hello this is for mikyou44 on asain fanfic  and this going to be part 1 and the next part is going to be a prequel of what happened. hope you enjoy it.

3rd person's P.O.V.:

"we give ourselves away in pieces, some bigger than others" hongbin look at the fragile beautiful boy ”what if I told you I have nothing left to give" hyuk held on tighter to the man he loved and his brothers best friend "I wouldn't care" the younger boy speaks freely "don't give yourself so easily to me" hongbin wanting to show the younger boy he wasn't good for him. "I love you hongbin" hyuk didn't care if the older male wasn't good for him or not better for him. He knew the dangers of love "don't say that" hongbin only wanting what's best for hyuk and he wasn't it "you can't" he untangles himself from hyuk's form "please don't push me away" hongbin sits up while hyuk back hugs him. "Hyuk I have only known to not make love" hongbin started to list his flaws to the brunette boy "to take but never stay" this still did not detour hyuk.

"I am one to lust but never love" but hongbin knew that with hyuk, he loved him with his whole being, "you know if taekwoon knew about us he wouldn't approve of us" hongbin just wanted to protect hyuk from things he didn't understand. Most of all from hongbin himself. Hongbin wasn't a knight in shining armor as hyuk portrayed him to be.

"I wouldn't care what taekwoon hyung would say" hyuk was younger and taekwoon was his protective and possessive older brother, who didn't like it when people tried to get close to hyuk. He made that mistake once and that lead to hyuk getting hurt almost worse "I just want you" hongbin turned around pulling hyuk close to him "you know I don't do relationships hyukkie" hongbin kissed hyuk "is that so" hyuk teased. "Then why do you treat me like your significant other, you take me out on date, and you don't like it when I have other people around me" hyuk teased.

Hongbin on the other hand is dead serious "because" he pecks the younger male lips "you" hongbin kissed hyuk's cheek "are" then neck "mine" he growled kissing hyuk feverishly. "but hongbin you have to commit to me too" hyuk is loyal to hongbin no matter what "I know" he sighs. Hongbin had to make it clear that this wasn't anything more than "hyuk we have to end this soon" hongbin wasn't a good man "I will only hurt you again" hongbin held him close. "Hyung" hyuk felt a piece of his heart break "please" he felt tears running down his face.

"I need you" hyuk is just a boy who is in love with the older male "please don't cry baby" hongbin is so confusing to hyuk, he wants hyuk to leave yet his actions tell another tale, hongbin is a contradiction. Hongbin pulls hyuk closer to his chest and it makes hyuk feel safe and at home. "taekwoon had approved of us at the beginning but I messed that up" hongbin reminisced of the past. It was true hongbin and hyuk used to be lovers but hongbin cheated on him but hyuk always forgave him no matter what "I don't care. you made a mistake" hyuk loved hongbin so much he was willing to give hongbin his heart repeatedly. "I don't deserve your forgiveness" hongbin kissed hyuk "maybe I should have reciprocated sungjae's confession" hyuk saw the hurt in hongbins eyes.

"But I didn't" hyuk intertwined their fingers "I sometimes wish I did" hyuk had once thought of his best friend of a potential lover "I don't like it when you bring him up" hongbin spoke truthfully "but it is the truth" hyuk had to tell hongbin everything "I love you hongbin" hyuk caressed his face "I wish that I hadn't" because everything that hurt hyuk was hongbin, he had caused hyuk's uneasiness. "I wish that I could take everything back" hongbin kissed hyuk's neck "but you can't" hyuk still remembered when he caught hongbin, he just kept ing the girl he was with, while hyuk just stood there crying. He remembered the girl screaming hongbin's name and hongbin pleasured moans and hyuk was disgusted. "did you love her" hyuk blurted out and hongbin knew what hyuk was talking about "if you did I swear this will be the last time you have me" hyuk was tired of being pushed to the side "I swear hongbin" hyuk was determined on leaving hongbin if he didn't just love hyuk.

Hongbin didn't love anyone but it seemed to be different but if saying he did love the girl, hyuk would leave, he would say it but his greed and selfish love for hyuk was greater. Even though that part of him want the young male still hongbin wanted hyuk to be happy even if it meant he was not in that happiness "hyuk" he sighs hongbin didn't want to give up sanghyuk "did you" hyuk pulled away from the older male. Hongbin was scared that he could love this beautiful, kind, and forgiving creature known as hyuk "no I didn't" he pulled hyuk to his chest "please let's leave this alone" hongbin didn't want to be reminded of his wrongs "why it happened" hyuk was tired of being left with unanswered questions "hyuk" hongbin said sternly "hongbin please" hyuk turned around to face the older male. "Please not now" hongbin was not angry with hyuk but himself "you never told me why" hyuk felt tears pricking at his eyes "I thought we are passed this" hongbin didn't know how to console the younger boy "hongbin did you even love me" hyuk started to doubt hongbin's words and hongbin felt hurt that hyuk would ever think twice about his love for hyuk.

"Hyuk-ah please leave it be" hongbin was getting frustrated "I gave you everything" hyuk started to cry "well I didn't ask you too" hongbin moved away "I love you" hyuk felt hurt "well, we all don't get what we want" hongbin said coldly. Hyuk slapped hongbin on the face "I never want to see you again" hyuk couldn't stop sobbing and hongbin held his cheek in his hand "maybe I should have gone with sungjae after all" hyuk got up from the bed and started collecting his clothes, hongbin just sat in shock "you deserve to be alone" hyuk put on his clothing.

Hongbin didn't mean any of it yet he had said it out of rage, again he hurt the one person he ever loved "goodbye hongbin" hyuk was ready to leave but hongbin couldn't let him go not now not ever. he made that mistake once hongbin got up from his bed and went after the boy. Hyuk was about to make it to the door when he felt hongbin embrace him "let go of me" hyuk was still crying "no" hongbin said stubbornly "you made your choice" hyuk tried to get out of hongbin's steel grip. Hyuk was spun around and pinned to the door "you are not allowed to leave me and especially for him" hongbin growled possessively, hyuk stared at the beautiful man but he was still mad.

"You don't own me" hyuk started to hit hongbin's firm chest "stop it babe" it didn't hurt him but he didn't want hyuk to hate him "you don't love me" hyuk cried "so why do you insist on keeping me around" hyuk felt dirty "you are right" that didn't make hyuk feel better at all "what" hongbin cupped the younger boy's cheeks "I'll sacrifice for you" hongbin wanted to say he loved him but in his own way. "I respect you" he kissed hyuk's head "I'll support you" he kissed his nose "I'll protect you" he kissed both the younger male's cheeks "this body is yours" hongbin started to peck every inch of hyuks skin.

"Most of all I am committed to you" hongbin's words are true every aspect of himself belongs to hyuk and nobody else, he attached his lips to hyuk's in a kiss full of want, love, passion, even regret that he ever let hyuk go. Hyuk's heart was about to burst at hongbin's confession it was greater than saying I love you. Hyuk didn't know how to react to hongbin's confession "please stay" hongbin pleaded "of course" hyuk knew he shouldn't fall back into hongbin, but for some reason he feels like it will be different.

Hongbin kissed the brunette boy passionately his lips warm and welcoming "hyuk" the black hair male moaned "hongbin" hyuk kissed him back as though they had kissed for the first time sweet and innocent "be mine all mine" hongbin couldn't allow hyuk to love anyone else "I have only loved you" hyuk confessed. "How did I get so lucky" hongbin marveled "let's make love" hongbin beamed "I thought you only ed" hyuk was shocked "well things are different from now on" hongbin picked up hyuk bridal style "if we do this you promise not to hurt me" hongbin kissed the tip of hyuk's nose.

"Never doubt my love for you ever" hongbin started walking back to his room in the warm comfort of the sheets ring, ring, ring it was coming from hyuks phone "who is it" hongbin was curious "it is not important" hyuk didn't want to ruin the moment by saying sungjae was here to pick up hyuk. Ring, ring, ring it starts again, hongbin lays me down on the bed he straddles my lap and takes my phone "why is he calling" hongbin seethe I can see an animalistic look in his eyes "I had texted him to pick me up" hyuk voice barely above a whisper "why" hongbin glared at the phone that wouldn't stop ringing "because I was hurt and wanted to go until now" hyuk pouted trying to act cute.

"Move in with me" hongbin said in the spur of the moment, hyuk was shocked, hongbin wanted to go to sleep and wake up every day next to hyuk "please" hongbin started kissing hyuk "my borther wouldn't allow it" hyuk wanted to but taekwoon made it pretty clear that if hongbin tried to do anything, he would kick his , hongbin wanted hyuk to desperately say yes "I thought you didn't care what taekwoon would say" he had brought up his and hyuk's conversation from earlier. "I don't it just" hyuk was scared that he would get hurt again "it just you are afraid" hongbin didn't blame hyuk for feeling that way "please babe" he started to kiss hyuk "I promise I will be a better man" hongbin kissed hyuks neck "you make me want to be a better man" hyuk so desperately wanted to accept the offer but hongbin was a condescending liar who didn't care about anyone but somehow hongbin cared about him. "I need you" hongbin pleaded "how can I trust you" hyuk was afraid of hongbin doing the same thing because the things he had heard from his brother before they even dated disgusted hyuk.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered why did he date hongbin but then he remembered. Hongbin had showed hyuk a side of him that was vulnerable and raw something real that no one could make up and he taught hyuk there was more to life than just living. Hongbin had been his strength and love, vice versa, hongbin has always loved hyuk from the time he had met him but he just didn't know it was love for the younger male he just thought it was the lust, wanting to taint hyuk's innocence to show him a world where he could break the boy into submission. Hongbin ended up wanting to love and protect hyuk from the things hongbin had done but he ended up the monster and he can't take that back but he can try to be the man hyuk had always saw in hongbin.

In the end hongbin will always be the bad guy and hyuk will always be hurt they are a toxic love that shouldn't be but they don't even know it because they aren't in love just infatuated with the thought of what they thought was love.

A/N: Well this is part 1 of how to love. Hope you enjoyed it again thank you for requesting.

Stay healthy! Love you all my wonderful readers.

~AndreaXx