"I like the sad eyes, bad guys/ Mouth full of white lies/ 

Kiss me in the corridor/ But quick to tell me goodbye"- Halsey ("Ghost") 

Bar
 

Leo yanks his striped necktie until it comes loose. He pours Sojin another shot of soju.

“Love shot. Love shot. Love shot,” say their colleagues around them. The white smoke cloud their red and pink faces, but their voices penetrate through the hip hop track that is playing in the karaoke machine.

The couple’ smiles are wide, showing their pearly white teeth. Leo and Sojin hook their elbows together and throw their heads back. Their stinging liquid slide down their throats.

They all cheer. “More. More. More.”

“Let’s do mandu. Loser has to drink,” says Leo to the colleague next to him.

So they play. Zero. Five. Zero. Leo loses five rounds. The thick bass sound drowns out Sojin’s laughter.

After two more rounds, Leo collapse against Sojin’s slim shoulder. She tugs on his hand and drags him out of the party room. They lean against the lightless hallway. Leo slides down against the peeled wall. He buries his head in his palms. “My head hurts,” he says to his hands.

Sojin wraps an arm around him. Leo shrugs it away.

His body quivers. “My chest hurts so much.”

“I'll take you home.”

“I don’t want to go home.”

“I'll stay with you for the night.”

Leo pushes his arm on the wall to pull himself up. “No. We aren’t married yet. What would your father think?” His hand presses against the sticky walls that guide him towards the exit.

Sojin lingers on the spot for a couple of minutes. She in a shaky breath before staggers back to her friends and receives her birthday blessings.

Playground

Leo blurts out the direction to his home to the cab driver. He shuts his eyes for the entire way as the cab weaves through the sparse traffic in Seoul. His stomach churns over and bile grows in his throat. The headache is good. He likes not be able to think and see at all. He loved being a drunk mess.

He sleeps until the driver drags him out by the arms and throws him on the curb. He is going to stick his filthy hand into his jacket if Leo does nothing to smack his hand away. How dared he take my money? He throws a shiny five-hundred won at him. The cab drives off to the blackness, leaving the drunkard flopping over the sidewalk. How long are you going to sleep outside in the cold? Leo holds onto the metal railing at the sidewalk and pulls himself up. He gazes upon the tall residential complex before him. This is not my home. Not anymore. He crosses the ground between the palm trees anyway.

He follows his memory to the place where the playground is. The sole light source is the white light slanting from the lamp pole. He plops down on the slide’s tubular mouth. He slumps against the yellow plastic. Leo propels himself further up into the slide so it will protect him from the wind and sound, only his legs are visible. Six months ago, Leo would have a bed to sleep in if Hakyeon finds him here outside of his apartment. Hakyeon would have covered himself in black from head to toe. He would drag Leo out of the slide and half carry him to the entrance of the building even though he is shorter than Leo. But Hakyeon was doing hard drills at the military right now while Leo was flopping around.

“Hey. You okay?” a baritone voice asks, disrupting his half sleep, half dream.

“No. I'm not, Hakyeon.”

Hongbin squats besides the man hiding himself in the slide. “Do you feel better sleeping outside?”

“Yeah. Do you feel better when you're with me?”

The man outside taps on the slide. Leo can hear him think.

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

Hongbin frowns. “Because… Because I love you.”

Leo cackles. “Don't tell me things that you don't know.”

“Of course I don't know anything.” Hongbin raises his voice. “I only know someone called Hakyeon and he would say corny stuff like that.”

Thud. Leo got up too fast and hit his forehead on the cheap plastic. He lies back down again. “Is he in the army too?”

“Yeah.”

“Is he a singer?”

Leo hears some feet shuffling, and then “yeah.”

Leo’s heart pounds on his chest like hammer hitting a nail. “Can you pretend to be him like you did earlier?”

More tapping and humming on the outside.

“Please?”

“Okay.”

Leo takes short rapid breaths. He wanted to tell him a lot of things, but no words come except “Hakyeon, I'm sorry.”

“You could have tell that to his face-”

“You are Hakyeon.” Leo a big gulp of freezing air before threading past the fine line between dream and reality. “I am sorry for hurting you, but I think I'm doing fine. I don't regret leaving you.”

“Then why are we having this conversation? Why are you crying?”

“That's not what Hakyeon would say. He would be happy for me. He would congratulate me for meeting the woman of my dream. He will forget about me.”

Hongbin gets up from his squatting position. “I'm not him.” He towers over Leo and wraps his fingers around his ankles to tug him like dragging a wooden boat to shore. He drops his legs when Leo emerges. He looked stunned for a moment. Leo wanted to ask if this stranger knew him too. Perhaps N talked about about Leo in front of this guy? The corner’s lips curl upwards. That’s something N would do.

“I’ll take you home,” says Hongbin in a monotone, though he hears himself shake.

“This is my home.”

Hongbin gazes up at the dimmed window where N suppose to live. “Not anymore.” He pulls out his phone and presses his speed dial. “Hey, Ken, can you pick me up?” He tells him N’s address before hanging up. Hongbin sits back down again. “I’m Hongbin. Nice to meet you, I guess.”

“Jung Taekwoon. People call me Leo.”

Hongbin shows him a wild dimpled smile. “I know,” he says.

Hongbin’s

It is a blur. Leo cannot keep track of who’s taking off the top first. Himself or Hongbin. He pushes the shorter man onto the mattress. He giggles when the man under him bounces. “I threw you too hard.”

“Shut up. And take that off.” Hongbin grabs Leo’s belt. “Just me harder.”

Leo kisses and bites on his ear. “Aren’t you feisty. He’d never do-” He moans and winces when Hongbin kneads between his pants. His pupils become focus upon the man under him. He has a square jaw and a softest luscious lips.

“Are you doing me or Hakyeon right now?” asks Hongbin.

“You,” says Leo meekly.

Hongbin holds his cheeks to draw him nearer. “I’m definitely ier.” He grins.

Leo smiles back, though he backs off a bit. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this.” He moans as Hongbin trails wet kiss down his chest and abs.

“Really? Your body is telling me otherwise.” Hongbin makes his up to his neck and places a soft kiss. “Loosen up. Forget about him this time. Don’t think. Just do.” He stares up into his glossy eyes and kisses the corner of his lips.

Leo sighs. “You devil.” He dives into Hongbin’s lips.

The first thing that Leo sees is a man drawing on his sketchbook after he opens his eyes. He stays on the flat pillow. His head is too heavy to lift itself up. Hongbin looks up from his book and smiles at him. Leo automatically smiles back. “Morning.”

“Are you hungry?” asks Hongbin.

“No.”

Hongbin looks back on his drawing and back to Leo again; it happens a few times.

“You’re drawing me.”

Hongbin looks down at his sketchbook again. He adds a few lines, shading it.

“Am I a good model?” Leo crosses his arms behind his head and exposes his clean shaven chest  and flexed arms. A smirk graces his lips. “I bet you like what you’re seeing.”

Hongbin hums, still, he can’t hide the small smile on his face. No one can resist Leo’s biceps. “So that’s how you seduced Sojin.”

Leo’s smile transforms into a pout. “I don’t remember mentioning her.”

“I saw her at your boss’s party.”

Leo widens his eyes. “It was you in the alley. I thought you weren’t real, Hongbin.”

Hongbin puffs out a laugh. “I thought the same thing.”

Leo shifts his upper body to relieve the pressure on his side. His line of vision falls upon a framed photograph by the bed. Hongbin dresses in a black robe and matching grad cap. He hugs the bouquet close to him. Another man slings his arm around him. They are grinning and their eyes squeeze together. “You know Ken too?” he asks. “We’re living in a small world.”

Hongbin drops his pencil. The room echoes with the sound of wood hitting the floor. “What do you mean?”

Leo brings his attention to the photo. “Is that Lee Jaehwan? I was in the school newspaper with him. I was the editor-in-chief.” His eyes light up.

“Excuse me.” Hongbin gets up and dumps his book on the bed. “I need to make a call.”

Leo picks up the sketchbook as soon as Hongbin is out of sight. He traces his own features on the paper. His lips are broader and his eyebrows are more of an arch shape than his own. He brushes his fingers over his own full cheeks. This man in the portrait---himself---or whoever that is, appears younger than he, but his features are more angular. He exudes more assertion than he did when he was a teenager. This is him, but not him. Leo flips the cover over the portrait and throws it away. Maybe Hongbin is an overrated artist. He should have drawn his face with scientific precision. He pukes over the side of the bed.

***
 

The doorbell rings rapidly. Hongbin drops his paintbrush to cover his ears.

Fists pound on the door. “Yah. Hongbin, I know you’re in there.” Ken’s voice sounds muffled through the oak door.

The drumming ceases. Hongbin lowers his hands. He hears key clinks against the doorknob. “.”

Ken gets in and then the door falls back into its frame with a thud.

“I don’t want to talk to you” He turns back to his painting.

“You’re already talking to me, . I've apologized a million times. I knelt down to you and ordered you roses from Spain and you’re still mad.”

Hongbin angles his body back to him. His eyes are rock solid. “Do you know what you did wrong?”

Ken plops down on the armrest of the sofa. “I didn’t tell you where Taekwoon is. I am an .”

“You don't get it.”

“What don’t I get?” He stomps over to Hongbin. “And don't tell me crap about how I should be able to read your mind.”

“You don't trust me. You think that I'll do something stupid when I meet him.”

When Ken says nothing, Hongbin turns away from him.“You don’t trust me at all.”

Ken sighs. “I don't know if I should. You’re so obsessed with a guy you know nothing about. Do you know what to do when you meet your dream guy? What if he breaks your heart? What if he’s a psycho? You just picked him off the street the other day at four a.m.”

“It was a park, not a street.”

“Whatever. Do you get it? You guys don’t know each other at all, but I know. This is a bad idea.”

Hongbin shakes his head. “Like you said, you know Taekwoon. He's not a psychopath. Why are you so against the idea of me and him?”

“He's a bad-tempered, judgemental, greedy , ‘kay? He won't date someone like you.”

“Why not?”

“You are not beneficial to him. He has no idea what love is. He’s in love with fame and power. He’s-”

“You think you know what’s best for everyone when you don’t. You’re the boring, judgemental one. Didn’t you learn not to meddle with other people’s lives from being a paparazzi? Take care of your own mess with your dad and Ravi first.”

“Get out,” says Ken through gritted teeth.

“This is my house.” Hongbin stares at him, not backing down. Their gaze hold each other’s hostage until one of them has to give up.

Ken gives him one last glare before slamming the door behind him, leaving Hongbin alone with his Taekwoon on the easel. Hongbin Taekwoon’s charcoal face. He looks back on the closed door, a tinge of pain seizes him. Ken will never understand the connection that they share.

Ravi's

N rings the doorbell after eight.

Ravi throws the door open promptly. “Hey. You finally found me.”

N takes off his runners. The blinds are flipped close to block out the moon or the curious eyes. N follows Ravi past the foyer that is covered with worn clothes, boxers and briefs. N looks away. He isn’t here to investigate whose briefs are those. He focuses on getting himself into Ravi’s living room. N claims his place in the middle of the black, spotless couch.

“You want something to drink?”

N refuses his courtesy with his hand. “I need your help.”

“My script is too smart for you?” Ravi gets a bottle of cold water from the fridge and drowns himself with half of it. N fidgets with the script to keep himself from staring at his adam’s apple. He saunders toward N and slides in next to him. His bare knee presses upon N’s. N moves his affected leg.

Ravi opens up his copy of the script. The book lays on their laps. “Which part don’t you understand?” he asks.

“Everything,” says N, without glancing at Ravi. He pushes the script off of his thigh. “I get the script. It’s you that I don’t get.”

“Looks like someone’s done running away from our story.”

N snorts. He lets “our story” roll off his back as gracefully as he can. He’s not here to argue with Ravi. “Well, yeah. I never ran away. I took the jet like a super star.”

“Stop hanging out with Sungjae, please,” says Ravi. They both laugh at the reference of the flamboyant manager and their dear friend. Ravi glances over at N. “You should come back to Daejeon with me,” he says.

“I don’t want to go anywhere with you without an answer.” His voice becomes taut again like a metal being beat with a hammer upon the anvil, trapped as he’s being hit over and over.

“What answer do you want? I told you everything,” Ravi says exasperatedly.

“Why did you write the play? For what purpose?

“Jesus, stop asking that.”

“I never asked you. Who asked you? Your ex?”

Ravi turns to him so fast that N expects him to rise above him and be burnt by his fire. “I want to show you how I lived without you. I’ve been doing great.”

N would have laughed aloud if Ravi is burning bright with passion, instead of looking like a pile of ashes. “You can’t be serious.” Ravi couldn’t have made a whole movie because N ditched him a decade ago.

“Not everyone is forgetful.”

N’s first childhood dream was to become a pumpkins vendor on every Halloween. His dream changed after he met Ravi. He wanted to live the rest of his life with him in Seoul---some amazing place they saw on TV everyday. N didn’t forget; he only found his new dream. “But you said you write for yourself. You write for the money. You can’t write for anyone else because they affect you.”

“This is for myself.” Ravi gets up and raises his voice. “You disappeared without a word.” It was not purely a fact; it was an accusation. “I lived my life for you and believed in you, but I didn’t even get a ‘goodbye.’” Ravi sits back down. He is at his eye-level again. “I should have left home and go to Seoul with you, but I was too scared to be judged. Who writes for a living? I’m not leaving things to random chance anymore.”

N narrows the gap between them. He slings an arm over Ravi’s shoulders. He flings N off. N doesn’t relent and attack him with both arms. N places his forehead against his collarbone, locking him in place.

Ravi stops struggling. “For six months, I thought you left because you couldn’t accept that you actually slept with me. I thought you couldn't admit that you were in love with a guy.” He shrugs N off, breaking out of his grasp. “But I wasn’t that important to you.”

N was young, but he wasn’t stupid. He would never want Ravi to give up everything else he loved to chase a futile dream with him. All N could do was running away. He will always feel sorry towards him.

Ravi smirks. Can he really read everything on the surface without any words from N like he always could? “I’m over you. I just want you to see how far I came. I want you to know that I exist too.”

The doorbell rings the second time in the night, cutting off whatever excuses nor apologies that might come out of N’s mouth. But he is well aware that even without that bell, nothing he could say that will fill up the void that Ravi had been missing those years. “I miss-”

His words must have been quiet, or Ravi doesn’t want to hear him out at all. Ravi slips off from N’s grasp like an anchovy escapes through the net. Like he shouldn’t be by N’s side. He only opens the door to two inches wide. Two inches are good enough for N and Ken to exchange glances.

Ravi walks into N’s vision. The hushed whispers and worried lines on Ken’s face call N to ascent from his spot. He shoves past Ravi and looks at Ken only. “I'm done talking to Ravi,” he tells Ken. His hand creeps on Ravi’s shoulder. “See you in Daejeon.” The whisper is intimate but it is loud enough for everyone to hear. His sharp eyes never leaves Ken.

Ken looks like he has been slapped twice, so N keeps his mouth shut. For a second, N finds him pitiable, even though Ken is suppose to be the one whom Ravi loves. He pats Ken’s shoulder on the way out. N stalks down the hall towards the elevator. He listens for the footsteps shuffling and the door closes behind him. N is all alone.

Once they are safely tucked inside, Ken pulls his hand from Ravi’s grasp. “I just need to drop the kimchi off. I’m going.”

“Ken,” his name rolls out softly off his tongue, “he’s the guy I talked to you about. He’s going to play me in my new movie.”

“Okay.” Ken shrugs his hand off, pretending that he never knew that nor does he care. He puts the plastic bag on surface of the TV set. He reaches for the doorknob and opens the door before it slams back to its place. Ravi’s hand presses against the door next to his ear. The warmth of Ravi’s chest traps Ken on top of the door.

“You’re the one that I want to go to Daejeon with.” His heated breath makes Ken’s ears go red. “I asked him to go with me for business only. I have to do it.”

He runs his fingers lightly over Ravi’s thin cheeks. “No one’s making you doing anything.”

“True. I’m doing it for myself.”

Ken tries pushing him away. Ravi holds onto his wrist. “But I don’t care about him. I care about you.”

Ken would have shove him away, but his piercing gaze freezes him in place.

Ravi lets him go. Ken releases his held breath.

“He’s a chore that I need to finish after all those years. I’m not hiding him from you anymore.”

A wave of dizziness washes over Ken. His hands perspire against his jeans. Ravi peppers a kiss on his cheek. His thin lips is cottony against his skin near the lips. Ken doesn’t move as he trails his kisses along his jaw, chin, neck. Ken gets a hold of Ravi’s shoulders and pushes him off.

Ravi looks back at him, disoriented. Ken grazes his lips against Ravi. He only takes a second of hesitation before kisses Ken back. He pushes Ken to the door. He devours devoured and consumes his lips like bee on the sweet nectar dry. Ken hums into the familiar kiss as if their lips have never been parted. Ravi’s arm rests around his waist, drawing him close.

When they part, Ravi whispers against his lips. “Come to Daejeon with me after I’m done with my work.”

Ken shakes his head. “No. I’m coming with you and N.”

Ravi his eyebrow. A smile breaks through his features. “Okay. My mom misses having you around.”

Ken seals their lips together again before he would change his own mind.

A/N: Yay! A long chapter to celebrate VIXX's comeback!! I'm so excited for their oriental style (because I got into the Chinese culture and the pop scene lately. <3)

Ahaha, but mostly, I just wanted to have LeoBIn and RaviNKen as well in one update ;) I don't want you guys to wait too long. Thanks for all the shippers who wait patiently and all the readers who just enjoy everyone's stories. /throws a lot of love.

Okay, here are the questions of the chapter for my own curiosity:

Are you yay or nay for Leo making his choice of leaving N and then got together w/ Sojin? And why can't HB just listen to Ken and give Leo up? Why is Ravi pulling both N and Ken along with him anyway? o.O What will happen in Daejeon?

Anyway, thank you new subcribers and all of the thoughtful or quick comments, they are my food for thoughts! If you like this story, feel free to upvote as well or recommand it to your friends and fellow Starlights.

Your dreamer,

suzyelf.

P.S.:Thanks to my reader who recommanded me this chapter's song. ;) OST is welcomed b/c I'm too lazy to find my own. This is just something for fun and we'll see how it goes. ;)

And anyone knows any good poster shop or recommendation shops?