LOVE ME THE SAME II

Artist: Jessica Jung

I never learn. I should not plan things ahead, because at the end of every contemplation I am pretty much accustomed into doing the opposite of the plan that I have made in the first place. If the word spontaneous can be the description that fits with it then I guess maybe I am? When I said that I am only there to kiss and stare at Yuri for a short while then I would be out of the door, I ended up curled underneath the covers without nothing else covering my bare existence. I have given everything to her and I still think that it is still not enough. Now that I have put a dent in our relationship by blatantly questioning the amount of loyalty she has for me. I am afraid, still. Even after that post it she cutely wrote.

Yuri’s flight tomorrow for Milan is at noon, it is 6:00 in the morning. I bit my lip as I stare at her tired face, twirling the ends of her hair in my hands. She accused me of ruining her beauty sleep, obviously I took the blame whole heartedly. She is flat in her belly with only the half of her torso covered, I slightly giggled at my action on covering her up unto her neck. As if I have not seen every inch of her body, as if. But no, there is that little thin line of respect that you can actually provide to those who is dear to you even though you have crossed the line of formalities. She wiggled her way out of the covers, of course, Yuri does not like something bothering her when she is you know, shirtless. I tried to stifle my laugh when the covers are back to its original position. I embraced her once again, planting feathery kisses on her shoulders, such sight like this is a blessing you can ever hope. Her eyelashes are long and her nose is perfectly sculpted. Centimeters apart and I can feel her breathing in mine, moving forward to capture her lips for the first time this day. I savored it with a delicate smile forming in my lips when she responded, adjusting her position so that she can cradle my face with her hands.

“You are early.” She leaned back on the bed. Slightly smiling with her eyes closed.

“I want to cook you breakfast.”

“You can’t cook.” She hid herself underneath the pillows, mainly because she knows that I will throw my fist at her again.  She likes teasing me to the point that I am on the verge of crying sometimes.  Yes, I can’t cook but I somehow learned to cook? Does it makes sense?

“I can make you some sandwiches atleast?” I hugged her once again. Resting my chin on her back as she remained hidden in the pillows.  If only she will come out of that small little cave of cushions then maybe she can notice my small pout and my determination to make her breakfast. I tire her last night and it is quite romantic if you put it that way.

“Okay. You make them while I take a bath.” Bolting up in her position, Yuri headed to the bathroom. Never forgetting to peck me on the lips on her way to the door.

“Cover yourself Miss Kwon.” I smiled. She turned around only to give me a look of some sort that I don’t understand, almost mocking and a hint of surprise.

“Cover yourself too. I have seen all of it though.” A faint blush appeared in my cheeks as I throw a pillow at her to divert her attention. God, hanging out with Taeyeon and Sunny so much.

~~

We did have our romantic breakfast together, my sandwiches are not burnt. But she have asserted that the eggs are undercooked and the ham is still overly drowned on the sheer grandness of an oil pool. Well as much as she wants to criticize me, it still ended up with her finishing her entire plate. She ate it and that alone matters.

I send Yuri off first, because she has her flight and manager unnie is bombarding her outside of the door.  I laughed at the sight of her cramming for her clothes in the bedroom, and the puff of toothpaste clouding her cute little face when she decided to pour more water on the already drenched toothbrush. I love everything about her, just everything. And when she gave me one last kiss before she opened the door to her apartment, I ended up crying like a lost child in her couch after that.  I don’t know why but I have this feeling that I will miss her, badly.

~~

The sun’s rays reached the lid of my closed eyes, I rubbed it to adjust to the blinding sunlight. I quite expected it to rain, maybe because I am feeling down. Numerous of birthday celebrations have passed, actually I have celebrated for exactly 29 years now. I am a year older than 28 and if it’s not the most obvious thing. Yet, as I stare at the right side of my bed seeing Soojung’s little cake and her letter pinned right by the edge of the picture frame of her and me, I still feel oddly incomplete. Yuri and I have celebrated birthdays on time, sometimes late, sometimes before, it is now that I felt like she is out of reach and I can’t do anything about it. I welcomed the day with an optimistic smile.

The moment I checked my phone hoping for Yuri’s message to pop up or better yet her ringtone, I found nothing. Weird and most importantly unusual. I gathered my thoughts and possibilities, I even waited for that one certain phonecall by my veranda in my room last night. And still nothing. It is a mere surprise for me because I have been pampered by Yuri’s midnight greeting every 18th and her barging in my front door to give me a small cake with candles on it. I somehow indulged myself in the romantic side of this relationship, investing on the illusion that Yuri will always be there. Even if our love is transparent enough for us to feel like it is just in the corner, the physical realm of everything just clearly slapped us that the oceans that separates us is unfathomable that even love cannot surpass. I suppose I will wait for her call on this day then. Until, that post it.

That dork. Her plan is ignoring me? But why? I grinned like an idiot. Energized and proud of my little brain work.

A very special day. Soojung being extra clingy even when she is extra clingy in the first place, I myself is very extra clingy and I understand her. She will fly to Japan for a fanmeet and I am disappointed that I am not able to celebrate with her.  

Been receiving gifts from all of my fans around the world and I cannot even understand what do they saw in this little fragile girl to love me the way they shower me with everything that I can’t imagine. Phone’s been beeping for a while now, bunch of calls from colleagues and friends alike.

The girls called.

Each with their distinct greeting that surged a form of familiarity and nostalgia in my heart. I literally cried at Sooyoung’s greetings the most, considering her emotional side and everything that Choi Sooyoung utters is a quote.  I laughed at Taeyeon’s awkward greeting, the full minute of silence after I answered the phone is definitely Taeyeon if you will put it to summary. Afterwards her laugh which everyone reckons to be unladylike is what welcomed me. A single “Happy Birthday Sica, its awkward” is enough to know that she still cares despite everything. For the record I momentarily forgot that Tiffany is American, for my ears is pretty accustomed to the bunch of hangul phrases until I answered this certain call from Miss Hwang bombarding me with English phrases and audio emoticons. Seohyun and Yoona are still the sweetest piece of cupcakes you can ever imagine. Seohyun in particular even sang a song for me in the phone, and Yoona asking me for a treat. I missed them. Dearly. Hyoyeon, she never called. I surprisingly found it very cute. In fact it is very Hyoyeon, she texted me a very short Happy Birthday Sica. But deep inside I know that she will be the first to be there for me when I call them for help. Sunny on the hand called and texted me, because she thinks calling is not enough and the words are properly conveyed and constructed on texts rather than the spontaneous remarks on the phone. In which I accepted with a laugh, of course Sunny is very intelligent. Always the one who has a backup of everything that she does. I love them. I miss them every day. And I hope someday, we can have a chance to stand on the same stage as 9 again, and I hope when that time happens, I will have the courage to never let go.

I waited for Yuri’s call. Still nothing. I guess I have to stay and be surprised by her all over again.

There is just this one call. This one call which I have been contemplating to answer. A certain ring that can cause different kind of assumptions and eventually the same result, me and Yuri fighting