Restaurant

“I don’t know what’s stopping you from taking the project. We didn’t ask you to lose fifty pounds in three weeks like those boxing movies. We just want you take a few… scratch that… a tons of acting lessons ‘cause your acting . And you just need to act like those typical Korean drama male lead. Put out a melancholic but hot smolder to show how sad you are and how your life is a living hell---you have plenty of experience of that anyway. The movie will do decent because Ravi is one of the best young writers out there. And voila-” Sungjae claps his hands together. “-you’ll be back to the entertainment scene like an easy breezy beautiful Covergirl.” He gulps down rest of N’s water in fancy wine glass. He smacks his lips. “I should stop talking too much. It’s tiring, especially having a conversation with a rock.”

Though there is only a few people in the dim steak house in the late afternoon, N still has his cap on. No matter how hard he tries, he cannot hide his smile throughout Sungjae’s serious monologue.

“You think it’s funny?” asks Sungjae, his voice screeches. “I was almost out of work because of you. I begged the company to not terminate contract with you, you ungrateful wench. They think you’re still useful so don’t let them think otherwise. Who else will want you if you leave Jellyfish? What other schedules will you have except for Ravi’s movie?” When N does not respond to him right away, Sungjae keeps talking: “I thought you want to have a comeback. What’s stopping you from taking Lost Land? Are you scared of those haters? I got your back.” He raises his fork like a tribe leader leading an army.

N’s mouth never quite closes. Sungjae is being dramatic like he always has. “I get that the movie is my only opportunity to make a comeback and-”

“You little .”

N’s gaze hardens. All amusement dashes from him. “And I will do it.”

Sungjae blinks. He is the nutcracker at the dinner party with opens and closes. “The wrong N got out of the army. You hate Ravi.”

“I don't hate him. I wasn’t sure this is a right career move for me. I at acting.”

“Huh. I should send my sister to the army. That will get her to pick her hair out of the shower drain. I swear she sheds like my cat. The army did you good.”

“Thanks.” N glares at him. “Now stop pestering me and focus on your girl group.” He stabs his forks at the soft tummy of the fish.

Sungjae squints his eyes at him.

“What?” N asks.

“Is this some kind of revenge plan? You’re going to sabotage Ravi’s movie.”

N raises his fork at him. “You watch too many dramas. I just want my career back. It got nothing to do with Ravi.”

“Really? You acted like everything you did was about him. You were always on defense mode whenever he’s mentioned.” Sungjae’s hand flies to his gaping mouth. “Did he take your ity?”

“You’re loud, Sungjae.” N keeps his voice low. He scans around the customers having their meals obliviously.

Sungjae quirks an eyebrow. “So? Did he?”

“No. He didn’t. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m nothing to anyone without my fame.”

“That’s not true. You’re much more than you think you are.”

N picks up his wine glass. He casts a shadow upon the red liquid. He will try to fight the dark spot but it’s already permeated in his entire being. “Maybe. Maybe not. But I owe him a lot. I ditched him, but he’s still here for me. I can’t let him down like I did to my fans.”

N keeps eating. He has no more words to describe this foreign feeling to Sungjae. When Ravi last talked to him, his eyes were bright with determination like he looked being in a dance competition. They were not nurturing like the times when he treated N’s sprained ankle. It’s stupid of N to expect love from Ravi. It had been ten years. “He told me that I can get to know him more when I play Kim Wonshik, but I don’t really want to know him.”

“You just have to do what you got to do, N. You have no time to worry about somebody else.”

For a loser like N, time and being himself are luxuries.

“All you need to do is be the N that everyone loves.”

N nods. He chugs down the glass of wine. It hurts. “And Han Sanghyuk. You can put him in marketing.”

Sungjae’s cutlery clanks against the plate. “I gotta go back to the army and find the N that I knew. Who are this crazy person?”

N glares back at him. “I’m still here and I’m not crazy. If that kid has the gut to be around me, why can’t I do Ravi project?”

“Yes,” says Sungjae, loud enough for the people at the other tables to throw them looks. “That’s what I was trying to say. Gotta tell those people to ‘ off’. Here, take my middle finger. They can try tearing you apart.” He whoops.

N slaps his hand. “I’ll never take you out to dinner again.”

Sungjae waves for the waiter. “Tap, please. My date’s paying.” He winks.

Hyuk’s

“Argh.” Hyuk flops onto his bed, staring at the room’s ceiling blankly. The business card is still neatly pressed into his hand. He buries his face into the the giant soft yellow teddy bear that he got from Ken when it caught the hyung’s eyes one day when they were out researching. Hyuk bought it for him but Ken just laughed at him, telling him that he’s dumb and should keep it. He screams into the bear’s tummy. It should be easy.

Hyuk gets up from his bed to grab his phone off the his desk that constituted his Mac and bunch of paper sprawled over. He stared at the number on the card and then his phone. He takes a deep breath. It should be easy. He needs to call Jellyfish either way. He has to say “yes” to the offer for Ken or himself. The phone trembles in his hand. He needs to get close to N because… Hyuk is at loss. He doesn't have to get close to N to get what he wants.

He punches a series of number. He waits.

The next time he opens his eyes, an angel has descended in his room. His hair is swept over in a tousle like a nest. His brown eyes are brimmed with red. He grabs his arm and he falls into his bed.

“Okay, kid. What's wrong with you? Aren’t you suppose to be mad at me?” Ken makes himself comfortable on the narrow twin bed, his feet touch the the end of the board.

Hyuk clings onto his arm. “I don’t care. Tell me to do the right thing. Tell me what to do.”

Ken sits up. He glances at the disheveled hair and the wrinkles ducky pajama top. A reek of old rain boots exudes from Hyuk. “What happened?”

“I met N.”

“What?” He lifts his fingers off his soft hair.

“I asked for his forgiveness and he gave me this.” Hyuk shoves the Jellyfish business card in his hand.

“You did things behind my back again.”

“I know what I'm doing.” Hyuk moves away from him. He chuckles. Who's he kidding? He called Ken because he doesn't know what he's doing. He plops his head down on his shoulder. “He asked me to quit being a paparazzi and he'll hook me up with a job.”

“Do it.”

Hyuk breathes down Ken’s neck as his chin touches his shoulder. “You want to get rid of me already?”

Ken shakes his head. “You should do it. We’re suppose to get close to him and make stories.”

Hyuk gets up so fast as if he stung him. “What if I don't want to stalk people and make stories anymore?” He glares at him without backing down.

“Are you giving up writing paper?”

Hyuk leans back on his pillow. “I don't know. I'm so confused. I kind of just want to get out of Scandal News right now. It's shutting down anyway.”

Ken keeps quiet.

“Hyung, do you still want to save it?”

“It makes no sense. You always wanted to go back to the news department. Are you giving it up for N?”

“I'm doing it for myself. I want to do something for him. And don't tell me again it's not my fault that happened to N.”

Ken sacks against the bed like Hyuk. “I wasn't going to tell you that. If you want to be responsible, go ahead.” He shuts his eyes and hums. “But remember to come back.”

Hyuk twirls the hem of Ken’s shirt between his fingers. “Did you get anything out of N yet?”

“Not really.” Ken detaches himself from Hyuk. “You do what you want and I do what I have to do.”

Hyuk bolts straight up. At the moment, he can't see Ken at all. “Why does it have to be this way? You can still talk to me about him.”

“And why would I do that?” Each word bites Hyuk deep into his skin. “You have decided to do the right thing.”

“So? What does it have to do with anything?”

Ken grazes his neck to draw him nearer. “You’re going to work for N now. You shouldn't have anything about stalking him to get information. You need his trust to survive the idol’s world. Do you get it?” His eyes hold altitude. He has mountains behind those glass-like pupils that Hyuk will never surpass.

Hyuk nods and he ruffles his hair Good boy. Good Hyukkie. You’re doing the right thing. He expects to hear all the praises about him, though those words never come.

“Hyung, why do you need to do what you got to do?”

“You remember why paparazzis exist?” His tone was so airy but so heavy at the same time.

“To make celebrities miserable? Make entertainment out of voyeurism for people that don't have a life?”

Ken chuckles. “Before we blow the truth out of proportion, we see the truth first. Aren't we powerful?” He laughs---a sound that is devoid of merriment.

Hyuk will ask what's he thinking about but he doesn't bother to. He won't tell him. “We are. And you knew I was reckless with that kind of power. You are doing way better than I will ever do.” It's the truth. It's an advice. It's a warning. Whatever is that will go through Ken’s labyrinth in his head.

Scandal News

According to a reliable insider’s source (aka Hyuk, a Jellyfish employee), N is going to play “Kim Wonshik” in Lost Land. Ken leans on his palm, his elbow touching the hand rest. A headache is incoming as he ponders how things become complicated. He has no idea either what Ravi nor N wants. He is about to find out.

Meanwhile, Ken turns to his phone in the corner of the dingy archive room at his company. He likes things on Instagram while avoiding checking the time in the display screen. Three minutes have already past from the appointed time. Ravi is still nowhere to be seen.

“Sorry.” Ravi runs into the small room. Instead of the usual white shirt and striped tie, he is wearing a green windbreaker and gym shorts. He places a shoebox and a set of matching gears in front of him. “I was finding these.” His grin reminds him of Ravi when he was twenty-one.

Ken frowns. “We’re doing an interview today.”

“I know. I never do interview sitting down. Get moving if you don’t want brain-dead responses.”

Ken purses his lips as he contemplates if he should go along with another whim of Ravi. He finds himself yet again in the promise of another great adventure with Ravi---one that is fleeting, short lived. Ken flips open the box. The worn black runners are vaguely familiar. Ken’s expression is placid as he trades his sneakers with the old runners.

Ravi’s smile becomes wider. The shoes still fit him perfectly.

Ken looks up to return a small smile. “Okay. We have one hour.”

The mountain’s air in the late morning is tucked away from the pollution of the traffic in the city. Ken jogs along the winding hillside. He would like to indulge himself in the smell of pines and mist, and listens to wild birds chirping. However, the huff and puff of the other man besides him breaks his concentration. His own shoes slapping against the pavement reminds him of his old determination. Ken bought these runners years ago to follow Ravi to this secret place of his. It turned out, Ravi had many more secret places that Ken never learned about. This is the perfect place to seek out more answers.

“Tell me about your new project. Why do you want your memoir to be a movie?” asks Ken above their in-sync foot falls. Are you that egoistic? He would have asked out loud in another time.

Ravi runs on without stopping or talking. Ken falls into the rhythm of his thinking too. When flat ground gives way to downhill, he answers, “Because my life isn’t going anywhere.”

Ken’s heart sinks with his pace. He can no longer keep up with Ravi. The fact that Ravi is sharing makes him stop chasing after him. The Ravi he knew never share his thoughts with anyone except through writings on paper.

Ravi spins on heels when he is at the bottom. “Was that too depressing for your interview? Can I have a redo?”

Ken stays by his side again. “No, but you need to elaborate what you meant. Is the memoir your new purpose in life?”

“Is it? You tell me.” Ravi picks up his pace again. Running off and leaving everything behind.

Ken grows cold despite that his body is heating up from the exercise. Why did he expect him to say anything back to him? Ravi’s many secret places never included him and they never will. He jogs to catch up. “So what’s the point of the memoir? Why not do something else?”

Beads of sweat slide down Ravi’s temples, Ken cannot tell if those are from running or nervousness. “Can you please give me a break and stick to generic questions?”

Ken cannot tell if his blood rushing fast through his veins is due to the running or the anger. “Why are you telling everyone your story when you can’t be honest? What’s the whole ing point?”

Ravi stops abruptly. He clenches his fists, ready to lash out. Ken maintains his defiance until Ravi says, “Alright, you won.” Though his gaze is like steel wall.

Ken heaves a loud sigh. “I don’t want to beat you. I just want you to answer my questions with the truth.”

“My answers were true. Some of them.” Ravi leans his elbows on the railing that prevents him from falling off of the side of the mountain. Ken joins him to peek at the skyscrapers below them in the fog. He listens to his shallow breath.

Ravi contracts his fists before opens them again. He fixes his line of vision on the city. “I wrote it for myself and someone else.”

Ken’s palpitating heart becomes a bull charging for the red flag. He would backflip to the way he came from but he's a professional. He doesn't take back questions.

“Why do you need a memoir?”

Ravi bends over the railing. “I don't know.”

Ken moves into his sphere that oozes out something sticky and wraps him all around. “You always know what you’re doing. You know exactly why you broke up with me.” He takes a step back. “And it’s more than what you told me. Who’s that guy?”

Ravi returns his gaze. “Ken, he have nothing to do with us.”

“But he has something to do with you.” His shrill voice startles them both. “Why is he so important to you?” Stop asking, Ken. Stop.

“He happened before us. I thought I couldn’t live without him, and he left me. All my years of writing led up to this memoir. I have to write this and have him involved in it.”

A sharp chill sweeps over Ken.“I thought you write because you love writing.”

“That too.”

“You tried so hard because of him. All of your difficult times were because of him. And I was there for you.” The five years he shared with Ravi flash in front of his eyes like stream of lies.

Ravi shortened the gap between them, but Ken didn’t feel any closer to him. “I loved you, Ken. I always do.”

“Okay. Whatever. I don’t think I can write the article. Good luck with your movie.”

Ravi raises his hand. Ken backs away. He suspects that the railing cannot keep them from tumbling down the hill if they push themselves over the limit of what they can do to each other. Ken swivels on his heels and runs and runs until he perspires every dark thoughts out of his body.

A/N: So Team Navi or Kenvi? Or y'all just displeased that there's more than one ship? Hopefully you guys are still reading it whether you are caught up or not ><

Please tell me what you think! Sub and upvote if you like the story.

Have a good night/evening/day!

Your dreamer,

suzyelf