the hospital, the painful chemotherapy, and the aftermath of vomiting, hair loss, and weakness. He was tired of making his sister and her husband stay up nights to watch him at the hospital, sacrificing their own married life to take care of him. He was tired of making his parents work to the bone and be away from him just to fund his treatments. He was tired of making Woohyun worry, cry, and sacrifice rest days just to spend time with him, risking his career every time he had to rush to the hospital to be by Sunggyu’s side.

“Don’t you have schedules today?” the older asked.

“Not until later,” Woohyun responded.

“Then you should be resting.”

“I’m resting right now.”

Sunggyu slowly lifted himself up to look at the younger in the eye. “You’re always here.”

“Don’t you want me around?” Woohyun teased, grinning.

The older flashed him a stern look of disappointment. “I don’t want you to halt your life, just because mine will be ending soon.”

The reminder stabbed through Woohyun’s heart. “I-I’m not halting my life.”

“Woohyun, you’re here every day now. It doesn’t matter what time of day, morning, afternoon, or late evening, you’re here. It’s not that I don’t want you around, it’s just you’re acting like-.”

“Like I’m going to lose my boyfriend soon?” the younger couldn’t help but reply, bitterly. “Like any day could be his last day and there’s no guarantee that I’ll be by his side?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Sunggyu said, defensively. “You have responsibilities to your career and to yourself too. I know you want to be with me all the time, but you have to take care of yourself too.”

“Whether you want me around or not, I’m still going to be here and you can’t stop me.”

The older bit on his lip as he looked down. “I don’t want you to stop living just because of me,” he whispered.

“Then let’s live together.” Woohyun lifted his chin with his fingers, flashing him the most tender and loving look, wanting nothing more than to convey his feelings with his eyes. He hoped Sunggyu could see them. “Let me live my life showing you how much I love you. Please.”

Sunggyu stared back at him, and the younger could see his resolve crumbling. When Sunggyu simply laid back down and snuggled closer to his chest, he knew the older had given in.

Despite his words, he knew that Sunggyu wanted him around. He needed him. And Woohyun needed him too.

+++++++

True to his word, that very weekend, Woohyun took his boyfriend out to the movies, at the same movie theater they went to on their first date. He borrowed one of his manager’s cars this time, just so they didn’t have to be their chauffeur on their day off too.

Just for the heck of it, they chose a superhero movie with plenty of explosions and action scenes more than an actual plot. And because the movie had been out for weeks, there weren’t many people in the theater. They fed each other popcorn and exchanged sweet pecks in between scenes.

The movie ended and the two headed for the exit, arm-in-arm, Sunggyu leaning heavily against Woohyun. They passed by the same photo booth, and this time, it was Sunggyu who begged to try it. When the photos printed, Sunggyu handed them over to Woohyun.

“You gave me the last one,” he said. “So, it’s only right that you take this one.”

Woohyun couldn’t deny him that, so he pocketed the photos and proceeded to drive them to the restaurant for dinner. The ride was silent, except for the radio playing.

Sunggyu looked out the window, humming along with to whatever song was on.

“Woohyun?”

“Hmmm?”

“We passed the restaurant we ate at last time. Where are we going?”

The younger only flashed him a mysterious smile. “I thought I’d take you somewhere a bit more… special.”

Sunggyu furrowed his eyebrows in confusion at him. “Where?”

That place ended up being Boohyun’s restaurant. Woohyun parked and led the older to the entrance, where they were welcomed by Woohyun’s brother himself and brought to an already ready table.

“Why is it so empty?” Sunggyu asked, looking around as Boohyun laid the food on their table.

It was dinner time and Boohyun’s restaurant was popular, so it was always full. The last time they were here for Sunggyu’s birthday, the older had prepared a private room for them, so they wouldn’t have to be swept up in the hustle and bustle of the main dining area. Now, there wasn’t even any need for that. Aside from Boohyun and two trusted servers, there was no one else in the restaurant.

“Your boyfriend here asked me for a favor, so I closed the restaurant for the night,” the elder replied, grinning. “How have you been, Sunggyu?”

“I’m… fine.”

He sounded unsure and a little embarrassed so Boohyun sympathetically patted his back before turning to his quiet younger brother.

“I’ll leave you to it, dongsaeng. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”

And with that, Woohyun’s brother left them alone.

Woohyun wasted no time in grilling the meat, his face serious and lacking the normally greasy smile he bore. Sunggyu silently picked at the side dishes, the younger could feel his eyes on him the entire time. Woohyun wanted to reassure him, but for some reason, he couldn’t find the right words or any words at all. So, he simply continued grilling.

“Woohyun?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?” Sunggyu’s voice sounded so worried that it made Woohyun’s heart ache.

He finally looked up to meet the older’s eyes - they were filled with concern.

“You’ve been quiet since we left the movies. Is there something wrong?” he continued to ask.

Woohyun could only stare at him for a few moments… his beautiful and handsome boyfriend… the person he held so close to his heart… the person he loved and was going to lose sometime soon…

Sunggyu must have seen his apprehension and sadness… the older could so easily read him.

“You know, some cancer-stricken people who stop chemo sometimes live up to 3 months to a year before they-.”

“Can we please not talk about this?” Woohyun snapped, unintentionally.

He saw a flash of hurt cross Sunggyu’s eyes. The older lowered his head, biting his lips.

Woohyun immediately felt guilty for his words. He had to confess, Sunggyu’s poor attempt to make him feel better didn’t really do much except remind him of the inevitable. Still, he couldn’t blame the older for trying. So, he reached across the table to place his hand over Sunggyu’s left hand that wasn’t holding the chopsticks.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you,” he said, in a gentle tone. He lifted the hand to his lips and pressed a loving kiss to the knuckles. “I just… I want to give you a wonderful night. I want to make it up to you. I’m sorry, jagiya, I didn’t mean it, forgive your stupid boyfriend.”

Sunggyu cleared his throat. “I get it. I understand. Sorry.”

The older couldn’t look at him now and Woohyun wanted to smack himself for being so insensitive. He was supposed to make Sunggyu happy. Yet, his own worries and unhappiness at the situation were preventing him from doing so.

In a way, Sunggyu had been right when he told Woohyun that he had stopped living his life. Sunggyu may be dying but he was still alive. Yet, Woohyun kept acting like he was already grieving his death.

He suddenly felt very, very, very, very guilty.

“Gyu?”

“Hmm?”

“Look at me.”

The elder lifted his head to meet Woohyun’s loving smile.

“I love you,” he said, before pressing kisses to the hand again. “My handsome, beautiful, and so very y boyfriend.”

At that, Sunggyu chuckled before removing his hand from Woohyun’s grasp and pinching his nose. “Stop trying to butter me up, I forgave you already. Now, hurry up with the meat, I’m hungry.”

The pinch hurt but Woohyun laughed anyway. “As you wish.”

Then, he winked, making Sunggyu blush.

The rest of dinner went with a much lighter atmosphere. They chatted, flirted, and fed each other from across the table. Sunggyu didn’t eat much, but he was smiling and laughing again. He looked happy.

The song playing in the background changed and Sunggyu suddenly paused, his ear perked to listen to the first few bars of the song. His eyes lit up.

“Woohyun, this is Nell’s ‘Stay’!” he said excitedly. “It’s my favorite!”

He started singing along and Woohyun could only watch him in adoration and joy. Sunggyu’s voice was beautiful… unique… like flowing water that Woohyun would gladly drown in.

It occurred to him at that moment that because their relationship was not exactly typical, they didn’t get to do many things that most couples got to do. Their public dates were rare, due to caution that someone might see Woohyun. They couldn’t hold hands because people would stare at two men holding hands. Even if Woohyun would do a lot of skinship with s and other idols for the sake of variety, it wasn’t as simple nor as acceptable off-camera and in public. And they haven’t…

“Sunggyu.”

The older paused in his singing. “Yes?”

Wordlessly, Woohyun got up and walked over to the other’s side, then held out his hand. “Will you dance with me, Kim Sunggyu?”

The older looked as if he was about to protest, but stopped. He simply looked at Woohyun with something akin to wonder before smiling and nodding, slipping his hand into the younger’s.

Woohyun led him into an open space in between tables and took his arms and wrapped them around his own neck. He then wrapped his arms around Sunggyu’s waist and began to sway them.

“I realized we haven’t danced at all since we started dating,” he said in answer to the older’s questioning gaze. “So, I thought why not seize the opportunity?” He pulled him closer. “I’m so sorry about my bad mood. It’s just… I’ve been stressed and… I’m sad… and angry… and afraid… and-.”

He was interrupted by Sunggyu’s lips on his, the older giving him a short kiss.

“For tonight,” the older whispered against his lips, his voice pleading. “Can we pretend that I’m not dying? Just for tonight, can we pretend that we have a lot of time together? That we have the rest of our lives together? That we can get married in America, honeymoon in Europe, and adopt two kids named Sunwoo and Minah? Please, Woohyun?”

Woohyun’s heart started to hurt as Sunggyu pleaded with him. And as he looked at Sunggyu, he couldn’t deny him what he wanted, so the younger smiled.

“Where should we live?” he asked, playing along. “Should we find a nice house in Gangnam? Or maybe a condo in Yongsan?”

The smile in Sunggyu’s face widened, his eyes shining brightly. “Should we get a dog?”

“Aren’t you afraid of dogs?”

“I might get over it if we get one. But, maybe a small one? Big dogs are scary.”

As the song neared its end and a new one began, Woohyun and Sunggyu continued with their little game. For a moment, they forgot that time was against them. As they exchanged dreams about their future, they forgot that those dreams may never come true.

But, in that moment, swaying to the music in each other’s arms, they had all the time in the world.

When Woohyun drove them to the Han River for the finale of their date, both were in much lighter moods. They held hands and sent loving glances towards each other. Woohyun found a deserted spot and parked, before they both moved to the backseat of the car so they could cuddle.

With the faint music playing from the radio, they were wrapped up in each other’s arms, silently watching the river, the lights of Seoul bouncing off the still water.

Woohyun felt his heart feel at peace, but there was also a tinge of apprehension and anxiety. He couldn’t help it. He had never been so afraid in his entire life.

“Jagiya? What are you thinking?” Sunggyu’s voice broke through his thoughts.

“About how handsome you are,” he replied, with a flirtatious grin.

Sunggyu made a face at him. “Then how come you look like I died already?”

Woohyun’s grin faded, as he was yet again, reminded of the inevitable reality. “Sunggyu, please.”

The older maneuvered himself to sit on Woohyun’s lap and tuck his head on the younger’s shoulder.

“Sorry, sorry,” he hummed, before pressing a light kiss to Woohyun’s neck. “Should I distract you?”

At Woohyun’s questioning look, the older simply grinned before capturing the younger’s lips in his.

As with all of their kisses, Woohyun’s body exploded with warmth and joy. He felt his apprehension and anxiety slowly fade, as he placed all his attention on the kiss, feeling Sunggyu’s soft lips, tasting them, drowning in everything that was Sunggyu.

The older gently pulled away from their kiss, but kept their face close. He looked into Woohyun’s eyes before timidly asking, “Will you… stay the night with me tonight?”

Woohyun’s eyes widened in surprise. He had never stayed the night at Sunggyu’s before. Even if he wanted to, Sunghee wouldn’t allow it; she was a little old-fashioned in that way.

Sunggyu seemed to read his mind as he continued, “I’ll talk to Noona. You know, she lets me get away with a lot of things these days. So… will you? Please?”

The younger hesitated. He did have a few schedules tomorrow, but they didn’t start until the afternoon. The managers would most likely be unhappy about it, but as long as Woohyun didn’t actually miss the schedule, maybe they wouldn’t mind.

“I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

How could he say “no” to Sunggyu when he looked so cute, cheeks flushed as he pouted with those lips made swollen by Woohyun’s ministrations?

He leaned his forehead against the older’s. “I’ll text my managers tonight and ask them to pick me up and the car tomorrow.”

At Sunggyu’s wide grin and launching at his lips again, Woohyun knew it was worth it. As long as he got to see the older smile like that, it was all worth it.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Sunggyu whispered in between kisses.

Woohyun could swear that his heart would explode from the amount of love and affection he was receiving at that moment. It was almost like… Sunggyu was making sure he had more than enough fill of his love and affection. But, Woohyun doubted he could ever truly have enough of it.

+++++++

As the days and weeks went by, Sunggyu continued to get weaker and weaker.

Mrs. Kim and Mr. Kim had left Jeonju to temporarily move in at Sunghee and Minkyu’s home. Woohyun saw them every time he came over. He and Mrs. Kim would bond and talk about one thing or another. He and Mr. Kim would politely exchange pleasantries, but the cold looks had stopped. It was like the older man had given up trying to be intimidating to his son’s boyfriend. After all, he had proven his feelings true; he had not left Sunggyu.

Woohyun did his best to fulfill his promises of taking his boyfriend out on dates. There were times when Sunggyu felt great and had enough energy, so he would willingly go. They would go to the movies, eat out somewhere, and Woohyun once managed to convince Mr. and Mrs. Kim to let him take Sunggyu to Lotte World (they both wore masks the entire time, so there were no chances of sneaking kisses, but the content happy smile on Sunggyu’s face on their way home was worth it).

However, there were also times when Sunggyu felt too weak and had no energy to move about. During these times, they would opt for watching movies at home or simply sitting outside in the garden, talking. Whenever Sunggyu was feeling particularly clingy, Woohyun would stay the night, despite the protests and displeasures of his managers who had to pick him up the next morning for schedules.

Infinite knew what was going on and bless their heart, they were as supportive as ever, even if their ways were unconventional.

During practice, Dongwoo allowed a few more breaks than usual, and the maknae line would make sure Woohyun had water and snacks. When Woohyun would blank out or frown during broadcasts, Hoya would make jokes on the other members’ expense, which would make Woohyun laugh and in turn, make viewers and fans alike believe that everything was okay (although a few perceptive eyes weren’t fooled; it was a hot topic in the fan cafes for weeks to come). They would also send along a few snacks and gifts of fruit to Sunggyu’s household whenever they could.

His brothers were sympathetic, and once again, Woohyun was thankful to have such a group by his side.

But, despite all attempts to make him happy, Sunggyu’s depression had gotten worse and worse. He would smile for Woohyun or his family, but when he thought they weren’t looking, he would have this faraway look, his lips set in a permanent frown. There were days when he would only have one meal, and not even the strawberries Woohyun brought could get him to eat.

The inevitable was coming, yet the idol was still in denial that it was happening.

When Woohyun visited that one fateful day, Mrs. Kim directed him to the garden where Sunggyu was spending his afternoon. Summer was almost upon them. Yet, the older was wrapped in a blanket, despite the warm sunny afternoon.

Woohyun gently placed a hand on the elder’s shoulder, which made Sunggyu look up to see his company.

“Hi,” Woohyun greeted with a smile.

“Hi,” Sunggyu returned as he scooted to make space for the younger to sit so he could lay his head on his shoulders.

“Do you want to do something today?” Woohyun asked, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

“No, I’m tired today,” Sunggyu answered.

For a while, they stayed like that in silence, watching the sky, the butterflies hovering over the flowers, and the random birds chirping above them. From afar, they could see the tall buildings of Seoul’s metropolitan area, but the noises of the bustling city didn’t reach them. It was peaceful, so it was no wonder that Sunggyu liked being out here.

All of a sudden, Woohyun felt something wet trickle on his shirt, and he looked down to see silent tears falling from his boyfriend’s eyes. He was alarmed at the sight.

“Gyu? What’s wrong?” He lifted a hand to wipe the tears away.

“I’m afraid, Woohyun,” the older confessed as he started to tremble. “I’m so afraid.”

His arm around Sunggyu tightened. “I know. It’s okay. I’m here.”

Woohyun wasn’t sure if his words were comforting or could even ease the fear in the older. How could he offer words of comfort when he himself was frightened?

“Don’t cry, Gyu,” he soothed. “I don’t like it when you cry. Tell me, what can I do, hmm? Should I kiss you?” He pressed a kiss to the older’s lips, short but sweet. “What do you want? Tell me, and I’ll do everything I can to give it to you.”

That offer made Sunggyu pause. Woohyun always said that to him now and he did everything he could to fulfill the older’s every wish, and he wasn’t about to stop now. He would do everything to make sure Sunggyu was happy and content.

The older bit his lip in contemplation and Woohyun waited patiently for his answer.

“I want…” he started, but then hesitated, so the younger flashed him an encouraging smile.

“What is it, jagiya?” he prompted.

Sunggyu bit his lip again before answering, “I-I… I want to go home.”

Now, Woohyun was confused. “But, Gyu, you are home.”

Sunggyu shook his head, tears falling from his eyes again as he looked back at Woohyun with pleading eyes and trembling lips. “N-No… I want to go home… to Jeonju.”

A/N: **on the floor sobbing** Please don't hate me!!!