With sweat covering almost your entire face, you hit the replay button once again. The towel you have prepared beforehand lay at the table together with your belongings, untouched. Your heartbeat is twice its normal count and your lungs can barely keep up. You feel like your legs are cramping but you pushed through. In spite of your body asking you to stop, you trod on.

You are both fire and water. As your brain pleads for desperation, your heart continues to fuel your desire. As the track starts again, you lift up your head despite the tangled messy bun and positioned your feet as if you are going to do an en pointe. Christina Perrie’s soulful voice echoes around the dance studio. The volume was turned to the highest level even though you can dance with the song by means of singing it in your head.

After the hundred practices, not memorizing the song you’re dancing to is an impossible feat.

You move your left hand in circular movements, as graceful as the waves kissing the shore everyday. As Perrie tells her own story through her song, your mind subconsciously create its own realm into reminiscing your own story. Your tendu is perfect- the leg was straight this time and your pointed foot correctly traced an invincible line on the floor. Then, you followed up with a jeté. With your hands outstretched to the sky and your legs splitting, flying above the air.

You got lost in your own mind as your body involuntarily moves to the sway of the music playing.

You remembered yourself, a naive fourteen-year old who was scouted while you were shopping with your mother. You didn’t even want to come with her the first place, but got lured out when she said she’d buy you new pair of shoes. You were about to bring her the hottest pair of red boots when a stranger greeted you out of nowhere. She would introduce herself as an entertainment scout, and she knew of a big company that’s going to have their own audition at Daegu.

You were skeptical, simply because you had no knowledge about this trainings and idol life they’re talking about. But she was insistent. A day after you met her, she was already at your door, pressing your doorbell. She knew from your neighbors that you have been practicing ballet for a year. Not to mention, you had the golden genetics of your mother passed on to you. She said you have a high chance of being South Korea’s Next It Girl, which sounded even more ridiculous to you.

You went to the audition anyway because it was the only way she’d go away. You performed Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake. The judges were impressed, but they wanted you to sing. Hesitantly, you followed their command. You don’t even know what you were doing, and yet the voice of the judges were putting you into a spell.

You missed the chorus of the song. The second verse starts shortly after. You walk a couple of steps before doing an arabesque to prepare you for the upcoming stunt. You threw in several ballet short jumps. You inhaled a sharp breath as you spin yourself, making sure both your arms are in arc and never too close nor too far. You closed your eyes as you step forward. With your knees in forte position, you executed an amazing diagonal pirroutte turns.

The memories are on again. You got accepted in the audition and was asked to stay in Seoul. You were protesting since your mother can’t come with you and you’re afraid. But you already signed the audition paper. There was a clause there that said you’re allowing yourself to be a trainee once you pass the audition. You had no other choices but to come.

At first living a life where you had to share dorms with someone you have never met in your whole life is difficult. It was also tiring. You were tasked to undergo vocal training, learn a new language, beautify yourself, attend dance schools and try to create your own music- all in a day.

The biggest surprise probably was