This is to my awesome friend and author-nim stArlight_1993 thank you for requesting alsothis was requested from wattpad. Anything that is requested here and wattpad will be poted on both. enjoy the read.

Ken P.O.V:

"Why have you been so distant and cold "hakyeon screamed but I didn't care to respond. I just sat in our room in the dark finding comfort in its healing hands "Jaewhan please" he started to cry but I didn't have the energy to console him or chase the worry from his mind. '

I just sat there watching everything I have loved or cared for get taken away and I don't mind. maybe it was meant to be this way and nothing more I deserve to be alone to not be loved by anyone or anything. "Maybe you should leave then" I don't look away from the window "what do you mean" his voice now a whisper "just go" I bring my knees towards my chest as I try to calm my trembling body "no" he starts to chant. "you don't mean it" but what if I do " I don't love you, like I did yesterday" I hold back the aching sobs trying to claw their way out. "I don't think I did at all" right then I broke my own heart "fine then if you want me to go I will" he cries but I don't try to stop him.

Flash back:

3 months ago:

It was a sunny day mid-October when the seasons are changing and the leaves are fading, hakyeon, me and our four other friends decided to go on a triple date, a picnic, and it was wonderful. seeing them laughing and smiling, I can't help but feel as though they are happy without me, even though I am standing right in front of them. It all plays out in slow motion as I watch them hongbin pressing gentle kisses on hyuk's nose and Ravi chasing after Leo as they laugh and lastly my one and only love hakyeon, he smiles at me adoringly but I can't feel happy only sadness.

I wish I could share this feeling with them, but if I do, I feel selfish because I want them to be sad too. I do not wish for their unhappiness, no, I wish I could share my thoughts with them because I do not want its company "I love you" hakyeon smiles at me so lovingly but my thoughts have taken over. I am scared when I wonder because my thoughts keep screaming at me like a dog barking orders that I do not wish to comply, they are so dark and cynical, so I just smile "I love you too" trying to keep up the act. All I do is smile so they don't ask what is troubling you, I pull at the cuffs of my blue cardigan.

so I just smile as big as a Cheshire cat fooling them with this deception of enjoying my time with them. "Let's play a game" hyuk shouted, the thing is I do not enjoy my time because I do not belong anymore. "How about you jaewhan" taekwoon looked concern but all I can do is smile "no you guys play" this emptiness keeps echoing inside me it is so loud it's like raising the volume on a TV but I wish for the noise to go away because these echoes make me feel as though I'm going to explode. I walk to the table and watch them play I wish to do that too but I am stuck in this crippling state of depression with no way out.

My demons come back keep me up, eating away at me from the inside and I am not alright because I do not belong in this happiness with them but I want to so I isolate my flaws and pretend to be someone else. Just for the sake of not being alone but I have never felt more alone then I do now and I wish to be happy but I am not! "Jaewhan" they scream at me and I laugh but it seems synthetic just like my life, fake, I am a fake, a fraud, and a liar I deserve it all.

End of flash back:

Hakyeon P.O.V.:

I left the room to go into the living room trying to cool my emotions because I don't know what happen to him it is like one day he just stopped caring, like it was just something in him died, he didn't care anymore my happy virus was gone. I start to cry he is the only person I have ever loved and I need him. he is my person but it seems as though he is gone and was replaced by a robotic look alike and it scares me. Smash! I throw a little vase at the wall feeling helpless at seeing him like this and as his boyfriend I can't do anything and I am scared that he might be gone forever crash grabbing the remote from the couch and I hit the window creating a crack. I am useless to him I slide down the blue wall of the living room wall as sit and cry because I can't say anything to help him.

I will be damned if I leave him and I will not let him push me away no matter what, I know he is depressed I knew from the beginning but I loved him not because I wanted to fix him. NO, I wanted to make him happy because he has made me happy I saw something in him when I first met him he was and angel.

Flash back:

"Hyung" hyuk tugs onto my arm "please just go on one date with jaewhan hyung" why is this kid so persistent to go out with this guy "you know I am fine with being alone" I am perfectly fine " come on hyung" he gives me the puppy dog eyes and I melt. "hongbin I will kill your boyfriend" I yell from my room and hyuk just laughs "you know you love me hyung" always "arraso I will do it" giving in to the evil man-child wishes. He kisses my cheek "I am going to text jaewhan" he gets up from my bed and calls the guy.

He comes back in a few minutes later "get dressed, he will be here in 15 minutes" WTF! "What the hell do you tell him" I am not even dressed "hurry up and go into the shower and get prepared I will get you close "aish you punk" I chop his neck and he just giggles "narase" he smiles at me and go get ready "I am doing this because you want me too" I glare at him "the things I do for you child" I huff and go into the shower.

15 minutes later:

I get dressed in a button up white shirt, black tie, black slacks, and black formal shoes (his hair is like the one in the picture) "you look decent for once" hongbin laughs at hyuks back hand compliment "respect your elders" I am close to beating them with their own hands "jesus I need a shot of banana milk" I huff "well hyung jaewhan texted me that he is here" already, I am kind of nervous I haven't been on a date since forever. "You will do good, I have him your apart meant number and he.is coming up" hyuk informed me "I can do" I smile confidently "that's the sport hyung" hongbin shouted "our little baby is all grown up" hyuk starts to fake cry "we raised him well" hongbin wraps his arms around hyuks waist.

"Fighting" hyuk shouts in glee and all I could do is laugh at his cuteness knock, knock, knock "that must be him hyung"" hyuk answers the door. It felt like time had stopped when he walked in he had blonde hair, adorable smile, also an odd nose that makes him look like a foreigner but he looks perfect to me. I had fallen in love with him but I could see in his eyes that he was broken but there was still light in him that could return and I want to be there "hi my name is jaewhan" he smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes "my name is hakyeon" I shyly look down.

End of flash back:

I don't regret any of it, I just wish I had seen it earlier, when jaewhan stopped laughing or singing even screaming ottokaji. I laugh at the sweet memories and I want him to be happy and I am not going to give up on him or on us. I get up from the floor and I wipe my tear stained face and I go to him. I won't let him push me away.

Jaewhan P.O.V.:

"Jae please" hakyeon is back "please talk to me" he is pleading but I can't bring myself to look at him "say what" I scream "do you want me to tell you the truth" my tears start to fall "that I lie awake at night wishing for a better tomorrow, though I do not want one at all" I look at him. His eyes red and puffy "I'm stuck in a losing fight hakyeon" I am tired "I do not wish to feel this way! Its mockery is humiliating and all I want to do is evaporate" I don't move from my spot "why didn't you tell me" he looks down "I feel alone in the presence of my family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, you, myself and these four walls I call home" I just want to disappear. "I do not wish to be here" I simply do not want to hurt him with my words because they cut like a knife, my tone sharp and cold.

"I do not want you to comfort me, because your words and arms are hollow just like your lies and taunting smiles" I know he is crying again "trying to make me feel as though I belong in this puzzle even though I am not a part of this complete set" I start to feel numb "I have nothing left" I look away from him "you have me" I can feel my heart break even more "I love you" he tries to move towards me but I just move back. "Well things change" I tune him out. I know he loves me but I do not feel it, I want to feel like I belong, I want to feel loved but make plans and fate will laugh. So I just sit there and smile because that is all I know how to do anymore. I'm stuck in a losing fight. Maybe I was meant to be alone and unloved so why not make it come true "you deserve better" I can feel the bed dip and I know hakyeon is there "don't say that" he wraps his arms around my waist.

"You can never get rid of me" he starts running his fingers through my hair "don't push me away" he starts to kiss my shoulder blades "maybe it is time you should give up on me" I let out a shaky breath. "I am a lost cause" my smile goes away and I don't feel like pretending. I don't want to put on the mask anymore "leave or else you will end up miserable" not wanting him to feel this ache or numbness the way I do "we can be miserable together" he chuckles and I know it isn't humor but heart break. "I am sad" I pull out of his embrace and lay down "me too" he lays down next to me and pulls me close.

The end.

I hope you enjoyed it. I tried my best and I hope you liked it and again thank you for your request and sorry it is short I will try to make my one shots longer.