Often Jiyong feels miserable as soon as the sun starts to set and he’s left in the muted colors that come with twilight. He’s never sure why he’s like that, but it messes with his mood up until nightfall where his brain is its most productive. It’s not very healthy, he thinks, because it’s what messes him up most due to the lack of sleep it causes. During the day he’s his normal self, calm and collected and during the night it’s like fireworks are going off in his brain, inspiring him like a flame has been lit beneath him, the fire keeping him going. But in the evenings he lacks energy and purpose. He tears himself to pieces sometimes, his mind and thoughts going round in circles and he feels like a maniac worrying over the smallest things, unable to even comprehend the bigger. 

Seungri is in China one afternoon that this happens and it’s not because Jiyong is a particularly needy person, but his mind is like he imagines it would be if he were on drugs and so he dials the younger, heart frantic, from his darkening bedroom only to realize that nobody is going to pick up the phone. So he becomes frustrated as an hour passes and angry when he at five in the morning still hasn’t received even a text, knowing full well that Seungri’s been out clubbing, and at last childish 24 hours later when his phone finally buzzes. Because he doesn’t answer and it’s 2015 - he’s a 27 year old man and he’s ignoring his lover like only a delusional 15-year-old girl would. He can’t help it though, he feels betrayed because Seungri full well knows how unstable Jiyong’s mind is. In only a heartbeat Jiyong himself would have been there for the younger and it’s with this knowledge he ends up ignoring the other for around a week, Seungri apparently still living without a care in the world seeing as he’s not calling or texting Jiyong either. 

It hurts Jiyong and when they see each other again it’s at a meeting at YG Entertainment. He tries his best at paying attention, but his mind unfortunately keeps drifting because Seungri is right across from him thereby making Jiyong constantly have to steal all the glances he can manage. His magnae looks good, hair a light brown color, slight stubble on his face.

   “Do the two of you need to resolve anything or what?”, asks Youngbae suddenly, pulling Jiyong out of the mess that are his thoughts. Everyone but s have left the room without Jiyong even noticing and he feels embarrassed that he’s been just that absent.
   “No?”, he half spits, wanting to laugh at himself because he’s acting like a baby. He doesn’t even look at Seungri before he leaves thee room too. 

He lies on his bed that same evening feeling what he can only describe as emptiness inside. Youngbae is a friend he eventually had to let go of. The two of them having drifted apart drastically as Seungri and Jiyong’d first become a reality - a reality Jiyong had been too absorbed in to notice the growing distance between himself and his friend. In the end it had become a conscious choice, though, to let them grow apart, because Youngbae hadn’t been shy to voice his opinion on Jiyong’s feelings for their magnae. These are all memories which Jiyong has made sure to bury deep within himself and so he only sighs loudly, rubbing his eyes.
   “Hyung..”, all his movements stop, body tensing as he opens his eyes to see Seungri standing by the open door to his bedroom. He wants to ask why the younger is there because even if Jiyong’s made it clear to the other that the spare key to his apartment he once gifted him was meant for actual use, the other man never once used it. Before now, that is, and once again Jiyong must have been too far away mentally to notice his surroundings, “you’re okay, right? I just..”, Seungri sounds unsure. Jiyong on the other hand feels confused. He gestures for his dongsaeng to come sit on the bed, as he himself sits upright too. 

“Why don’t we talk?”, Seungri asks after a while seemingly a tad more collected. 

   “Because.. in my head there are so many thoughts I don’t know where to begin”, surprisingly the answer comes easily. Seungri looks Jiyong in the eyes, glancing down and then reaches out. Before Jiyong knows it he’s wrapped up in the man he loves and his chest hurts with the sudden lightness inside. The younger’s firm body grounds him to the real world for the first time since he’d left and Jiyong heaves a sigh of relief as Seungri kisses his cheeks.