A few years ago

Junmyeon’s birthday.

“Aigo, it is the birthday boy.” Chaeyoung cheered as she walked over to Junmyeon and squeezed him in her arms.

Chuckling, Junmyeon coughed as a sign that Chaeyoung was suffocating him. “Thank you, Chaeyoung”

Letting go of him, she handed him his present which was a new pair of socks. Junmyeon’s mouth fell open as the words were lost on his tongue. He just let out a deep sigh. Chuckling, she slapped his shoulder and nudged him. “Just accept it. I will bring you something better next year.”

“You said that last year too, and the year before last year.” He shook his head in disbelieve. Beholding something or to be exact someone behind her, Junmyeon froze.

Looking in the direction he was looking at, Chaeyoung cursed at herself almost forgetting that she brought someone with her. “I almost forgot about you.” Laughing, she walked to her side as she pulled her to Junmyoen, introducing her. “This is my college friend. Sumi.” She said, pointing at the girl who looked shyly at Junmyeon, before pointing at Junmyeon. “This is the person who always gets me in troubles. Junmyeon”

“Yah!!” Junmyeon scolded and Chaeyoung chuckled at his reaction. Handing out his hand, he said. “I’m Junmyeon. I hope you enjoy the party.”

Hesitating, she took his hand in a handshake. “I’m sorry that I didn’t bring anything for you. Chaeyoung didn’t tell me where she was taking me to.”

“No, no, no. It’s definitely fine.” Junmyeon smiled, sweetly, making Chaeyoung roll her eyes. If he could be such a sweet boy, why he was always mean to her. Sumi should see his other side that somehow only appeared when the two of them were alone.

“Happy birthday, Junmyeon-ssi.”

“Thank you.” He said to her before looking at Chaeyoung. His sweet smile disappeared and was placed with a smirk instead, Chaeyoung couldn't help but roll her eyes hard.

“I will look for the boys. Enjoy the party, ladies.” As he walked off, Chaeyoung almost chuckled about what had happened now.

Looking beside her, she found Sumi still staring at him. Her eyes followed him with a strange smile on her lips. No way. “Don’t tell me you fell in love with him, already.”

“Huh?” Sumi was taken back as she looked at the ground. Chaeyoung didn’t fail to notice how red her cheeks were, like tomatoes. “N-no. I-it’s n-not l-like this.”

“You stuttered four times now. You can’t fool me.”

“But, he’s your boyfriend. I can't.”

“Who told you this kind of ?” Chaeyoung exclaimed, looking at her friend with wide eyes.

“He’s not?” Sumi’s eyes brightened as hope filled them.

Even though it was true that Junmyeon wasn’t Chaeyoung's boyfriend, this kind of look on Sumi's face suffocated her. Something banged in her chest. She always said that there was nothing between her and Junmyeon. So why? Why every time a girl told her she liked him, it almost broke her heart?

“He’s my friend. More than a friend, actually. He could be identified as my brother. We grow up together, our families are close. We are just around each other 24 hours. I know him well to the point of not to date him.”

“What a relief.”

“Excuse me?” It took Chaeyoung off guards. The relieve expression on Sumi's face and the way her eyes brightened.

“I don’t want to have you as a rival. I think I have fallen in love with your friend at first sight.”

Chaeyoung smiled nervously, not sure of what was going on exactly. But she wasn’t comfortable. Something kept telling her it was a mistake to bring Sumi here. She hated the idea of having girls around Junmyeon. But Sumi was her friend. A friend who she wanted to keep for a long time since she never had a girl as a friend.

Most of the girls that became her friends were only after Junmyeon. Chaeyoung feared it. That Sumi was just like them. But no, Sumi never knew Junmyeon up till this moment.

“Of course.”

~~

“Stop drinking already.” Chanyeol took the glass from Chaeyoung's hand, putting it aside. It was already her third bottle of soju. Her face was already red and HEr eyes were not focusing. He was scared that Chaeyoung would pass out at any moment.

“Don’t stop me. DON’T STOP ME!!” She snapped, kicking her legs on the ground and shaking her head crazily. Her hair was everywhere on her face. Chanyeol looked around uncomfortably. It was already dangerous to have her around in public, especially that she was a well-known singer. Not to mention married too. However, Chaeyoung were making a scene too, a big scene that almost everyone was looking at them.

“Let’s go, I will take you home.” Chanyeol said, reaching for her arm to help her on her feet but she slapped his hand away.

“Why would I go home? It’s empty now. I don’t want to sit alone pitifully while he’s in his ex-girlfriend’s arms.” Chaeyoung shouted, shoving her arms in the air.

Chanyeol fell silent and just looked at his friend who was crying. It made him clench his fist hard beside him. Tears falling out of Chaeyoung's eyes drop by drop. A couple of hours ago when she suddenly appeared in front of him in the studio, he knew there was something wrong. She was going home, with a smile on her face after recalling her honeymoon. But that smile changed into a sad one that broke his heart. He asked her many times what was wrong, but she said nothing useful. Just: “I’m not feeling like going home. Let’s have a drink instead.”

Why he always watched her crying? Always. It broke his heart that he couldn’t make her stop crying. It broke his heart to watch the girl he loved breaking in front of him because of someone else.

“Fine. I’m not taking you home.” Chanyeol said, finally, gulping the rest of her drink. “Stop drinking, now.”

Chaeyoung nodded, sniffing. Her head dropped between her shoulder, not wanting to look up at Chanyeol and find that disappointed expression on his face. She felt dizzy and sick and sad and heart broken. She couldn’t forget Junmyeon’s expression when Sumi entered his office. Sumi was definitely different from her. She still had his heart in her hands.

That birthday party was definitely her fault. If she was honest from the start. If she figured her feelings for him sooner. If she didn’t pretend she never kissed him. If she wasn’t so scared of losing him. She hated 'ifs', but her life was filled with them and remorse. This. All of this would not be like this. It was all her fault.

Chaeyoung kissed him one day and pretended it never happened the other day. Her heart broke many times watching him with another girl, but she had never told him her true feelings. It was all for the sake of not losing him.

But she had enough. She was already losing him as a friend. She was just lying to herself. Even though things were better now, She couldn’t take it anymore. She couldn’t keep getting hurt and stay still. She didn’t want to get hurt anymore.

“Where is my phone?!” Chaeyoung looked up, searching on the table, and in her bag, but her phone was nowhere to be found. Si