The next week went by in a blur. Nothing extraordinary happened.

Your days became a routine once again- wake up, eat, do whatever you can so that you won’t get bored, try to talk to your parents, sleep and then repeat everything the next morning. You wondered how your life had been a routine all this time and presumably, in the near future too. You had the routine of an amateur ballerina when you were young. You had a routine of training months ago. And now you have a routine of trying to do your best at giving your least in the household chores.

You observed your parents. Your mother seemed to fit into the role of a devout housewife while your father did his fair share. You noticed how predictable their actions are, as if an invisible memo was given to them that they should follow or else something drastic might happen. The thought of it scared you. What if you’ll spend your whole life doing the repetition of everything? What if you get stuck into this limbo and become as mediocre as you can be? What if you do not possess enough legendary dust into you so when you’re gone, the world would cease to care about your remnants too? Will you live an opposite life- one filled with surprises and adventures- if you had only debuted?

You stopped yourself with the last question. It has been over half a year since your departure to the entertainment field happened. You can’t keep doing this routine of regret. Your relatives no longer ask you about it. The pesky neighbor across no longer huff at your sight, voicing out how sorrowful must it be to lose such a bright future. Your mother only asked you once about it, when she opened the door to find you standing in her doormat- shivering from the cold, with bloodshot eyes and a hole in her heart.

It’s odd how your mother never brought it up again.

Perhaps it is because she knew you were still struggling with the pain or maybe because she realized there’s no point in trying to beat a dead horse. Your mother is a smart woman, so you decided that if you can be her, then you have to act like her. Almost everyone you know have moved on, except you.

It’s time to let go. You won’t pressure yourself to forget though. There’s still that gigantic gaping hole in your soul that you have to fill in. The problem is that, you don’t know what to fill it with. Therefore you’d remain to flinch whenever the topic of being an idol is brought up or whenever ambitions are being tackled. You knew too well it’s hopeless trying to run away from it. Pain will always be there- you just need to find a way to embrace it as part of who you are now. A memory. A remembrance. Something you once treasured. Your past.

A heavy sigh escaped from your lips, your shoulders dropping with your chest. You do not care because no one else was around to witness you of your misery. You’re currently lying on your bed, staring at the dark ceiling. You’ve grown out of your blanket so now your feet are cold. You remained still in your bed. You willed yourself to listen to the melody your heart was making.

Thump, thump, thump. Thump, thump, thump. Thump, thump, thump.

You can feel it bang against the cage that was your ribs. It ached to wreck havoc as a thought looms into your mind. Tomorrow is Wednesday. When you wake up, you’re going to break your routine. You’re going to meet him at the foot of the mountain. You try to console yourself by saying that you’re only excited to finally leave the house but a cheeky part of you says it is, in fact, due to the person you’re seeing.

You shake your head. Of course not! You spent ten minutes trying to calm yourself and scold it for being insolent. Then, you settled for an uncomfortable sleep, with your heart continuing to sing.

Thump, thump, thump. Thump, thump, thump. Thump, thump, thump.

~~~~~~~~~

You never realized how far the mountain was until today. Even though you took the bus, it still took you forty-five minutes to get there. It will total to an estimated time of one hour if you include the time you spent hiking towards the abandoned path.

Maybe Yoongi just walks fast because the last time you went with him, it felt like only minutes passed by.

Relief washed over you when you saw the entrance to the mountain empty. Yoongi said to meet at the foot of the mountain, so if he arrived first, he’d probably sit at the floor of the entrance. A small smile beamed into your face. It seemed like you know him already. You walked towards the concrete area, cleaned the dust and sat down.

You’d wait for him there.