Suga in My Coffee

7. Demerara

Suga’s POV

I heaved another loud sigh for nearly the millionth time in an hour. The makeup artist frowned at me as I slumped further into the chair, but I completely ignored her. We had been traveling around the country for two weeks, and this time we were scheduled to be on Jeju Island for a week. Normally, I’d be excited to relax on an island, at a nice resort with the members, but I hadn’t seen Niah at all since we left Seoul. It was making me anxious and antsy. I hadn’t told her I missed her, but the words were on the tip of my tongue almost every time we spoke on the phone. I wanted to see her soon.

“Yoongi-ah, it’s going to be okay,” Jin-hyung told me with a good natured laugh, patting me on the back. I sighed again and pulled out my phone, realizing that I hadn’t heard from Niah since she messaged me last night.

“Yoongi-hyung misses his girlfriend~!” J-Hope teased, doing a silly dance in the mirror. I glared at him and he pretended to zip his lips, still laughing.

“She’s not my girlfriend.” I mumbled, pouting at my situation. I missed Niah too much and Hobie had been teasing me about it constantly.

“Quinn-ssi told me that Niah has a basketball game today,” Namjoon said nonchalantly, sitting down in the chair beside me. I shot up, making the makeup artist tsk angrily at me. I walked quickly over to my bag to grab my headphones, thankful that we were in a place with great WiFi. I put one bud in my ear and plopped back in the chair, searching for a station or website that would be streaming Niah's basketball game. It’d be hard since it was only the college level, but I was sure I could find it.

“You’ve been talking to Quinn-ssi behind our backs?” Jin-hyung said, a surprised look on his face.

J-Hope chuckled again, dancing over to Namjoon to make faces at him, “It took him three tries just to get her Kakao.”

Namjoon glared at Hobie, making an annoyed sound at the back of his throat, “But she gave it to me, right? That’s all that matters.”

“I’m really surprised, Namjoon-ah! You’re cheating on me!” Jin cried, clutching his heart dramatically.

Namjoon chuckled, “I’m sorry, Jin-hyung, but I found someone more beautiful than you.”

Jin-hyung nodded in agreement, “I thought Quinn-ssi was a model when we first met! She’s gorgeous.”

“Ooouu, a model? Joon-ah, show me her picture.” Hoseok replied, leaning over Namjoon’s chair to look at his cell phone’s screen as he pulled up a picture of Quinn.

I was only half listening as they continued talking about Quinn’s looks, internally cheering when I found a live stream of the basketball game. In clear HD, Niah was standing at the freethrow line with everyone standing around her, waiting for her to make a shot. Someone must’ve got called for fouling her.

As Niah’s shot went through the hoop cleanly, a replay of the foul flashed on the screen. Just as I suspected, a girl from the other team had slammed into Niah, knocking her to the floor. She was fine, but I was pissed that anyone would lay a hand on her in the first place.

“YAH!! Don’t push my girlfriend!” I shouted at the screen, not even realizing what had come out of my mouth. I kept my eyes on the screen as the replay ended to show Niah and her teammates trying to push their way from one side of the court to the other.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked up, annoyed that someone would interrupt me. All eyes were on me and I slowly realized our entire dressing room had gotten eerily quiet. Even Taehyung had sat up from his position on the couch to look at me questioningly. I frowned at the others, who were struggling to hold in their laughter, until Namjoon broke, unable to hold it in.

“Yoongi-hyung, you should have seen your face!” He hollered, laughing hysterically. I rolled my eyes and turned back to my game, trying to ignore them. “You looked like you were going to kill someone!”

“Did you even hear yourself, Yoongi-ah? You just called her your girlfriend, you know,” Jin-hyung told me matter-of-factly, chuckling as he shook his head.

I frowned, muting the basketball game to hear them correctly, “I did? ...No, I didn’t. When?”

“Just now, hyung, you said: ‘YAH! DON’T PUSH MY GIRLFRIEND!’ in a really loud manner,” Taehyung reported from the couch, re-enacting my outburst.

I shook my head, denying the whole thing, “Nope, I think you guys are hearing things.”

Namjoon laughed again, “Ok, we’ll pretend that we didn’t hear you, Yoongi-hyung.”

I rolled my eyes, trying to play off my embarrassment at my outburst. Taehyung laid back down on the couch when Jungkook and Jimin walked into the dressing room. Jimin was grinning from ear-to-ear.

“There’s so many noonas here in swimsuits,” he said with a cheeky smile and Taehyung laughed, as he got up from the couch to wrap his arm around Jimin’s shoulder. The makeup artists finally finished working on Namjoon and me so we got out of our chairs, only for Hobie and Jin-hyung to take our spots.

Kookie frowned, bumping Taehyung and Jimin out of his way, “None of them look as good as Karissa-noona would in a swimsuit,” he said dejectedly, falling on the couch beside me. Now it was Jungkook’s turn to feel the stares of six pairs of eyes, myself included.

“What?!” Jimin was the first one to gasp in surprise, as I turned to Jungkook, an amused smile on my face.

“Are you sick?” I asked him, touching the palm of one hand to his forehead and the other to mine. He groaned out loud and pushed my hands away.

“Did you see her, Yoongi-hyung? Her hair looks so curly and she has freckles,” Jungkook’s face took on a dreamy expression, one that I’ve never seen him wear before, “She’s so pretty and I can’t get her voice out of my head.” He flopped dramatically against me, sighing much like I had earlier.

“Are you really Jeon Jeongguk? Were you replaced by an alien?” Taehyung asked, poking Kookie’s arm to make sure he was real.

“Ugh, go away, TaeTae.” Kookie replied, swatting at Taehyung.

“What does Karissa-ssi look like? Is she as pretty as Quinn-ssi and Niah-ssi?” Hobie asked from the makeup chair, and Jungkook shot up, nearly making me drop my phone. He pointed at Hoseok accusingly, with a glare.

“You’re never allowed to meet her, Hobi-hyung! Ever! Don’t even look in her direction!” Kookie exclaimed passionately, and those of us who had gone to the norebang with the girls that night burst into laughter.

“Kookie, that’s so mean!” J-Hope said, pretending to look hurt. I’m sure he was more confused than anything.

Jungkook sat back down, leaning against my shoulder again, “Yoongi-hyung, you understand me, right? You wouldn’t want your girlfriend to meet her bias, would you? What if she likes him more than me?”

I patted our maknae’s head, understanding his irrational feelings completely, “It’s okay, maknae, J-Hope is ugly so you have nothing to worry about!”

“Hey! Suga-hyung!” J-Hope cried, but Kookie and I had already turned back to watching the rest of Niah’s basketball game. The camera panned out to show the audience and Jungkook suddenly inhaled sharply.

“That’s-! Karissa-noona’s at the basketball game?!” Jungkook cried, pulling my phone (and my hands) closer to his face for a better look.

I pushed his head away, “If you break my phone, you’re dead.”

Kookie turned a puppy dog pout on me and I groaned, rolling my eyes, “Ugh, fine, look and see if they show her again.”

Sure enough, not even five minutes later, Karissa came up on screen again, cheering loudly for the women’s basketball team and her roommate.

“Karissa-noona looks pretty today too! Hyung, we *have* to go to one of Niah-ssi’s basketball games.”

Namjoon came over to us, fully dressed for our photoshoot, “Kookie, we can’t. Can you imagine the PR nightmare that would cause? Everyone would know that one of us was interested in someone on the team.”

“But I’m not. I’m interested in her roommate,” Jungkook muttered, huffing as he stood up to take his turn in the makeup artist’s chair.

“Yoongi-hyung,” Namjoon sat down, occupying Kookie's spot beside me on the couch. He lowered his voice so that the others couldn’t hear him, “Are you actually planning to ask Niah-ssi to be your girlfriend?”

I ended the video feed entirely, knowing that Namjoon intended to have a serious conversation with me. Honestly, I hadn’t thought about asking Niah anything like that -- I didn’t even know if she liked me. I assumed she did but neither of us had ever said anything about it.

“I… want to,” I told him and as soon as I said the words, I knew I meant them.

Namjoon nodded, giving me an encouraging look, “I hope you can. But, hyung,” he paused, dropping his voice to practically a whisper, “Yoongi, you’re the first one out of all of us. It’s not going to be easy. We never had a dating ban, but the company could push back. We’ll all stand behind you, no matter what, but we have to prepare. I don’t know what Hyung will say, or do, when he finds out, so please -- for all of us, be careful.”

“Do you really think Niah would do anything to hurt me or the group?” I asked him earnestly, ignoring his informal speech, for now. If Namjoon had a bad feeling about Niah, I needed to know before I risked it all.

“Of course not. She seems like a great person. I just don’t know how our fans or the company will respond… I don’t want either of you to get hurt,” Namjoon told me, placing his hands on my shoulders.

“Is the God of Destruction worrying about me?” I said, with a humourless laugh. Namjoon had a point, and I would be stupid to ignore him.

“Someone has to," He replied, with a chuckle. He released a deep breath, clapping me on the shoulder, "We’re strong enough to support each other. Just make sure you support me when it’s my turn.” He said, raising his voice back to a normal volume.

I laughed, shoving his shoulder and ruffling his hair, “Your turn? That’ll never happen if Quinn won’t give you her number.”

“She already gave it to me; I just hadn’t told Hobie yet,” Namjoon said, sticking his tongue out at me. I chuckled just as a manager popped in to tell us we all needed to hurry up and get dressed. For the rest of the day, I replayed Namjoon’s words over and over in my head. I weighed all of the pros and cons of officially asking Niah to be my girlfriend. Most people would say I was overthinking it, but I really had to make sure that I was making a good choice, not just for me, but for the group as a whole. Being in a relationship was hard work; something I had failed at before when I was younger. This time though, I had six other people in this relationship with me: good or bad, everything that I did also impacted them and I couldn’t just ignore that responsibility.

Throughout the rest of the week, I continued to ponder and pour over my thoughts. I wrote a lot of raps and songs in that time too: songs about missing the person that made me smile, and exploring my anxiety over my decision. Our last day on Jeju Island was a free day to play and explore as much as we wanted. Jungkook and I were shopping in the mall when I stood, frozen in front of a jewelry store display. There were a bunch of charm bracelets on display in the window, but the one with the gold basketball caught my attention.

“Suga-hyung, do you think Karissa-noona would like-? Oh, hey, that’s a basketball, right?” Jungkook had been walking beside me when I stopped to look at the bracelets in the window. I nodded, swallowing thickly as I imagined Niah wearing the gold chain on her wrist. After that, I absolutely had to buy it. Kookie and I walked into the store where the salesperson told me that each charm bracelet came with two charms: a monogrammed charm and whichever charm I chose. I got an English “N” engraved on the first charm and picked the basketball for the second. I walked out of the shop feeling incredibly excited, but also nervous.

“Are you going to give that bracelet to Niah-ssi?” Jungkook asked me while he looked through clothing racks at another store. I nodded and took the bracelet out of my pocket to look at it once again. The salesperson had placed it inside a tiny black, velvet drawstring bag, so I knew I had to be careful not to lose it.

“I want to get Karissa-noona a gift too,” Kookie said, putting a t-shirt back on the rack with a frustrated frown, “Do you think she’d like a gift from me?”

“You really like her, don’t you?” I asked, a little impressed that Karissa managed to sway our impenetrable maknae after just one meeting.

Jungkook looked around us in the shop and leaned closer to me, lowering his voice, “I can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve never seen anyone like her before. I keep hearing her singing in my head and I don’t know how to get it out.”

I gave Kookie a sympathetic pat on the back, “Woooow, maknae, you're serious. But doesn’t she like Hobie? How are you going to fight against that?”

Kookie frowned, crossing his arms over chest, “He’s only her bias,” he said resolutely, and I kept my opinions on that to myself, “They’ve never met before and I won’t let them.”

“Kookie, they won’t have to meet -- we’re on TV everywhere.”

“I’ll just have to steal her then,” he announced with a mischievous grin and I snickered, grabbing him in a headlock and rubbing my knuckles on his thick skull. Kookie laughed, trying to get my off of him.

I released him with a grin, feeling a little proud of Jungkook's determination, “Well if you think you can do it: good luck.”

Jungkook nodded, throwing his arm over my shoulder, “Good luck to you too, hyung! I hope Niah-noona accepts your gift and your love! Hwaiting!”

The Next Day

We were finally back in Seoul. Finally. I was on pins and needles by the time we got back to Big Hit; a ball of nervousness and excitement. I couldn’t wait to see Niah but we ended up having a last minute rehearsal before I could sneak out to see her. It was pushing 6 pm by the time we were released and I had to force myself not to run to Mango Mocha to see if she was there.

I was halfway to the coffee shop when I heard a masculine voice shout Niah’s name from around the corner. I slowed my steps, rounding the corner slowly to see Niah talking with a dark haired guy in Seoul University hoodie.

“Are you surprised?” The guy asked her with his back to me, and I stayed rooted where I was, watching them out of view. I could see Niah’s face clearly; she was grinning at the guy in front of her.

“Jae Young, what are you doing all the way out here? Did you come to see me?”

“Duh! Am I not allowed to come see my own hoobae? Geez, you’re ungrateful.”

Niah laughed at his joke and I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach. I didn’t like how close the guy was standing to her or the air I felt between them. I could tell right away that this was Niah’s sunbae; the one she had gone to pick up before.

“Am not! That’s so rude!” Niah said, pouting.

The guy laughed and that’s when I saw it -- a gift bag, behind his back, “Niah, don’t pout. I came by to bring you a gift! Happy anniversary!”

I stiffened, rooted in place. Anniversary! Why was he wishing her happy anniversary? Niah told me that she wasn’t dating anyone, so then why was her sunbae saying something like that to her?

I didn’t realize I was clenching my fist until I felt the sting of my nails digging in my skin. I shoved my hands in my pockets, continuing to watch them.

“Haha, that’s not until next week, but thank you for remembering. Did you get me something expensive?” Niah joked, holding her hand out for the present. The guy held it out towards her, but then yanked it away at the last minute. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from yelling at them both.

“Nope, you can’t have it until you say please.” The guy said, and I rolled my eyes. This was not something a sunbae should be doing. He was flirting shamelessly with her!

“Please?” Niah asked, batting her eyelashes in an exaggerated manner. In any other situation, I would have laughed at her silly gesture, but instead all it did was piss me off further.

“Please what?” He asked her, and I knew without a doubt where this was going. I wanted to walk away but I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop watching.

“Pretty please?” Niah tried, not putting two and two together. I wanted to throw up; that’s how this entire scene made me feel.

“Nope, not even close. Try again. Say ‘Please, oppa’!”

I stormed away before I could hear her response. I couldn’t stomach watching them anymore. I felt like a fool. Niah had lied to me about not being in a relationship and to make it worse, I had actually considered asking her to start one with me. I’m not sure how I made it back to Big Hit in one piece -- I don’t even remember walking back to the building. I made it into my studio before I exploded, slamming the door behind me. I cursed loudly, pulling my hair as the anger coursed through me. In my hasty movements, the velvet bag with Niah’s bracelet fell out of my pocket to the ground. I took one look at it and threw it directly in the trash, cursing once again. I felt so stupid for thinking she felt the same way. I was insane to have missed her so much.

I sat down in my computer chair, cursing myself and her out mentally. I had been willing to risk my group’s reputation for nothing. She wasn’t who I thought she was at all. I stood up suddenly, knocking the computer chair over in my hastiness. I couldn’t stay here. I had to get out before I actually broke something. I stalked out of Big Hit and hopped in the first taxi I could find.

End Chapter 7