hakyeon laid back on his bed, letting out another sigh. the closer’s promotion is coming to an end. “how time flies,” he thought and his lips curved into a small tired smile. it had been a great period of promotion, spending time with starlight and preparing for their special album to wrap up their 2016 conception, 1 year long project.

to say that the members are all tired is an understatement. hakyeon and taekwoon had been busy with musical practices, wonshik and sanghyuk must be working on the recording of ‘milky way’ making sure their new song will be perfect, jaehwan had been practicing and polishing his dance step with hongbin’s help. there’s hardly time for them to breath. it’s suffocating hakyeon. their songs aren’t doing well on digital charts, but that doesn’t mean starlight doesn’t work hard to stream for their win. he knows starlights are always there for them, supporting them and always giving them warm encouragement and that is enough to ensure him, they are loved.

every performance, every stage and every fansign, hakyeon wondered if his exhaustion was written all over his face. he knows that he is a professional in hiding his weakness and exhaustion in front of the fans but not the members. they can read hakyeon like an open book, especially taekwoon. he’s the fastest to realise when hakyeon is about to collapse, mentally or physically. 

it was already 4 in the morning and hakyeon can’t sleep. he’s worried about what will happen. is the company disappointed at the result of this album? is the company gonna disband them if they aren’t satisfied with them? hakyeon knew the company most probably won’t but he still fear. and his musical, what if his voice cracked in the middle of the song? what if he missed a beat due to nervousness? what if he disappoints the audience and most importantly, starlights that will be coming to support him?

hakyeon put on his coat and went to his comfort place, the rooftop. he closed his room door silently making sure he does not wake the boys up. he left a note outside his door, telling them he went out. when he opened the door to the rooftop, the cold air greets him and hakyeon sighed in relief. he sat on the edge of the roof, but no, he’s not going to do anything stupid. hakyeon won’t but instead, he still did stupid things like self harming, he still does. but it was better than the past years. he admired the night view of seoul and then, he went down from the edge and stood over the balcony.

at times like this, he would look back at how hard all of them worked, to achieve one same dream, to expose vixx to the public. at times when thing didn’t go the way he wished it would, he thought all efforts are in vain. hakyeon had been trying to convince himself, they will be fine, he will be fine. the angels and demons are fighting to take over his thoughts and tonight, the demon won. he slid down the wall and took the razor out from his pocket and pressed it on his wrist, deep enough to bleed but not leave scars. tears are flowing down his cheek again. it was just tiny sobs but it gradually became louder sobs when all the negativity decided to take over. he removed the razor and placed it again at another untouched patch of skin. he cried again and again, until he passed out in the chilly autumn air.

……

as the sun rises, taekwoon woke up due to the warm sunlight that shone on his face through the blinds. he decided to snuggle more with his blanket since it’s a rare off day in between their packed and hectic schedule. he was about to close his eyes and enjoy the warmth but a knock on his door interrupted him. he groans softly and said “come in” annoyingly to whoever it is knocking on his door.

“what the do you want?” taekwoon said, angry at whoever it is trying to wake him up on his off day.

 “hakyeon hyung is missing,” a deep voice was heard. it’s wonshik. taekwoon thought.

“don’t prank me early in the morning, get out”

“wonshik hyung is not lying, omma is really missing,” sanghyuk. taekwoon figured out when he heard the word ‘omma’